Maureen Hitipeuw is a community builder, speaker, and advocate for women's empowerment. She is the founder of Single Moms Indonesia, a national community providing support, training, and advocacy for single mothers. As one of Indonesia's first Meta Certified Community Managers, Maureen was selected as Her World Indonesia Woman of the Year in 2024 and has represented Indonesia at global leadership platforms including the Vital Voices Visionaries Summit.&nbsp;

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Maureen Hitipeuw

<h4>MAUREEN HITIPEUW reflects on founding Single Moms Indonesia and learning that devotion isn't an emotion but a daily choice to show up for others.</h4>I never planned for this path. There was no grand vision—just a single, painful moment when I looked for a support group for single mothers in Indonesia, and found nothing. That absence stayed with me. When I eventually met a few other single mothers, I realized that maybe I could create what I once needed.I started a Facebook group (now Meta). At first, it was just two friends. We had no agenda or roadmap, but only a willingness to act—along with a kind of devotion I didn’t have a name for yet.That simple action was the beginning. Today, it has grown into a community of over 11,600 women, known as “Single Moms Indonesia.” But back then, it was just a longing to connect, giving birth to a gesture of service.This journey has asked a lot of me: To show up, listen, and grow consistently. There were no templates for what we were building. I learned on my feet. I fumbled and questioned myself. But every time I felt small or unsure, life would offer a gentle nudge forward, a message that this work mattered and was necessary. I began to understand this as karma—doing what must be done, without clinging to results.Along the way, I’ve stumbled into spaces that shaped me further. In 2020, I joined a global community leadership program offered by Meta. I didn’t see myself as a “leader,” but the training, <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/yoga-for-reconciliation" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">mentorship</a>, and support helped me realize that community building was an opportunity to serve.Of course, action without reflection can lead us astray. So reflection has been essential—a constant teacher. I’ve blogged through grief, processed pain in paragraphs, and shared pieces of my story before feeling ready to do so. Through that act of writing, I began to understand myself and others more meaningfully. I didn’t set out to become wiser, but over time, living through questions such as, “Who am I now?” and “What can I give?” has offered unexpected answers.To me, devotion is love expressed through commitment and service—a choice we return to daily. I’ve come to believe that devotion is action. It’s showing up, even when it’s hard. It’s answering messages at midnight. It’s holding space, even when you feel empty yourself.The women in my community have become my greatest teachers. I’ve watched them rise from ashes, whisper their way through darkness, and show up repeatedly for their children and themselves. These women have taught me that healing, forgiveness, and beginning again are the greatest strengths. That sacred love, expressed through motherhood and selfhood, perfectly illustrates that devotion is action.There was one specific moment when I realized that my purpose was to serve. A recently divorced mother posted in our group. She was on the verge of suicide. The community wrapped around her, holding her virtually. And she lived. Today, she’s thriving and finishing her master’s degree. That, to me, is grace. That is why I keep showing up.&nbsp;I recognize that this journey is not mine alone. I call it grace or <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/guidance-from-the-future" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">guidance</a> (call it by any name), but it’s about being faithful to what’s in front of you. To anyone standing at a turning point—lost, grieving, or uncertain—this is what I know: You don’t need to have the whole map. Just take the next small step. That small act itself will guide you, and over time, you’ll find that even your deepest pain might become the soil for something sacred.“Devotion is action” begins each day with the decision to show up, heart open and hands steady, for whoever needs that space.&nbsp;<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">To me, devotion is love expressed&nbsp; through commitment and service— a choice we return to daily.&nbsp; I’ve come to believe that devotion is action.&nbsp;</h4><hr>&nbsp;<figure class="image image_resized" style="width:50%;"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/devotion_action2_396ed3371a.webp" alt="devotion-action2.webp"></figure>&nbsp;

Devotion is Action

Maxime Lagacé

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Maya Angelou

How do you make people feel?

Change your attitude

Be a rainbow

Loneliness

The light within

Reaching hearts

Infinite Creativity

It Begins with You

The Other Hand

Mayanshi Parthasarathi is a seven-year-old author and award-winning artist. She is the author of the global best-selling book Exploring the Universe and a recognized member of Lean SpaceTech Europe. She is a Top 4 Finalist for Emerging Leader of the Year (Under 12) at the Women Changing the World Awards – Asia Region. Her interests include space, stories, and ancient mythology.

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Mayanshi Parthasarathi

<h4>Seven-year-old MAYANSHI PARTHASARATHI shares a heartfelt tribute to the trees that care for us—and invites us to care for them in return.</h4>We love you, <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/the-secret-of-trees" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">trees</a>, For the air we breathe, We love you, trees, For the fruits we eat, We love you, trees, For the wood we get, We love you, trees, For everything we receive.We love you, trees, Because…You give us so much without asking for anything. You stand tall, silent, and strong, A shelter for birds, A friend to humans, A gift to our Earth.Let us promise to protect you, To plant more of you, And to love you forever! &nbsp;

We Love You, Trees!

Meenu is a Heartfulness practitioner and trainer who volunteers with the Heartfulness Education Trust in the Delhi NCR region of India, conducting programs for both faculty and students. She works in schools and colleges, sharing practices to help individuals cultivate inner peace and personal growth.

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Meenu Khurana

<h4 style="text-align:justify;">MEENU KHURANA is the Heartfulness Lounge Facilitator at one of the flagship schools of&nbsp;Delhi Government, Sarvodaya School, Sector-8, Rohini, New Delhi. She manages the relationship with the school and all volunteer teams, and here shares a glimpse of the program in action.</h4>On December 12th, 2023, the new Heartfulness Lounge was inaugurated at New Delhi’s Sarvodaya School, Sector-8, Rohini. The commencement came with the blessings of Daaji, the Global Guide of Heartfulness, and the support of Mr. Himanshu Gupta, IAS, Education Secretary of Delhi, alongside Principal Mr. Awdesh Kumar Jha and Vice Principal Mrs. Bharti Kalra.The lounge currently operates three days a week (Wednesday through Friday) from 12 to 2 P.M., offering sessions for students, faculty and parents. Initially catering to students in classes 6 to 9, the program has expanded to include Heartfulness sessions for classes 11 and 12, encompassing both the <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/heartfulness-in-schools" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">HELP program</a> and introductory meditation sessions.The lounge is supported by a dedicated team of volunteers who facilitate these programs regularly. Plans are underway to host Sunday <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/how-heartfulness-meditation-shifts-our-biofield-and-the-energies-in-a-room" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">group meditation</a>s for parents, students, and teachers at the lounge.&nbsp;<figure class="image image_resized" style="width:75%;"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/model_school_heartfulness2_78f35adb05.webp" alt="model-school-heartfulness2.webp"></figure><hr><h3 style="text-align:justify;">Testimonials</h3>Since the opening of the Heartfulness Lounge, students have been participating in the programs conducted by the volunteers here and we have seen an increased sense of peace in the minds of those children. This reflects in their behavior as well. When there is peace in the mind, I believe that all these children will move towards success in their lives by building their own personalities. So that they can help in building a peaceful society and take the country towards progress. —Awdesh Kumar Jha, Principal&nbsp;In the lounge which has been launched by Heartfulness Institute, many things are being taught which we’ve missed in our school. Personality development courses, in which very practical topics like knowing your goal and how to achieve it, time management, power of thought, courage and self-confidence as well as connecting with oneself, etc. are taught which are useful for them as children of course, but will also prove to be very useful for their later life when they leave school.Children are very stressed at this age and face very emotional situations, so in the activities conducted in the Heartfulness Lounge, we have observed that children become more calm, their stress reduces and they are able to handle situations in a better way. We have also observed that after attending these Heartfulness courses, our children are now more confident and ready for the outside world.Thanks to the success of these courses, we have now started ‘Parvarish’ programs for parents also in collaboration with Heartfulness, the first session of which was loved by all the parents. —Bharti Kalra, Vice-Principal&nbsp;We sent the children of 11th and 12th grades, whose anxiety levels about their studies and futures had increased a lot, to the Heartfulness Lounge. The exercises that were conducted, such as relaxation and meditation, have helped develop a sense of peace as well as confidence in these children. Their focus has increased, and the hidden power within them has also come out. I have also witnessed an increased coordination in their decision-making abilities. It’s great to see how the Heartfulness Lounge has helped children develop their mind, body and soul. —Nidhi Ma’am, School Coordinator&nbsp;&nbsp;It was wonderful to experience the Heartfulness session! In just 10 minutes we felt so relaxed. In my opinion, everyone needs this. We would love to do these sessions again and again. — Parent of Sarvodaya School Student<hr><h3>Student Testimonials</h3>After regularly attending their sessions&nbsp; I noticed some positive changes in myself.&nbsp; I was able to sleep properly. —Student (Shaurya XII-B)<figure class="image image_resized" style="width:75%;"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/model_school_heartfulness3_4a43b5d8ae.webp" alt="model-school-heartfulness3.webp"><figcaption>&nbsp;</figcaption></figure><hr>It helps met me to know my ability,&nbsp; strength, capabillity and all those things&nbsp; which helps me to achieve my goal. —Student (Pritam XI-E)<figure class="image image_resized" style="width:75%;"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/model_school_heartfulness4_6fda5720b9.webp" alt="model-school-heartfulness4.webp"><figcaption>&nbsp;</figcaption></figure><hr>I was a part of the 3 day session and needless to say,&nbsp; these 3 days were more than enough for me&nbsp; to realize how just 5 minutes of meditation&nbsp; could significantly change&nbsp; the emotional course of my day. —Student (Shalvika Sharma XI-F)<figure class="image image_resized" style="width:75%;"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/model_school_heartfulness5_9407ba9b6d.webp" alt="model-school-heartfulness5.webp"><figcaption>&nbsp;</figcaption></figure><hr>&nbsp;<figure class="image image_resized" style="width:75%;"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/model_school_heartfulness6_15aecd5370.webp" alt="model-school-heartfulness6.webp"></figure>&nbsp;

A model school Heartfulness lounge

Dr. Meenu Tewari is professor of economic development and political economy at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and current director of the Modern Indian Studies initiative there. She is a Heartfulness practitioner and trainer and member of the Research Council.

