How communication changes lives
“Compassion is not a relationship between
the healer and the wounded.
It’s a relationship between equals.
Only when we know our own
darkness well
can we be present with the darkness of others.
Compassion becomes real when
we recognize our shared humanity.”
—Pema Chödrön
Compassion – just one word – seems so relevant in this moment, in particular in the grieving, loss-filled times we are living in.
It is not always easy to define or capture the true meaning of the word, but we can certainly feel it, and sometimes its absence. One more literal definition of compassion is “to suffer together,” and although not an exact translation, in Hindi and Urdu we have the word hamdardi – our (shared) pain.
Researchers in the field of positive psychology and emotions describe compassion as the feeling that comes when faced with the suffering of another, accompanied by the need to relieve that suffering.
So, how can we relieve the suffering of others, especially when everything seems too much? People often talk of compassion fatigue, but we also know that we can clearly be compassionate and empathic, mirror neurons being considered the cornerstone of human empathy (V.S. Ramachandran et al, 2007). How then? We can listen with our hearts, and listen with our whole being, our whole undivided attention and presence.
Empathic listening can allow the speaker
to release and
let go of
so much,
easing their emotional burdens
and feel “met,”
cherished, human. In doing so,
we remember our beautiful
and
sometimes bruised humanity
in all its colors of joy and sorrow. Our
oneness.
And what is this “presence”? When we are there completely for that other person, friend, family member, lover, sister, brother, or even a stranger. No judgment; instead, non-judgment. No covering over the awkward silences with our words; instead, embracing the silence and holding that space for others, honoring that and allowing whatever needs to be said, even unsaid. Offering our pure, unconditional attention, where we hear and feel the feelings behind the words, if possible with love, without any underlying intention.
In that moment of compassion and empathic listening, the listener can even forget themselves completely. It is an experience akin to the dissolution of the ego, of “no self.” Empathic listening can allow the speaker to release and let go of so much, easing their emotional burdens and feel “met,” cherished, human. In doing so, we remember our beautiful and sometimes bruised humanity in all its colors of joy and sorrow. Our oneness.
