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Vinoba Bhave

Nothing is so powerful as love and thought

Violeta Chamorro

Reconciliation

Virginia is a multi lingual intercultural relations consultant, health, wellness and neuro language coach, with over 25 years experience. Virginia helps professionals cultivate language skills and adapt to new environments and lifestyles. Virginia explores the role of neuroscience in learning, evolving value systems, and the significance of inner alignment for outer change.

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Virginia Cutchin

<h4>VIRGINIA CUTCHIN is a multilingual intercultural consultant and neurolanguage® coach who helps professionals cultivate language skills and adapt to new environments and lifestyles. Here, JAYATI DESAI of the Heartfulness Institute interviews Virginia about the role of neuroscience in bridging intercultural differences and learning new languages.</h4><hr>Q: Welcome Virginia. Despite the globalization of the workforce, there are still differences in the attitudes and ways we work around the world. I am curious to understand how neurolanguage coaching helps us to collaborate more effectively.VC: Sure. First, let me thank you for this chat.Neurolanguage coaching was developed and registered by a wonderful woman named Rachel Paling, who established a worldwide network of neurolanguage coaches. It is a method of language acquisition and learning that places heavy emphasis on neuroscience – how brains like to learn.All brains are basically the same, but with subtle differences that play out in how we interpret challenges – what happens when we feel anxious or threatened. This happens when we learn something, like learning to drive or learning a new language, especially when the pressure to learn is great.Neurolanguage coaching is a process of co-creation with the learner, considering every learner as a unique case and discovering how best they learn. We present information to them accordingly and keep them as engaged as possible from the very beginning. An absolute beginner who doesn’t know anything about the language can speak and remember in a short amount of time, just by knowing how the brain accesses different blocks of information.<hr><hr><h4>Neurolanguage coaching is a process of&nbsp; co-creation with the learner,&nbsp; considering every learner as a unique case and&nbsp; discovering how best they learn.</h4><hr><hr>Q: Our understanding is that children absorb information and learn new languages faster than adults. Does this method specifically cater to children or adults?VC: It’s for both. My clients include 7-year-old children and 60-year-old adults. We do take into consideration that children learn faster, so our approach is tailored to their energy level, their brainwave patterns, the development of the physical brain, and the physical capacity to learn the language. It’s fascinating, because it allows us to engage at such a personal level that it builds closeness and trust very quickly, and that’s lasting.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/language_culture3_700x466_823e75f57d.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T12:44:02.687Z" alt=""><hr>Q: So, is this method faster than traditional methods?&nbsp;VC: Yes, there is evidence that those who use neurolanguage coaching learn the language faster. Neurolanguage coaching focuses on mechanical skills, such as grammar, pronunciation, and vocabulary, and also mastery skills, such as subject matter and target audience? What do you need to learn about? If you’re using it for business, you don’t need to know how to ride a bicycle, you need to know how to negotiate.Neurolanguage coaching is tailor-made to the specific needs of the learner. It’s dynamic, so the learner stays engaged throughout the coaching, as they help identify what is to be learned. It is meaningful and relevant for the learner.I lived in Italy as a teenager, and I’ve forgotten most of my Italian, so I’m going to re-learn it using this method. There are language families across the world, and we are constantly building bridges from your native language to the target language that you want to learn. And even though it could be wildly different, say English and Chinese, there are connections to be made, and the brain loves connections and patterns, and to be as efficient as possible. When we can build those bridges – we call it scaffolding –starting from a good foundation, connections between languages are made quickly.Q: Scaffolding and building bridges between languages was the crux of the cultural counseling you provided me. But there is still a blind spot when we move from one part of the world to another, and work with people who have a different primary language and a different understanding of the language spoken.In your role as a cultural awareness counselor, how do you enable people to make that link between different cultures?VC: That’s a great question. We know that when people feel anxious or incompetent, when they don’t know what their role is, or where to buy socks in a new country, the learning part of the brain shuts down. Not completely, but we have less access to it, because at that point the brain wants to survive and protect us. Whether it’s protecting us physically, emotionally, or protecting our self-esteem, it is one of the components of culture shock or transition stress. The harder we try to learn in fight-or-flight mode, the less effective we are.My background in intercultural training informs my activities as a language coach, and vice versa, because we learn best when we are calm and centered. Different brains accomplish calm in different ways, but physiology is physiology. When we practice techniques to keep the brain calm, it’s fascinating how much we can learn.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/language_culture2_700x466_2407ae9dce.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T12:44:45.346Z" alt=""><hr>Q: Are there any specific hacks we can apply? When we onboard new staff into their roles, I see them panic or become nervous when they’re being presented with a lot of new information. What are some techniques we can apply to calm down?VC: You can’t be anxious and relaxed at the same time. Many years ago, I was in the dentist’s chair. I was already anticipating the drill in my mouth and I was getting anxious. So, I focused on relaxing my hands on my lap and I laser focused on feeling relaxed. I did some deep breathing because oxygen in the blood is key to relaxation. If the mitochondria in your cells don’t have oxygen, you don’t have energy. I’m in the dentist’s chair and I’m actively practicing relaxation, and all of a sudden the procedure was done.It’s not that we must use consciousness that way, but just two minutes of relaxation and deep breathing can change your brainwave patterns. It’s a paradigm shift. I do it when I’m practicing coaching or training, or whenever someone is anxious. It’s such a simple technique that’s 100% effective.Q: I can totally relate because Heartfulness Relaxation is recommended when you feel anxious or need to center yourself.VC: It’s often passed off as trivial, but it’s truly effective. Everyone can try it out intentionally.To be continued.<hr><hr><h4>Interview by JAYATI DESAI</h4><hr>