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Meenu Tewari

<h4 style="text-align:justify;">MEENU TEWARI and HESTER O’CONNOR reflect on the Third International Conference on Health and Wellbeing and its call for integrative, heart-centered approaches to health and healing.1</h4>The Third International Conference on Health and Wellbeing convened at Kanha Shanti Vanam in Hyderabad, India, from October 10–12, 2025, bringing together over 800 healthcare professionals, researchers, students, and members of the public to advance a bold vision of fostering genuine dialogue between modern allopathic medicine and traditional healing approaches.This focus on mind-body medicine for cardiac health, lifestyle, and mental wellbeing allowed the conference to combine perspectives from physiology and biomedical sciences with those from spirituality, ayurveda, and yoga. The event was co-sponsored by the Heartfulness Institute, the All India Institute of Medical Sciences (AIIMS), the Ministry of AYUSH, the Indian Council for Medical Research (ICMR), and the Institute for Teaching and Research, Jamnagar (ITRA), highlighting the integrative spirit through its alliance of varied perspectives.What distinguished this conference was its atmosphere of openness and genuine curiosity. Biomedical professionals and traditional practitioners engaged with each other’s perspectives, not as competitors but as collaborators, exploring how different systems describe, research, and address the same cardiovascular challenges. Rather than defending disciplinary boundaries, participants sought common ground in their shared goal of mitigating, curing, and preventing cardiovascular diseases.This collaborative atmosphere created a rare space for engaged inquiry in which evidence from diverse traditions could be examined side by side. Through authentic dialogue across disciplines, the conference set the stage for lasting collaborations and for developing public policy rooted in truly integrative, ethical, evidence-based, and genuinely patient-centered care.In an era when healthcare fragmentation threatens chronic disease treatment, this gathering offered a hopeful and innovative path: ancient wisdom and modern science working together.Several powerful themes emerged from the conference, signaling a fundamental reimagining of cardiac health and inner and outer human wellbeing.<h3 style="text-align:justify;">Heart, Mind, and Healing: Key Themes from the Conference</h3><h4 style="text-align:justify;">The Heart as a Bridge</h4>A central insight was the call to move beyond viewing the heart solely as a mechanical organ that circulates blood. Speakers repeatedly framed the heart as a bridge—connecting mind, body, emotions, consciousness, and overall wellbeing. In this expanded view, the heart links the visible and the invisible: biology and awareness, physiology and meaning. When the heart, mind, and body function in harmony, wellness is no longer something to be pursued; it becomes a lived state of balance, coherence, and inner peace. Seen this way, the heart is simultaneously a physical organ, a neurological hub, a center of emotional regulation and consciousness, and a gateway to our deepest humanity. True cardiac health, the conference argued, must engage all of these dimensions.<h4 style="text-align:justify;">Personalization, Specificity, and New Evidence</h4>This integrated view found support across disciplines in a second major theme on the need for greater specificity and personalization in preventive and therapeutic approaches. Daaji captured this succinctly when he observed that “anger can trigger a heart attack, while compassion can protect the heart.” Emotional responses affect individuals differently, he explained, because vrittis—the subtle fluctuations of consciousness—shape each person’s tendencies and physiological reactions differently. He proposed a novel research direction: mapping fundamental emotions to distinct ECG patterns and correlating them with yogic chakras, opening the possibility of precise, meditation-based interventions for emotional imbalance.A prominent neuroscientist reinforced this perspective with evidence from brain imaging, showing that the heart and brain function as a synchronized system. Emotional stability arises from this bidirectional interaction: the rhythm of the heart shapes brain activity, while mental states such as anxiety can destabilize cardiac rhythms. Breathing, he emphasized, acts as an accessible bridge between the two. His research demonstrated that personalized breathing practices significantly reduced anxiety and racing thoughts while strengthening heart–brain–lung synchrony within weeks.&nbsp;<figure class="image"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/bringing_medicine_divide_2_0d584a16f5.webp" alt="bringing-medicine-divide-2.webp"></figure>&nbsp;<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">When the heart, mind, and body function in harmony,&nbsp; wellness is no longer something to be pursued;&nbsp; it becomes a lived state of balance, coherence, and inner peace.&nbsp;</h4><hr>&nbsp;Another biomedical presenter placed these insights within a broader life-course framework, highlighting how mind–body medicine aligns with emerging scientific evidence highlighting these connections through the neuroendocrine axis, gut-brain axis, epigenetics, and the role of the trifecta of stress, sleep, and infection in cardiac health. Together, these findings underscore why prevention must begin early and address both internal states and external exposures.<h4 style="text-align:justify;">Ayurveda: Restoring Balance in Body and Mind</h4>Ayurveda offered a complementary lens, defining health as a dynamic balance among body, mind, senses, and consciousness. Wellness is expressed not only through the absence of disease but through clarity of thought, restorative sleep, efficient digestion, and enthusiasm for life. Conference discussions highlighted how these ancient principles resonate with modern understandings of inflammation, metabolism, and chronic disease. Practices such as dietary regulation, cleansing, and herbal therapies were presented as pathways to support the body’s innate capacity to heal. Importantly, the mind was recognized as the vital link between physical and spiritual health, reinforcing the importance of addressing emotional and mental wellbeing in any serious approach to cardiac care.&nbsp;<figure class="image image_resized" style="width:75%;"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/bringing_medicine_divide_3_8b22302b61.webp" alt="bringing-medicine-divide-3.webp"></figure> &nbsp;<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Wellness is expressed not only&nbsp; through the absence of disease but through clarity of thought, restorative sleep, efficient digestion, and enthusiasm for life.</h4><hr>&nbsp;Indeed, modern research is beginning to validate the detoxification benefits of panchakarma. For example, under proper guidance, abhyanga (therapeutic oil massage, often a preparatory step in panchakarma) has been shown to reduce anxiety and lower cortisol levels (stress hormones that increase in response to stress). Similarly, vamana therapy significantly decreases lipid peroxidation (a process in which free radicals damage fats in cell membranes, considered a marker of oxidative stress) while increasing catalase activity (an antioxidant enzyme that protects cells by breaking down hydrogen peroxide). In addition, virechana therapy can improve metabolic parameters by reducing excessive hepatic glucose output (the liver’s release of glucose into the bloodstream), thereby helping to better control blood sugar levels. Basti therapies—considered in ayurveda to be “half of all treatment” due to their broad systemic impact—have also demonstrated immunomodulatory effects, such as modulating T-helper immune cells (cells that help regulate immune responses) and reducing pro-inflammatory cytokine levels (cytokines are signaling proteins that promote inflammation). However, significant evidence gaps remain. For example, systematic reviews found that among hundreds of studied ayurvedic cardiovascular herbs, only one herb, arjuna, had sufficient clinical trial data for meta-analysis, establishing effective cardiovascular impact. This highlights the urgent need for more well-designed, multicenter clinical trials on ayurvedic interventions to conclusively establish their benefits and safety and integrate them into modern cardiology practice.&nbsp;<figure class="image"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/bringing_medicine_divide_4_3a5d99cfb9.webp" alt="bringing-medicine-divide-4.webp"></figure>&nbsp;<h4 style="text-align:justify;">Integration as Imperative</h4>The conference advocated a paradigm shift from episodic treatment to integrated, preventive care, emphasizing plant-based nutrition, physical activity, and stress reduction to reverse coronary blockages.Evidence demonstrated that yoga, meditation, and specifically <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/transmission" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Heartfulness meditation</a>, reduce cardiovascular stress, regulate the nervous system, and foster emotional balance and stability. Notably, these practices also reduce inflammation and burnout while supporting immunity. Additionally, an emerging focus is on simplifying lifestyle and eating patterns; for example, reducing meal frequency to allow digestive rest has been shown to improve weight regulation and glycemic control, aligning traditional practices with current metabolic science.<h4 style="text-align:justify;">Challenges and Preventive Care</h4>Presentations highlighted that integrated, preventive approaches—combining precise medicine, plant-forward nutrition, physical activity, stress management, and sleep hygiene—can halt or reverse coronary disease, reflecting the fact that heart-rate variability mirrors emotional and nervous system regulation.<h4 style="text-align:justify;">Responding to a Global Health Crisis</h4>On the closing day of the conference, presenters addressed the growing global crisis of non-communicable and cardiovascular disease, with particular attention to the alarming rates of premature CVD cases in countries such as India. Speakers emphasized that addressing this burden requires more than better drugs or diagnostic technologies; it demands a paradigm shift toward holistic, ethical, and people-centered health systems that tackle social determinants, environmental exposures, and lifestyle root causes of disease.&nbsp;<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Presentations highlighted that integrated, preventive approaches—combining precise medicine, plant- forward nutrition, physical activity, stress management, and sleep hygiene—can halt or reverse coronary disease, reflecting the fact that heart-rate variability mirrors emotional and nervous system regulation. &nbsp;</h4><hr>&nbsp;To exemplify this integrative approach, presenters highlighted the scientific relevance of traditional Indian systems, including emerging evidence on panchakarma therapies and the urgent need for rigorous clinical validation of ayurvedic cardioprotective plants. Modern integrative innovations were also showcased—from non-invasive neuromodulation techniques for complex mental health conditions to the successful integration of ayurveda with precision nutrition for metabolic disorders.&nbsp;<figure class="image image_resized" style="width:50%;"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/bringing_medicine_divide_5_dab4d62c88.webp" alt="bringing-medicine-divide-5.webp"></figure>&nbsp;Behavioral and internal health emerged as critical frontiers, with research demonstrating <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/pranayama" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">how pranayama</a> and embodied psychology regulate physiological systems. One presenter spoke of healing “breath prints.” The importance of long-term, structured workplace wellness initiatives was also emphasized as a public health priority. Across discussions, participants agreed that meaningful progress will require new collaborative approaches. &nbsp;Success, they argued, requires overcoming what one presenter termed the three entrenched fragmentations: epistemological (Western science as sole arbiter of truth), institutional (siloed governance), and evidence-based (lack of community-level implementation research). Only by enabling diverse medical knowledge systems to genuinely collaborate can unified, effective health care policy emerge.&nbsp;<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">The conference embodied that spirit,&nbsp; creating what one participant described as&nbsp; “a life-changing mark on both medicine and spirituality”— a reminder that healing, in its truest sense, begins in the heart. &nbsp;</h4><hr>&nbsp;<h4 style="text-align:justify;">A Vision of Wholeness</h4>One message resonated throughout was that healthcare’s future lies in integration: Not East versus West, but wholeness over fragmentation. By combining modern science’s precision with ancient wisdom’s depth, medicine can evolve from treating disease to nurturing complete wellbeing—fostering harmony of body, mind, and consciousness, in a shared commitment to human flourishing.As one participant reflected: “The first night dialogue closing with Daaji’s message set the stage for the beginning of new integration in allopathic, ayurvedic, and meditation for higher consciousness to manifest healing approaches in new ways that the three individually cannot achieve.”This vision aligns with Heartfulness founder Daaji’s call for unity. The conference embodied that spirit, creating what one participant described as “a life-changing mark on both medicine and spirituality”—a reminder that healing, in its truest sense, begins in the heart.&nbsp;<figure class="image image_resized" style="width:75%;"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/bringing_medicine_divide_6_3f31b0d221.webp" alt="bringing-medicine-divide-6.webp"></figure><hr>References:1 This article was written with valuable inputs from Ishaprasad Bhagwat, Margaret Schenkman, Krishnamurthy Jayanna, Jaswitha Balaji, and Raghuveer SN. We gratefully acknowledge their support. &nbsp;

