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Stephen R. Covey

Strength lies in differences

Listening with Intention

Steve Jobs

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The lightness of being a beginner

Follow Your Heart

<h2 id="h-emilie-mogensen">Emilie Mogensen</h2>

Emilie is Danish born with design and spirituality in her DNA. Besides being a designer, she holds an Inner MBA, a Masters in conscious business and entrepreneurship, from NYU. She is on a mission to enhance unity, compassion and heart centered entrepreneurship in modern life business endeavors. 

<h2>Steve Macadam</h2>

Steve is a senior executive and conscious CEO who was the President of EnPro, and is a director on the boards of Louisiana-Pacific Corporation and Valvoline Inc. He is committed to ethical behavior, sound corporate governance, profound people engagement, and long-term decisions for the greater good.

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Steve Macadam and Emilie Mogensen

<h4>EMILIE MOGENSEN attended STEVE MACADAM’s module as part of The Inner MBA, and she is deeply inspired by his way of building authentic communities. Steve is an MBA from Harvard, a Baker Scholar, and currently an independent director for Louisiana-Pacific Corporation and Valvoline Inc.</h4><hr>Although I have been on a sincere spiritual path for 29 years, I tend to be very impatient. When I feel inspired or see a need for change, I often find myself wanting to execute before thinking. This tendency led to extreme boredom at school, and it has stayed with me throughout life. At the same time, I believe it is what makes me move forward as an entrepreneur and in life. I am a “street achiever,” often rather fearless, with a strong drive. It serves me well most of the time, especially when my actions come from within, based on wisdom, or from knowledge inspired by great thinkers and entrepreneurs.I share this to emphasize how much I appreciated Steve Macadam’s module at The Inner MBA immersion program. If I had to choose one module as the most useful take-away, it would be Steve’s on how to build authentic communities. I feel the future call for these authentic communities and synchronicities whispering to me, “This is true,” and hope to share why.Steve has a very practical approach, and his messages resonate with the go-getter entrepreneur in me. His model has worked successfully at EnPro, where he was the CEO. I am not the right person to go into the corporate story of EnPro, a publicly-traded US company with 8,000 employees; what makes my heart sing is to investigate the essence of human beings – in this case, Steve Macadam.Steve shares that building authentic communities is often based on the visions held by very passionate visionaries. They can be organizations, businesses, schools, or grassroots movements. It seems to be essential that someone holds the vision firmly in order for the communities to expand.Steve’s model of building authentic communities is simple and based on 4 phases:Phase 1, the pseudo communityPhase 2, the chaos communityPhase 3, the emptying phasePhase 4, the authentic communityBefore diving into this, let’s explore what is a community and what does it mean when something or someone is authentic.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/building_authentic_communities2_1a53533246.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T06:26:12.527Z" alt="building-authentic-communities2"><hr><hr><h4>To be “authentic” means to be&nbsp; genuine and real. It’s about&nbsp; alignment between what happens inside&nbsp; and what is expressed outside.</h4><hr><hr>“Community” refers to a group of people with shared interests, whether those interests are based on culture, spirituality, values, customs, or identity. Communities may share a geographical space, like a village or a church hall, or they may connect virtually, such as an online social network.Characteristics of a community include friendship, support, growth, shared attitudes, interests and goals. Some communities form naturally, such as those in specific geographical locations, while others form consciously with a shared purpose and goal.For example, a Heartfulness community is a gathering of people who wish to practice Heartfulness in a convenient and supportive space: a space where people can be themselves, meet with others, share experiences, and gain support and understanding. Essentially, a Heartfulness community provides the space for people to meditate together, share stories, and find love and support.To be “authentic” means to be genuine and real. It’s about alignment between what happens inside and what is expressed outside. Authenticity helps us feel safe. We are more aware of what is going on, instead of having to second guess and use various strategies to get what we need.I feel this is one of the most needed traits for humanity. It’s worth exploring how we can become better at being authentic together, at work, in spiritual communities, and elsewhere. In fact, I feel it is one of the missing links in our eagerness to co-create a more compassionate world.The most powerful message from my conversation with Steve is that there can be no authentic community without conflict.As someone engaged in a spiritual community, this can be difficult to embrace. I think many spiritual seekers tend to be pleasers by nature – we thrive in peace, and that is honorable!But can we try to dive deeper, and cultivate communities that fill us with even deeper connection and meaning? Talking to Steve helped me to learn that we can speak our own truth from a place of sovereignty and dignity, while holding space for others, especially when we don’t agree with them.<hr><hr><h4>We can speak our own truth&nbsp; from a place of sovereignty and dignity,&nbsp; while holding space for others,&nbsp; especially when we don’t agree with them.</h4><hr><hr>Next month, I will explore the four phases of the model Steve used at EnPro with remarkable results. EnPro is a multiple bottom lines company, placing equal value on people, planet, and profit, where the CEO reads fairytales to the workers, and everyone is allowed to express their inner truths. It comes from a very authentic place in my heart to share how Steve has inspired me to build and expand authentic communities. I hope it will inspire you too.

