Dr. Siegel is a Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine, the co-director of the Mindful Awareness Research Center at UCLA, and the Executive Director of the Mindsight Institute, for the development of mindsight, insight, empathy, and integration in individuals, families, and communities. He is the author of five New York Times bestsellers and is the founding editor for the Norton Professional Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology.

Daniel-Siegel2.jpg

Daniel Siegel

<h4>
 DAN SIEGEL
 is a clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine and
 executive director of the Mindsight Institute. Here he speaks to
 UDAY KUMAR
 about creating a kinder, more compassionate world, the lyrics of Leonard
 Cohen, and the other pandemics that are worthy of our attention right now
 during Covid times.
</h4>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 Q: Hi Dan. For the longest time I have wanted to reach out to you. Especially
 in the current times in which we are living, people are seeking so much help.
 If you could talk a little bit about your work, I think that would be a good
 place to get started.



 DS: You know, the
 notion of bringing science into how we live our individual lives, how we live
 as families and communities, how we live as nations, and how we live as a
 human family on Earth, offers the opportunity to think deeply across many
 different disciplines of science, and then ask the questions: Why are we here
 at all on the planet? While we’re here, what can we do to try and create a
 kinder, more compassionate world?



 I think everything I’ve been doing professionally has been to take my
 background as a scientist, who’s also trained as a physician, and then think
 deeply in my particular field of psychiatry – how the mind develops – so as to
 ask questions like, “How has the human mind been shaped by modern culture?”
 and “How might that be affecting our relationships with each other, and also
 our relationships with the broader world of living beings, which you can
 simply call nature?”



 So, if I have to summarize all that scientific exploration, it resonates with
 ancient spiritual teachings, even though that’s not my background. It would be
 that the human mind constructs categories and concepts, and then uses words
 and symbols to say things like, “Who are you?” “Who am I?” “What’s the Self ?”
 Our modern culture has created an atmosphere of knowledge that’s probably very
 different from how we originally evolved to live in community. In many ways,
 it has us living in isolation from one another – not just because we’re in a
 viral pandemic, but because there is a pandemic of misunderstanding of what
 the Self is.


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 If you ask almost anyone, anywhere in the world (I had the chance to do this
 in the olden days when we could travel), “Where is your Self?”, they will
 point to their body. Sometimes they point to their heart, sometimes they point
 to their head, but they’re pointing to their body. What I always find
 fascinating about that is that the “Self ” is the center of gravity of your
 identity, of your experience, and it also shapes your experience of belonging.
 If you think that the Self is only in your body, then you’re going to be very
 vulnerable to feeling disconnected, like an entity that can be separated from
 everything else.



 That view of the separate Self, the “solo Self,” is a teaching of modern
 times. Sometimes it is very subtle, and sometimes it’s more extreme,
 especially with social media. In either case, it’s very toxic. I think the lie
 of the separate Self is making us feel alone and lonely. It’s making
 individuals and families somehow feel like they’re isolated. Then, in the
 larger community, there is an incredible sense of anxiety, depression,
 despair, and even increasing suicidality, that’s made worse with the viral
 pandemic. When you’re trying to live a life as if the Self is only in your
 body, then everything is revolving around you, as if you are a noun rather
 than an unfolding verb-like set of processes.



 Even if you think about Heartfulness and the feeling of love, if you view the
 Self as a noun-like separate thing, you will think, “Well, are you going to
 love me, and am I going to love you?” rather than thinking there is a
 universal life force of love that comes through the heart, through the body,
 and connects us with other people, the planet, and nature. When you live that
 way, it’s very different. It’s more like candlelight. If you see someone whose
 candle wick is not lit, you lean over and light it; it doesn’t take anything
 away from the light of your flame. Instead, people live more like they are
 coins: “If I give you my coin, then I’m not going to have it anymore, so I’m
 not going to give it to you.



 ”There’s a big difference between seeing yourself as a verb-like unfolding
 event, like the flame of a candle, and seeing yourself as an entity, like a
 coin, in which case you say, “Well, I’m going to hold on to mine.” So it isn’t
 just, “Well, who cares if you think the Self is in the body,” because that
 makes you think you’re a noun, and you treat love like a commodity to hold
 like a coin rather than release like a flame.



 Q: From a scientific viewpoint, you have arrived at the wisdom of
 spirituality. It’s a fascinating explanation for me, because I come from the
 other end of the spectrum where I have been taught that my Self is part of a
 larger universal Self. There are all these individual Selves, but there is
 uniformity because we are all connected with the same Source. And that aids
 the feeling of pervasive brotherhood, pervasive love. From that standpoint,
 love is more like, “I don’t love, but I become love.” It’s my state of being
 that I radiate. In Heartfulness, the whole idea is that this essence of love
 is what you experience in meditation, as a result of Transmission. At the end
 of the day, the loneliness and lack of connection people are feeling arise
 because of the inability to feel connected with one another. And I read a lot
 about that in your work.



 You mentioned the pandemic, so I am tempted to ask: Amongst all the negatives
 we’ve heard from the pandemic, have you seen any positives, any green shoots?
 What should we take away from this time?


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 alt=""
 class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/pandemic_separate_self3_871a759a9d.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T10:49:42.133Z"
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 </figure>
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<hr />

<h5 class="has-text-align-center">
 Our modern culture has created an atmosphere of knowledge that’s probably very different from how we originally evolved to live in community. In many ways, it has us living in isolation from one another – not just because we’re in a viral pandemic, but because there is a pandemic of misunderstanding of what the Self
 is.
</h5>

<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 DS: There’s a
 very powerful song by the songwriter and poet Leonard Cohen called Anthem.
 There’s a verse in that song that goes like this:



 “Ring the bells that still can ring Forget your perfect offering There
 is a crack, a crack in everything That’s how the light gets in.”



 What Cohen was offering us was the idea that there is no such thing as
 perfection; bringing the light, bringing the love in comes from the challenges
 we have. I think the pandemic has revealed many cracks. Now, how are we
 approaching this moment as a humanity, where a virus has gone around the world
 and shut down our human lives in many ways? There’s a concern over how we’re
 going to do it. The pandemic is ending lives and also ending livelihoods, and
 I’m sure we’ll have many surges to come.



 I think the way we deal with the viral pandemic has to do with our
 cooperation. I was in the state of Texas at the moment when the governor said,
 “I’m going to remove all restrictions and regulations about mask-wearing,
 because you individual citizens should determine your own fate.” When I heard
 this, I thought it’s exactly speaking to what the United States of America has
 been accused of by anthropologists – the most individualistic place on the
 planet. That statement is such a violation of what a community needs to do in
 collaboration to realize that it isn’t just that your fate is in your own
 hands. No, it’s in our collective identity as a collective “we.” So, what you
 could call “linear thinking” rather than “systems thinking” from a scientific
 point of view is the vulnerability of the viral pandemic.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h5 class="has-text-align-center has-text-color" style="color: #673092">
 Those four pandemics – lack of cooperation in dealing with a viral
 pandemic, social injustice and racism, misinformation and polarization,
 and environmental destruction – are all either caused or made
 worse by the fifth pandemic, which is the pandemic of the separate Self.
</h5>

<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 There are several other pandemics that are worth mentioning. One is the
 pandemic of racism and social injustice, where people are mistreated for
 prejudicial notions of who’s the in-group and who’s the out-group or not even
 human. And so we see lots of murders of people of color in the United States.
 Let’s just name racism and social injustice as a pandemic all around the
 world.



 Then there’s the pandemic of misinformation, and the polarization that’s
 happening in little bubbles of knowledge. That also comes from people having
 the very limited view of a separate Self, the solo Self. It’s true of racism,
 too, because you can have a solo Self that’s plural – “Only people with skin
 color like mine, beliefs like mine, nationalities like mine.”


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 alt=""
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 height="690"
 class="lazyload has-img-center"
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 </figure>
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<hr />

<h5 class="has-text-align-center has-text-color" style="color: #673092">
 We have to chart a new path forward, leaning on indigenous teachings and
 spiritual teachings, so that when we weave them together with
 science they teach us to be of service.
</h5>

<hr />


 There’s a fourth pandemic of environmental destruction, where human identity
 has excessively differentiated itself from our place in nature. So, instead of
 the teachings you spoke about, of being a part of a larger whole, you think,
 “Oh, we’re humans, and we’re better than the rest of the species. Let’s treat
 Earth like a trash can. Who cares!”



 So those four pandemics – lack of cooperation in dealing with a viral
 pandemic, social injustice and racism, misinformation and polarization, and
 environmental destruction – are all either caused or made worse by the fifth
 pandemic, which is the pandemic of the separate Self.


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 <figure>
 <img
 width="503"
 height="690"
 alt=""
 class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/pandemic_separate_self5_d182a6ff91.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T11:05:45.168Z"
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 </figure>
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 Of course, the viral pandemic is leading to so much suffering. It’s terrible.
 At the same time, it’s a crack in the system that we need to see not just as a
 crisis and an emergency, but also as an opportunity to reimagine our
 understanding of the mind, how the human mind has constructed a solo Self view
 of identity that restricts our belonging. We can use this as a moment to say,
 “We can’t continue with business as usual.” If we can shut down travel and all
 of the polluting so rapidly because of a viral pandemic, why not take that
 same approach to the other pandemics? Let’s name what the deep problem really
 is, which either makes it worse or makes it happen in the first place. It is
 the lie of the separate Self – the toxic, even lethal lie of the separate solo
 Self.



 What is the good news? The human mind, which constructs identity, has created
 what Einstein called an optic delusion of consciousness and the sociobiologist
 E.O. Wilson calls an illusion. Whether it’s a psychotic belief or an erroneous
 belief, or a mistaken perception, either way it’s wrong. We need to listen to
 these scientists and say, “Okay, if it’s wrong, and we’ve been living a
 collective human life here on Earth with wrong beliefs and perceptions, why
 not take a deep breath during the pandemic and take this opportunity to
 realize the true nature of the Self, which is not just in the body. It’s
 actually an inner Self.”



 But you also have a relational self that is connected to others, even people
 who don’t look like you, and other species. We’re a part of all of nature. So,
 as terrible as the pandemic is, it’s a moment of pause in which we can say,
 “We cannot go on with business as usual.” We have to chart a new path forward,
 leaning on indigenous teachings and spiritual teachings, so that when we weave
 them together with science they teach us to be of service.