Bridging Medicine’s Divides

Megha is a bestselling author, film script writer, passionate educator, influencer, and ardent seeker based in Mumbai.  She is the author of The Breakthrough, Thank You, Cancer, and I Inspire among others. She has been a well-loved speaker at premier institutes like The World Confluence of Spirituality and Ficci. She received a 25 most inspiring and influential women of Mumbai award by World Women Leadership, and was featured in the top 50 most influential authors of 2021 by Delhi Wire. She loves working with fellow visionary educators and spiritualists toward the upliftment of society.

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Megha Bajaj

<hr><h4>MEGHA BAJAJ tells a beautiful simple story about a monk and his disciples, and relates this to her own experiences of the power of now, the present.</h4>&nbsp;<hr>&nbsp;Stories can teach in ways that only stories can teach. For days I had held a question in my mind about how I can progress on the spiritual path. Last evening, finally, the answer came with the birth of this story. Through me, and for me, this story has become a milestone. A realization has become my realization. Perhaps, it can become yours too.Years ago, when finding peace was still the most important quest for all, there lived a great Buddhist monk. High above the mountains iced by snow, and sprinkled by cherry sunrays, was his little monastery. People sought him from all over the world. The scaling heights, the brazen winds, the wild animals – nothing could stop them from flocking to the monk – for they knew he could pave the way to peace for them. However, after a few days, many got restless and left. The reason? The monk hardly spoke. He just carried on in his usual fashion. For many, this was hard to deal with.&nbsp;<hr>&nbsp;&nbsp;<hr><h5 style="text-align:center;">If I can learn to do what I am doing, and immerse myself in it completely, meditation will cease to remain a part of my day. It will become a part of me. And gradually, it will become me.</h5>&nbsp;<hr><hr>The great monk had a merry laugh and a twinkle in his eye. He seemed ancient and yet just like a child. He never invited anyone and he never refused anyone, and when someone did come he made sure his home was their home. Many came, many went – but a few, a small group of eleven, stayed behind. The monk knew he had finally filtered the ‘seekers’ from the ‘questioners’. This was the group who had left everything to find peace, and they wouldn’t return knowing about peace, they would return knowing peace ! The monk did all that he needed to in a day, while the group followed around, hoping to get a cue as to how they too could be in constant blissful union with their Lord.In the evenings the monk would sit under a tree, while the group gathered around him. Some put their head in his lap and he caressed them lovingly, while others were content to just watch him from afar. The seekers asked questions and sometimes the monk would answer at length, and sometimes he would choose silence to speak. Either way, the night would rise only when all the doubts had drowned.During one of those twilights, the youngest girl in the group, Mira, asked him, “Beloved one, tell me the secret to your peace. I want to know.” Knowing that the words that would follow could change their lives the entire group moved closer. Silence fell over them as the monk replied, “When I walk, I walk.” The seekers moved closer still. They wanted to know more. They wanted to transform. Something told them that the answer would be revealed. The monk, however, spoke no more. He just sat with his eyes skywards, wondering at the stars.The seekers were disappointed. They had thought some profound, complex secret would be revealed. But no, the monk had just spoken a single sentence: When I walk, I walk. What could this mean? All of them went to sleep that night with questions chasing his words around … answers nowhere in sight.<hr>&nbsp;<hr><h5 style="text-align:center;">The beauty about this moment is that when you are in it, completely and absolutely, nothing else matters…. All that exists is the activity that you are involved in and you. Get immersed even further and nothing but the activity remains. You dissolve. And in those moments, when there is no ‘you’, what is, is. And that ‘is’ is peace!</h5>&nbsp;<hr><hr>The next day, the monk went about his day as always and the seekers followed step. As he plucked the weeds out of his tiny garden, the group helped. The monk smiled to himself as he sensed a peculiar restlessness in the air. However, no one said anything. They had already learnt that answers would come only when answers would come. Usually one amongst them would stumble upon the answer to the monk’s words and share his realization with all the others. The group would internalize it, ponder upon it, and wait until the realization became a part of them. Today, however, revelation didn’t seem to be in the mood of befriending any of them.The guru chuckled silently and asked the young girl, “Mira, what are you doing right now?” Surprised by the monk’s question, she replied, “Helping you pluck out the weeds, beloved one.” He smiled and asked, “What else?” Mira spontaneously replied, “Nothing else!” The monk asked, “Are you sure you aren’t doing anything else?” Mira thought for a minute and said, “Well, I am thinking about your words.” “And?” asked the monk mischievously. “Umm … wondering what is there for dinner tonight,” replied Mira with a giggle.<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/walk2_b21969f09b.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-04T07:05:10.602Z" alt="walk2"> The monk smiled and said, “When I am plucking weeds, I am plucking weeds.” And with that he went back to doing this chore with the same intensity that he used to meditate, or eat, or watch a sunrise, or speak with them.The entire group spontaneously burst into smiles. This was the first time that they had all understood something together. Restlessness changed into excitement, and within moments, excitement became peace. The little group of twelve – one master and eleven disciples – plucked weeds as they plucked weeds, that afternoon.Ever since this story wrote itself out, the very perspective with which I look at life has changed. Queen of multi-tasking, I believed I should not waste a single moment of my life. I packed in as much as I could in every second. I watched movies while exercising. I had breakfast while reading books. I enjoyed a sunrise while chatting on the phone. At any given point I was involved in at least two or three activities … and I wondered why I wasn’t enjoying any.When I walk, I walk. So simply answered the master. Since yesterday I have been doing this. When I ate, I ate. When I was with my husband Arun, I was with Arun. When I listened to music, I listened to music. Initially it almost appeared too difficult to do just a single thing at a time. I felt restless. I felt irritated. But I didn’t give up. As I pursued a single activity long enough and gave myself to it completely, I realized something within me suddenly shifted. No longer was I living in the past or the future – rather I fell into the coveted ‘now’, the ‘as is’, the ‘present continuous’.The beauty about this moment is that when you are in it, completely and absolutely, nothing else matters. The unpaid bills, the chores for tomorrow, the aching knee, the worrisome child – in the now none of these exist. All that exists is the activity that you are involved in and you. Get immersed even further and nothing but the activity remains. You dissolve. And in those moments, when there is no ‘you’, what is, is. And that ‘is’ is peace! It sounds almost too simple to be true, doesn’t it? Too commonplace. I always believed finding peace was a treacherous, arduous, difficult process, however I now realize that it is so simple that we miss it.I always wondered what the difference was between me and a monk. Now I know. Even while meditating I am thinking, planning, scratching and wondering. A monk, even while thinking, planning, scratching and wondering is meditating. If I can learn to do what I am doing, and immerse myself in it completely, meditation will cease to remain a part of my day. It will become a part of me. And gradually, it will become me.Usually when I write it is while sipping a masala chai, chatting on Facebook and checking my mails. Today, as I write, I write. I can feel the difference. I can almost experience you sitting beside me, a friend, a fellow seeker, as together we live this message: When I walk, I walk.<hr>&nbsp;<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Article by MEGHA BAJAJ</h4>&nbsp;<hr>

When I walk , I walk

<h4>
 MEGHA BAJAJ shares a few tips on
 building healthy relationships by dealing with emotions in the right way
 and at the right time.
 </h4>
 
 There is this strange thing that many of us do in relationships. If we
 didn’t do it I believe we would have much better relationships. We
 displace our emotions from one relationship to other relationships. Does
 it sound familiar?
 