Language and Culture

<h4>VIRGINIA CUTCHIN is a multilingual, intercultural relations consultant, a health and wellness coach, and a neurolanguage® coach. In part 2 of her interview with JAYATI DESAI, Virginia talks about how values evolve.</h4><hr>Q: You have spoken about acquired versus core values, and how they are likely to shift when we move from one place to another. We are taught a set of values by our family and immediate surroundings when we are young, and as we maneuver though different stages of life those core values may evolve. How can we differentiate between the two, and develop a better understanding of ourselves and our values?VC: Great question. When I encounter difficulty and confusion in identifying an underlying value, I ask myself, “What is it that you can’t not do?”What is it that you can’t help but do every day? How is it that you must show up in the world, because not doing that creates such discomfort. This is different from your comfort zone. A core value is something you can’t not do, whether it’s an activity or a way of thinking. Sometimes, it has to do with your DNA, and what’s passed on.If it is not something you have to do, then it’s probably an acquired value. Acquired values come early in life. We learn them from parents, siblings, teachers, friends, the neighborhood, guests, and television. We evaluate everything that comes into our world, and sense it as a possible acquired value. Because we are constantly bombarded with external influences, we owe it to ourselves to manage the incoming assault of influences and to take time to really untie the knot of what is a core value and what is an acquired value.When people move to different countries, or when they acquire a new language and the idiosyncrasies of that new language, sometimes confusion, disappointment, or anger can come from the clash of their core values versus incoming influences.I’ve rejected some of my acquired values because they conflicted with my core values. Some acquired values served me well, helped me serve others – so I keep those. I’ve lived in other countries and I’ve been able to evaluate a lot. You can’t choose your core values, though. You can modify them, but you can’t reject them, because they are so essential to your being. Personal reflection is essential to keep your values in check.Q: I’m curious – based on the number of people you’ve coached over the years across the world, do you see any patterns in the way values are evolving or shifting in the last few years?VC: Yes, absolutely. In the past couple of years, as the world has been impacted by the pandemic, I see a couple of things happening. Those who benefited from the pre-Covid materialist world want to hang on to it and rebuild it into what it was before. For others, there’s more willingness to explore core values, consciousness, and to question our willingness to adhere to the old ways. There are those who say, “Wait a second. This doesn’t feel right, look right, or serve me anymore.”We are willing to be more discerning. We are willing to assert what works and doesn’t work for us anymore. According to me, this comes from a long history of self-reflection and growth. It boils down to alignment with the inner Self.<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Evolving_social_values2_700x466_03e6e6b017.jpg" alt="">Q: In an earlier conversation, you mentioned our relationship with nature, and aligning our core values to the internal and external environment. Can you elaborate on that?VC: It’s been liberating for me to go small. A huge revelation for me has been the recognition that when we are in the present we aren’t thinking about anything else. I am aware of my feet as I walk, the breeze and the sunlight on my face, and the feeling of my dogs’ leads in my hand as I take them for a walk. I became aware of the fact that I have enormous power to affect my immediate environment with my energy level. We are exchanging energy with the environment all the time, and I want that energy to be positive, because that’s what I want from the universe.I start every day by breathing in the goodness of the universe. The universe is governing without any judgment. I breathe out what I’m willing to do on my part. It could be showing gratitude, or it could be acknowledging fear and embracing the protection of the universe and my well-wishers.&nbsp; I’m willing to go very small and realize that I can only affect my little world that fits inside a hula hoop. That’s all I can influence. If we all uplifted our world with good energy, the world would be uplifted.Everything we see in nature has the whole universe inside of it. One of my favorite quotes is “Even the smallest flame has all the qualities of fire.” Whether it’s a little child or the trees, the entire universe is inside them. It’s right there, it’s limitless, it’s accessible, and it’s limited by our willingness to tap into it. If I’m in alignment with myself and the natural world, eventually it translates into better alignment with society at large, with the people around me.<hr><h4>Everything we see in nature has the whole universe inside of it.</h4><hr>Sometimes people don’t want change, don’t like realignment; but I am under no obligation to perpetuate that which does not work for me anymore – if it doesn’t allow me to show up as my best self in the world then I can reject it. That’s my obligation. I’m a part of many different communities, as we all are. My strongest, most meaningful community is with those people who are showing up, trying to be their best selves so they can help others be their best selves. There is so much ego-less ness in that, it’s absolutely intoxicating. Everyday, I wake up with this energy, this determination and gratitude to show up in the world and do what life expects and asks of me that day.To be continued.