Building authentic communities

<h4>EMILIE MOGENSEN attended STEVE MACADAM’s module as part of The Inner MBA, and she is deeply inspired by his way of building authentic communities. Steve is an MBA from Harvard, a Baker Scholar, and currently an independent director for Louisiana-Pacific Corporation and Valvoline Inc. In part 2 of the series, they explore the 4 phases of building authentic communities.</h4><hr><h5>“The next Buddha may take the form of&nbsp; a community – a community practicing understanding and loving kindness,&nbsp; a community practicing mindful living.”</h5><h5>—Thich Nhat Hanh</h5><hr>We are exploring Steve Macadam’s model on how to build authentic communities. The model is simple and based on 4 phases:Phase 1, the pseudo communityPhase 2, the chaos communityPhase 3, the emptying phasePhase 4, the authentic communityPhase 1, the pseudo community, is artificial, not real. Steve explains that this phase is often where most companies and organizations are stuck for long periods and some people seem to be okay there. But the bottom line is that the community can thrive much better, and some people break away from those communities that don’t offer space for authenticity.This leads us to Phase 2, the chaos community, where a lot of people leave and some stay back, and often insist rather strongly on maintaining things “as they have always been.” We see this a lot in the world today, where the “great resignation” is a hardcore reality for many companies. People are simply no longer willing to put their jobs and positions above their personal well-being. I believe this is an unavoidable result of decades, even centuries, of the individual trying to fit in at any cost.This fitting in often comes from a very strong need to feel a part of the group and not to stand alone, which is a very sweet and innocent quality of the human heart – the need to be with fellow beings and to connect. But the question to ask is: do we really connect? And do we really thrive if we constantly value the profit of the company, the peace of the room, over our inner most truthful need of being allowed to feel okay just as we are?I am writing this article with a funny sense of insecurity, as I know the Heartfulness Magazine is a multicultural magazine, with readers from around the world, with different backgrounds, cultures, and religious beliefs. I respect this and want to honor everyone’s feelings. Some cultures believe strongly in putting the group’s needs over the individual, which a part of me does as well.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/4phases_community2_700x523_03be816d90.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T10:46:45.011Z" alt="4phases-community2"><hr>So why am I so drawn to Steve’s model? Because another part of me is truly thirsty to step into a new world and a new expression of myself: of being able to hold space for others, and not feel threatened nor hurt when someone holds a very different opinion than me.It seems to be part of an evolutionary plan that we are in the midst of a paradigm shift. The fact that we have seen numerous communities breaking up, families breaking up, friendships breaking up, companies breaking up, shows me something is in deep transformation in our societal structures. We are in the middle of a collective “community of chaos,” phase 2.We travel through Phase 3, the emptying phase, to move from chaos to Phase 4, the authentic community. Phase 3 is where Steve allows all the workers to express themselves, through listening to fairy tales and through mindfulness exercises. He emphasizes how important it is that the CEO, the leader, faces the people within a circle, sitting on a chair at the same height as the others in the group. A sense of equality must be present, so everyone can express their feelings and everyone can practice holding space for one another.<hr><hr><h4>A sense of equality&nbsp; must be present, so everyone&nbsp; can express their feelings and everyone can practice holding&nbsp; space for one another.</h4><hr><hr>This means to leave the thinking part of consciousness, and truly listen with the heart and the entire body. The heart holds our compassionate qualities, while our body is the container of a lot of hidden trauma. We tend to want to bypass the unpleasant feelings, as we don’t like to feel uncomfortable.This is where “emotional intelligence” comes into the picture. Demonstrating emotional intelligence is actually very simple. It is the ability to stay present in our own and other people’s emotions and feelings. It is not about understanding them, and certainly not about giving advice. It is about being able to hold a certain tune of someone’s instrument, even though we might prefer to play on other tunes. It requires the confidence to be brave enough to allow the unpleasant stream of consciousness to move through the energy body, without holding onto it or pushing it away. It’s an exercise in letting energy move through the physical body and the energy body, and letting it go when it’s ready to pass.I asked Steve to elaborate on the importance of strong and visible leadership in the emptying phase. He shares that it is crucial that everyone leads themselves from within, and nobody feels they are “being watched” by someone in power.I ask a bit further, wanting him to share some insights about how important it must be to have very defined frameworks around this in a community. It is very sweet how Steve is really not into top down leadership, as one could imagine a CEO in a publicly traded US company could be. He emphasizes the importance of a free and open environment, where everyone can express their truth. However, he ends up agreeing with me that a skillful leader is required to facilitate these community meetings, where everyone can empty their inner feelings and share their truths.He shares how we can benefit from being in a large circle, together, then some breakout sessions can take place. This is not something new in my own communities, and I have often felt it to be rather boring. Again, my impatient entrepreneur mentality! Steve shares with me that the typical entrepreneur is often the person who breaks out from communities. I resonate with that. Some sort of “don’t care, move on” thought pattern in my head.<hr><hr><h4>It requires the confidence to be brave enough&nbsp; to allow the unpleasant stream of consciousness&nbsp; to move through the energy body,&nbsp; without holding onto it or pushing it away.&nbsp; It’s an exercise in letting energy move&nbsp; through the physical body and the energy body,&nbsp; and letting it go when it’s ready to pass.</h4><hr><hr>A part of me is sad about this, because I truly wish to be a part of authentic communities, not just doing things my way. I feel split into these two sides. One is afraid to lose my go-getter power if I have to succumb to a group. It truly is faster to get things done on my own. Another part of me wants to be part of a group.I ask Steve how to deal with this, and his answer makes so much sense. “This is exactly what you have to share in the group,” he says. I feel a strong sense of healing when these two rather different personalities in me meet and shake hands.<hr><hr><h4>Most human beings are people with strong intentions&nbsp; for a better world, for compassion and peace.&nbsp; And what a human heart needs most&nbsp; is to feel allowed and contained&nbsp; in whatever process it is going through.</h4><hr><hr>Back to the emptying phase, our community meeting, and sharing in small groups. What struck me with Steve’s model is that he guides us to come back after the breakout session and share together in a slightly different way than I am used to. What we share in the plenum is not what we discussed, but how did it make us feel to share in the breakout session? What struck us? How did we feel sharing? What were we good at sharing? This is brilliant in my eyes! Because most human beings (at least the ones reading this magazine) are people with strong intentions for a better world, for compassion and peace. And what a human heart needs most is to feel allowed and contained in whatever process it is going through.And who really wants to blame others? Not many! But sometimes we can’t stop blaming a certain person, a leader or a group, unless we are allowed to be acknowledged for the pain we have felt in the pseudo phase. The very fact that we share how sharing made us feel creates an authentic community, because we start showing more interest in how we feel, instead of what we think and say.The key takeaways from Steve’s model:To move from pseudo community to authentic community, each of us must demonstrate strong inner leadership.People in decision-making positions must practice asking what he calls “powerful questions.” Here are some examples: Why are you not feeling safe in this community? Why do you not like the way things are? What is your contribution to the very thing you address? What is your contribution as a leader?<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/4phases_community3_e175ebee65.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T10:47:20.643Z" alt="4phases-community3"><hr><hr><h4>A true leader is someone&nbsp; who cares about having a&nbsp; positive impact on others,&nbsp; through role modeling rather than&nbsp; teaching or giving advice.</h4><hr>Steve is not a top down leader, which truly makes me want to follow him and ask him for advice. He emphasizes that a true leader is someone who cares about having a positive impact on others, through role modeling rather than teaching or giving advice.Once the emptying phase is processed in a compassionate way, facilitated by leaders who are able to hold their vision and allow space for everyone to unfold their inner leader, the authentic community emerges from deep within everyone. It offers deep meaningful relationships, a sense of belonging, and loyalty to the respective organization or company.Thank you Steve for this wonderful opportunity to explore your experimental ways and to learn from you.<hr><hr><h4>Illustrations by ALONA SAVCHUK</h4><hr>

The 4 phases of community

Subhangee is a college student from Kolkata, India. Her story won second prize for college students (19 to 25 years) in the Heartfulness International Essay Competition 2021.

Subhangee Ghosh

<h4
 id="h-subhangee-ghosh-is-a-college-student-from-kolkata-india-she-tells-the-inspiring-story-of-her-father-who-overcame-all-obstacles-of-childhood-blindness-to-help-others-this-story-won-subhangee-second-prize-for-college-students-19-to-25-years-in-the-heartfulness-international-essay-competition-2021">
 SUBHANGEE
 GHOSH
 is a college student from Kolkata, India. She tells the inspiring story of
 her father, who overcame all obstacles of childhood blindness to help
 others. This story won Subhangee second prize for college students (19 to 25
 years) in the Heartfulness International Essay Competition 2021.
</h4>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 To some people he is their God, to some he is their hero. He effortlessly
 plays the role of brother, friend, husband, etc. And to me he is my
 larger-than-life father, whose capacity and willingness to help others never
 ceases to amaze me.



 At the age of 10, my father lost his eyesight in an accident. Overnight he
 became a burden to his family. Incidentally, my father has become successful
 and has come so far in life because of an act of kindness by one of his
 relatives. He likes to tell people that he considers his blindness to be a
 blessing in disguise because otherwise he would never have helped so many
 people. And he tells me that teaching is his passion and helping people his
 obsession.



 Throughout the years, my father has helped countless visually-impaired boys
 and girls in different capacities. By profession he is a teacher, and for the
 last ten years he has been the principal of a school for blind children. In
 his professional capacity he has mentored many a boy on career development,
 many of whom have become very successful in life, and guided parents on how to
 understand their child’s special needs. As a result, he has &nbsp;helped those
 children to have a safe and happy upbringing.



 My father is also the secretary of an NGO, which runs solely for the welfare
 of visually-impaired people, providing scholarships for education, and
 establishing a home where blind students can stay free of charge, etc. He is
 like a one-man army when it comes to helping others. He always says that,
 whenever he goes somewhere alone to do good work, someone or the other is
 always there to help him and make his journey smooth. He believes it is God’s
 way of looking out for him.



 In early 2020, my father became gravely ill. When he came home, he told people
 that maybe God saved him because he had some unfinished work. Those words were
 soon to come true. Soon after the pandemic started, my father got a call from
 a blind hawker saying that he was having difficulty in making ends meet
 because he had lost his source of income when the local trains stopped
 running. My father sent him some money. Soon after, a few more people called
 with the same issue, and he did likewise. When the news spread of my father’s
 help, he started getting 100 calls a day from people all having the same
 issue. This made him seriously think about how to resolve this issue. He
 started the program, “Relief Distribution to Blind Hawkers.”



 He approached his friends, friends of friends, other NGOs, corporates, etc.,
 and through his efforts he was able to procure 15,000,000 rupees in cash and
 food items for distribution. In 2020 and 2021 he provided relief to
 approximately 2,000 blind hawkers and their families in 14 districts of West
 Bengal. But my father does not believe in doing things on a small scale. He
 not only gave these hawkers relief but procured for them items to start their
 business again. Also, he organized a free-of-charge vaccination drive for
 blind people who were not able to get vaccinated by themselves.



 And the most praiseworthy fact is that my father has co-morbidity, and he was
 not at all deterred to volunteer in the field. Along with one of his
 colleagues, he went out every Sunday with a minivan carrying the relief
 materials, and directly handed over the items to people.



 Helen Keller was an amazing lady who is one of my father’s inspirations. She
 said, “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen nor even
 touched, but just felt in the heart.” My father may not be able to see it, but
 I believe he feels the respect that people have in their heart for him, the
 pride his family feels in their heart for him, and the love and admiration I
 have in my heart for him.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 class="has-text-align-center">
 “The best and most
 beautiful things in the world cannot be seen nor
 even touched, but just felt in the heart.“ Helen Keller
</h4>

<hr />

The most beautiful things

Suchith is a storyteller, entrepreneur, and Heartfulness trainer working across sustainability, education, and food systems. Co-founder and COO of OMG, he builds practical models, mentors youth, and uses storytelling to inspire conscious living, inner growth, and climate action.

