HELLE LAURSEN prompts us to reflect on how we communicate with ourselves and others with compassion, in order to develop trust. Helle teaches the evidence-based Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) program worldwide. She has also been a student of Heartfulness for more than 25 years and is a Heartfulness trainer.
Kindness and compassion are powerful ways of supporting others. When someone we care about fails at something or feels imperfect, it seems natural for us to meet them with understanding and support.
Responding with kindness, understanding, and support is one of the building blocks of trust. It is also the definition of compassion. Compassion is the ability to hold the suffering and have the wish to lessen the suffering.
We also need to trust our own ability to navigate difficulties. The warmhearted response of understanding and support is called compassion when directed at others, and self-compassion when directed at ourselves.
Ample research shows a clear correlation between our ability to be self-compassionate and mental health. Research suggests self-compassion is the starting point for building solid relations with others, because self-compassion is the training of relational skills.
Research suggests self-compassion is
the starting point for building solid
relations with others, because
self-compassion is the training of
relational skills.
Self-compassion is including ourselves in the circle of those we wish to support. This is much more difficult than responding with warmth to someone we care about.
You may reflect on these questions to recognize this:
- Do you respond with kindness, support, and compassion toward yourself when you feel inadequate or make a mistake?
If you are like most of us, you tend to judge and criticize yourself instead.
- Can you hold the emotions that naturally arise when you experience discomfort?
If you are like most of us, you will either be consumed by emotions or tend to avoid, bypass, or suppress them.
When we respond with kindness and self-compassion in challenging situations, we strengthen the connection to our inner Self. We untangle from difficult emotions more quickly. We gain humility, seeing our own imperfections more clearly.
Self-compassion is far from priding oneself, being enough in oneself, becoming self-indulgent, or being better than others. It is the opposite of all that. Research is unequivocal on this. We become less self-centered and more compassionate to others when we are self-compassionate.
When we respond with kindness and self-compassion amid difficult emotions, we stay connected to ourselves through what is happening. In Heartfulness, we would say, “I’ll stay connected to my heart through difficulties.” This means not diminishing, not pushing away, and not avoiding what is happening inside. This demands both clarity and courage. After all, avoiding or pushing away the reality of unpleasant emotions involves less effort and is often our default.
Trust starts with how we respond. Let it be a kind, passionate, and openhearted response to ourselves as well as to others.
Read more about self-compassion at Nordic-compassion.com
Helle Laursen
Helle is a certified Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) teacher, with over 20 years’ experience. She is on the faculty of the Center for MSC in the US and their European partner in Holland, and works with a Chinese... Read More