 
 Let’s say, for example, you have a husband who is very dominating. It’s
 his way or the highway, and you really don’t have much choice but to
 follow him. You have tried speaking to him, you have wept, you have done
 everything you could, but to no avail. Ultimately you resign to your
 fate and start finding ways to deal with the issues within, without
 really letting them out.
 
 
 Yet, the nature of emotions is that they are never buried dead, they are
 buried alive. You can suppress them but not for long. The pain shows up
 in your body through aches and pains or disease, and it also expresses
 itself in other relationships. These are the relationships where you
 feel the ease that the person won’t leave you, or sometimes it is with
 support staff like house help or drivers. You start behaving like the
 dominating person in your life, and project your emotions onto others to
 somehow deal with the pain. It could be your children, or your own
 parents, or anyone. The emotions from one relationship are displaced to
 another, and the people who are subjected to them have no clue why you
 are behaving the way you do – just like the way you keep wondering why
 your husband cannot be a little more empathetic.
 
 
 The problem with displacing emotions is just that – they are displaced.
 In no way does it provide a permanent solution, because somewhere you
 know that you are not doing the right thing. There is a sense of guilt,
 a sense of not feeling good enough about yourself, that hinders life
 from flowing the way it should.
 
 
 Think of some of your relationships that aren’t as beautiful as you want
 them to be. How do you deal with the negative emotions that you go
 through in those relationships? What do you do to ease yourself?
 
 
 Here are some of the positive ways I have realized to deal with the
 emotions in a dysfunctional relationship:
 
 &nbsp;
 <h4 style="text-align: justify">
 CONSISTENT COMMUNICATION
 </h4>
 <h4 style="text-align: justify">
 <img
 class="img-float-left has-img-center-in-mobile lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/about_relationship_2_d8c012d660.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T09:50:03.499Z"
 alt="about-relationship"
 />
 </h4>
 
 Although most of us may be communicating how we feel with the person
 concerned, we probably don’t do it consistently enough. We express, then
 let go, believing he or she won’t understand. Yet the secret to good
 relationships is consistent communication. Instead of blaming and
 saying, “You are …” say “I feel …”. When you express what you are
 feeling instead of blaming others, they are a little more open to
 listening.
 
 
 <img
 class="img-float-right has-img-center-in-mobile lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/about_relationship_3_aa0bb445af.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T09:50:48.069Z"
 alt="about-relationship"
 />
 
 &nbsp;
 <h4 style="text-align: justify">
 NATURE
 </h4>
 
 Nature absorbs negative emotions like nothing else. Taking a long walk
 in the garden or near the sea or mountains, as part of your daily life,
 is bound to help you clear your heart and mind of residual emotions so
 that they don’t form a chain and hurt others into the bargain.
 
 &nbsp;
 <h4 style="text-align: justify">
 WRITING
 </h4>
 
 <img
 class="img-float-left has-img-center-in-mobile lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/about_relationship_4_5cbfc38ab1.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T09:51:27.711Z"
 alt="about-relationship"
 />There is something incredibly healing about the writing process.
 Writing helps you to understand all that you are feeling. In a way it is
 your innermost core on paper and allows you to release and vent emotions
 that may be burdening your within for God alone knows how long. Writing
 letters to people who hurt you, whether or not you let them read them,
 helps you to deal with the emotions within the relationship.
 
 &nbsp;
 
 The world is in dire need of better relationships. A lot more love.
 Compassion. Whether someone is good to us or not, somehow we need to
 ensure that a lot of good flows from us to the world outside. Break the
 chain reaction and, in our own way, we will create a better world.
 
 <hr />
 <h4 style="text-align: center">Article by MEGHA BAJAJ</h4>
 <hr />

About relationships

<h4>MEGHA BAJAJ shares some simple tips on how to develop the capacity for intuition, which can be cultivated in daily life.</h4>For as long as I can remember, I have been an intuitive person. Whether it has been choosing people to work with, or projects to undertake, intuition has helped tremendously. Intuition is nothing but a hunch, a feeling, which may not necessarily be based on facts. You see someone, and you just know they are going to play an integral role in your life. You see another person and the caution blinkers go ballistic. “Stay away, stay away,” a siren rings in your head, for no particular reason. You just know that a certain person is going to call you on a particular day. All these are instances of intuition.So while some people are highly intuitive and base much of their decision making on it, others are not. I have been asking myself: How can I make my intuition more powerful, and how can I develop it further?Some answers that I have discovered are:First, the more the mind is quiet, the more intuition works. When the mind is a drunken monkey, running helter-skelter, objectivity cannot be attained. There is so much activity going on in the mind that the whispers of intuition go unnoticed. So, to begin with, using meditation to calm the mind and prepare it to develop intuitive powers seems a must.Second, I have come to realize that when I am in a sway of emotions, intuition doesn’t work. When I have very strong likes, dislikes, intense mood swings, it becomes difficult for the faculty of intuition to guide me. Emotions are all encompassing – and when we are feeling something, it once again becomes difficult to remain neutral and to hear the intuitive mind. A calm, emotion-free mind seems to be the first step towards beginning to tap the power of intuition.Third, I believe, is openness. Sometimes what the intuitive mind is trying to tell us goes beyond our conscious mind. Say we meet someone and the conscious mind feels everything is great. The person looks fine, speaks well, and in every way seems to be a great fit for whatever it is that we are looking for. And yet, something within doesn’t seem completely “right,” or “in place.” The intuitive mind is connected to the cosmos and knows – way beyond – what the conscious mind does. So it is important for us to be open and accepting to views contrary to what seems obvious. Only with this openness, can the intuitive mind really speak to us.Last, but not least, there are some psychic ways to develop our intuitive powers. The human body has a number of chakras and the third eye chakra, the Ajna (between the eyes), is considered to be the one connected to intuition. The sound OM is associated with balancing this chakra. When we focus between the eyes and chant OM, we activate the intuition center and allow more energy to flow there.Intuition is a wonderful tool to have. It guides. It protects. Developing this could make relationships, decision-making and hence life itself a more beautiful process. I have a hunch that you are going to agree!<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Article by MEGHA BAJAJ</h4><hr>

Developing intuition

<h4 style="text-align:justify;">MEGHA BAJAJ is a new mother. She celebrates the life-changing joy of <a href="https://heartfulness.org/ca/humans-of-heartfulness/parenting-tips-for-the-modern-day-family/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">parenting</a>, and the way the equilibrium of parental love keeps the world intact.</h4>&nbsp;<figure class="image image_resized" style="width:25%;"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/parenting4_7fc16b030b.webp" alt="parenting4.webp" srcset="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/thumbnail_parenting4_7fc16b030b.webp 103w," sizes="100vw"></figure>&nbsp;Mom is no longer present in physical form. And I have no regrets because I feel I loved her with every breath, with every heartbeat, while she was with me. She was unwell for a few years, and I did everything for her—from combing her hair to bathing her, from rubbing oil on her back to feeding her. I feel very complete about the relationship we shared for close to four decades of my life. Truth be told, I was her softest spot and her love for me was completely biased, irrational, and divine. I carry her crazy love with me, wherever I go.The one thing I find myself often wishing (I know the irrationality of it, but as if wishes are ever rational) is that I could have told her “Thank you” after becoming a mother. Athyasaa happened to me after my mother moved on. I now value my mother even more intensely, even more poetically, and in an even more fulfilled way than ever. I wish I could tell her all I am feeling.It takes a lot to parent a child. I used to be in a different city almost every week, creating impact through WoW, my company, in every way I could. I am a flow, and I loved to be here, there, doing this, that. I would jump into anything that felt soul fulfilling. Yet here I am, for nine months of pregnancy and nine months of looking after our daughter, where I barely step out. There are one-off breaks when I really need it, and both my father and husband Arun wholeheartedly support me, along with our wonderful staff I feel blessed to have. But I can no longer just take off. You would think it would make me feel confined, but how do I express the fulfillment I feel?&nbsp;<figure class="image"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/parenting2_b8b3058db9.webp" alt="parenting2.webp" srcset="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/thumbnail_parenting2_b8b3058db9.webp 168w,https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/small_parenting2_b8b3058db9.webp 500w,https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/medium_parenting2_b8b3058db9.webp 750w," sizes="100vw"></figure><hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">We simply want to love our little ones because they are part of us— the most sacred part of us—we will leave behind.</h4><hr>It’s not about the big things, but the little things: Feeding her every meal with my own hands; planning every meeting or outing so that it’s done while she is napping. I feel that when she wakes up she should see me. Long back, I heard of a Rabindranath Tagore quote, which went something like: Love is when an infant wakes up from her afternoon nap, sees her mother, smiles, and goes back to sleep. And that’s what I want to be for Athyasaa.I read to her, though she prefers chewing books. I talk to her and she responds with coos. If she is unwell, I shed tears sometimes and she quietly holds my finger as if reassuring me that she is fine. For hours, I hold her in my lap and simply watch her sleeping face, wanting to somehow protect her even in her dreams.Arun is the most incredible dad. He simply melts watching Athyasaa and even the simplest gesture from her makes this 6’3”er giggle like a little child. They have some daddy-daughter bond that is sacred, and I simply allow them to blossom in the space they have created for themselves, which is sometimes beyond me. A man who could not function without his regular daily sleep, today waits to see his daughter’s smile and will stay up till whatever time she needs him. He’s so much softer, so much more tender, and she draws something so divine from him.I wonder why we do what we do as parents. I have never processed a single thought of what I want Athyasaa to do for me, and I am sure my parents also did not; nor you if you are a mother or father. We simply want to love our little ones because they are part of us—the most sacred part of us—we will leave behind. Athyasaa is going to be my proudest legacy, and I want the best of everything for my baby, for her to be someone who spreads bliss, love, and the abundance of all things good wherever she goes.To anyone who feels there is no love left in the world, simply sit in a park or on the beach and watch a parent with their child. The way the eyes shine, the soft smiles, the subtle pride. The feeling that here is the most beautiful part of me, in the form of my child, and I will give her or him a life far greater than I have or ever imagined. If this is not love, what is?Better still, go hold your parents’ hands and look into their eyes. Through the years of experiences, baggage, love, laughter, pain, and evolution, you will definitely find that deepest love for you shining softly forth.I believe it is this love that keeps the equilibrium of the world intact. The love that a parent feels for their child, which asks for nothing and only wishes to give everything it has.To every beautiful parent out there, thank you. How will we ever tell our children what we went through at 2 a.m. when they had fever or when we first held them? What words will we use to describe to them what we went through when those babbles suddenly became momma or daddy? All we can possibly do is smile at one another, at our shared experience of being parents and know in the deepest part of us that <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/parenting-the-art-of-preserving" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">parenting</a> is probably one of the most purifying spiritual experiences we will ever know.<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/parenting3_1b5881b331.webp" alt="parenting3.webp" srcset="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/thumbnail_parenting3_1b5881b331.webp 185w,https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/small_parenting3_1b5881b331.webp 500w,https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/medium_parenting3_1b5881b331.webp 750w," sizes="100vw"><hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">I believe it is this love that keeps&nbsp; the equilibrium of the world intact.&nbsp; The love that a parent feels for their child,&nbsp; which asks for nothing and only wishes to give everything it has.</h4><hr>