Evolving social values

<h4>VIRGINIA CUTCHIN is a multilingual intercultural relations consultant, a health and wellness coach, and a neurolanguage® coach. In part 3 of her interview with JAYATI DESAI, Virginia talks about building trust-based relationships and building community through communication.</h4><hr>Q: How can we make conscious changes in the ways and means we communicate, in order to develop authentic connections?VC: It comes down to core values and acquired values, and making adjustments. We need not negotiate on core values, but we can be flexible with acquired values, regardless of how strong they are.I love what you said about communicating versus connecting. Language is much more than words. Take a look at the communicative heritage between humans and other animals. They communicate well – they exchange a few words, but it’s mostly tone of voice and how they approach, whether it’s welcoming or menacing. We have this enormous communicative power and a large part of it is nonverbal. Our presence speaks for itself.Because of the world we live in, we often lose touch with our core values. We get on the treadmill, and we run to try to keep up. I have done that, too, in the past, but I know that I am a product of my choices. Habits are choices that are repeated. If I want to be a different product, I change my choices. I change my habits. Right now I am a product of that effort,and there is a lot of “been there, done that” in my past. Not all of it is pleasant. So I am changing the choices I make today. I focus on the end goal and on the systems in my life that support that goal. If I fail, it’s not because I’m a horrible person, it’s because the systems don’t support that goal effectively. I have learned this from James Clear’s book, Atomic Habits. It’s helpful to focus on the systems that support my progress.Q: A lot of our readers are young professionals, constantly working to evolve in all aspects of life. Do you have any suggestions on how to overcome stereotypes, and how to cultivate empathy, alignment, and connection when building authentic relationships?VC: The first thing is to develop a sense of curiosity about others and yourself.The second thing is the suspension of judgment, which is one of the most effective skills anyone can develop, including young professionals.What do I mean by that? When we witness a situation or have an experience with another person, so often we jump to an evaluation, largely to protect ourselves so that we know how to respond. We are constantly evaluating because our brain is constantly scanning the environment for threatening situations. Some of that is physiological and we can’t completely escape it, but we can override it by developing a healthy sense of curiosity to find out why it is happening. We can use that curiosity and test the boundaries of our own vulnerability. We are a lot stronger than we think we are. The brain is going to protect us regardless. So while trusting that it will continue to do what it does best, we can test the boundaries of our own vulnerability.The third this is developing self-confidence, which comes from knowing what your core values are, knowing what your boundaries are, and knowing that sometimes your boundaries can be flexible and sometimes they can’t, and that’s okay.It helps to know that people from different cultures behave, respond, react, and initiate differently, so developing curiosity without judgment is really important. At the same time, if we are going to live in the world we have to adapt to certain things like credentials, education, etc. We don’t need to reject those things, we just have to choose the life we want to live. When we suspend judgment, we don’t have to criticize, we just have to discern.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Building_Community_Through_Communication1_1_700x303_b5dd2fd8fc.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T13:28:57.773Z" alt="Building-Community-Through-Communication1-1"><hr>Q: Any final messages for our readers?VC: Don’t be afraid to participate. We’re all involved in a lot of meetings and networking events, and we are sometimes tempted to say, “I’m not going to say anything. I’m just here to learn.” That’s great, but what if everyone did that? We’d all be sitting around looking at each other. An affirmation I set for myself many years ago is, “Today I choose to participate in the abundance of life.” If it resonates, you’re welcome to take it.Today, make a conscious choice to participate in the abundance of life that is there. Whether we stay home, unable to go out, we are connected through the energy of the universe. When we recognize that, we welcome it into our lives. Participate means to show up. Be an active participant in your own life. You don’t get to judge the value of what you contribute – you just have to put it out there with a positive intention.Q: That was incredibly inspiring, Virginia! Thank you so much for sharing that.VC: Thank you, it’s been an absolute delight.