 We have spirituality, science, and service. And we can each contribute to that
 in many different ways. I think there needs to be a turning, which the great
 Joanna Macey (a beautiful teacher who is now 92) talks about as the Great
 Turning. What she means by that is a turning of the way we see how we’re
 conducting our lives so that it becomes regenerative of the world, and
 compassionate instead of just competitive. If you want to compete with
 something, let’s compete with the world’s challenges, so that when we beat the
 challenges everybody benefits.



 Q: My teacher, Daaji, says that while survival of the fittest may apply in the
 overall scheme of survival, human beings evolve only through cooperation.



 DS: Totally.
 We’ve forgotten that.


To be continued.


<hr />


<h4 class="has-text-align-center">Illustrations by ANANYA PATEL</h4>


<hr />

The pandemic of the separate self

<h4>DAN SIEGEL is a clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine and executive director of the Mindsight Institute. In part 2 of his interview with UDAY KUMAR, he speaks about intraconnectedness, alloparenting, presence, connection, open awareness, and love.</h4><hr>Q: My teacher, Daaji, says that while survival of the fittest may apply in the overall scheme of survival, human beings evolve only through cooperation.DS: Totally. We’ve forgotten that.Q: Then, you were talking about the sense of Self, and I remembered that once he said, “If you’re sitting in this room, the walls create the impression of space inside and space outside. And if I take away the walls, then what remains? It’s just space.”DS: Exactly. Just this morning I finished writing a book about exactly that topic, called Intraconnected. I think it’s a moment for humanity to take a deep breath and say, “Okay, we did it this way, we tried to make it work, but it’s not going to work like this. So what’s another way to do it?” The book makes suggestions, not on specific things, but rather, “What’s a way to be in the world that resonates?”<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/pandemic_separate_self_part2_2_efe6b12134.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T12:00:16.911Z" alt=""><hr>Q: You’re not talking about small fixes here and there. You’re addressing the question: How do I conduct my life on this planet itself? This needs to be rethought. I would love to read it, because you mention the five pandemics – one of them is about the environment. Many times, people ask the question: How do we live in tune with nature? Daaji says that living in tune with nature is actually resonating with the principles of nature. And he says if that’s the case, if you look at a mango tree or an apple tree, it doesn’t need mango juice or apple juice to give you fruits. It takes a little water and sunlight, and gives you the best fruit in return. So, one principle in nature is to take the minimum and give the maximum. And for human beings, the most important thing is to accept minimum love and give maximum love.DS: I think it’s a moment of bridging these areas of science and spirituality. It’s all in the idea of being in service, and how we can learn from the wisdom of ancient teachings and contemplative practices. Weave it together with this cross-disciplinary view of science, and come to some thoughtful ways that collectively we can move forward. We really need to think deeply about the next steps for humanity.Whether you’re a parent raising your children, a teacher in a school, people in the medical world, people running a business, people running a government or non-profit, there are billions and billions of people on our planet. So how do we actually make a shift where people realize that it’s survival of the most cooperative? It’s survival of the most compassionate. The science that I review in the book shows how our origins as a species were collaborative. We have something called “alloparenting,” for example, which means we let our babies be taken care of by more than just the mother.<hr><hr><h5>I think it’s a moment of bridging&nbsp; these areas of science and spirituality.&nbsp; It’s all in the idea of being in service,&nbsp; and how we can learn from the wisdom of&nbsp; ancient teachings and contemplative practices.</h5><hr><hr>Q: Sarah Hrdy, right?DS: Yes, Mothers and Others by Sarah Hrdy.In my new book, Intraconnected, there is the idea of feeling things from the inside out. And as your teacher said about the walls, this is actually learning how to use a lens of identity so that you can focus the lens close in and say, “Okay I have a body,” and at the same time focus that lens wide and say, “I can literally see beyond my skin and I am also the tree. I am also the cloud.” And that’s not just trying to be poetic, it’s trying to say, “There’s no reason the skull or the skin should be seen as the final boundaries of you.”Q: It’s going beyond my physical being to my subtle being, which can be pervasive, and finding the connection with all things.&nbsp;One thought I latched on to while you were talking about parents, which I have seen, is that it has been a tough year for families, in general, just having to do a lot. One of the things that is compromised in that process is presence. So, any thoughts or suggestions on how to regain the presence parents may have lost in the last year?DS: It’s such a great question. I think that presence has three qualities to it, and each of them contribute to this question you’re asking: What do we do as parents? And presence is a great central feature to highlight. Those three are: Connection to your child, Open Awareness so you’re able to receive from your child, and then you have Love. If you like acronyms, that spells COAL.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/pandemic_separate_self_part2_3_65e6de2775.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T12:01:26.422Z" alt=""><hr><hr><h5>When parents bring presence,&nbsp; then children will develop resilience.</h5><hr><hr>In the past, I would talk about the word “mindfulness,” where COAL was an acronym for “curious, open, accepting, and loving.” This new COAL overlaps with that, but it’s “connected, open awareness, and love.” Those three things are almost like three threads of a singular tapestry of presence. And they’re what’s described when people do this practice of the “Wheel of Awareness.” It’s been really fascinating to watch parents start to do the wheel as a practice, as they can become more present. They can feel the deep connection. They can enter this state of receptivity called open awareness. And they can let the natural vital force of life – love – arise in their being and in their doing.COAL (Connection, Open Awareness, and Love) is what presence is made of – the three threads of presence; the tapestry of presence. And the good news is: If I’m doing something, whatever that practice might be, my parenting will be totally different, and my child will develop resilience. One practice is the Wheel of Awareness, where the rim is the many things I’m aware of, and the hub represents the experience of awareness itself. I need to learn to distinguish the hub from the rim, the knowing in the hub from the knowing in the rim, so that when I’m really there for my child, I’m coming from the hub. I may have all sorts of thoughts or memories or excitements or disappointments or expectations or judgments, and all that rim stuff, but when I drop into the hub, it’s “Connection, Open Awareness, and Love”– COAL.So I am so happy that you brought up the word “presence,” because if you had to summarize the science of attachment and parent-child relationships, presence would be the best summary of the whole thing. When parents bring presence, then children will develop resilience.My wife wrote this really great book called The Gift of Presence with “ce,” and it was a joke, because presents are gifts, right? It’s a mindfulness guide for women, although men can read it, too, and it’s a beautiful example of seeing how to become present and show up, for life is available to us whether we’re parents or not. We can do it with our neighbors, we can do it with our friends, we can do it with our partners, we can do it at work, and we can do it with government. I was working in a parliament in another country and we did the Wheel of Awareness.<hr><hr><h5>It’s the deepest sign of strength to bring&nbsp; that heartfelt experience of love&nbsp; and collaboration, cooperation, compassion,&nbsp; and connection to the way you design law,&nbsp; or design a company,&nbsp; or the way you are present as a parent.</h5><hr><hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/pandemic_separate_self_part2_4_47ca048e8e.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T12:15:25.426Z" alt=""><hr>Then there was this silence between the two of us.&nbsp; I asked, “Well, can I ask you a question?”&nbsp; He goes, “Okay, sure.”&nbsp; “So, when you’re making federal law, you’re coming up with the plans for national policy, are you leaving love out of your reasoning?” His eyes got really big, and then he ran over to his colleagues. I don’t know exactly what they said, but we can only hope that instead of … Imagine what he’s been taught over the years – that love is a sign of weakness – when, in fact, it’s the deepest sign of strength to bring that heartfelt experience of love and collaboration, cooperation, compassion, and connection to the way you design law, or design a company, or the way you are present as a parent.One parliamentarian didn’t want to share during the sharing time, but he spoke with me afterward and said, “You know, I didn’t share during the sharing time.”&nbsp; I said, “Yeah, I noticed.”&nbsp; And he said, “Do you want to know what my experience was?”&nbsp; I said, “Sure.”&nbsp; And then he started to cry, and said, “When I got into that hub in the practice, I have never before felt the experience of being connected to everyone and everything, and so much love.”&nbsp; I said, “Wow, thank you for sharing.”&nbsp; He said, “You’re welcome.”&nbsp; And I said, “So, you didn’t want to share that with your colleagues?”&nbsp; “Oh no, no, no. They would think I was weak if I talked about love.”So this is the moment! The pandemic is inviting us to let love lead us, let it guide us, to teach from that place, to live from that place, to learn from that place of love. I think if we do that, we can have a very different way of being on the planet.<hr><hr><h5>The pandemic is inviting us to let love lead us,&nbsp; let it guide us, to teach from that place,&nbsp; to live from that place,&nbsp; to learn from that place of love.&nbsp; I think if we do that, we can have&nbsp; a very different way we are on the planet.</h5><hr><hr>Q: I really like this, because what you shared both from a practical standpoint and an overarching philosophy is: When I stop loving, the one who suffers the most is me. I have dammed up the river flowing from within me.&nbsp;Taking the question of presence a little further, and you also spoke about alloparenting, I want to share something with you. My teacher often speaks about a concept called the Wisdom Bridge. He makes the case that we are suffering from the mass extinction of wisdom in society.&nbsp;DS: Oh yes.Q: His point is that the wisdom bridges are breaking down between generations. Grandparents and grandchildren today are not spending enough time together. Very soon, we will be at a place where we lose so much generational wisdom in society that we need to start rethinking family. We need to start thinking alloparenting.&nbsp;Dan, your work is making a big difference. I didn’t even get into interpersonal neurobiology, and to me that is real quantum awareness. You’re looking beyond and bringing in the quantum field of awareness.DS: The book called Intraconnected begins and builds from that place.Well, it is an absolute honor to be here with you and I look forward to continuing our conversation.Q: Thank you so much. My best to your family.&nbsp;DS: Thank you, and us to you, too.<hr><hr><h4>Interview by UDAY KUMAR Illustrations by ANANYA PATEL</h4><hr><hr>Categories Select Category April 2018 April 2019 April 2020 April 2021 April 2022 April 2023 August 2018 August 2019 August 2020 August 2021 August 2022 Blog Cartoons Children Collectors Edition 2016 Collectors Edition 2017 Creativity &nbsp;December 2018 – Collectors’ Edition &nbsp; December 2019 – Collectors’ Edition &nbsp;December 2020 December 2021 December 2022 Desk of Daaji Environment February 2018 February 2019 February 2019 February 2020 February 2021 February 2022 February 2023 Focus In the Field Infographics Inspiration Interview Issue 1 Issue 10 Issue 11 Issue 12 Issue 13 Issue 14 Issue 2 Issue 3 Issue 4 Issue 5 Issue 6 Issue 7 Issue 8 Issue 9 Issues It changes everything January 2018 January 2019 January 2020 January 2021 January 2022 January 2023 July 2018 July 2019 July 2020 July 2021 July 2022 June 2018 June 2019 June 2020 June 2021 June 2022 Kleshas March 2018 March 2019 March 2020 March 2021 March 2022 March 2023 May 2018 May 2019 May 2020 May 2021 May 2022 November 2018 November 2019 November 2020 November 2021 November 2022 October 2018 October 2019 October 2020 October 2021 October 2022 Online Content Quotes Relationships Self-care September 2018 September 2019 September 2020 September 2021 September 2022 Solutions Taste of life Theme feature Uncategorized Vighnas Vikshepas Volume 1 Volume 2 Volume 2-Issue 1 Volume 2-Issue 10 Volume 2-Issue 11 Volume 2-Issue 12 Volume 2-Issue 2 Volume 2-Issue 3 Volume 2-Issue 4 Volume 2-Issue 5 Volume 2-Issue 6 Volume 2-Issue 7 Volume 2-Issue 8 Volume 2-Issue 9 Volume 3 Volume 4 Volume 5 VOLUME 6 Volume 7 VOLUME 8 Vrittis Workplace Yogic Psychology &nbsp;/* &lt;![CDATA[ */ (function () { var dropdown = document.getElementById("block-categories-1"); function onCatChange() { if (dropdown.options[dropdown.selectedIndex].value &gt; 0) { location.href = "https://www.heartfulnessmagazine.com/?cat=" + dropdown.options[dropdown.selectedIndex].value; } } dropdown.onchange = onCatChange; })(); /* ]]&amp;gt; */&nbsp;