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Suchith S. Sindhe

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Suhas Ramakrishnan

<h3 style="text-align: center;">From the Travel Bag of a Solo Biker</h3>
<h4 style="text-align: left;">SUHAS RAMAKRISHNAN is a quintessential biker, who
 loves to venture on his beloved Harley. In one of his recent expeditions, he finds inspiration at the famous Uluru
 in Central Australia. Through one of the most punishing deserts on Earth, this expedition is as much about courage
 as it is about perseverance and unwavering self-belief. Suhas also shares some valuable tips, especially for those
 bitten by the solo travel bug.</h4>
&nbsp;
<h4 style="text-align: left;"><img alt="on-the-go" class="img-float-right has-img-center-in-mobile"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/SUHAS_RAMAKRISHNAN_2d0a6ad1c1.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-06T07:36:05.782Z">
</h4>
More often than not, we tend to forget that we need to venture out into the open, which
 helps us have a different perspective to life!
Mid last year, while I was flying out of Australia, I looked down from my window and saw
 this glorious red rock glowing in the late afternoon light. It planted the seed in my head of traveling to Uluru on
 my Harley. In my last solo expedition from Sydney to Perth, between the East and West Coasts of Australia, I had
 covered a distance of approximately 7,000 kms. But this time it was going to 
 be over 8,000 kms of the unforgiving Australian desert. I slowly started working towards it, as each and every
 detail of my journey needed to be laid out and meticulously planned.
I wanted to do a round trip from Sydney, covering the legendary Australian outback and
 seeing the World Heritage site of Uluru and the Kata Tjuta National Park. I wanted to push my boundaries, ensuring
 that this trip was more challenging than my previous one. And what better way to do it than being alone on the road,
 with my bike, in the middle of nowhere!
Life according to me is a celebration: the more you celebrate, the more there is in life
 to celebrate. So I decided to “celebrate life” under the stars, close to one of Australia’s most recognizable
 landmarks – Uluru.
<img alt="on-the-go" class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Onthego2_ab0fc3830d.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-06T07:37:57.814Z">

I have always enjoyed the mental focus and solitude of riding a motorcycle. You have no
 distractions and can really enjoy the moment, and be in tune with nature with the pleasure of living in the here and
 now. Riding a motorcycle enables the perfect relationship between rhythmic movement and internal stillness, drawing
 out the physical force like no other.
I had named this trip “The Mile Muncher” from the day I started working on it, as I was
 going to have to travel an average of 500 kilometers on a daily basis. In my previous ride, I only had to ride from
 east to west, but this trip covered all four directions, starting west from Sydney, going north from Port Augusta in
 South Australia, traveling east from Tennent Creek in the Northern Territory, and south from Rockhampton in
 Queensland back to Sydney. The total distance was 8,312 kms (5,165 miles) spanning 17 days.
<img alt="on-the-go" class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Onthego3_dc3aab62b7.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-06T07:39:11.189Z">

I was told before I embarked on the expedition, by a few seasoned travelers, that some
 stretches were really dangerous owing to the cross winds that are a normal occurrence in the deserts of central
 Australian. Along with the winds were the ever-present and iconic road trains, without which the roads are pretty
 much empty. I also geared up for the frequent sand storms, thanks to the mining that happens all through the desert.
 Along the track were the usual mix of kangaroos, emus, camels, livestock and birds of prey, especially the famous
 wedge-tailed eagle, which has an approximate wing span of 9 metres when in flight.
Every single ride that I’ve completed till now has taught me some important life
 lessons, the most important one being that not everything goes according to plan, and how ever much you plan, things
 happen which are outside your control and comfort zone. The only way to get out of sticky situations is to fall back
 on those lessons that are forcibly taught. Like they say “Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes
 from bad judgment.” So there is always something to celebrate in every situation, as it teaches us to reach new
 heights in whatever we are trying to accomplish.
<hr>
<h5 style="text-align: center;">Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, 
 and sometimes in the middle of nowhere you find yourself!</h5>
<hr>
<img alt="on-the-go" class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Onthego4_4f1ec74f5f.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-06T07:39:58.470Z">

I didn’t do too many things different this time around, just kept it simple. Laying out
 all the particulars and planning the travel to the finest detail provided the foundation on which the broader
 aspects of my ride were built. Once the route was finalized, I started planning accommodation and also making sure
 there were enough places to see nearby after each day’s ride.
More than the physical effort that it takes on these kinds of expeditions, I would say
 the effort is psychological, as the mind tends to always look for negatives in every situ-ation. This particular
 phase during my preparation was more challenging. Staying positive through the days of build-up and focusing only on
 one goal, which was to come back home safe and sound with a lifetime’s worth of memories, was among the things I did
 before embarking on my ride.
<h4><img alt="on-the-go" class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Onthego5_600bf2ef71.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-06T07:40:46.367Z">
</h4>
Here are some tips that may come handy while solo traveling:

Always keep an open mind for whatever situation you
 might get into.
Never lose focus of the goal, no matter the
 adversity. Even if you lose a couple of battles in between, make sure the war is won at the end, because when you
 are on the road not everything goes according to plan and you need to be very flexible and do whatever it takes to
 reach the next milestone.
Set yourself a target or an assignment each day, as
 this keeps every single day interesting. After the completion of that task, the sense of accomplishment will make
 you feel more connected and fulfilled, and you will be more motivated for the subsequent day’s travel. This is a
 very important mental exercise, especially while traveling solo, as you are likely to lack motivation as a result of
 missing human connection.
Last but not least, solo travel gives you the space to
 think and deal with stuff like self-doubt and emotional baggage, that you inadvertently tend to push to
 the back seat while trying to get on with your normal life. I think it is a great catch-up time with your own self,
 which invariably results in more clarity in your life.
Nonetheless, travelling is like a drug: sometimes you find yourself in the middle of
 nowhere, and sometimes in the middle of nowhere you find yourself!
<h4><img alt="on-the-go" class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Onthego6_c2201884a3.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-06T07:43:05.980Z">
</h4>
Adapted from an interview originally published at <a
 href="http://www.bohotraveller.com" target="_blank"
 rel="noopener noreferrer">http://www.bohotraveller.com</a>. 
 Read the full interview at <a
 href="https://www.bohotraveller.com/blog-global/insanity-revisited-solo-biking-expedition-on-the-worlds-harshest-desert-australia"
 target="_blank"
 rel="noopener noreferrer">https://www.bohotraveller.com/blog-global/insanity-revisited-solo-biking-expedition-on-the-worlds-harshest-desert-australia</a>

<hr>
<h4 style="text-align: center;">Article by SUHAS RAMAKRISHNAN</h4>
<hr>

On the go

Sukriti is the founder of Doctor of Happiness. She is an artist who is helping young people with depression and other mental conditions through her art and online platform. Her Instagram account tagline is “A Reservoir of Hope & Encouragement.” She helps youth handle peer pressure, and the burden of being politically correct all the time, feeling it to be the need of the hour.

Sukriti-Vadhera-Kohli.jpg

Sukriti Vadhera Kohli

<hr class="vertical-space1">
<h3 style="text-align: center;">AN ART ESSAY</h3>
<h4>SUKRITI VADHERA KOHLI is the founder of Doctor of Happiness, helping young
 people with depression and other mental conditions through her art and online platform. Here she speaks with VANESSA PATEL about what inspired her to open up this forum, and what a difference
 art can make to our well-being.</h4>
Q: Hullo Sukriti, can you please tell us about yourself
 and your organization, Doctor of Happiness?
SVK: When I started teaching, about 10 years back,
 I was interacting with a lot of young people. My students were aged 18 and 19, and I realized there were a lot of
 mental health issues in the country. Our students are facing a lot of pressure, and the pressure isn’t just about
 studies, it’s from multiple, complicated situations that young people are dealing with. To say that “College life is
 the best life” and “Youth is the best time” may not be true for everybody.
I began thinking that there has to be something that can be done for the mental health
 of Indian youth. I don’t have a psychology background; I am an artist. When I was in school, I was also in a very dark
 space and art helped me cope, so the thought came to me, “Why can’t I create a platform?” Before this, there were so
 many things I wanted to do but they never worked out. It took me three years to come up with the idea that art can
 inspire people. Can art be the reason for people to become hopeful?
So on January 2, 2018, I started my first online post and the idea was to reach out to
 as many people as possible. I also researched and discovered that there are a lot of artists working on mental health
 all over the world. They were doing a lot of dark stuff and I felt, “What is the point if I’m already in a dark space,
 and I see a dark illustration and I’m pulled into it? It doesn’t help. In fact it pulls me back.” So, consciously I
 decided that I would not use colors in my illustrations, only black and white in a minimalistic way. I would say
 something very profound in a simple way, so that it didn’t complicate, it didn’t overwhelm, it didn’t create more
 anxiety, it was not gyan, only something which would bring smiles to faces. I make a conscious effort to make positive
 art. It is very difficult, actually, for a subject like mental health. I had to really rack my brain and research a
 lot.
<hr>
<h5 style="text-align: center;">I make a conscious effort to make positive art. 
 It is very difficult, actually, for a subject like mental health. 
 I had to really rack my brain and research a lot.
</h5>
<hr>
Q: You use art to tell a story or convey a message. Your
 illustrations also have a quirkiness, although that doesn’t take away from the somber topics you’re addressing. How
 do you inject that little bit of lightheartedness and still make the point?
SVK: It’s really a big challenge, but I believe one
 thing: unhappy people make other people unhappy, and happy people make other people happy. To be very honest, with the
 challenges we face in life, it’s difficult to be happy all the time. To make art like that I need to become happy
 first. I’m a mother of a six-year-old, I have my family to look after, I have my work to do, so sometimes it’s a
 challenge to make myself happy.
But I’ll tell you one thing, the secret lies in dealing with daily problems. Because I
 cope with them I know how hard it is, and I overcome them and illustrate that. Whatever I’m dealing with I’m
 illustrating, so the quirkiness comes from the fact that the problems are there but I’m going to overcome them. I have
 illustrated many books, but for the first time in many years I have been able to use art for something that creates
 value in other people’s lives.
My quirkiness remains the same, but what I create for Doc of Happiness is very profound.
 Sometimes, even I am encouraged by my illustrations – when I look at something I have made 6 months back.
<img class="lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/sukriti2_aad048749d.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-05T03:44:39.839Z" />