Parenting: a purifying experience

Meghan Stewart is a certified Mindfulness Trainer and Teacher through United Mindfulness based in Ottawa, Canada. A multiracial Black woman of Jamaican heritage and a mother of two, her work integrates contemplative practice, emotional intimacy, and nonviolence. Her community leadership has been recognized by CBC and Shifter magazine.

meghan-stewart.webp

Meghan Stewart

<h4>MEGHAN STEWART explores how nonviolence starts at home, showing how emotional intimacy, regulation, and repair shape how families navigate conflict.</h4>While exploring nonviolence in a conflict studies course, I began to notice how often nonviolence is discussed as a principle rather than a lived practice. In theory, it is easy to agree that violence causes harm and that peace is something we should strive for. In everyday life, especially within families, nonviolence shows up in subtle ways, through tone, timing, interpretation, and the meaning we assign to one another’s behavior. This realization prompted me to look more closely at the relationship among nonviolence, parenting, and developmental psychology, and at how peace is cultivated not only in societies but also within bodies and relationships.Peace, as it is understood in conflict studies, is not limited to the absence of war and overt harm. Peace exists across multiple relational layers: within ourselves, between individuals, within families, communities, and institutions. These layers are interconnected. As we observe through Mindfulness practice, what is carried internally often shapes how we respond externally. From a developmental and social learning perspective, parenting is one of the earliest and most influential contexts in which relational patterns are modeled, absorbed, practiced, and carried forward.From a developmental perspective, this interconnectedness matters deeply. The parts of the brain responsible for emotional regulation, impulse control, and executive functioning continue developing well into young adulthood. Children are therefore not equipped to manage intense emotional states independently and rely on caregivers to help them settle, orient, and recover. This can be interpreted to mean that regulation is learned through relationships long before it becomes an internal capacity.When children express strong emotions, withdraw, or push limits, they are revealing where support is still needed. Noticing this can gently shift how parenting moments are held, moving attention away from managing behavior and toward the relational safety and emotional intimacy that allow regulation to take root. This shift in attention opens a different way of being with children. Rather than rushing into interpretation or correction, there is room to pause and wonder what might be unfolding beneath the surface. Essentially, there is room for connection before correction.&nbsp;<figure class="image image_resized" style="width:75%;"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/non_violence_family2_e3b3bf38eb.webp" alt="non-violence-family2.webp"></figure>&nbsp;In family life, emotional intimacy grows through the repeated choice of connection, as parents remain present with a child’s inner experience while staying grounded in themselves. Children learn whether their inner world is welcome through repeated, ordinary interactions. When emotions are met with steadiness and curiosity, children learn that feelings can be expressed without threatening connection. When emotions are met with dismissal, urgency, or judgment, children adapt in order to preserve relationships, sometimes by hiding parts of themselves, sometimes by amplifying them.There is a gradual way that emotional rules take shape in childhood, not through instruction but through experience, as children attune to the responses around them and begin to organize their inner lives around what seems to preserve connection. Within this landscape, different expectations often settle around different caregivers. Fathers may come to feel that steadiness means withholding emotion, while mothers may sense that distress is acceptable so long as it does not take the shape of anger or frustration. These patterns are rarely intentional, yet over time, they influence which emotions are given room to breathe and which are quietly managed in the background.bell hooks, an African American feminist writer and educator known for her work on love, power, and relational healing, writes that “children need to be raised in environments where they can learn that love is an action, where care, responsibility, respect, and knowledge are practiced” (hooks, 2015, p. 142). In her reflections on revolutionary parenting, she names how domination within parent–child relationships, even when subtle or well intentioned, can erode emotional safety. Emotional intimacy grows when children experience adults as emotionally available rather than emotionally controlling.I remember being in a <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/conscious-parenting" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">parenting course</a> grounded in the Circle of Security framework when the facilitator shared something that still offers me pause. Children who need love the most ask for it in the worst ways. She went on to explain that when children feel afraid, hurt, overwhelmed, or unsafe, the behaviors that emerge do not always look like a request for connection. They may look like defiance, withdrawal, or disregard.&nbsp;<figure class="image image_resized" style="width:50%;"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/non_violence_family3_dd3bb92c75.webp" alt="non-violence-family3.webp"></figure>&nbsp;Another observation that surfaced among parents in that room was the common belief that children “just want attention.” Sitting with that idea more closely, it became clear how often attention is mistaken for the need underneath it. In most cases, it is rarely about attention itself. It is almost always about connection.It often looks something like this:A mother is sick at home, depleted, and asking her teenage son to walk the dog. He ignores the request. Later, when she raises it again, he responds sharply, saying, “Not everything is about you, mom.” In her body, there is a tightening. Her chest feels hot. Thoughts arrive quickly, shaped by exhaustion and long-standing fears. She notices a familiar story forming: doing everything, not being appreciated, being the strict parent while his father is the fun one. Before there is space to pause, her response comes out charged, listing sacrifices and responsibilities. The exchange becomes adversarial.Moments like this are familiar to many parents, arising when tired bodies, unspoken fears, and competing needs converge. Eventually, the moment shifts, allowing the son to share his overwhelm and need for rest, and the mother to meet him there with an apology of her own. She notices that her reaction had less to do with the request itself and more to do with quiet stories about scarcity, comparison, and adequacy that were already present. What initially felt personal becomes understandable.&nbsp;<figure class="image image_resized" style="width:75%;"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/non_violence_family4_262cbd84e4.webp" alt="non-violence-family4.webp"></figure>&nbsp;As the moment opens, the pull of judgment becomes easier to recognize, how quickly experience can be shaped by stories about what something means or what it says about us. With a little more space, attention drifts back toward what is present: the body, the room, the relationship. Contemplative practice supports this return, offering a way to stay with sensation, notice thought as thought, and allow emotion to move without rushing toward response.Developmental and attachment research consistently show that children learn regulation through emotionally responsive caregiving. When caregivers remain present and engaged, even during moments of rupture, children’s nervous systems learn how to return to balance. Over time, this becomes internalized as resilience and emotional flexibility. Secure attachment is shaped through repeated experiences of repair rather than constant harmony.This is often where nonviolence takes root in parenting, through the patterns children witness and internalize for meeting needs. When guidance and boundaries remain steady, emotions no longer need to intensify to be taken seriously. Children begin to learn strategies for expressing needs that are less fear-based and more grounded in relationships.&nbsp;<figure class="image image_resized" style="width:75%;"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/non_violence_family5_8798d23e31.webp" alt="non-violence-family5.webp"></figure>&nbsp;<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Developmental and attachment research consistently show that children learn regulation through emotionally responsive caregiving. When caregivers remain present and engaged, even during moments of rupture, children’s nervous systems learn how to return to balance.</h4><hr>&nbsp;Caring for oneself as a parent becomes integral within this landscape, as parents also navigate stress, fatigue, and inherited emotional patterns. When parents respond to their own reactions with harsh self-judgment, the nervous system remains activated, making presence harder to access. Compassion toward oneself supports regulation because the nervous system settles when it feels acknowledged rather than corrected, and this settling directly shapes a parent’s capacity to remain emotionally available to their child.Practices oriented toward kindness and care help parents stay with their own discomfort long enough for choice to re-emerge. Noticing fatigue, fear, or frustration with gentleness allows these experiences to move without solidifying into shame or defensiveness, shifting the inner dialogue from:“…something is wrong with me for feeling this, to this is what is present right now, and I can stay with it without needing to fix or justify it.’’Over time, this creates more space for repair and reduces the tendency to personalize a child’s emotional expression.My own relationship to this deepened through Vipassana practice. Learning to remain present with unpleasant sensations without fixing or escaping them built a steadiness that now supports my parenting. That steadiness allows me to hear emotion without immediately turning it into a story about myself. It makes it easier to respond rather than react, and to return to connection after moments of rupture. &nbsp;<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Practices oriented toward kindness and care&nbsp; help parents stay with their own discomfort&nbsp; long enough for choice to re-emerge.</h4><hr>&nbsp;A simple reminder continues to guide me: nothing is about me unless I make it about me. This perspective restores proportion. <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/step-into-the-future-of-emotions" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Children’s emotions</a> are not tests of worth. They are signals of development and invitations for guidance within the relationship. bell hooks reminds us that loving parenting involves resisting domination while remaining accountable to the responsibility of care (hooks, 2015). When adults can hold authority without control and presence without collapse, families become places where nonviolence is quietly practiced through attention, repair, and emotional honesty.Over time, children learn less from whether a parent responds perfectly and more from what happens next. When parents can return to presence and care for themselves along the way, emotional intimacy becomes easier to maintain, and peace is built through the small, repeated ways families repair and stay connected.To learn more about Meghan Stewart’s work, visit&nbsp; <a href="https://www.mindfulnessmeghan.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">www.mindfulnessmeghan.com</a><hr>References:hooks, b. (2015). Revolutionary parenting. In Feminist theory: From margin to center (3rd ed., pp. 133–147). Routledge.Menakem, R. (2017). My grandmother’s hands: Racialized trauma and the pathway to mending our hearts and bodies. Central Recovery Press.Santrock, J. W. (2020). Child development (2nd Canadian ed.). McGraw Hill Education.Siegel, D. J., &amp; Bryson, T. P. (2012). The whole-brain child: 12 revolutionary strategies to nurture your child’s developing mind. Bantam Books.Stewart, M. (n.d.). Vipassana takeaways. Mindfulness Meghan. <a href="https://www.mindfulnessmeghan.com/blog/vipassanatakeaways" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">https://www.mindfulnessmeghan.com/blog/vipassanatakeaways</a> &nbsp;