The pandemic of the separate self - part 2

Know yourself

Darshana is the host of the show enLight’n Up on The Lighter Side Network. She is also an energy intuitive, medium, and helps others blaze new pathways to unleash their full potential.

darshana-patel.jpg

Darshana Patel

<hr><h4>Host of the show enLight’n Up on The Lighter Side Network, DARSHANA PATEL shares some insights on the role of communication and technology in nurturing relationships. Darshana is an energy intuitive and medium, and helps others blaze new pathways to unleash their full potential.</h4><hr>Words are directed energy. What energy do we bring to our relationships with our words? Does that energy nurture greater harmony in our relationship? As individuals, we operate in the context of relationship to others; we are interconnected. Thus, the quality of our life experience is deeply affected by the level of harmony or discord in our relationships.Non-violent communication invites the consciousness of interconnection – the awareness that we are all tethered by a flow of energy, which we overtly direct with our words.&nbsp;Once we recognize and become accountable for the energy we bring to the interconnected web of relationships, we may then bring a greater level of consciousness, or awareness, to the level of joy, harmony and authenticity that we experience in our relationships.If we are going to weave greater harmony with the words we offer, it is worth pausing for a moment before asking, “What is my intention in communicating?” For example, one intention might be to “offer another perspective” versus to “defend my actions”. Imagine that an intention is an energetic container in&nbsp;which thoughts, actions, and communication exchange all take place. Create an intention that invites the mutual experience of empathy.<hr>&nbsp;<hr>&nbsp;<h5 style="text-align:center;">Imagine that an intention is intended energy. What energy do you want to bring to your present conversation and interaction? What space can you hold to allow for the peaceful exchange of information? What feeling do you want to amplify in the exchange?</h5>&nbsp;<hr>&nbsp;<hr>Imagine that an intention is intended energy. What energy do you want to bring to your present conversation and interaction? What space can you hold to allow for the peaceful exchange of information? What feeling do you want to amplify in the exchange? The practice of experiencing life as interconnected energy begins to build a deeper awareness of our emotional state and the cognition structures that shape our communication experience. We each live in our own reality, shaped by our consciousness – the degree to which we’re aware of our awareness. As we build the muscle of intention, we naturally open the aperture to greater compassion.We are wired as humans to be empathic, to be sensitive to the energy of emotion. In relationships, we are satisfying core human needs, such as wanting to belong, to be seen, to be heard and to matter. We want to be understood, and the bridge between our inner and outer world is communication, both verbal and nonverbal. To offer empathy is to take the time to connect with what we and the other person are feeling – our internal state – what we and the other are needing, and the qualities of life that we are seeking.For example, in a heated conversation, you could say, “I really sense that you’re frustrated about this. Is that what you’re feeling? I imagine some clarity and support may be helpful?” Empathy is a process. It’s an energy exchange that often goes back and forth with the intention of connection, and this naturally builds harmony.As society grows in complexity and diversity of thought, so must our empathy – our ability to harmonize energy and information. Empathy is about ‘vibing with’, literally resonating without judgment or resistance in order to allow the energy to flow. And naturally tension releases. We feel better. We breathe a sigh of relief when we connect with what we’re feeling. We name it. We explore it. We release it. Empathy requires suspending our meaning-making to be present to what’s being expressed within ourselves or another. Empathy is the back-and-forth of exploration, to uncover the emotion that is unresolved.It is easy to fall into ‘scripts’ with the people closest to us. What we say, how we say it and when we say it takes shape into patterns. There is a comfort in predictability, like the brief exchanges in the morning family ritual. However, as we grow as individuals in self-awareness, our intimate relationships often need to evolve along with us. In seeking to express deeper levels of our authentic self, we can break old expectations and patterns of communication by first being present. Check in to the conversation. Check in to the relationship.We measure so many things in our lives, and we know our bank account balance at the end of each day. Why don’t we measure the levels of joy and authenticity in our relationships and get real with that balance? We can break the cycle of limiting patterns or old cycles of expectations by being present, conscious and real to the people in our lives. Disrupt established scripts by changing the typical dialogue exchange. Talk about a new topic. Tell them how your day really was. It really is as simple as speaking from the heart. If we want to break the patterns that limit us in any way, simply speak from the heart and then keep responding from the heart.Mobile devices and Artificial Intelligence (AI) technology are constantly shifting the landscape of communication. Something surprising that I’m noticing is the acceleration of ideas through the collective consciousness as a result of technology. As we allow ourselves to be constantly tethered to the collective web of global consciousness through communication devices, we are deprived of the quiet stillness of our own inner intuitive intelligence. With today’s technology, our individual brains are like computers wirelessly connected to a master computer (AI) that gives us a constant drip of news and noise with some bits of quality communication to keep us coming back for more. We are losing the connection with ourselves. Our inner dialogue is being shaped by implanted narratives from an ‘information pusher’ in the palm of the hand.We can wisely navigate the influences of television and media by first being aware of their presence and influence in our lives. The more we are aware of the influence, the more we can navigate and avoid their impact. I would suggest setting up simple systems to control your exposure to television and other media.How do you receive the news headlines on your mobile device? Do you receive and react to alerts? Turn off the alerts. Skim the headlines once at the beginning and once at the end of the day. Only read select articles that enrich your understanding of yourself and the affairs of the world. Own the energy you allow in your space versus being a victim of what you are exposed to.<hr>&nbsp;<hr>&nbsp;<h5 style="text-align:center;">We are vibrational beings affecting a web of energy with our presence, intentions, and communication. Thus, the energy, the information, we consume can be as healthy or toxic as the food we eat.</h5>&nbsp;<hr>&nbsp;<hr>We are vibrational beings affecting a web of energy with our presence, intentions, and communication. Thus, the energy, the information, we consume can be as healthy or toxic as the food we eat. And this energy influences our capacity to bring harmony and presence to our communication. How does it feel to consume the news headlines on your mobile device? Positive headlines may uplift us while negative headlines may leave us feeling hopeless. How do we carry this energy into our next conversation and interaction? Life is an ebb and flow of vibrational energy. And the more accountable we become to the energy we take in, the more authentic we may become in the energy we express in communication.<hr>&nbsp;<hr>&nbsp;<h4 style="text-align:center;">Article by DARSHANA&nbsp;PATEL Title illustration by YOUHEUM SON</h4>&nbsp;<hr>

Weaving harmony

Darshini Dalwadi Patel is a textile designer who trained at the National Institute of Design, India. Her passion for observation and documentation, especially of nature, has culminated in a series of tactile and experiential artworks where textile has become her canvas, transforming spaces and engaging viewers.