Q: I don’t see your work touching on anything topical or
 political because that’s an entirely different subject.
SVK: Well, I want to work purely on mental health,
 but I do sometimes touch upon what’s going on and how to survive it. For example, when all the protests were going on
 around the country, a lot of people with anxiety were not okay to participate. And that was seen as a sign of
 cowardice. I wrote a blog and so many people responded. I supported them not to let anyone convince them they were
 cowards. It was their choice; they could still be at home and support the process. So, while I don’t really illustrate
 on those topics, I do have interactive sessions regarding what is going on right now.
Q: You’re helping them to handle peer pressure because
 there is so much burden on the youth to be politically correct all the time.
SVK: Yes, absolutely, and it is the need of the
 hour.
<hr>
<h5 style="text-align: center;">My quirkiness remains the same, 
 but what I create for Doc of Happiness 
 is very profound. Sometimes, 
 even I am encouraged by my illustrations.
</h5>
<hr>
Q: Your Instagram account tagline is “A Reservoir of Hope
 &amp; Encouragement.” How does this help you to connect with your followers?
SVK: I wanted to create an online platform which is
 a reservoir of hope. And when I went for the recent Spokenfest in Mumbai, I had so many followers come to me – people
 with whom I had interacted through direct messaging, but who I didn’t know. They told me that when they’re in a really
 dark place, they search Doc of Happiness and look at my illustrations, and that is their online reservoir of hope.
Nowadays we are using our mobile phones constantly, our eyes are always on the phone. So
 when there is a space like Doc of Happiness, which is not negative or gossipy, and it’s not just humor, it’s something
 meaningful, then I see that it is a reservoir of hope. It was the followers who told me this, so I only recently
 changed the description. Earlier I thought I illustrated to empathize and give hope. Now I realize that it’s actually
 beyond that. There is a bank of goodness lying somewhere which anyone can tap into whenever they wish, like an ATM.

A lot of my followers get in touch with me through direct messaging and, let me tell
 you, there is so much loneliness out there. Even though they may have many followers on social media and many real
 life friends, deep down they feel very lonely. They don’t have anyone to express what they’re feeling.
<img class="lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/sukriti3_b00bef44d7.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-05T03:46:33.229Z" />

Q: There are more deaths today through suicide than from
 wars, murder and natural disasters put together. With depression becoming so prevalent, how effective is your reach
 amongst the youth? Is social media a legitimate means of seeking and finding support?
SVK: I’m not a psychiatrist or a psychologist. I’m
 a complete believer in medical science, but I also believe that with medical science we need some kind of meditation
 philosophy, some kind of support system. When we put both together then we can solve things. Whenever I talk with
 someone who is going through a mental issue, I request them to consult a doctor. And because they trust me – of course
 I have to build that trust – they may approach a doctor. There are people who have started therapy as a result.
<hr>
<h5 style="text-align: center;">I also believe that with medical science 
 we need some kind of meditation philosophy, 
 some kind of support system. 
 When we put both together 
 then we can solve things.
</h5>
<hr>
As long as Doc of Happiness is helping people overcome their fears, and removing the
 stigma, then it is working, even if it is online. My dream is to one day create a place where people can check in and
 really take care of themselves through organic foods, meditation, prayers and art or music therapy. I’ve never seen a
 place with this concept anywhere in the world, so maybe someday I will be do it, because nothing is impossible.
Young people are lonely and they’re seeking. I’m learning every day that people are
 wanting help, and they are waiting; they are not closed to the idea. I used to think people were closed to advice, but
 everyone is seeking answers. I conducted a workshop on mental health at a college in Mumbai. I told them that I wanted
 it to be an interactive session, so I encouraged the students to ask me questions about their mental health. Not a
 single person put their hand up. I asked them to take a piece of paper and write their question on it, without putting
 their name. At first, I got two questions, then slowly they trickled in, and by the end the session had to be
 extended. I realized that just because they didn’t have the courage to ask me questions, it didn’t mean they weren’t
 seeking advice, or that they were fine. I know that people are ready.
I’ll tell you a crazy thing – twelve top publishers have refused to publish my book
 because they feel it won’t work. I wanted to make a book that costs only 100 to 120 rupees so that anyone can buy it.
 Illustrations do work. So, I decided to self-publish and started printing diaries. My orders are not stopping, which
 means that there is a real demand. Maybe someday the book will also get published; I don’t know how long that will
 take but I’m in no hurry. I’m observing these things and really reflecting. People want to know, but publishers don’t
 understand because there’s still a stigma. It happens the minute I mention mental wellness.
That’s why I responded to you, because I feel your magazine truly understands the need
 and knows there’s a demand. It may be slow, it may be at a snail’s pace, but even if one percent of readers are
 encouraged from your magazine, you’ve achieved the purpose. If you save one life, you’ve done it.
<hr>
<h5 style="text-align: center;">People connect to real life experiences, 
 people connect to things 
 which are spoken from the heart.
</h5>
<hr>
Q: How much of your own life experience has led you to use
 this means of creating awareness and reaching out to individuals who find it difficult to open up about their mental
 issues?
SVK: I have been invited to conduct workshops on
 mental health at various colleges and students usually message me or ask me to talk at these festivals, so one leads
 to another and it becomes a chain reaction. After my sessions, faculty members usually tell me that even they can
 connect with what I was saying, or they tell me to take a session for the teachers and staff. There is so much stigma
 attached to mental health issues that people feel only a psychologist or a psychiatrist is eligible to talk on the
 subject and they make it very technical and scientific.
I think it’s about the heart. People connect to real life experiences, people connect to
 things which are spoken from the heart, and then I think maybe together we can remove the stigma from it.
<img class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/sukriti4_9f11854ed2.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-05T03:47:29.304Z" />

Q: In most parts of the world, women hold a secondary
 social status across all economic backgrounds. How can we encourage the women in our life to tap into their inherent
 potential?
SVK: I had made an illustration for Women’s Day in
 2019 where I showed a woman peeping inside her own self and light is coming from within her. What I meant to depict is
 that we really need to believe in our own potential. All these years we’ve been conditioned to believe that we cannot
 survive in our own light. So, I think we need to tap into this inner potential, and start believing that we are
 capable enough to overcome anything. There is no other way. Male bashing will not help – we need to realize our own
 potential. We can keep blaming, but we must believe we are good enough. Also, I know a lot of men who completely
 understand, so let’s not make it generic. I feel we need to look deep within and ask, “Am I enough?” When all of us
 are able to answer this with a yes, then we will overcome it.
<hr>
<h5 style="text-align: center;">To me, it is paying a debt 
 of gratitude to my mentor, 
 because I have survived with 
 the help of his writings and my art.
</h5>
<hr>
Q: You are a mentor to many people. Do you have a mentor,
 someone who you look up to and wish to emulate? What is it about that person that inspires you?
SVK: I practice Buddhism and I’m most inspired by
 the writings of Dr. Daisaku Ikeda, a Japanese philosopher who is also an author and a photographer. He is somebody who
 has had many dialogues with people all over the world regarding world peace, and his writings are a reservoir of hope
 for me. So, if Doc of Happiness is a reservoir of hope for others, he is my reservoir because his writings point me in
 a positive direction, they show me what is correct and incorrect, and how can I improve myself, again through his
 life. So, yes, he’s my mentor, and I have written to him about this platform. To me, it is paying a debt of gratitude
 to my mentor, because I have survived with the help of his writings and my art. Doc of Happiness is truly for him.
Instagram &amp; Facebook: @docofhappiness
<hr>
<h4 style="text-align: center;">Art Essay by SUKRITI VADHERA KOHLI 
 Interviewed by VANESSA PATEL</h4>
<hr>