Where Nonviolence Begins: Emotional Intimacy in Family Life

Meghana Anand lives at Kanha Shanti Vanam, the Heartfulness headquarters near Hyderabad in India. She believes in tapping the hidden potential of the heart to bring out the best in her. Humanity inspires her, and through reflective writing she likes to explore the sacred depths of her being. She seeks joy and beauty in simple things.

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Meghana Anand

<h4>MEGHANA ANAND asks if we are preserving the purity, the innocence and the sense of wonder in our children as they grow.</h4><hr>A few months ago, I shared an interesting conversation with my four-year-old. I was working at my computer, when he insisted on a bowl of his favourite fruit. I was more than happy to oblige – it is not every day that your kid demands for ‘health’ instead of the usually tabooed list of ‘junk’. As I fulfilled his ‘healthy’ demand, he started nibbling away, savouring every tiny bite with a look of such contentment and glee that I was forced to pull myself away from the screen and rested back to observe him with amusement.<hr><h5 style="text-align:center;">Parenthood has opened up new vistas of learning in my life. Rather than learning I feel it is a process of unlearning, because if I wish to reach my child in the most positive and nourishing way, I need to become as empty and as pure as he is. I should be able to see the world through his eyes, and then the best comes out of me as his mother.</h5><hr>Suddenly he stopped eating and, with a matter-of-fact look on his face, said to me, “Mommy, I love God.” His spontaneity generated an equally spontaneous reply from me. I answered, “My dear, I love God too.” I thought the dialogue would end at this. But then I was caught unawares. He promptly said, “Come, then let’s go to God.” I thought for a while and then said, “Okay, but you know the way better; so you will have to take me to Him.” Pat came the reply, “Okay, mommy, I shall take you to God tonight.”Many books have been written on the subject of parenting – more so in the current times where the definition of ‘family’ has undergone a drastic shift from togetherness to isolation. Concepts like ‘nuclear family’, ‘double income family’, ‘<a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/the-legacy-of-my-mother" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">single parent</a>’ etc were unheard of even a decade ago, at least in India. They constitute the modern society of today. At thirty, I seem to face a generation gap with young adults only ten years younger! As the shadow of materialism looms large over our heads, as a parent I am concerned about my child losing himself in this mad rat-race towards a destiny where ambition overrides aspiration, where prosperity is measured in terms of monetary gains and success. My own upbringing has made me realise the need for a strong character built upon the foundation of inner values to face the challenges of life in a spirit of acceptance and with conviction.Spirituality and mysticism have held a strong attraction for me since a very early age. In my quest of the mysterious and unknown, I stumbled upon a natural path of meditation based on the principles of restoring balance into our lives, in a world which is dangerously tipping towards a state of extreme imbalance. Walking this path I realise that parenting is an art of learning through experiences of the heart rather than mere bookish knowledge, catering to a holistic development of the child’s body, mind and soul.<hr><h5 style="text-align:center;">Walking this path I realise that parenting is an art of learning through experiences of the heart rather than mere bookish knowledge, catering to a holistic development of the child’s body, mind and soul.</h5><hr>Preserving what? I received one of the soundest pieces of advice from my mother when I was at the threshold of motherhood. She said, “Dear, remember to restore this child back to God in the same pristine condition that you have received from Him. Preserve with love his purity, his innocence, his sense of wonder.” With every passing day, these words ring louder and louder&nbsp;in my head. When I take time to pause from my ‘busy’ routine and decide to spend some quality time with my kid, I realise how empty he is. Empty of all prejudices and preconceived notions of how the world should be. He exists in the moment, and that’s it. For him there is no difference between good and bad, rich and poor, health and sickness. All he understands and responds to is the language of love – no matter who speaks it and from where it comes.<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/parenting_the_art_of_preserving_8a6b37788e.jpg?updated_at=2023-03-30T12:45:44.320Z" alt="">Once I was careless enough to use the word ‘hate’ in front of him. He immediately jumped on it, “Mommy, what is hate?” I really couldn’t answer this one, for the very act of trying to explain the meaning of the word to him would be the first step towards making him aware of its verity. Why seek knowledge where ignorance is bliss? This and other such instances have made me very cautious about what is being uttered or displayed before him. In that state of emptiness with which they are born, children are like sponges, ready to soak themselves and absorb whatever they are exposed to.Another aspect that I have observed is that they learn largely by imitating and emulating. I see some of my own traits in my little son. So this puts back the onus on me. I have to first become what I want my child to become. I keep introspecting constantly to check if I, myself, posses those values that I want to see inculcated in him. Each time I am prompted to react to any mischief or an act of apparent indiscipline, I try to put myself in his shoes and get a feel of how I would like to be treated in&nbsp; that situation.<hr><h5 style="text-align:center;">&nbsp;“… remember to restore this child back to God in the same pristine condition that you have received from Him. Preserve with love his purity, his innocence, his sense of wonder.”</h5><hr>When the heart is safe and sound, it acts as an inner beacon of light that guides us in our journey towards fulfilling our destinies. Inner courage and conviction develop that help us to stand against all odds. Imagine if each one of us, like the child, did not have the word ‘hate’ in our dictionaries! I mean, a world made up of such individuals would be no less than paradise. One of the most enlightening stories that I read during my school days is Leo Tolstoy’s Little Girls Wiser Than Men. Tolstoy beautifully conveys the message of following the example of the children, taking their spirit of forgiving and forgetting into our&nbsp; own hearts.As a parent I only aspire to be an example to my child; I aspire to see the world through his eyes. As I march ahead in my endeavour to preserve his innocence and wonder, I discover my true self, my real identity. This little poem by William Wordsworth says it all:<h3 style="text-align:center;">The rainbow</h3>My heart leaps up&nbsp; when I behold A rainbow in the sky: So was it when my life began; So is it now I am a man; So be it when I shall grow old, Or let me die! The Child is father of the Man; And I could wish my days to be Bound each to each by natural piety. (The Rainbow is also known as the poem, My Heart Leaps Up)<hr><h5 style="text-align:center;">Article by MEGHANA ANAND</h5><hr>