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Darshini Patel

<h3 style="text-align:center;">Weaving the Essence of Nature</h3><h4 style="text-align:justify;">ANANYA PATEL profiles textile artist DARSHINI PATEL, exploring her meditative weaving process and the nature-inspired textiles she creates.</h4>Darshini Patel describes her entire process as a textile artist, especially her work with a loom, as a form of <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/love-and-meditation" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">meditation</a>.“It is done slowly and gradually, step by step, and it is very meditative for me,” Darshini explains.With painstaking precision, she works her material into specified shapes, which she weaves together with jute, wool, and other organic fibers, on a large loom. She then shapes these woven pieces into organic creations that evoke natural forms and unique textures. “My concept is to document how nature evolves. The process is&nbsp;very observational, exploring how slowly and gradually profound changes in nature occur, and I try to incorporate this into my work. That is my&nbsp;inspiration.”&nbsp;<figure class="image"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/rooted_in_thread4_ac82062a55.webp" alt="rooted-in-thread4.webp"></figure>&nbsp;Her creative process starts in two dimensions. “I’ll start the concept using ink and paper, using a pencil to sketch the kind of shape I’m looking for based on my research. And then, slowly and gradually, I move towards the technique, considering what kind of technique will work best with the particular work and what material to use. If I want stiffness in the structure, I pick jute or wool for the warp and the weft. This way, I can get the shape I want.”&nbsp;<figure class="image image_resized" style="width:75%;"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/rooted_in_thread6_da23d0afc0.webp" alt="rooted-in-thread6.webp"></figure>&nbsp;<figure class="image image_resized" style="width:75%;"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/rooted_in_thread5_b58c48644b.webp" alt="rooted-in-thread5.webp"></figure>&nbsp;Darshini then moves on to the loom, which she has customized over time to suit her practice and needs. “I wanted a bigger loom, so the big one is seven feet wide, but the mechanism is the same; I wanted it sturdier, so I used teak wood instead of pine or mango wood, and I made the seat deeper because I spend two or three hours at a time working at the loom. The big one has four shafts, and the smaller loom has twelve shafts, which helps me experiment and explore different outcomes.”The slow, repetitive movements on the loom have helped Darshini grow her practice in textile art. Her expertise with textiles, particularly with handlooms, has allowed her to innovate with varied sizes, shapes, and materials over the past decade. “Earlier, I had a smaller loom, and slowly and gradually I moved towards the bigger one. It’s like mathematics, quite technical, and I learned it from scratch, from thread to fabric,” Darshini shares.&nbsp;<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/rooted_in_thread8_7a065b2576.webp" alt="rooted-in-thread8.webp"><hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">“It is done slowly and gradually, step by step, and it is very meditative for me,” Darshini explains.</h4><hr>Darshini’s recent series examines coral formations and the widespread bleaching of <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/darshini-patel-textile-art-meditative-weaving" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">coral reefs</a> over time. This concept was deeply explored in her most recent residency. “I documented a lily pond daily—one day it’s crowded with plants and the next day, it changed because the gardener had cleaned it up. So, in one series, I have represented this evolving nature using the textile medium and the loom. My work is deeply rooted in&nbsp;observation.”&nbsp;<figure class="image"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/rooted_in_thread10_c4b68e3d6d.webp" alt="rooted-in-thread10.webp"></figure>&nbsp;Darshini prefers to use industrial waste in her creations, particularly compressed felt and soft felt from local factories. “This material is great because it doesn’t fray at the edges, there aren’t fibers coming out, and I’m able to cut out different shapes.” Darshini is on the lookout for additional sources of waste, aiming to incorporate organic fibers such as cotton and linen. “When you’re dealing with waste material, there are limitations. You don’t get specific colors. You work with what you get. I’ll introduce the color eventually once I have researched enough, but I won’t use synthetic dye. I’ll only use natural dyes or eco print. But again, my entire concept is evolving nature. So I won’t pluck the flowers and leaves. Whatever has fallen on the ground, I’ll collect it and use it. And then there are onion skins, vegetable waste, and beetroot.”&nbsp;<figure class="image"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/rooted_in_thread7_772b14d2af.webp" alt="rooted-in-thread7.webp"></figure><hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">”My work is deeply rooted in&nbsp;observation.”</h4><hr>In keeping with her work, Darshini’s practice is also deeply organic and committed to the creative process. At any given time, she has about two or three works in progress. “Some of it is a repetitive process, and that way it’s very homogeneous, the shape and everything. However, I enjoy the entire process. It’s very meditative. It takes me four or five months to complete something that is, say, 10’ x 6’. Finishing the sides once it’s off the loom also takes time. And then I start crumpling it, shaping it to get the result I’m looking for according to my concept.”&nbsp;<figure class="image"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/rooted_in_thread9_f2571531e9.webp" alt="rooted-in-thread9.webp"></figure>&nbsp;Darshini is working on expanding her practice by researching the incorporation of color, movement, and scale in her new pieces. While she works towards exhibiting her work in shows, she also creates commissions for art lovers and works with international clients to develop textiles for furnishing and commercial use.You can learn more about Darshini and her work <a href="https://www.instagram.com/darshinidalwadi.studio/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">here</a>.&nbsp;<figure class="image"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/rooted_in_thread2_0e8382dd7a.webp" alt="rooted-in-thread2.webp"></figure>

Rooted in Thread

David Bohm

Real dialogue

David Whyte

Ultimate friendship

Only you can fill it

Beautiful questions

Dee Hock

Fill yourself with creativity

Dr. Chopra is the founder of the Chopra Foundation and Chopra Global. He is a world-renowned pioneer in integrative medicine and personal transformation, and has written over 90 books. TIME magazine has described him as one of their 100 most influential people.

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Deepak Chopra

<hr><h4 style="text-align:justify;">DEEPAK CHOPRA speaks with DAAJI about the role Yoga has to play in bringing about world peace. This is an excerpt from their conversation broadcast on International Day of Peace, September 21, 2020. That documentary is available at: <a href="https://heartfulness.org/en/international-day-of-peace/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">https://heartfulness.org/en/international-day-of-peace/</a>.&nbsp;</h4><hr>Daaji: Namaste, Sir.DC: Daaji, it is a great honour to be with you and celebrate World Peace Day. I was thinking, as I was getting online to speak with you, of the basic Yamas and Niyamas that are the basis of all of our yogic tradition. And if you look at the Yamas in order, it all starts with ahimsa. Ahimsa is the first Yama, which means to be established in non-violence.&nbsp;The great sage Patanjali says that when we are firmly established in peace-consciousness ourselves, then all beings around us cease to feel hostility. So you are actually to do nothing but be peaceful yourself, and bring the presence of peace wherever you go. If you do that, then people around you will feel peaceful, not by what you say, not even by what you do, but just by your presence.&nbsp;That is the great gift of Patanjali, when he says the first lesson of Yoga is to start with ahimsa. Then you start with satya. Satya is truth. When you have satya added to ahimsa, you automatically have asteya. Asteya means you don’t covet anything, because you are totally fulfilled within yourself. And from that experience of asteya, non-stealing, non-covetousness, non-jealousy, comes what Patanjali calls aparigraha, which means detachment from the fruits of action, which ultimately leads to the best use of your energy, your vital energy, your vital force.&nbsp;And so, on World Peace Day, I think it is very appropriate for us to celebrate the great yogic traditions of India that also talk about the Niyamas – cleanliness, shaucha; fulfilment that comes from self-study or swadhyaya; and the effulgence that comes from the radiation of peace and ultimately results in what we call the oneness with our Source.So Yoga is that tradition, and everything that we are doing in this world is the opposite of Yoga. We are coming from the fragmented mind, from the ego mind, which makes us look at ourselves as separate beings, and looks at the world also as separate, when we are one with it. As you know, one of the greatest Mahavakyas is “Tattvamasi” – whatever I see, I see pure consciousness; whatever I see, I see the Divine; whatever I see, I see the Infinite. It doesn’t matter what it is; it could be a cup of coffee that is the modified expression of the Infinite.<hr>&nbsp;<hr>Bring the presence of peace wherever you go. If you do that, then people around you will feel peaceful, not by what you say, not even by what you do, but just by your presence.&nbsp;<hr><hr>So, on World Peace Day, I think we should just be peace, we should speak peace, we should create peace, we should express peace, and we should celebrate peace. If enough of us do this, then we will have a peaceful world, because I have seen enough peace activists, even Nobel Prize winners in peace, and they are not peaceful. So peace can only by created by those who are peaceful, just like love can only be expressed by those who have received or given love. So, we have to be the change we want to see in the world, as Mahatma Gandhi is supposed to have said. And if there is a critical mass of that, and that’s why we are having this conversation, then hopefully we can reach a more peaceful, just, sustainable, healthier, and joyful world.Right now, the world is very divisive, very quarrelsome, all within ideological conflicts. All the conflicts, whether it is communism, socialism, capitalism … these are good ideas meant for humanity, but human beings corrupt them, because they come from “self,” selfishness, basically. Me, mine. Everything is me and mine.&nbsp;Now that we are celebrating World Peace Day with this great heritage that you represent, of India, then it is possible, by changing these conversations and having a critical mass participating in these conversations, that we can be the change we want to see in the world.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/yoga_peace2_08540fd31b.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T05:13:31.006Z" alt="yoga-peace"><hr>So, that is why I am so happy to speak to you. As you rightly said, meditation is the key to cut the veil of ignorance. Having gone through some of your material, I realize that you are very focused on what you call heart meditation, and recently there is a lot of research showing that your heart is actually also like your brain, except your heart is more contextual, more relational, more holistic. It doesn’t have a win-lose orientation, it is intuitive, it is eavesdropping on a larger non-local mind, you might say.&nbsp;You know, the heart sets the coherence for the whole body. If one puts attention on the heart, meditates from the heart, even reads into the heart, or just has awareness of the heart as the seat of love, compassion, joy and equanimity, just that experience immediately changes heart wave coherence. It changes what we call heart rate variability. It creates a coherent electromagnetic – what some people would call an aura – but it is actually an energy field that extends about six feet, which can be detected. But actually, it extends indefinitely into space-time, we just can’t detect with our instruments beyond six to seven feet.<hr>&nbsp;<hr>If one puts attention on the heart, meditates from the heart, even reads into the heart, or just has awareness of the heart as the seat of love, compassion, joy and equanimity, just that experience immediately changes heart wave coherence.&nbsp;<hr><hr>Everything that you experience and emanates from the heart is pervading all of space-time. This is the master oxylator of the body. We have a pacemaker here, a hundred cells that work together to make the heartbeat, and then that pacemaker sets pace-making everywhere – the brain, all the cells, ultimately the total body, which is the electromagnetic activity of the universe, which is the universal electromagnetic activity.&nbsp;So, in today’s science, they identify four basic forces: electromagnetism, which is what we are using right now to have this communication, then the strong and weak nuclear interactions at the subatomic level, which are actually the same as the electromagnetic emanations of your body. They are the same, there is no difference. And finally gravity, which people don’t fully understand – how to correlate gravity with these forces and elements of the universe. Right now, people are thinking gravity is just the curvature of space-time, and is not actually a fundamental force, in the same way as quantum forces.&nbsp;<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/yoga_peace3_aefd64a4ed.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T05:13:30.996Z" alt="yoga-peace"><hr>Even with all that, and leaving all the science aside, Patanjali, you, and the great Indian heritage are teaching the world: Even without knowing the science, as science is just a mapping of experience, we know that we actually feel through the heart. Even if you translate the four Yogas – Raja Yoga, Bhakti Yoga, Jnana Yoga and Karma Yoga – it begins with Raja Yoga, which is meditation. And then Bhakti Yoga comes second, because out of that meditation comes the feeling that we call love and compassion and joy and equanimity. And then the third thing that happens automatically is the shift in identity, so Jnana Yoga also comes afterwards – identity. “Who am I?” “What am I?” Am I just this skin-encapsulated ego dragging a bag of flesh and bones, or am I the source of all experience? Jnana Yoga comes third. And finally comes Karma Yoga. You know, Karma Yoga is not a forced action. It is spontaneous. If we are established in ahimsa, then everything is spontaneous. We don’t have to do anything. Being is enough.<hr>&nbsp;<hr>The heart is the seat not only of consciousness, but of intelligence. And the heart’s intelligence is superior to the brain’s intelligence, and to any other intelligence.&nbsp;&nbsp;<hr><hr>So this is where the great contribution of luminaries like yourself helps us, because we can understand that the heart is the seat not only of consciousness, but of intelligence. And the heart’s intelligence is superior to the brain’s intelligence, and to any other intelligence. Blaise Pascal, the French philosopher, said, “The heart has its reasons, which reason does not know.” The heart is the seat of ultimate, infinite computing, that is being downloaded from Brahman itself.So, for that reason, I think what you are doing, contributing with heart meditation, and bringing peace to the world, is such a great thing that I am very honored and privileged to support this event.Daaji: Thank you.DC: Thank you.<hr>&nbsp;<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Conversation with DEEPAK CHOPRA Illustrations by GAYATRI PACHPANDE &nbsp;</h4>&nbsp;<hr>