Doctor of happiness

<h4>SUKRITI VADHERA KOHLI is an artist whose mission is to encourage people to discover well-being. Here she shares her own experience of being courageous, and how that courage has led to happiness in her family. &nbsp;</h4><hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/dog_and_a_small_boy1a_bf94feb6d5.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T09:53:34.487Z" alt="dog_and_a_small_boy1"><hr><h4>Courage comes in all sizes</h4>I have never been a dog or a cat person or, let’s put it this way, an animal person. I have been fearful of dogs owned by my friends and family members, and never once thought of overcoming that fear. The same was true for my husband until our son came into our lives. During the Covid lockdown, his desire to have a pet became stronger than ever. The fortunate or unfortunate part was that this six-year-old never threw a tantrum or insisted; rather, he prayed his way into our hearts.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/dog_and_a_small_boy2_d477dba7e4.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T09:55:19.689Z" alt="dog_and_a_small_boy"><hr>Every night for two years, Eklavya prayed with all his heart for his future dog and for his fearful parents to somehow agree. And just when our hearts began to melt, he expressed his desire to adopt and not buy a dog. Completely taken aback, we warned him, “Your dog won’t be as good looking when he’s no longer a puppy!” Pat came the reply, “Mom, dad, looks don’t matter!” I think that was our final melting point. Just like that, our hearts changed, and we adopted an Indie puppy. Tintin is now a happy, naughty, seven-month-old pup, and very much a part of our family.&nbsp; This experience teaches me every day that happiness requires courage, sometimes in small doses, and other times in large quantities.&nbsp;<hr><h4>Courage is not the opposite of fear</h4>Anyone living with fear can tell you how unhappy they feel. In order to truly become happy, we have to break the shackles of fear. Mental courage is the willingness to steel our <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/about-a-dog-and-a-small-boy" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">minds and hearts</a> to try something difficult, knowing that the outcome is uncertain, yet still being willing to continue in the hope that it will get better.&nbsp;Just like the old me, a lot of people associate courage with lion-heartedness, and if they are fearful, they assume that they’re not courageous. But this thinking is mistaken. Courage is not the lack of fear. If courage were simply fearlessness, then all serial killers are probably more courageous than most of us.&nbsp;Nelson Mandela once said, “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”I have an honest confession to make – I am afraid of our puppy most of the time, but somehow find the courage when I need to put my hand inside his mouth to remove toys and other objects.&nbsp;<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/dog_and_a_small_boy3_1_c86785ffcc.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T10:09:42.416Z" alt=""><hr><h4>Where to find courage?</h4>Just like hope and compassion, courage lies within us at all times. We might have to dig deep, but it does exist. How do we access it?<h5>To begin</h5><ul><li>Believe in yourself more than your fears. &nbsp;</li><li>The next and crucial thing is to take that first step.&nbsp; Try this small exercise: for a month, try and say yes to the opportunities that look scary and then watch how you respond. You will be surprised.</li><li>Bravely overcoming one small fear gives you the courage to take on the next one.</li></ul><hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/dog_and_a_small_boy4_1_6490ee141e.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T10:21:30.118Z" alt=""><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/dog_and_a_small_boy5_1_b58be38dda.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T10:22:21.951Z" alt="dog-and-a-small-boy4"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/dog_and_a_small_boy7_1_fa7ec5c697.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T10:23:59.132Z" alt="">&nbsp;<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/dog_and_a_small_boy6_58856c6082.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T10:04:31.460Z" alt=""><hr><h4>Lead a happier life</h4>Taking that step of saying yes to Eklavya has benefited me in more ways than one:We were able to set an example for our son.Choosing courage equipped us with the ability to empower him to do the same.Being courageous in the midst of fear honed our character, making us stronger.Embracing courage increased our sense of happiness. We have had so many happy moments with Tintin.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/dog_and_a_small_boy8_db2239f6ae.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T10:06:13.477Z" alt=""><hr>To sum it up, courage is the willingness to move forward, despite the fear, worry, and anxiety that might be threatening to overwhelm us.One of the best ways to be courageous is to face fear head-on but refuse to allow it to paralyze you. If you let it, fear has the power to stop you from being happy, moving forward, taking risks, or even owning a dog! Learn to become courageous so that you can live a regret-free, happy life and show others that it’s possible to do the same.&nbsp;<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/dog_and_a_small_boy9_1a70d3de22.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T10:12:56.029Z" alt=""><hr><hr><h4>Art by SUKRITI VADHERA KOHLI</h4><hr>

About a dog and a small boy

Sulochana is from Chennai, India, and studies at the Heartfulness International School, Omega Branch. Her passion for writing is fueled by her zeal for reading. She has been learning Hindustani music for five years, and is a part of the Creaplay Theater group at school.

sulochana-santhosh.webp

Sulochana Santhosh

<h4 style="text-align:justify;">SULOCHANA SANTHOSH is a young and inspired writer who reminds us of the need to care for our ocean and the environment in general. What are you doing to make a difference?</h4>&nbsp;Saturdays are days meant for sleeping in. Lazing around. Days where you eat your favorite breakfast in bed (hopefully), not days where you wake up at 5 a.m. and participate in a beach clean-up.Hi! I’m River and I’m 12 years old. My family runs Save the Seas Campaign. Boring! I know! And yes, my name is actually River. My older sister’s name is even worse (according to me). It’s Ocean. The strange thing is, she actually likes her name. No, she’s not a weirdo, she’s a people-pleaser. Lately, she’s been obsessed with saving the seas and whatnot. My parents were so excited when she announced she was going to help them with their campaign this year that they decided this Saturday beach clean-up would be a celebration to welcome her into the campaign.Anyway, fast forward to “B-day” (Get it? Beach-day, never mind). It was a tug-of-war from the get-go. I absolutely refused to get up, and my parents left Ocean, their commander-in-chief, to wage this battle. All I can say is that it was 5 a.m., and she should have expected she wouldn’t win. Once I was finally up, our parents made us walk to the beach as a good warm up. Can you believe it?Now came the actual war. The second we reached the beach, I told my parents that I would be working alone in a far-away corner. They tried to get us all to work together, but they soon realized they were fighting a losing battle and gave up. Once I was in my corner of the beach, I thought to myself, “Great! Now I can just fool around in the water instead of cleaning the beach.”&nbsp;<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/once_upon_saturday2_29a49ae36d.webp" alt="once-upon-saturday2.webp" srcset="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/thumbnail_once_upon_saturday2_29a49ae36d.webp 156w,https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/small_once_upon_saturday2_29a49ae36d.webp 500w,https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/medium_once_upon_saturday2_29a49ae36d.webp 750w," sizes="100vw">&nbsp;As I got into the cool water, however, I noticed something, a seahorse stuck in a plastic bag. At that moment, I felt a pang of guilt. I knew I couldn’t let the poor thing suffer and had to help somehow. So, I swam under the bag, undid the knot, and set the seahorse free.As I turned to leave, I heard a squeaky, high-pitched voice say, “Thank you, that was kind. People like you are the only reason I haven’t given up on humanity yet.”&nbsp; I nearly jumped out of my skin as I stammered, “Y-you c-can t-talk?”&nbsp; The seahorse just looked at me, disappointed, as he sighed, “Of course I can talk. I always knew humans were ignorant creatures.”Still barely understanding what was going on, I asked him, “Wait please. Was the sea always this polluted?” “Well, the noticeable pollution of the seas started around the late 1400s all over the world, and although there were protests by many people, on and off, it was only recognized as an actual threat around the 1960s and the 1970s.” “And is this the case all over the world?” “Yes, as runoff and whale hunting are the <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/3-natural-ways-to-harness-the-power-of-water" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">water pollution</a> threats from Asia, ghastly oil spills are mostly from the Middle Eastern countries and the Americas. As for excessive fishing, littering, and garbage dumping, well, all of you are to blame for it.”“Oh! I sincerely apologize on behalf of everyone. What can we do to help?” “Seas are the birthplace of all ecosystems as life originated here. So, by saving them, we are essentially saving ourselves. The good part is, lots of people have started to realize that our seas need saving. So, if we all come together to save our seas, there is still <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/a-diy-guide-to-wellbeing" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">hope for the future</a>.”---“River, get out of bed! We’re going to be late!”&nbsp; Wait, what? “Didn’t we just come back from the beach clean-up?” I asked befuddled. “What? River, we’re going to be really late if you don’t get up asap!”&nbsp; I jumped out of bed and started getting ready. “All right, all right, I’m up.”Ah, so was that all a dream?“River, this is the most energetic I’ve ever seen you,” joked the commander-in-chief, Ocean. Today wasn’t going to be a war.As I was thinking about my dream, I was left with this thought:The magnificent, glistening sea, Infinite in wisdom and beauty, Through its abundance and variety, Never stops giving, Giving us all she has, So, tell me, when will we give back? Oh, mother sea, I bow down to you With gratitude, humility, and apologies&nbsp;<figure class="image"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/once_upon_saturday3_443c49ef73.webp" alt="once-upon-saturday3.webp" srcset="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/thumbnail_once_upon_saturday3_443c49ef73.webp 156w,https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/small_once_upon_saturday3_443c49ef73.webp 500w,https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/medium_once_upon_saturday3_443c49ef73.webp 750w," sizes="100vw"></figure>

Once upon a Saturday

Suraj is currently an MBA student at UC Berkeley Haas. He has been a consultant for large government clients and studied engineering at Georgia Tech. Suraj is a storyteller at heart, and is a blogger and public speaker. His aspiration is to create ripples of change in the communities he’s in.