Parenting - the Art of Preserving

<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/gifts2_48c45bd5bd.jpg" alt="gifts"><hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Sunday morning, up with the lark I think I’ll take a walk in the park Hey, hey, hey, it’s a beautiful day!</h4>&nbsp;<hr>My dad used to wake me up almost every morning with these lines from Daniel Boone’s Beautiful Sunday when I was a toddler. The sound of his humming in my ears is one of the best and last memories I have of being with him.The end of the year is special in many ways. It’s time not only for festivities and celebrations across the world but also for deeper reflections and new beginnings. Two years ago <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/solo-with-voices" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Christmas</a> was more special than usual: it opened my heart to the joy of sharing and togetherness. The sense of belonging I gained from reuniting with my paternal family has helped me tide over some of the deepest fears that have accompanied me since childhood. Ever since I’ve been rejoicing the gifts this season has brought to me.<h4><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/gifts3_00f6002c9b.jpg" alt="gifts">UNIQUENESS</h4>My mother once told me, “There are as many universes as there are individuals.” Each of us has a definite role in existence; none is out of place. It is like a jigsaw puzzle: even if a single piece is missing or out of place, the picture is not complete.A growing realization of this fact has helped me to resolve inner conflicts that are often reflected in the form of jealousy, competition, a sense of being deprived or wronged and so on. The more I live this understanding, the more I become open to receiving from the world around me.<h4>TOGETHERNESS</h4><h4><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/gifts4_46250baca8.jpg" alt="gifts"></h4>I often like to listen to my mother-in-law’s story about how dreamy the world appeared to her as a little girl, from the window of her house on a rustic street in one of the suburbs of South India, until the day she was married.Describing the transition she narrates, “The greatest challenge was not being able to attend to my individual needs and make individual decisions. I had to get along with many minds and, at the same time, maintain harmony among family members. The ups and downs I faced while playing the role of a mother, sister, aunt, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law and, as time passed, now a grandmother, has shaped me in all aspects. It has given me the courage of conviction and strength to experience life with full acceptance. I have begun to understand that every situation is just a passing cloud. We learn to handle situations without being too involved.”Living together is an art, though it may not necessarily involve staying together under the same roof. The joy of togetherness is reflected in small things – in the way we reach out to each other, the way we accept each other, the way we recognize and regard our inner oneness despite outer differences.<h4>SERVICE</h4>Have you ever experienced the therapeutic nature of work? It is the only thing that keeps me going in the lowest or most challenging phases of life. The effect or impact is even better when, in my own times of struggle, I forget myself and make efforts to reach out to others. It is not easy but surely worth every bit of the effort! It works wonders especially when you are feeling down or depressed.<h4><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/gifts5_760df86db8.jpg" alt="gifts"></h4><h4>THE WAY OF THE HEART</h4>Often have I refrained from giving of myself because of fear. Fear that others may take advantage of me. Fear of being deprived of what rightfully belongs to me. Fear of losing my identity.The most beautiful gift I have received this season is a reinforcement of the existence of the heart within. There is nothing to fear with the heart, for love is its essence. The physical throbbing heart is one thing, but we all have a spiritual heart capable of feeling, giving and loving infinitely. How do we discover it? How do we expand it? How do we live by it?There is joy in giving. When you give infinitely, you experience happiness infinitely. And it’s my secret conviction that the more you give, the more you become fit and open to receiving.As the world gears up to exchange gifts for Diwali, Thanksgiving, Milad Un Nabi, Hanukkah, Bodhi Day, Christmas and other traditions, I appreciate and offer thanks for the little things that make life so special. Please join me in celebrating this season!<hr>Artwork by Xuan Loc Xuan <a href="https://www.behance.net/xuanlocxuan">https://www.behance.net/xuanlocxuan</a><hr>&nbsp;<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Article by MEGHANA ANAND</h4>&nbsp;<hr>

Gifts

<h4>In this delightful interview, BHAMINI SHREE shares her journey of expression through painting – both Madhubani folk art and abstract painting – with MEGHANA ANAND. Through art, gradually she was able to manage her depression, expand her selfexpression, and also develop her art as a career.</h4>&nbsp;<hr> Q: Hi Bhamini. Tell us about yourself. How did your journey with art begin?&nbsp;BS:&nbsp;When I was in grade 8 or 9, I was diagnosed with depression. After that I started doodling. Then, one fine day when nothing was working out and I had a lot in my head and could not express it at all, my mom gave me a canvas and colors and said, “Whatever comes to your mind, start painting.” And that is how I started. I learnt Bihari Madhubani painting from my aunt. She taught me the basics and I became interested in that. That is one part.The other part is that I have always been very vocal about what I think is right and wrong. All of us have our own understanding of what is right and wrong, and there are no fixed parameters, which is why it’s a mess. I was very vocal about women’s rights, freedom, being liberated, the equality of all genders – and I was spiritual more than religious. Right now I don’t follow any religion; I am a spiritual person. So that is what I started expressing through my art.Later I did an MBA. I thought I would never be able to pursue art as a career; that I wouldn’t be able to meet ends. How was I going to live on my own, unless I had some other form of support? The truth, according to me, is that you can’t. That’s how the condition of art is in our country right now – it’s not recognized.So I told myself, “Okay, let’s see what happens!” I did my MBA, and took a job in Hyderabad. I was still emotionally and mentally not well, and I just couldn’t express myself. In the corporate space, every day was a challenge, and I would wait to go home and paint whatever was in my head. There was so much I wanted to express.I am not good at expressing myself in words, and that was creating a lot of hindrance, because in the corporate sphere you have to behave in a certain way. It was a pressure, so I didn’t want to do it anymore. I was also passionate about fashion design, so I planned my own online boutique. That’s how I started a life as an entrepreneur.I never thought I would take up art as my sole profession; but my boutique business did not do very well, so that broke me down and I had to introspect upon what I really wanted to do with my life. After a few trials, I understood that the best thing to do is what I loved the most. And I just loved colors. I wanted to express what is right. I wanted to stand for expression in any form, in whatever way I chose. I had to express myself, otherwise it was chaotic inside my head.And as a woman I want to do something whereby, even if I am not directly leading people or changing their lives, I still create some change through my art. So right now I bring out the perspectives of women, the viewpoints of women, through abstract painting. Basically I use two forms of painting: one is abstract painting, and the second is Madhubani painting.Madhubani is because I am from Bihar, and I really like the colors in Madhubani paintings. Without a word they speak so much. It’s just beautiful. If your entire room is white and you have just one Madhubani painting on the wall, it brings color to the entire room and says so much. And the deities in the paintings are not to be worshipped, they are to be adored, which is why I really like this form of art.In the abstract expressions, the major themes are about the mind, the soul, and how women see the world. I am not objectifying womanhood, but painting strong women, and who they are. So even if I paint nudity, it’s not about showing a sex object. It’s about the confidence and the freedom she feels in being a woman. We are true beings when we don’t cover ourselves. Clothes are a symbol of covering, so when there are no clothes that’s who she is. She’s fat, she’s slim, she’s fair, she’s dark, she’s a woman and she’s beautiful.I also paint the mind because I’ve experienced the way the mind works very closely. It can be chaotic; it can be beautiful.Q: This makes a lot of sense in today’s times, especially when young people are struggling to express their minds and hearts. How did your art help you come out of the state of depression that you were in during your teens? How did you find your way in life?BS:&nbsp;When we go through a mental ailment of any sort, we usually talk to psychiatrists or psychologists because we just don’t know what’s happening inside. It’s so suffocating that we can’t think, we can’t talk, we can’t be ourselves, we can’t do our daily conduct.There are a lot of things that art opens us to. The first is the choice of colors. When we paint, the colors that we choose show our current state of mind. When I am extremely angry, I would rather paint something related to fire, something blank, or something which may not necessarily be very vibrant but shows my state of mind. When I paint only because I am in the mood for painting, when I paint because I am happy and have nothing else to do, I paint something bluish. When I am creative and I think I have a lot of ideas, I paint something orange-ish, golden and purple also – a lot more colors. So the choice of colors in painting shows my state of mind.Art is infinite. Expression in the form of lines, in the form of squares, in the form of just eyes or just lips, or books, or the empty road, or a tree, or the sun, or fire, or the flow of the river, or just a woman, or the relationship between two women – expression can be anything. So when you are able to express yourself to the other, and hear the other being, it becomes your canvas. That’s your shoulder.<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/expressions2_67a1fcf6ee.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-05T06:47:20.121Z">When you’re able to express it, the pressure inside your brain subsides to some extent. Bit by bit it comes down, because it’s all about the fact that you can’t say what you want to say. You don’t know what’s there inside and you need somebody to help you out. And when you know what’s happening inside you, you are capable and strong enough to take care of yourself.In the olden days, too, there might have been people undergoing depression. But when there were no psychologists or doctors to help them come out of that state, how were they able to do it? So it’s all in the mind – the strength, the weakness, the fragility, the vulnerability – it’s all about the mind. It’s all about training your mind.So art is one way to deal with depression or any kind of mental ailment, even loneliness. In fact, for elderly people, if their eyesight is good, I would recommend them to be involved in art, because it gives them company in their lonely times. The elderly are the loneliest people on earth today. So they have something to look forward to, they can talk to the painting. Paintings can really talk to you. They show you a mirror and talk to you.When you paint folk art, like Madhubani, it requires a lot of perseverance, a lot of patience, so you have to be calm and patient and let go. If there are slight flaws, you need to remain calm and say to yourself, “There is still hope. I can improvise this painting later.” So gradually, with due practice, it proves to be a very good form of meditation.In fact I have noticed that when my mind is blocked and there is nothing coming up, when I sit down to paint, it calms me down. It gives me a lot of space and time to think, and I don’t act weirdly or abnormally at that time. I am quiet, I am calm, and I train my brain that way. I may not consciously do this, but subconsciously this is how it happens.<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Interviewed by MEGHANA ANAND</h4><hr>