Yoga & peace

<h4>DEEPAK CHOPRA was interviewed in Kanha Shanti Vanam on July 2, 2023, by EKTA BOUDERLIQUE. After an illustrious career bridging health, science, and spirituality, he tackles the big questions of consciousness, existence, truth, and human evolution, and challenges science to re-assess the questions it is asking.</h4><h4>Human evolution</h4>Q: So hello and welcome, sir. It is such a pleasure and honor to have you among us in Kanha Shanti Vanam. You are the face of health, not just in America, but also here in India. You have shown Ayurveda to the world. We are very happy you are here. How has your experience of Kanha been?DC: It has been extraordinary. First of all, I’ve never seen so many people meditating together in such a beautiful setting. And everyone here is dedicated to service and sadhana. You have all three things needed for enlightenment – sewa, sangha, and sadhana [service, community, and practice]. You don’t need anything more.Q: Thank you, sir, for saying that. Our efforts have been in that direction, and we are happy when people visit. Even more so, because you can give us a perspective on what could happen here. What is the potential that you see here?DC: I think if there are enough people having an authentic experience of reality, and living that experience, it will hopefully create a critical mass of consciousness over the planet, toward a more peaceful, just, sustainable, healthy, and joyful world.&nbsp;Right now, it’s not a good situation with war, terrorism, eco destruction, extinction of species, pandemics, mass migrations … you name it. Everything that’s happening is a combination that could lead to human extinction. It’s not just theoretical anymore.&nbsp;We’ve made so many advances in science and technology, everything is dependent on technology, including this conversation. Yet, that technology, in combination with a very medieval mindset of tribalism, ethnocentrism, racism, bigotry, hatred, prejudice, is devastating in its bias. Before we had regional issues, but now every issue becomes global immediately. There’s nothing that happens anywhere that doesn’t affect the whole planet.&nbsp;So if you can create a conscious community here, and replicate it elsewhere, which I believe Daaji is doing, we have the key for collective transformation.&nbsp;In the big scheme, I don’t think it makes a difference if humanity disappears. Nature has its own way of deciding what’s the next phase of evolution. Sixty-five million years ago, dinosaurs were wiped out in a matter of a week or less, and we are here because of that. So if we disappear, maybe God has better plans – human evolution hasn’t worked, so let’s try something else.Q: Yes, but I guess as part of our consciousness, it’s important that we take our responsibility seriously. Doing the right thing will leave behind a legacy.&nbsp;DC: We do what needs to be done, but we don’t control the outcome.<h4>Personal evolution</h4>Q: How do you see your own life’s journey of consciousness?&nbsp;DC: Well, I started as a very traditional medical doctor. I trained at AIIMS, the All India Institute of Medical Science in Delhi. Then I went to the US and trained in medicine, endocrinology, and neuroendocrinology. I was looking at the molecules in the brain that correspond to our emotions. And they turned out to be immunomodulators. So that led me to Mind-Body Medicine.&nbsp;It took me a while to realize that even the phrase Mind-Body Medicine is not accurate, because it implies a difference between the mind and the body. They simply have different frequencies of consciousness. The body is a particular frequency that we call perceptual activity, and the mind is another frequency that we call conceptual activity. They’re parallel and complementary activities of consciousness.&nbsp;Because of my science background, I was led ultimately to what is called the hard problem of consciousness. How do neural firings and neurochemistry create what we call experience – sensations, perceptions, images, feelings, thoughts? That’s considered to be the hard problem of consciousness in science.&nbsp;<figure class="image image_resized" style="width:50%;"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/right_question2_387a67d6b0.jpg"></figure><h4>Consciousness</h4>DC: If you Google the 125 open questions in science, number one is: What is the universe made of? The second is: What’s the biological basis of consciousness? It’s been a struggle for both philosophers and scientists, globally. Since Plato in the West, in many schools we find matter-only ontology, consciousness-only ontology, and mind and body as two separate things. But the hard problem of consciousness exists because we are asking the wrong questions.Number one, the universe is not made of anything. It’s constructed in consciousness as a perceptual activity. Number two, there is no biological basis of consciousness, because biology is an experience in consciousness. If we keep asking the wrong questions, we’ll never have the answers.&nbsp;It took me a long time to understand that our scientific model is based on something called naïve realism. Naïve realism means that we assume the world we experience is real, and objective reality corresponds to human perception. But human perception is a very narrow band of activity within a very, very limited electromagnetic spectrum. Furthermore, it’s species specific. Furthermore, it’s experienced through what we call the conditioned mind. Furthermore, it assumes matter as the ontological primitive [outside and independent of experience]. Furthermore, it’s based on the concept of subject-object split.&nbsp;As you look at these arguments, it becomes obvious that naïve realism is a convenient way of doing science and creating technology. But it has nothing to do with truth. You can create virtual reality (VR), and extend the VR we already exist in. Actually, it’s already VR; now we don’t call it Maya, but it is Maya. Maya simply means matter. The words Maya, matter, mother, matrika, meter, time, and music, all come from one idea that what we see or experience, including our own body, including our own brain, is an activity of consciousness. There is no brain producing consciousness. Consciousness is modifying itself into mind brain universe.&nbsp;And while it’s doing that as a human experience, it’s also doing it as a butterfly experience, as a snake experience, as a chameleon experience; every species has its own universe. Then you get within the species, within our species. You have your own universe, and I have my own universe.&nbsp;So, if you walk around New York City or Grand Central Station, each human being is an observation deck for the universal experience, for a particular point of view in space-time. Furthermore, it is an impermanent point of view, because by the time you perceive something, it’s already over. By the time I hear your conversation, or even look at you, that which I looked at is no longer there. Everything, everybody you see is a ghost, and the collective universe that we experience is a collective dreamscape. This is what it means to be asleep, the stage of ignorance. And the goal of spiritual awakening is to wake up from this.&nbsp;Wittgenstein, the Austrian philosopher, said we are asleep, our life is a dream, but once in a while we wake up enough to know that we’re dreaming. So waking up is very crucial, but you can’t wake up if you have the wrong assumption that matter creates consciousness. You’ll never solve that.&nbsp;Matter, atoms, molecules, space, time, force fields, gravity are human names. Who created the word gravity? Human beings. Who created the words atoms, molecules? Human beings. But before they said, “This is a molecule,” there was an experience. And that experience was a perceptual and cognitive activity in consciousness. So before I call this “a glass of water,” it is a sensation, a touch, a taste, a smell, a sound. And then, as humans, we call this combination of sensations a glass of water. We call this a body, we call this the Sun, that the Moon. We made it up, just like we made up latitude, longitude, Greenwich Mean Time, nation states, money.&nbsp;Q: Actually that’s good news, because if that is the truth then we can switch it around. And that’s what I think meditation pertains to.DC: Correct. You can be free of your constructs and create new ones, upgrade the illusion.Q: That’s fantastic.&nbsp;<figure class="image"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/right_question3_af76856c04.jpg"></figure><hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">The body is a particular frequency&nbsp; that we call perceptual activity,&nbsp; and the mind is another frequency that we call conceptual activity. They’re parallel and complementary activities of consciousness.</h4><hr><h4>Self-awareness</h4>Q: What message would you have for young people? A lot of young people join our programs and draw counsel.DC: If you substitute the word “spirituality” with the word “self-awareness,” then ask yourself: What is the self? What is awareness? Then ask yourself: Am I the changing body, or an activity in the self or awareness? Am I the changing mind, or an activity in the self or the awareness? The only thing that doesn’t change is the awareness. When I say, “I was five years old, 10 years old, 15 years old,” the “I” that says that doesn’t change. Everything else changes. Self and awareness go together; there is no self that is independent of awareness.&nbsp;When scientists look at anything, they assume existence, whatever existence, we say, “There is existence.” Of course, existence is a mystery, but the awareness of existence is a bigger mystery. Because if there was no awareness of existence, then there is no existence. So awareness and existence go together. They’re the same thing. Now you add another word to it, truth. Then you have the answer. Truth, awareness, existence are the same thing. We call it sat-chit-ananda, and they’re inseparable, the same thing.&nbsp;When you speak of God, people have their own image, unfortunately, and then they go to war about that image. Even when you speak of the soul, some people roll up their eyes: “What do you mean? What is the soul? Where is the soul? All we have is a brain.” So, I feel that it’s easier in today’s world to speak of self-awareness, and inquiry into self-awareness, what we call Atma Vichara. Then, the ramification of spiritual practices is both Atma Vichara and Atma Darshan [true vision of the Self] at the same time. One is not possible without the other, because who or what is doing the vichara of themselves?Q: I think we could continue for a long time. But you have a flight to catch, and we are extremely happy to have these snippets.DC: I am really thrilled to be here. I’m being very honest with you, I have stayed away from the institutionalized guru kingdoms of India. But Daaji is an exception. He doesn’t even call himself a guru. He’s very humble, and he is very devoted to service, which is extraordinary.Q: We’re very thankful, because it’s not just the time but the kind of time you’ve given. It’s extremely encouraging and empowering for young people and take a few cues on how they can lead their lives.DC: Leave them with one message: “Be the change you want to see in the world,” in the words of Mahatma Gandhi.Q: Absolutely. And you’ve done that. Thank you so much.<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Truth, awareness, existence are the same thing.&nbsp; We call it sat-chit-ananda, and they’re inseparable, the same thing.</h4><hr>

Are we asking the right questions?