Suraj-Seghal.jpg

Suraj Sehgal

<h4>Back in 2015, while a college student, SURAJ SEHGAL explored friendship, and came up with 4 ways to be a better friend. They are timeless in their wisdom and will help you cultivate a giving attitude toward others.</h4>It wasn’t until I came to college that I began to appreciate my friends and what it meant to have a friendship. When you are suddenly&nbsp;surrounded by people everywhere, and are&nbsp;also given more duties&nbsp;and responsibility, the day-to-day tradeoff between investing in friendships and expending effort&nbsp;on classes, work, and organizations becomes&nbsp;much more tangible.&nbsp;For me, this helped me realize some important aspects of friendship that have helped me grow.Whether you are trying to make new relationships or maintain old bonds, below are a few simple ways in which you can improve that balance and grow to become a better friend:<img class="image_resized" style="width:25%;" src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/be_a_better_friend2_6cb9f0b45f.jpg" alt="be-a-better-friend2.jpg" srcset="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/thumbnail_be_a_better_friend2_6cb9f0b45f.jpg 156w," sizes="100vw"><h4>1. Show up</h4>Whether it’s an event that your friend has planned or just a trip to the grocery store, being present is a powerful way of showing that you care. Even just seeing someone’s face over several occasions&nbsp;can go a long way in making them seem familiar.<img class="image_resized" style="width:25%;" src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/be_a_better_friend3_d5c2eb8bd7.jpg" alt="be-a-better-friend3.jpg" srcset="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/thumbnail_be_a_better_friend3_d5c2eb8bd7.jpg 156w," sizes="100vw"><h4>2. Reach out&nbsp;</h4>When&nbsp;you remember somebody you haven’t spoken to in a while, take a moment to reach out to them. It takes no more than a minute to text someone a “How are you?” or a “Let’s catch up!”, but in a world where everyone knows hundreds of people, taking the time to reach out with a simple hello can make you&nbsp;stand out. After all, don’t we all like to be remembered?<img class="image_resized" style="width:25%;" src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/be_a_better_friend4_de7dc34532.jpg" alt="be-a-better-friend4.jpg" srcset="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/thumbnail_be_a_better_friend4_de7dc34532.jpg 156w," sizes="100vw"><h4>3. Accommodate</h4>For many of us, with our busy lives, busy jobs, and constant work, we often find it very&nbsp;difficult to see the relevance of talking to anybody&nbsp;who is not&nbsp;actively present&nbsp;in our day-to-day&nbsp;activities.&nbsp;We become so absorbed in our&nbsp;mundane tasks that we often forget those people&nbsp;who have helped to&nbsp;make our experiences&nbsp;worthwhile. When someone is making an effort to reach out to you, try to accommodate. Recognize how much effort the other person has been making by letting them know that you notice how much they have been giving to you and try to give back as much as you can.<img class="image_resized" style="width:25%;" src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/be_a_better_friend5_e35f831567.jpg" alt="be-a-better-friend5.jpg" srcset="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/thumbnail_be_a_better_friend5_e35f831567.jpg 156w," sizes="100vw"><h4>4. Appreciate&nbsp;</h4>Many times, we forget that along with our families, our friends have shaped much of who we are today. Take a brief moment to look within and acknowledge&nbsp;who has had an impact on you. Whether it has been because of a deep&nbsp;conversation or a passing compliment, if someone has helped to change you or your perspective, take the time to let them know – it has the potential to mean more than you can imagine.&nbsp;We all meet each other for a reason, and it is important to appreciate that&nbsp;everyone plays a&nbsp;role&nbsp;in our development and growth, whether it is&nbsp;the professor&nbsp;who taught you&nbsp;discipline or the grade school bully who helped&nbsp;you develop patience.Ultimately, there is no formula for being a better friend. Maintaining friendships and good relationships is a continual process that takes intention, love, and time. And while we may never be perfect friends, with some planning and better understanding, our little efforts can go a long way in helping uplift those who have helped us on our journey.First published in Heartfulness Magazine in November 2015<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Illustrations by JASMEE MUDGAL</h4><hr>&nbsp;

4 ways to be a better friend

<h4 style="text-align:justify;">SURAJ SEHGAL reflects upon coming together and creating community with change and vision.</h4>Moving to a new place, graduating, starting a new job, getting married. There are so many different phases in our lives and points in our life in which we find ourselves reflecting on what is our community, where is our community, and how we want to be a part of it, and how we want to build community. In our own experience, having moved from the east coast to west coast of the USA for the first time, we needed to rebuild a sense of people, a community of people that help each other and stay in touch with each other. Here are a few things we discovered that helped us to feel part of a new community.&nbsp;So number one is <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/leave-it-behind-the-baseline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">consistency</a>, doing things regularly, whether it’s a weekly group meditation and dinner, or a monthly trip or hike, or a consistent meet up. Consistency in the world that we live in today, where everyone is flaking and has a million different priorities, is a challenge. But part of setting up a community is showing that you care about it, and so being consistent and regular in whatever you pursue, really goes a long way in setting up a long term community. If it’s a newsletter, or an online community, a newsletter that is weekly, biweekly, quarterly – whatever it is, be consistent. Or, have a phone call with a friend, be consistent and regular with those things.&nbsp;The second is availability, a big <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/the-4-phases-of-community" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">part of community</a>, whether it’s meditation or otherwise, is asking yourself the question: How am I making myself available to other people? This doesn’t mean that you have to say yes to everything, but consider, am I available for the big moments in someone’s life? Whether it's their birthday, their parents visiting the graduation that they have, in what ways am I making myself available for other people to participate in my life? Am I thinking I’m going to do everything on my own, and not giving people the opportunity to come and enjoy, and celebrate with me or work together?&nbsp;The last is vision, to have a deep sense of community, I find that it’s really important to have set an intention or a vision of what it is that you’re inviting, and then to let that guide you in in your day to day activities.&nbsp;So life is unpredictable. We have no idea who or what will come into our lives. But if you have a vision of the kind of community or feeling that you want to create, of brotherhood, of friendship, of a bond of people helping each other, nurture that vision, meditate on that vision, pray for it, inviting it mentally. Then, allow that vision to inspire what you can do next, how you can reach out to people and who you might know what you might do next.