Expressions - part 1

<h4>MEGHANA ANAND explores the benefits of reflective writing in finding inner peace.</h4>&nbsp;<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/writing_my_way_to_peace_img1_1bb0f78397.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-03T07:12:19.864Z" alt="writing-way-peace">A couple of years ago, while on a camping trip, I enjoyed a game of hide-and-seek with my little son. When it was time for me to seek, I found him sitting under one of the camp beds, still and serene, with his eyes closed. When I asked, “What were you doing?” he replied, “I was looking for inner peace.” I realized he was imitating Master Shifu from Kung Fu Panda, which he had watched a few days ago.We are constantly in search of everlasting peace.Well, doesn’t that line sound clichéd? To me it surely does, but I cannot deny the fact that I look for peace, too. And most of the time, like others, I look for it in the wrong place, in the wrong company, or rather in the wrong direction. In my search, needless to say, I get hit, bruised, hurt, reach a dead end, and then wonder where to go next. A dead end forces me to make a u-turn and … eureka!“Oh, I have looked everywhere but within myself. Why not give it a try?”So I muster courage and peek within. I am not at all happy with what I see, and with what I feel. It is quite nauseating, to be very frank, but I persist. And over time I have discovered a neat tool to help me in this exercise of knowing myself, facing myself, and finding peace within myself by making peace with myself.Writing and maintaining a journal has helped me immensely as a self-check exercise and a major stress-buster. My diary has been a silent confidant since I was a teenager: I could confide my worst fears and share my most passionate secrets. As I grew up it also became a reflective and meditative tool for self-improvement.Whenever I feel the need to vent something that otherwise may not be understood or taken in the right spirit by my friends and family, I turn to my secret inanimate friend for solace. I write even when I am unable to understand myself. It helps in more ways than one.I run through the following steps before beginning my tête-à-tête:<h4>FIRST</h4>I find a quiet place to sit. The space within and the space without both matter. So I also take a few minutes to find the inner space, the silence within, and relax.<h4>SECOND</h4>In that moment of stillness and silence, I feel myself: What is bothering me? What is exciting me? How is my current state-of-mind affecting my routine and my relationships? Is the cause of any irritation or excitement outside or inside me? Do I like it? Do I want to change it? and so on…<h4>THIRD</h4>Then I begin writing exactly what I feel, honestly, truthfully, completely aware that there is nobody to question or judge me. I can bare myself before myself.Often, at the end of this very private conversation I have with myself, I observe a strange kind of peace and lightness settling within, even before I finish narrating or writing all that I wanted to share. Sometimes an answer emerges; sometimes I realize I don’t need an answer any more.Be it a bad day at work or an irritable day at home, I have always found reflective writing to be a very effective tool for venting stress and making peace with myself. Often, it awakens me to a higher calling or longing. I realize that making peace with myself is the first step towards finding peace within myself. It inspires and motivates me to delve further into my quest for everlasting peace and happiness.<hr>As I sit at my desk, under the dim glow of a lamp, and write this, I pause for a second to gaze out the window. The sky is overcast. The lush green of a wild tree soothes the vision, and my ears perk up to the hoot of a wise old owl.Nature stirs up this mysterious longing further.The resplendent sunrise ushering the dawn of a new day; the orange horizon at sunset; the song of the cuckoo just before the rain; the fragrance of drenched earth during the monsoon; the silver moon over the mystical desert; the vastness of the ocean; the twinkling stars in the infinite sky; the gurgling laughter of a child, as she looks at everything with wonder and innocence – such hazy memories surface from the depths of my being and bring life to words.Many of us have experienced such stirrings or yearnings in our lives, especially when we were children. It is as if someone is knocking at the door of the heart, from the inside. I see reflective writing as a wonderful tool to explore these mysterious yearnings of the heart.<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Knock, knock … Instead of asking, “Who’s there?” I open the door to see who is waiting on the other side.</h4><hr>&nbsp;

Writing my way to peace

Melanie Philippides

<h4>MELANIE PHILIPPIDES inspires us to listen to our hearts and follow the body’s innate wisdom about what foods it needs and what it doesn’t need.</h4>There is so much information available at our fingertips to guide us towards healing, but there are also so many diets out there that it is often hard to discern which one is right for you. So here are some tips:<h5>ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR BODY</h5>Your body has its own innate wisdom about what foods you should, and shouldn’t eat right now. No one – no doctor, no physician, no therapist – knows you better than you know yourself. You have an infinite source of knowledge within you that is easily accessible. Practicing meditation and being mindful is key: when we quiet our minds, we can listen to what our instincts are telling us about the food we are putting in our mouths. Take a moment to be still and ask yourself what foods are right for you, right now. Being mindful also helps us to realize what our true cravings are, whether they are helping us or whether these cravings just fulfill an ego-driven desire for comfort.<h5>LET LABELS GUIDE YOU BUT NOT DEFINE YOU</h5>Try not to fall into the trap of letting your diet define who you are. The cells in our body are always dying and regenerating. Our bodies are always changing. So it makes sense that at different times in our lives we may need different foods. If you are guided to a certain way of eating, whether it is vegetarian, vegan, paleo, raw food etc., be mindful of how you feel with this new lifestyle and also be mindful of when it is time to change.<h5>THE BIGGEST RISKS HAVE THE BIGGEST PAY OFFS</h5>It is easy to just add certain foods to your diet in the hope that it will make all the difference, but the optimal diet for you may require you to let go of things that are stopping you from being well. Your health will only go so far if you keep adding things, without removing what is causing the problem in the first place. So listen not only to what your body needs to eat, but also what you need to let go of. Trust that the biggest risks have the biggest pay offs. Seeing change as hard will make it hard. Learn to view change as easy and exciting and it will be. Change your thoughts; change your world.<h5>EAT WITH LOVE FOR YOURSELF. EXERCISE WITH LOVE FOR YOURSELF</h5>The energy of love is so powerful that it can overcome the fear of change. When you truly learn to love yourself, you will naturally be guided towards eating for longevity and for optimal health, and your outward appearance will reflect this. You will be at the weight that is best for you. You will look your best. That is because your body will be nourished, and it will show. You know what’s best.Disclaimer: This is the opinion of the author, and is not a substitute for medical guidance when required.<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Article by MELANIE PHILIPPIDES</h4><hr>

Which foods are right for you?

Melissa is a well-known entrepreneur and author based in the US, popularly known as co-founder of the toy company, Melissa&Doug. Melissa is also the author of Life Lines, an inspirational journey from darkness to light, a story she hopes will help others find a path to meaning and inner peace.

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Melissa Bernstein

Melissa Connelly is publishing her first novel, What Was Lost, on October 8, 2024, after a long career working with children in a variety of roles in schools, hospitals, psychiatric clinics, and day cares. She lives in Brooklyn, New York and spends time in the mountains of Western North Carolina. Her website is melissaconnelly.com.

Melissa Connelly.webp

Melissa Connelly

<h4 style="text-align:justify;">MELISSA CONNELLY is an author and therapist. Her recent novel, What Was Lost, explores trauma and redemption, risk taking and self-care, shame and acceptance. Here she shares her experience as a new writer and the importance of sharing story.</h4>&nbsp;My novel, What Was Lost, concerns two traumatic events in the main protagonist's life: Marti is disfigured by an accident when she’s seven years old, and at age fourteen her art teacher grooms and sexually abuses her, leading to a pregnancy. It’s a dark, disturbing journey for Marti as she confronts her history.I’ve worked as a child therapist, but I’m no expert on trauma, any more than anyone else is. As Marti says, “Everyone has their own trauma.” No one gets through life unscarred. Of course, there are degrees; some people suffer and survive inconceivable tragedies and heartbreaks repeatedly throughout their lives. Others seem beaten down by the smallest of occurrences. We sometimes call these people complainers. But there’s no reason to judge someone’s inability to get back up. Even if what’s upsetting them seems minor to us, it’s their reality; they feel what they feel. Some crumble whereas others rise. It could be because of a history of neglect, abuse, or early childhood trauma. Or it could be their chemical makeup. People can be blessed with resiliency, and others not so much. Feel lucky if you have grit; it's a kind of hell without it.One thing my own experiences have taught me is that just like we’re doomed to repeat history if we don’t learn from it, we’re doomed to live in trauma if we don’t confront it. It can be too much to deal with initially, and sometimes we’re given the grace of shock for a while. But eventually it needs to be faced or it will linger in some deep, musty corner of your core and come out and smack you when you least expect it.Marti tries to lessen her trauma’s impact by replicating the experience through dangerous choices she makes. This is common among sexual abuse victims: “It’s okay. Didn’t affect me. See? I did it again!” She also tries to stay with her abuser. She does this because her shame is so great that she feels safe only with him. As contrary as this seems, it’s common among victims. It’s why sexual and physical abusers are often let off the hook. She stayed with him, so it couldn't be that bad.I’ve lived through traumatic events in my life and one of the ways I coped was to talk about the experience. The more I shared every single, perhaps hard-to-hear, little detail, the more my hurt dissipated. But Marti doesn’t have that luxury. She feels complicit in her abuse. Shame births the secret, and that secret shame is how perpetrators get away with their actions.Someone said to me, “Your memoir is coming out?” I corrected them, “No it's a novel.” They responded, “It’s autobiographical though, right? Aren’t all first novels?” I've received many comments like that, and have felt a strong urge to correct them. There are some parallels in my life to Marti’s—I left home and high school very young, just as Marti does. But her story isn’t mine; I wasn’t sexually abused by a teacher at fourteen.I wanted to correct this impression because I felt Marti’s shame. This realization made me sad and a little disappointed in myself. After all, I wrote the story to show there’s no shame in it. My discomfort gives me a small taste of what it’s like to walk in her shoes and now I feel a greater need to defend Marti.<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Writing is cathartic even when it isn’t your story,&nbsp; because in some ways it always is.&nbsp; It's the human story.</h4><hr>My defense is both arrogant and unnecessary; Marti defends herself just fine. After burying her experiences for thirty long years, she faces them. She grows from victim to survivor. And now that Marti is launched in the world, I need to go on my own journey of acceptance, by allowing people to assume it’s my story. I wrote it and so I own it.&nbsp;I’m growing alongside Marti into a new understanding of the issues I wrote about—and of myself—as I advocate for the troubling, unsettling book I’ve written. Writing is cathartic even when it isn’t your story, because in some ways it always is. It's the human story.&nbsp;<figure class="image image_resized" style="width:25%;"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/writer_transference2_51e2a259a4.jpg" alt="writer-transference2.jpg" srcset="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/thumbnail_writer_transference2_51e2a259a4.jpg 101w,https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/small_writer_transference2_51e2a259a4.jpg 323w," sizes="100vw"></figure>

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