Fascinating life

Pioneer of the future

The Universe

Devotion

Ranked #1 in men’s tennis in Asia in the under-14 category; the first player from India to be included in the World Junior Team; co-founder of the Shaishya Tennis Academy, Gujarat, India; these are some of the laurels that Devinder Singh Bhusari has feathered in his cap. In addition to being a very successful tennis player, this young prodigy also received an MBA degree from one of the premier B-schools in India. What keeps him inspired and grounded amidst success and his current work is meditation.

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Devinder Singh Bhusari

&nbsp;<hr>&nbsp;<h4 style="text-align:justify;">DEVINDER SINGH BHUSARI made it big on the international tennis circuit. In 1999 he was ranked Asian no. 1 in the under 14 category, and he has the distinction of being the first ever Indian tennis player to be invited by the International Tennis Federation (ITF) to be a part of the World Junior Team to the USA in the same year. But then, as a young adult, he chose to take his career in tennis in a different direction. Today, as part of a team of experts, Devinder successfully coaches young talent in the Shaishya Tennis Academy in Gujarat, India, and offers counseling to students and their parents. This strengthens them in the sport and grooms them to face the challenges of life at large.</h4><hr>Q: What attracted you to tennis, Devinder? What led you to pursue it as a full-time vocation?DSB: My journey as a tennis player, even the career that I am pursuing now, started because of my father. He wanted me to be a sportsperson. He had wanted to be a cricketer himself, so in a way he wanted to live his dream through me. And he wanted me to be a cricketer, and like a lot of other Indian kids my journey also started with cricket at the age of three-and-a-half. He motivated me, and later on I went into athletics and then to tennis. I started playing tennis well, and I played competitive tennis at the international level. I think in those years growing up, tennis and academics were the only two things that I did.Later on during my postgraduate days, as I was trying to figure out what I was really good at or what I would like to do, my heart guided me to realize that I really got a kick out of training and mentoring others. So after I did my major in human resources, I combined the two things that I really wanted to do: training and mentoring young kids and adults and tennis. That’s why today I am in this profession of tennis coaching and tennis counseling.Q: Did you ever feel pressured, or was there any clash between what you wanted to do and what your father wanted you to do?DSB: I was motivated and inspired, actually. He used to put pictures and newspaper articles in front of me, or we would watch cricket matches together on television, and I would see the laurels that sportspersons got for their country and for their friends and families. My father used to say, “People usually come into this world and do something just to lead a normal life, get married, have children and so on. Your life should be different. You should become something.” So that message stuck in my mind – that he wanted me to be different, he wanted me to be a sportsperson. I liked sports so there was never a clash between what I wanted to do and what my father wanted me to do, until I was 21 or 22. I guess since birth I was just very obedient to my parents!But at the age of 21 or 22 I had the question: What do I want to do? And as I already explained, at the age of 22 I stopped playing competitive tennis and started exploring what I really wanted in life. After that things changed, I changed – not radically, but I found a balance between what my father wanted for me in life and what I want, and kind of combined the two. I’m leading a happy life right now!During my MBA, I secured a placement with Indian Oil Corporation. My parents were super happy but I was dissatisfied; I wanted to do more. My father, especially, wasn’t in favor of me quitting the job. It took six months to convince him to let me get into the field of tennis coaching.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Bhusari2_ab0b44d0af.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-04T06:44:20.511Z" alt="Bhusari2">&nbsp;<hr>&nbsp;Q: Oh, beautiful. So how did you go about finding that balance?DSB: It was very important to know what my strengths were. What is it that I really wanted to do in life? I had started practicing meditation at the age of 19, while I was doing my Bachelor of Commerce. Meditation helped me to be in touch with myself. Of course it helped me on the tennis court, but it also helped me off the tennis court, because I came to know who I really am, what are my strengths, and what is it that I really like doing.At that point in time I knew a lot of people who were really struggling with the question of what to do in life, whereas in my case, the more I came to know about myself, the more options actually started opening up. So I never felt lost, or had the question, “What am I going to do next?” In fact I knew that I could do this, or this, or this. It was all about choosing the best option. So that was the beauty of meditation.Q: What is tennis counseling? How do you do it in Shaishya?DSB: When I started, I joined my own coach, Shrimal Bhatt, and began coaching with him. At the same time I founded a small firm called Samasam, which means ‘balance’ in Sanskrit. Within that I incorporated the idea of tennis counseling. Of course now I do counselling and coaching at Shaishya Tennis Academy.&nbsp;<hr>&nbsp;&nbsp;<hr><h5 style="text-align:center;">What I tell my students is that at the end of the day it’s just a sport, it’s just a game. So when I counsel the kids on the mental aspect, there’s a whole set of values that I bring in.</h5>&nbsp;<hr><hr>In tennis, the difference between players at the highest level is a mental one. It is not so much physical, it is not so much technical or tactical as mental. Experience had taught me that very few people actually train kids mentally. And to train kids mentally, you don’t need to necessarily do it on a tennis court; it can be done off the tennis court, it can be done in an office or a classroom. So I started tennis counseling. In fact, if I look back, most of the students who have come back to me for tennis coaching are the ones who actually took counseling from me. I counsel the kids, the players, and I counsel the parents also on a variety of topics like the mental aspect, planning their tennis and tournament schedules, and even queries regarding their academics. So it’s more like being a tennis doctor.Q: Are there any specific tools or steps that you use, or a curriculum that you follow, while counseling your students and their parents, especially on the mental front?DSB: That’s a great question. Mostly people look at a game like tennis as a physical sport. But it came to me with experience that, at the end of the day, it is largely a mental sport. I know so many kids who play well during practice, but in a match they just fizzle out; they don’t perform well. So how to train these kids on these mental aspects?What I tell my students is that at the end of the day it’s just a sport, it’s just a game. So when I counsel the kids on the mental aspect, there’s a whole set of values that I bring in. The better character and perspective the child has towards life and towards sport, the better they’ll do in tournaments and be able to handle the pressure. The pressure in tennis, and even in life, comes from misdirected perspectives or misdirected ambitions. Tennis is not about winning or losing; a tennis match should be able to bring out the best in the child. I think that is also what challenges in life are all about. So in counseling sessions, all the time we keep reflecting back to what life is all about, and how tennis is just a miniature real-life situation without the real-life consequences. I am speaking about tennis, but it applies to all sports.Q: Can you share some practical examples of drastic changes in students through this type of counseling?DSB: There was an instance where one boy would get very angry on the court, and in certain cases he did not have the adequate work ethic or willpower to do the exercises. So we started meditation sessions with him during the last four months, and there is actually a clear improvement. The graph in terms of his efforts and work ethic is only moving upwards. He has become so particular about the way he does things, we can see him motivated, and he plays at the international level. He is a 16-year-old boy playing at the level of international juniors.I have also been fortunate to work with a couple of other players, one of whom is a national champion. This boy was in 10th grade, and in one of the unit tests leading up to the final board exams he failed, and his parents were pretty concerned regarding his future and what to do. So first I spoke to the parents without the child, and then we brought the child in and worked out a timetable. We worked out the priorities, keeping the right perspective and trying to find a balance between his academics and tennis. The boy finally did well in his board exams, and then he actually went on to win a national title and a couple of back-to-back international titles last year.<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/bhusari3_fcaf6db4df.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-04T06:45:52.218Z" alt="bhusari3">Q: That’s fantastic. So do you use meditation as a tool regularly in your counseling program in the academy?DSB: No, not for every child because most of the children who come to me are less than 15 years of age. Lately there is a relaxation technique that we have been using on the court sometimes for the kids after the sessions, to help them relax, to help them focus. A lot of kids really like it, and some of them apply the technique on their own.In fact the reason I took to meditation was that in the middle of a match I would get so many thoughts. Some of them were irrelevant, unnecessarily putting me under pressure. I think the best way to tackle pressure in a tennis match, or in life, is to get your thinking clear, and that is what meditation essentially does. Once you are able to regulate your mind in a positive direction, most of the things get sorted by themselves.Q: What changes did you observe on and off the court once you started meditating?DSB: A lot of things! Some of the small things were: better control over my emotions, clearer focused thinking, precision, and better efficiency in whatever needs to be done. So that’s at the lower level. But at a higher level, you need to have a right perspective towards everything. So I keep talking to the parents and to the children about what is the right perspective towards tennis. And the right perspective is to take it is as a game. There are challenges involved, and the challenges should make us better as a person, as a human being.So meditation has given me the right perspective on life, as to what life is all about. And once you have the right perspective, it puts all the other facets or all the other parts of life in proper place. You are able to prioritize very well. I do have a lot of duties, and meditation helps me to stay centered, focused, and I am happy and enjoying life.<h5 style="text-align:justify;">To be continued.</h5><hr>&nbsp;<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Interviewed by MEGHANA ANAND</h4>&nbsp;<hr>