How to build a community

<h4 style="text-align:justify;">SURAJ SEHGAL speaks with MAMATA SUBRAMANYAM about coming together and creating community with change and vision.</h4>Q: You're a Heartfulness trainer. Can you explain what that means?SS: A byproduct of what we do is <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/cultivating-leadership-values-part-2" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">serving humanity</a> and serving each other. One of the primary roles and responsibilities of a trainer, however, is to represent the living guide and to understand that he has a purpose in the work that he’s doing, and work on his behalf. There's often more to the work than we understand at our mundane and human level.Q: Why is having a living trainer essential for <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/the-science-behind-creating-a-daily-meditation-practice" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">meditation practice</a>, whether for new or seasoned practitioners?SS: I think mastery of any field always benefits from a teacher, whether it's a karate master or an art teacher; we learn by mimicking and by understanding those who have excelled in the field before us. As humans, we have a unique ability to read books and understand things from the past and then build on them. The entire scientific body is all about constantly iterating and reworking and retesting and discovering new things, building on what we've already learned so far.To me, the spiritual field is total. It dictates and influences every aspect of your being and life, making it even more important to have someone who can guide you and provide direction when needed. There's so much that I've learned. I think it's that quote of “Inspiration is caught, not taught,” right? And while the guides of Heartfulness have developed and codified a set of practices that, if followed, will deepen a person, spiritually speaking, there's still so much more that is learned by just observing the way that they talk, conduct themselves, the way they respond to a question, the way that they walk.So much of human life is about how we respond, where we place our attention, and how we respond to what’s around us. And I think in observing Daaji and the guides before him as well, sometimes consciously, I've picked up things about the way they place a glass on a table, or the way they notice something that seems like they had ignored. And they continued to think about the feelings of someone they had spoken to just a few hours before. Some of that I can consciously imbibe, but a lot of it is unconscious, the sitting, the way that we, on a mass scale, like during a large meditation gathering, unconsciously imbibe from that teaching done in silence together.Q: As you say this, I'm just reflecting on the trainers that I've watched. I see the uniqueness of how each trainer conducts themselves, whether it is their poise, the way they pause, or their awareness of others and their needs. I also know that, like any of us, they are human and consistently work on growing to be the type of person they want to be, based on the principles of Heartfulness.In the moments where you, as a trainer, feel like you struggle with that point of growth, how do you handle it? And what should we even be aspiring toward?SS: Most recently, I became a parent. It has had me reflecting a lot on what the role of a parent is in a child's life. In many ways, we're all emotional machines, right? We come into this world with a capacity for thinking, attention, and skill development. But a lot of that is dependent on where we place our attention. Much of where we direct our attention is dependent on the emotions that guide us.Why does a kid focus on one thing or the other? Somewhere, it is the expectations and the emotional reward or punishment, however slight, given by the structure in which they grow up. The ones around us shape us. It's a simple fact. Whether it's a schoolteacher with expectations or a school system that gets you to focus a lot on grades, you place a lot of emotions on these situations, and your achievements are motivated by that.I’ve had friends who were really into physical fitness, mainly because their family history in the military emphasized the importance of physical fitness and prowess. Even though they ended up pursuing their PhD, being fit was just a part of their being, right? The emotions from early on and throughout our lives make us emotional machines.The reason I bring that up is that we're each so different, and we all have our desires, thoughts, and aspirations. Thinking about the role of a parent, I cannot stop my kid from falling. I cannot protect them from the fact that they have fallen; life happens. Their heart will be broken. They will aspire for something and fail. I cannot save them from that. But often the role of the parent is to guide and direct a kid's attention, to say, “Oh, you failed. But look at what you can do next. You can also get back up.” Your role is almost to serve as an emotional guide on how to handle something, because we are emotional machines.Every time we face something for the first time, it is extremely emotional, right? When I was a graduate student instructor at UC Berkeley, I would sit one-on-one with so many students who were receiving a C for the first time in their lives. As someone who generally tries to be empathetic and meet people where they’re at, I would engage with these students and understand that “failing” feels like a lot. This feels like the end of the world for you. And the only thing I can tell you, as someone who’s lived ten more years, is that you will probably receive a few more Cs throughout college. This is your first semester, your first year, and it’s okay; you will get through it. This isn’t easy, but it’s something that you can learn from. It gave me a lot of insight into the role of a parent, which is that you've just been through a lot of things before. That's why grandparents can be so comforting; they've experienced a wide range of emotions and ups and downs.The role of a trainer is very similar; when I reflect on the way I’ve grown in the last ten years, it’s all been inward. Much of it revolves around emotions and conditions, encompassing the mastery of intense emotions. How do I deal with a day when I suddenly feel an intense craving to become one with the Divine, and it’s unbearable? Where do I go? Does anyone even understand what that feeling is? That’s where having a trainer is important; it’s not just somebody who has mastered it and knows exactly what to do next. It's somebody who’s maybe experienced that condition before you and can tell you, “Hey, you're not alone, and I see that you've fallen, I've also fallen.” It reminds us that having experienced a certain level of emotions and mastery in the past doesn’t necessarily mean we’re good. It only serves as a foundation for us to continue learning, trying, and remembering that, no matter what difficulties we face, a trainer is also there to give us support.&nbsp;<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/heartfulness_trainer2_dfa91dff31.webp" alt="heartfulness-trainer2.webp">&nbsp;Q: Heartfulness is now millions strong, with over 16,000 trainers supporting the organization in 160 countries. We're growing rapidly, and it can be challenging to stay connected to one another. There are all these links, including trainers, that keep us all together. I often reflect on my responsibility as a trainer to build community wherever I am around meditation, not because I think my way is the best, but because I know that I simply want to connect with people, heart to heart. I imagine that it is a similar feeling for you.SS: One of the keystones of a good spiritual practice is the community. There is so much that we can learn from one another; in supporting each other, we also grow. I grew up in a world where both my parents were trainers, surrounded by weekly group meditations and people visiting our home for individual sessions. That translated to what I thought of as community; it felt super normal to host a housewarming, a Diwali party, or a holiday get-together and simply start with a meditation, followed by food. You mark it with a sacred silence in communion with the people around you. It is in silence that we share, not only our love with the Divine, but we share that divine love.<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">One of the keystones of a good spiritual practice is the community. There is so much that we can learn from one another;&nbsp; in supporting each other, we also grow.</h4><hr>What made our marriage ceremony so special was that it was conducted by my spiritual guide, in silence, and surrounded by some of our closest family members. In those forty minutes, I felt like I shared and received so much more with these loved ones than you could have ever said or given in an envelope. To me, that's deep, unshakable, and it relies purely on your openness, your heart, and your intention.When it comes to building a community, what’s been truly transformative is coming from a place of: “What is the world that I want to live in? What do I want the world to look and feel like? What are the best parts of humanity that I've experienced, whether in the Heartfulness community, another meditation community, or just in general?” And then to be able to say, “Okay, based on my capacity and means, what can I emulate right now?” But even more than that, “What can I set an intention for, for what I want this area around me to look like?”I think it will soon extend beyond just whether people meditate or not, but to start with the folks who share this sacred silence with you. It goes much further, at least that’s what I felt. We begin with those around us and those we want to look out for. We do whatever is within our means and set an intention for what we aspire to. It will happen. We have the power of meditation and the support of our guide behind us.

The Role of a Heartfulness Trainer

Susan Sontag

Stay Eager

Suzi is a counselor, teacher and inspirational speaker in the field of human transformation, who is inspiring the way people in the West value motherhood. She has received a number of awards in recognition of her contribution to the field of psychology, and founded The Motherhood Evolution, “where thriving mothers raise thriving children”. Suzi is also a composer and pianist, collaborating with Marianne Williamson, Neale Donald Walsch, John Bradshaw and Paul Ferrini, as well as her husband singer-songwriter Jami Lula.

Suzi-Lula.jpg

Suzi Lula

<h3><img class="has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/ritual_gold_1_992f055845.jpg" /></h3>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">IN CONVERSATION WITH
 SUZI LULA
</h3>
<h4>SUZI LULA is a counselor who values motherhood as a spiritual path. Her book, The Motherhood Evolution, is
 helping western women value the feminine principles through their role as mothers. In this interview with Emma
 Ivaturi, she opens up about her own experience of motherhood and how women can be role models for their children.</h4>
Q: It’s so nice to connect with you. Thanks
 so much for reaching out to Heartfulness Magazine and sharing your perspective with us.
SL: Thank you, I’m also excited. I
 am happy to get to know you. Your website is fabulous. It’s full of so much valuable information and is really
 inspiring. I loved it.
Q: Suzi, tell us about yourself.

SL: I am a huge fan of assisting
 moms to take care of themselves and to redefine what that even means. That’s my world, my neighborhood.
Q: I would love to hear what you’ve learnt
 by being a mother. 
SL: I think the biggest thing I’ve
 learnt is how to create a real intimate connection with my son. I think it is a connection that I have always wanted
 to have with my parents. So I feel proud about that.
Then to learn that motherhood was harder than I ever thought it would be. You know, I
 was on a spiritual path, a path of consciousness, well before I became a mother. I had meditated for a long time, so
 when I had my son I thought it would come easier to me than it did.

<hr>

<h5 style="text-align: center;">First I needed to learn how to identify what my needs
 were, 
 and then to provide for them, and 
 I think that’s what led me to the work I do 
 – to recognize that providing for my own needs was 
 not selfish and taking care of myself was not selfish.
</h5>

