On tenderness, softness, and love

YES, YOU CAN DO IT!

DAAJI explores the softer side of life and its benefits, drawing from Nature to illustrate why tenderness is a mature approach to life, self and relationships with others.

Dear friends,

These days there is a growing realization of the need to become more humane, tender, loving, and accepting in an increasingly changing and complex world.

We can learn a lot about this from Nature; for example, the trees that grow tall, sturdy, and strong, like mahogany, oak, and acacia, cannot easily be cut. Yet, they do not provide us with bountiful fruit. Compare them with chikku and mango trees, whose branches bend easily in a breeze. Though their wood is soft, they yield delicious nourishing fruit. Softness is associated with yielding and sweetness in life.

At the human level, we can observe how women are generally more loving and tender. It is their inherent nature, which has been bestowed lavishly on them. It is love that makes them tender, and this innate feeling keeps humanity alive. Come what may, they go through it all with love and acceptance.

Without love, we struggle to become truly humane beings. Having only limited love in the heart, we invest it in a limited way, and miss out on the broader scheme that comes with letting it expand to become universal. So, the flow of the river of love remains stagnant in our own backyard.

Now, what if we could ensure that this river of love reaches the ocean? Meditation is the key! Heart-based meditation nurtures the qualities of tenderness, softness and love. Even reading or saying these three gentle words melts our hearts. When love shines supreme in the meditative heart, whatsoever it touches is alchemized. Inwardly remaining meditative and externally remaining focused on our daily work and activities, our inner loving state transforms the very nature of the work we are doing.

Even so-called emotional toxins are transformed when we are meditative. Greater understanding develops that can transform the toxins into nectar. The heart becomes like a prism, through which anything that passes becomes nectar.

At times we can be drawn to respond to revenge with revenge, or anger with anger. No doubt, the energy arising out of anger is unique, and anger cannot be destroyed, but surely it can be transformed into compassion if we allow a few seconds to pause, reflect and apply understanding with wisdom. Taking a deep breath and counting to ten is an old saying that works! Instead of instinctively responding with anger, when we are in a state of love instinctively the response is colored with compassion. This is evolution.

Meditation is the key!
Heart-based meditation nurtures the
qualities of tenderness, softness and love.

Compassion and love

We can try to transform ourselves to become instinctively responsive with love and a smile, or with a little joke, instead of sarcasm and insults. This small exercise can help to change from strong emotions in the heat of an argument, to compassion and love instead.

• Imagine a scene or evoke a memory where you were arguing with someone and responded with anger, or if you hurt someone with harsh words. What was the outcome?
• Now imagine yourself in that same scene, thinking that the person is there with you.
• During the argument you realize it is not going to lead you anywhere and will disturb your consciousness for the rest of the day.
• You terminate it in the middle, perhaps saying “I am sorry” and taking a step back. Pause and take a deep breath, connecting with a state of love and tenderness. Choose the wiser option.
• To help reinforce a more loving response to similar situations, you can note it in your journal, even rehearsing it so that it becomes more natural.

Remove the physical effects

Anger and fear can also affect the physical body, so releasing physical tension eases the inner body, emotions and thought flow. Try this simple relaxation method to allow the flow of softness and love.

• Sit comfortably, gently closing your eyes.
• Relax your hands and fingers, feeling the tension reducing.
• Let your shoulders drop.
• Bring your awareness to your face, dropping your jaw and relaxing your mouth.
• Feel all your facial muscles softening.
• Allow your breathing to naturally slow down.
• With each breath your mind is relaxing and letting go.
• When you are ready, slowly open your eyes.

I recall advice once given by an associate to another who had been disturbed by negative gossip. Softly and gently, he said, “We must treat each other with tenderness and care.” So simple, universal, and profound in its application.

Wishing you all the best,
Daaji