The mental side of the game - part 1

<hr><h4 style="text-align:justify;">Ace tennis player and coach DEVINDER SINGH BHUSARI continues to share his insights on the right perspective to sport. Here he talks about how to manage stress and pressure on and off court, and brings a whole new dimension to the art of competing and the role of parents in encouraging their children to accomplish their dreams.</h4><hr>Q: What does health and fitness mean to you?DSB: One of the best parts of my journey in Shaishya is that I also deal with the coaching of adults. By adults I mean anyone who is over 18 and who is learning or playing tennis just for the social or fitness part of it. I see so many people take to sport for fitness and wellness – to keep the body fit. When I say ‘fitness’ or ‘wellness’, there is of course the physical part; you exercise your whole body to ensure that you are able to use it very well throughout the day. The other part of wellness, which people often miss out, is the mental or the emotional part. I see so many players who come to us in the morning to play a competitive set and if they lose they are in a bad mood throughout the day. And actually they play tennis to start off the day in a good mood. So these are misplaced priorities, you know, misdirected ambitions.If you watch tennis matches, sometimes you will see players with a frown on their face and clenched muscles. You can see the tension written all over their faces. I keep telling my students, “Why can’t you sing a song between points?” or “Why can’t the racquet become a guitar for a moment?” Why can’t you maintain a sense of humor in the middle of a match?<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/mentalside2_2_1_6d8ce2f9bc.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-04T10:39:02.195Z" alt="mentalside2"> Q: That’s such a beautiful perspective, especially towards sport. Can you elaborate?DSB: When we talk off-court, the kids who come to me for counseling share that they feel a lot of pressure. Normally the fear is of losing. So one of the ways they know they are handling the pressure, fear or nervousness well on court, is if they can maintain humor, if they can smile. The same applies to life also. In life, too, we have our share of challenges. Can we smile through them, accepting them cheerfully? So I tell my students, “In the middle of matches, can you smile? Or for a few seconds why don’t you sing a song under your breath? Because if you can maintain that perspective in the middle of the match, we know that you are handling pressure well. You are just being yourself, smiling your way through it.” That’s what life is all about, isn’t it? Accepting things cheerfully with a smile, even when they are tough. And if these kids are going to learn it here at such a young age, they will be very well prepared for life – which is the beauty of any sport. It prepares you for life.Q: Well, stress is synonymous with sport today all over the globe, and this is such a lovely perspective – to keep it light and humorous. Is there any other tip that you can share to cope with the stress and pressure of competition and stay cool while playing tennis or any other sport?DSB: To answer this question I would like to go back a little … My father used to give me a lot of books and say, “Treat these books as your coaches.” So I used to read a lot, and two or three books have stayed with me. One especially stood out, and that is The Inner Game of Tennis. It dives deep into your personality, what is happening inside of you, the awareness that you should have while playing a match. I picked it up from an old bookstore on one of my birthdays and it shaped me; and I call it ‘The Bible of Teaching and Learning Tennis’.Q: Wow! Who is the author?DSB: It is by W. Timothy Gallwey. The author himself was a tennis player and the book was a bestseller. He then went on to found the Inner Game Institute (www.theinnergame. com), and subsequently to write other books called The Inner Game of Work, The Inner Game of Music with Barry Green, and The Inner Game of Golf. It all actually started for him with tennis. Another great book is The Mental Game – Winning at Pressure Tennis by James E. Loehr, who is a pioneer in sports psychology. Some of the things that I have shared today with you regarding the right perspective are from this book, and I share them in my counseling sessions. I have developed lesson plans for a curriculum, for group and individual counseling, from these books and also from my own experience, and when any child comes to me with a particular problem I have material ready to talk about.Now coming back to your question of handling stress, what I have found to be true is that we need some amount of stress or nervousness or pressure, which is positive and which is required to get things done. For example, if there are no deadlines no work can happen. If there were no exams, many kids would not study. And if there were no matches, a lot of kids may not think of improving themselves. So this little bit of pressure is required to get things going. Some amount of it shows that they care. But many kids are happy if they win and sad if they lose. I think that is the wrong equation. Not equating winning with happiness needs to be constantly reinforced, because parents and others will be happy if they win. If they lose they think something is wrong. How do we ensure that the kids are still happy even when they lose?Most stress comes because once they enter the court their whole focus is on winning the match, proving, “I am better than the opponent.” But there have been so many cases where I have won a tennis match and have not felt good about it because I didn’t play well. So I keep telling the kids, “If you’ve won a match, it only tells you that on that day you played better than the other person. It does not mean you are better than the other person. There may be other days when your opponent plays better, so you have to face that too.” So all this comes down to the fact that you are not approaching the sport with the right perspective.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/mentalside2_3_d7c2809a40.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-04T10:40:09.713Z" alt="mentalside2"><hr>At the end of it I ask them to remember that it’s just a game, and you play it for fun, fitness and a lot of other benefits, like better concentration and other physical abilities. Once they remember that it remains the base, and all the negative consequences and complexities they develop because of the sport will go away. Then they will start enjoying the sport a lot. I mean you can be a champion yet not enjoy the sport. You might as well be a happy person, maybe not playing at a high level, but that’s completely okay. And if you can play at a high level, always keeping a smile on your face, there’s nothing like it. That’s the best!Q: What is the role of ambition in achievement and excellence?DSB: In Human Resource Management we have a theory of external motivation vis-àvis internal motivation. When we are children, any example that motivates us to do better, to excel, is good, for example, seeing someone holding a trophy. But it’s very clear for me when I play a match, that if I enter with positive emotions like the desire to excel, to play my best, I will also not feel a lot of pressure because I am positively motivated. I am negatively motivated when all I want to prove is that I am better than the other person. So if ambition is about being number 1 – winning this tournament, winning this trophy – if it’s about ranking, it is going to put a lot of pressure on the child, which in turn can lead to a lot of negative emotions like anger, frustration, nervousness and everything that goes with it. This is also what the sports psychologists say.Luckily, in my case, with the books The Inner Game of Tennis and The Mental Game, and with meditation, the perspective changed from outward to inward. When I look inward – and the ancient Indian literature is replete with this saying – I realize that my opponent is not someone outside me. Even on the tennis court, my opponent is not actually someone who is playing against me. If my opponent is inside me, he has to be myself: How can I better myself? How can I defeat the negative tendencies that I have within me? How do I overcome the fear and nervousness that are there within me? Because I know that if I overcome these well, I will be able to respond better to the things my outside opponent is challenging me with.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/mentalside2_4_63c5ef752b.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-04T11:04:04.649Z" alt="mentalside2"><hr>And that is where I believe aspiration comes in, because it is to become something inside and not something outside. Outside, the world will take care of itself, but if I am becoming a better human being, if I am trying to change myself every day, if I am trying to become a positive person and find ways to overcome my own negative tendencies, ensuring that I become more and more positive, more and more loving and happy on the court, that is a sportsman’s spirit. I think those kids who are happy inside and have the strength inside are the only ones who are able to show good sportsman’s spirit in the most challenging situations.Q: I’m sure that we’re going to come full circle with this question. We have been speaking throughout about the right perspective that children can have towards sport. Can you share with us your ideas about the parents’ perspective while encouraging their children in any field?DSB: Since I am also a parent of a three-year-old boy, I keep looking to this time and again. I would actually like all parents to encourage their children to develop in more than one field, honestly speaking. Academics is great, but what else? And I am not speaking just as a sportsperson right now. The initial push always comes from the parents because at a very young age the child may not have the wisdom to decide. So whether it is sports or music or dance or robotics or any of these, the initial push always comes from the parents because the child looks up to their parents. I think it’s very natural for a child to follow in their parents’ footsteps and also to make them happy.Having said this, there might be various stages that come in life. For example, as a parent you might be the one initiating this, but that doesn’t mean you will be the coach throughout. A lot of pressure comes when the child tries to meet parents’ expectations. Our job as parents is just to give them the initial push, to provide them an environment which is supportive, to support them financially, to support them wholeheartedly, even if that means investing a little time in it, and to be there for the child.You may have a vision or a dream for your child and hopefully your child will share that dream, but if they don’t, that should also be okay. Because at least that means the child is someone with their own perspective, who knows their strengths and what they want out of life. If you give them those kinds of values and raise them in the right way, the child will take proper direction and will do things that are great for them.Q: This dimension that you’ve brought to sport is really wonderful, Devinder. Is there anything else you want to add?DSB: We were talking about managing various duties, and this is one part of my life where meditation is helping me a lot. In fact, I have been struggling with this question for the last two years. A solution came by itself: doing all these duties of a Heartfulness trainer, tennis coach, counselor and a parent, fits in beautifully with meditation. Just being involved with the pursuit of the highest possible goal is taking care of a lot of other things.Q: Thank you so much, and I wish you all the very best in your sport and in your work as a mentor and trainer.DSB: Thank you, Meghana.<hr><a href="//www.heartfulnessmagazine.com/mental-side-game-part-1/">Read previous article</a>&nbsp;<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Interviewed by MEGHANA ANAND</h4>&nbsp;<hr>

The mental side of the game - part 2

Divya has a background in finance and is an avid traveler as well as a professional Odissi dancer. She has lived and traveled across many countries and enjoys writing about her experiences.

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Divya Chowdhary

<h4>DIVYA CHOWDHARY manages to integrate a cultural divide in rural Texas, and learn more about herself in the process. She especially shares some useful tips for navigating multicultural conversations@work.</h4><hr>I grew up in a small town in Texas.In fact, it was so small back then that there was nothing but open fields for two hours in every direction of the town. The Indian population was negligible, so I pretty much had two choices when I moved there: either relate to my Indian background and stand out at school, or learn the ways of my American counterparts and blend right into the preteen society.&nbsp;Naturally, I tried very hard to become completely American, but unknowingly I always attached myself to my Indian identity a tad more. It meant I was taught not to question the choices of my parents and elders, and obedience was seen as a sign of respect. Although I wasn’t good at this at home (being the more rebellious child), I unconsciously gravitated towards this etiquette whenever I was at school, in social gatherings, and eventually at my workplace after I graduated college.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/but_why1_700x467_035ac16343.jpg" alt=""><a href="https://www.rawpixel.com/image/3924459">Image</a> by <a href="https://www.rawpixel.com/">rawpixel.com</a><hr>While I may have asked my parents a dozen “why’s” each day, at work I was quiet. I sought to finish the tasks at hand, not ask questions, and not question the decisions of my managers. If they wanted a PowerPoint in a certain format, maybe that meant they knew best! Who was I to suggest an alternative? I rarely offered my opinions on project workstreams. After all, I was new and wanted to be respectful of my manager.Through several years of constructive feedback, evaluations, and encouragement from various managers, I managed to work through this shell. Some folks have suggested that this was a personality change and not the impact of cultural differences. I believe otherwise. At home and with friends I was extroverted, opinionated, and energetic. I now know that I always wanted to be that same person at work, but my sense of etiquette usually stopped me. Now I know that I can respect others while still speaking up for my opinions, thoughts, and ideas.I did not fully realize how much I had changed until recently. A mid-forties Asian counterpart responded to my ideas on a conference call by saying, “You don’t know anything. You are new. Let me tell you how it is done, okay?” At first I was shocked into silence. Did he just say that I knew nothing?! Maybe I shouldn’t have spoken up. I was upset for a while, then I slowly pieced it together. First, the language barrier was at play. Maybe he didn’t mean it so harshly. Second, he could have felt undermined – after all, I was new and he had been around for twenty years. Most importantly, however, I acknowledged the cultural aspect. He came from a culture where not questioning and only listening is a sign of respect toward those more experienced. He could be unconsciously falling back into that cultural pattern, despite efforts to remain more aligned with the American workplace.This helped me not to judge him. The next time I spoke up, I framed it in a way that showed I valued his input and experience. It made a huge difference.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/but_why2_700x467_1dae01ea0b.jpg" alt=""><a href="https://www.rawpixel.com/image/3924469">Image</a> by <a href="https://www.rawpixel.com/">rawpixel.com</a><hr>Changing childhood cultural habits can take decades. The most difficult ones are those where we change for specific situations, like at work, but are expected to remain unchanged at home. Undoubtedly, it takes versatility and practice. Knowing how confusing it can be, in future when I am faced with such a conflict, I will give others the benefit of the doubt!<hr>

But why?