<hr>
I think one of the biggest things I’ve learned is that I also have needs as a mother,
 because it seemed so easy to look only at my son’s needs. First I needed to learn how to identify what my needs were,
 and then to provide for them, and I think that’s what led me to the work I do – to recognize that providing for my own
 needs was not selfish and taking care of myself was not selfish.
Q: Do you feel like your previous
 experience on a spiritual path set you up for success?
SL: I do, because I had the basic
 skills that I needed. I was an avid meditator, and those skills came in handy. But I think what tripped me up, and
 what trips many mothers up, were the cultural messages. Because I felt selfish if I took care of myself, it became an
 ‘either-or’ thing. Either I took care of my son or I took care of myself. So I kept putting my own needs on the
 backburner.
It was actually my son who said to me, “Mom, you really need to learn how to smile more.
 You are always so serious!” That hit me hard and I realized I needed to make some changes if I was to become the
 ‘connected’ mom I wanted to be with him.
Q: How do you feel your relationship with
 your son has helped you evolve as a person?
SL: Oh my gosh! Completely! To
 become the mom I wanted to be for him, and the mom he needed me to be, meant resolving the unresolved issues I had.
 And it stretched me to really redefine what taking care of myself meant, and to recognize that I was longing to feel
 nourished and nurtured as a person, so that I could show up for him the way I wanted to.
Q: How can mothers find time for themselves
 in this age of nuclear families and broken families? Can only those people who are well-off have that
 luxury?
SL: That is a great question. I
 think it is another cultural misunderstanding that self-care takes a lot of time and costs a lot of money. So many of
 my clients are single moms, so their time is definitely of the essence. And we don’t have extended families living
 close by as much as we need to.
I think the biggest thing to recognize is that most of us aren’t taught to ask ourselves
 what truly lights us up in the first place. If we first take the time to connect with what lights us up, then finding
 the time for self-care only requires us to change our thought patterns. To recognize that I need to find that extra 20
 to 30 minutes requires a certain discipline. But when I take a 20-minute walk in the park near my house, my son feels
 it the instant I return home, because the ‘me’ that walks in the door is instantly recognizable to him.
What you are asking is so important. It does take a certain amount of time but the
 pay-off we get by putting ourselves on the map is exponentially expanded. I took such good care of myself while I was
 pregnant because I thought, “Well, I have this baby inside of me,” but then as soon as the baby was born I forgot
 about me!
Q: Have you seen motherhood evolve in the
 21st century? What has stayed the same or changed in the last 50 years and where are we headed?
SL: I believe that what has stayed
 the same is what I call ‘the guilt epidemic’, because as mothers we feel guilty if we take care of ourselves and we
 feel guilty if we don’t. So we are mired in this way of feeling guilty all the time. Mothers are the untapped
 spiritual powerhouses of the planet, but we are often exhausted and overwhelmed. If we could end this guilt, I think
 we would be giving the next generation of children the biggest service we could possibly give.
Imagine if each mom realized, “I am feeling guilty out of a cultural habit,” without
 that being connected with reality. And then imagine us as a group of mothers – I say mothers but it’s really women –
 all coming together and deciding that this guilt is absolutely unnecessary. It adds no value to our lives. Imagine the
 sheer amount of energy we would have available to us. It would be incredible. It would literally change the world; it
 would literally change the way we parent.

<hr>

<h5 style="text-align: center;">I think the biggest thing to recognize is that 
 most of us aren’t taught to ask ourselves 
 what truly lights us up in the first place. 
 If we first take the time to connect with 
 what lights us up, then finding the time for 
 self-care only requires us to change our thought patterns.
</h5>

<hr>
Q: Absolutely. That leads into the next
 question: what do you feel is the importance of the feminine principle in today’s world? And how integral to
 motherhood is that principle?
SL: I think as women we are waking
 up to the fact that the masculine paradigm is burning us out and it’s not advancing us. Women and mothers have the
 quality of nurturing and other feminine qualities. We need to be contributing our innate gifts.
You will find as a new mom – and it touches me to even think about this for you – that
 when we meet our children for the first time, whether it happens biologically or we adopt, whatever way a child comes
 into our lives, there is this spiritual medium that is unparalleled love. There’s something that happens in our hearts
 that is indescribable.
As mothers we have certain qualities, like “a mother’s intuition”. We didn’t come up
 with that phrase for nothing. A mother’s intuition is such a powerful feminine quality that often goes untapped. Our
 intuition, our hearts, and our ability to connect with others and create intimate relationships are such undervalued
 qualities. The qualities of the feminine can change the world, and they will certainly provide a model for our
 children of what is really important.
But then it’s not ‘either-or’, right? The masculine paradigm is equally important. It’s
 just that we will awaken in us the feminine qualities and bring the feminine into a masculine-dominated culture. We
 will enrich our culture, we will enhance our culture, and we will take our culture to the next level. And the same
 will happen while raising our children – we will include our feminine rather than leaving it out. In many households
 it’s left out altogether because we have such an emphasis on doing; the masculine is more important. Doing the laundry
 is more important, and taking our kids to ten different activities is more important than having a simple, yet
 profound, connection with them.

<img class="py-4 mw-100"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/lightsup2_f52d359518.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T12:27:17.350Z" />

Q: Can you describe more about what you see as the masculine
 paradigm?
SL: I think mothers are
 indoctrinated into a paradigm that tells them that taking their children to many activities after school, focusing on
 their grades, worrying about what preschools they go to and what colleges they go to are the things that really
 matter. It teaches our children to look for their sense of worth and value in their ‘doing’, their achievements,
 rather than their ‘being’ and the kind of person they are. It is externally oriented and very ‘doing’ oriented. We
 take it for granted that we need to get them into the right preschool, and when they are in elementary school they
 need to read early.
It’s not that we need to undervalue any of these things; sending children to school is
 important and finding the right school is important. I am not saying ‘either-or’. What I am saying is that when we
 become mothers, we get on the hamster wheel of activity, including making sure the house is clean and the dishes are
 done to the exclusion of our feminine qualities. Then what happens? We are out of balance. We become burnt out,
 overwhelmed and exhausted, and then we don’t have the bandwidth to have simple kindness, presence and patience with
 our children. We raise our voices and do things we swore we would never do.

<hr>

<h5 style="text-align: center;">And we have to make sure that we are not 
 giving importance to all of the ‘doing’ activities 
 to the exclusion of this gift of motherhood that we bring.
</h5>

<hr>
Being connected with our kids takes a lot of bandwidth. It means being patient. For
 example, can we expect a little three-year-old with no idea of time to understand that it’s important to be ready at 8
 in the morning? Can we expect an eight-yearold who doesn’t care about it to want to brush her teeth? How to have the
 bandwidth to be connected and have the patience to talk an eight-year-old through the process of brushing her teeth?

As mothers, we do have connectedness and patience within us; we have these feminine
 qualities. And we have to make sure that we are not giving importance to all of the ‘doing’ activities to the
 exclusion of this gift of motherhood that we bring. Does that make sense?
Q: Absolutely. It’s a beautiful
 clarification.
SL: I feel for moms. I work with
 moms all day long and I feel for us as a collective group, because we’re trying so hard. We’re trying to keep the
 house clean and be patient with our kids. Why I am so passionate about self-care is because I feel for moms. I work
 with many single moms and we’re all just trying to get through the day. I feel for us as a collective group because
 we’re trying to do such a good job, and it’s almost like we’re trying to do it single-handedly, having thrown away the
 feminine in favor of the masculine.
That’s why I want to empower mothers to nourish themselves, play music during the day,
 take time to write a journal, or whatever is their thing. This gift will benefit children more than you could possibly
 imagine. You know, for an 8-year-old who doesn’t want to brush her teeth, the gift of having a patient mother at the
 end of the day is priceless.
Q: How do you see young women blossoming so
 that they can contribute to this direction of humanity, and how can we better prepare them for motherhood?

SL:
 At the risk of sounding dramatic, I honestly think we could change the world and our world on that question.
 And it goes back to being role models for our children – both girls and boys. Just think about it: if a mom models to
 her daughter that it’s important to take care of herself, then her daughter grows up knowing what she needs and
 meeting her own needs. If she has the patience to give and serve her daughter, not from her emptiness but from her
 overflow, then her daughter learns to be kind with herself. If she is kind with herself and knows what her needs are,
 then she will not succumb to peer pressure. That young girl will feel empowered inside of her own being and have the
 courage to say, “No,” to the things she does not want. Think on it.
Where boys are concerned, I have a son and I want my son to see a mother who takes care
 of herself. If he has a partner one day, then he will be that generous man. He needs to see the feminine qualities in
 his life in order to value them. Then hopefully he will be that kind of man who offers women the dignity to value and
 care for themselves.
On a different note, I think that if children see their mothers looking after and
 respecting themselves it will end bullying, because a bully is someone who hasn’t learnt to value themselves and takes
 it out on others. When a child sees their parents taking care of themselves, they’re going to feel secure about their
 own needs, and this will create a different culture.
We hear the Dalai Lama say that kindness is religion, but we undervalue this simple
 kindness and its power. When we take the time to care for ourselves, we connect with the ability to have patience and
 kindness and compassion for others. When we care for ourselves, we will automatically care for the next person and
 this can spiral out to caring for our world, caring for humanity. I think the spiral is endless really.
Q: Beautiful. It reminds me of something my
 mom would always tell me: Give of your light but not of your oil.
SL: That’s a beautiful principle
 to live by. I think your mom would have been connected to her light. In these past 50 years, there have been many moms
 who have been working and being a mom. We need to make sure we are connected through our light so that we are not
 giving of our oil. That’s a beautiful saying; I have never heard it before.
Q: It’s something that a spiritual friend
 of hers shared with her. Is there anything more you want to add?
SL:
 Only that I really want motherhood to become more visible and more valued on the planet. Thank you so much.

<hr>
<h4 style="text-align: center;">Interviewed by EMMA IVATURI</h4>

<hr>

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