<h4>
 DIVYA CHOWDHARY tells us how her young niece
 helped her understand the difference between being nice and being kind. That distinction has been helpful in her
 own application of kindness.
</h4>



<hr class="vertical-space1">



One of the first things my niece learned to say was, “Be nice.” Ironically, she never said it nicely. It would come
 as a strict reprimand to all of us. My sister-in-law originally taught her these words because she didn’t want her
 saying “Stop” to everything. So, when my niece felt that others were not being nice, she would yell, “Be nice!”



There were countless occasions when she would say this to me, even though I knew I was doing good by her. For
 example, when I would ask her to put away her toys, or tell her not to throw things, and she wasn’t in the mood to
 hear these requests, I was told to be nice. When my nephew threw food across the room, and I would scold him, she
 would be his shining knight in armor and reprimand me with, “Be nice.” It was hilarious at times. I knew I was
 teaching my niece and nephew things that were important and that would benefit them in the long run. It may not have
 been the “nice” thing to hear, but it was good for them. In fact, I was showing them kindness.



Although this story with my niece is a very light-hearted example of nice versus kind, it can be extrapolated into so
 many different aspects of our lives. We have been told growing up to be nice to others, but we don’t hear often
 enough that we can be kind to others. And if we do, we confuse nice with kind, even though there is a distinct
 difference that can impact relationships very differently.



I believe niceness is what we show others when we don’t stand to lose anything in the process, while kindness is what
 we show when we are ready to sacrifice something (time, energy, even another person’s feelings towards us). The
 major distinction is: Are we thinking about what is best for ourselves, or are we thinking about what is best for
 the other person?



<hr class="vertical-space1">



<hr>



<h4 class="has-text-align-center">I believe niceness is what we
 show others when we don’t stand to lose anything in the process, while kindness is what we show when
 we are ready to sacrifice something (time, energy, even another person’s feelings towards us).</h4>



<hr>



<hr class="vertical-space1">



Being nice to others is easy. We can easily hold the door open in a chivalrous manner, not steal from our neighbors,
 and donate unneeded items to the local charity. We are taught to do those things, yet in none of them do we
 sacrifice our comfort or personal items. And, we walk away looking great in the eyes of others! Kindness, on the
 other hand, is a teacher staying an extra hour after school to tutor her students for free, giving helpful
 constructive criticism to someone who could benefit from the feedback, and offering your last sandwich to your
 friend who forgot his food at home when you’re still hungry. In each of those examples, kindness shines through the
 sacrifice of time, personal feelings, and comfort.



<hr>



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<figure><img decoding="async" width="700" height="471" alt="" class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/nice_kind2_700x471_9cebe45da4.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T12:56:52.359Z">
</figure>




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<hr>



<h4 class="has-text-align-center">Kindness is honest, selfless,
 and loving. It is fundamental to building trust, which is a building block for a fulfilling
 friendship.</h4>



<hr>



<hr class="vertical-space1">



Another way to look at it is in the types of compliments we pay to others. The first is a “nice” compliment – we
 couldn’t care less what the other person really feels, but we feel obliged to be pleasant. The second is a
 “kind” compliment – we care deeply how the other person will feel, so we feel our hearts signal to us to be
 kind.



At the core, kindness asks us to listen to our hearts, while niceness is a trained mindset. Both are important and
 have their place, and true friendships are built on both, but kindness leads in first place. Kindness is honest,
 selfless, and loving. It is fundamental to building trust, which is a building block for a fulfilling friendship.




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<h4 class="has-text-align-center">Illustrations by MONIKA JURCZYK
</h4>



<hr>

The difference between nice and kind

Divya is a 25-year-old medical student based in New York City. After studying business and doing her time in consulting, she is excited to combine her interests in innovation and investing with healthcare. In her free time, Divya loves to travel, play tennis, and hangout with her dog, Mika.

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Divya Rao

<h4>DIVYA RAO shares her experience taking personality tests and how the present generation’s approach to establishing relationships might help us solve problems in the future.</h4><hr>&nbsp;“Hi, my name is Rachel, I’m an Entrepreneur (ESTP), and my Zodiac sign is Virgo.”My summer program at medical school is focused on advocating for children’s health in the face of global warming. It started this week with a round of introductions, with each of us stating our names and two of our favorite personality indicators.The elderly pulmonologist who was leading our session looked slightly bemused, especially when the other physicians happily contributed their Zodiac signs and Myers–Briggs types. He laughed, stating that when he was a medical student the introductions were definitely very different. Indeed, a lot of the people in the session were skeptical about how personality tests could be important to our advocacy. The facilitator said that understanding ourselves, and each other, would lead to more impactful teamwork and, as a result, advocacy.One of my favorite (and most useful) classes at Business School was “Communication and Group Dynamics.” Professor Gartenburg would start every week by inviting us to take a personality test, often causing the group to sigh loudly and roll their eyes. At first, I too was skeptical: “How was learning my Enneagram or my NEO score going to help me tackle the colossal final project I had creeping up on me. Wasn’t my time better spent by studying for my upcoming organic chemistry test instead?”It certainly didn’t help that for my group project there was a hodgepodge of ten random students, most of whom I had never seen before. I resigned myself to just keeping my head down, doing my project as quickly as I could, and getting out of there.As our team progressed throughout the semester, we noticed that our tests were eerily coming true. Those who were idealists became frustrated when we would sit for hours in a basement looking at the practical details of implementing our study. The introverts were horrified when they were made to present in front of the Eternity Management Department.As we began to recognize the dismay of team members, instead of pointing fingers at each other or throwing accusations of not being a team player, we turned them into our assets. We were able to allocate responsibilities based on who would actually enjoy the task, for example, putting people on the presentation platform who loved talking to a crowd, having those who loved planning in charge of creating our outreach schedule, and ensuring that everyone felt supported in their roles.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/know_thyself2_700x352_f6168f7f35.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T05:37:47.028Z" alt="know-thyself2"><hr>The most incredible part of the class was not the fact that we were invited to present our findings to the board of the museum we were working with, but the fact that we became best friends. Despite our group being very diverse, we came out knowing each other better than we knew some of our friends.Now, one of the most powerful aspects of the personality tests is that sometimes we disagreed wholeheartedly with our results. We were, however, able to reflect on ourselves while we took the tests (even after), to see what we loved, what we hated, and what made us tick. It gave us the tools to truly understand ourselves and each other. Even though some people may laugh at the obsession we have with personality tests, journaling, or self-reflection, it is these very attributes that set us apart from previous generations.<hr><hr><h4>We may not have all the answers,&nbsp; but I truly believe our generation’s empathy, ability to self-reflect, and softness for one another and ourselves, is what will allow us to tackle all the hurdles in front of us.&nbsp;</h4><hr><hr>We may not have all the answers, but I truly believe our generation’s empathy, ability to self-reflect, and softness for one another and ourselves, is what will allow us to tackle all the hurdles in front of us. So here’s to working together for our future. From your favorite ESFP, Enneagram 3, Pisces.

Know thyself: take a personality test!

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Diya Muralishankar

<hr><h4>DIYA MURALISHANKAR shares her love of painting, baking and generally being confident in expressing herself and her feelings.</h4><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Diya_Muralishankar_7ccd64cd7a.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T07:12:30.582Z" alt="you-are-your-only-competition">As teenagers, we’re plagued with questions about our existence, but all I’ve ever known for sure is that I was created to express myself freely. At some point in my childhood I picked up a crayon like every other child, the only difference being that I couldn’t put it down after that. My love for art later translated into a love for baking because I see cakes as edible art.Both of these started as random flashes of inspiration, either from a book, a movie or an incident in my life, and gradually turned into a form of self expression. But it didn’t start out great. I burned numerous batches of brownies, as well as my mother’s favorite tablecloth, and once I dyed my cupcakes a sickly shade of green so that no one could bear to eat them. My hands were stained with paint multiple times and we once extracted dried glue from my hair.With some practice, art and baking went from being mere hobbies to a way of life. I found comfort in my brush strokes and satisfaction in the happy smiles of the people who ate my goods. Having just one hobby is never enough – the world is too exciting a place for that! However, all my hobbies, including art, baking and <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/tansen-the-famous-musician" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">singing</a>, revolve around creating something from nothing, something unique that portrays my individuality.<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/competition2_8832470c38.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T07:14:37.135Z" alt="you-are-your-only-competition">As I got older, doing all this for myself wasn’t enough, so I started hosting Bake Sales along with a couple of my friends. We raised money for a charity that helps less fortunate young women of my age to lead a life of dignity and freedom by providing them with a year’s worth of sanitary pads and hygiene products. As for my art, I started painting for my loved ones, because gifting them a painting or a sketch felt like sharing a piece of myself with them. I’d like to thank all my loved ones for keeping my artwork no matter how strange it is.My art teacher was one of the main reasons I never lost hope in my work, even in the face of high competition. He saw something in me that I didn’t, so I held on to that and trusted his judgment.Tapping into my own potential has always been challenging, because creative hobbies are often accompanied by self doubt. However, it gets easier once you realize that comparing your work with that of others is pointless. Their work reflects who they are and not who you are. Every experience in your life shapes you into the unique person that you are, so your true competition can only be with yourself, helping you learn from your mistakes to make yourself a better person.So be proud of that lopsided cake, that funky painting, because confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Article by DIYA MURALISHANKAR</h4><hr>

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