Building community through communication

Virginia Woolf was an English writer. She is considered one of the most important modernist 20th-century authors and a pioneer in the use of stream of consciousness as a narrative device.

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Virginia Woolf

Creative power

The Creative Power

Vivan is the Managing Director of Yesha Electricals, is a trained pilot and was the President of the Gujarat Flying Institute for 15 years, and is currently chairman of an industry association in Gorwa Vadodara. He has been a Heartfulness trainer since 2015.

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Vivan Patel

<h4>VIVAN PATEL decided it was time to build cognitive reserve in his brain by doing a few simple tasks. The results speak for themselves: he became much more aware instead of functioning on autopilot.</h4><hr>In order to build and retain cognitive reserve, our brain needs fresh challenges almost on a daily basis to keep our neural pathways open and maintain a healthy central nervous system. I decided to take up this challenge by practicing a few simple exercises I learned in the Brighter Minds Restart program for adults.One of the things I took up first was to take a different route to work and try to take only left turns to get to the office and … well, it’s not always possible! I was able to make it eventually but I had to get quite creative and think of different options while I was driving. I was fully aware rather than operating like we normally do from the subconscious mind and following our habitual patterns.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Jump_Start_Your_Brain2_187006091a.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T06:15:37.620Z" alt="jump-start-your-brain"><hr><hr><h4>In order to build and retain cognitive reserve, our brain needs&nbsp; fresh challenges almost on a daily basis to keep our neural pathways open&nbsp; and maintain a healthy central nervous system.</h4><hr><hr>The other thing I tried was cycling to work, which is actually quite amazing because I was able to observe things minutely as well as engage all the senses. For instance, cycling behind a fruit vendor’s cart I could actually smell the bananas. Curiously, depending on how ripe the bananas were, I could perceive different smells on different days – I began to understand the different stages of ripening and whether they were ready to eat simply by cycling in their wake!The olfactory experience is really something you cannot ignore when you’re on a bike. I would pass by some popup shops and street vendors, each selling a different snack with its telltale aromas. I learned about other people’s eating habits on a working day and, more interestingly, how the different vendors engage with their clientele. I missed all this from the car with the windows rolled up and the AC on. I became more observant of the faces of these vendors as I passed by, noting their expressions. When you do this for a few days, they start smiling at you because they see you every day, and you form a connection by this gesture of acknowledgment!You see, and you can hear the birds, especially early in the morning, something that you miss out on completely while driving. I observed that some birds had a preference for certain trees – some trees were teeming with them and others not as popular. Maybe it was the berries or fruit that attracted them.At the same time, I began to appreciate the difficulties that cyclists face. One of the biggest disturbances I found was the constant honking of vehicles. In a car you are insulated from even your own honking, because cars nowadays are so well sound insulated. It’s actually very irritating for other people out there, cyclists and pedestrians. Another appalling discovery was how some people don’t take cyclists into consideration, and instead tend to “nudge” them aside and not give way. It actually felt somewhat disconcerting to be riding a bicycle in peak hour in the hurtling traffic.The other activity I took up while cycling was alternating finger exercises with my hands on the handlebar. I could only do this when the road was empty, as I didn’t want to risk running into something, ha ha! I rediscovered my neighborhood by noticing different signs, even the little ones stuck on trees by vendors, for example someone selling coconuts or an advertisement for after-school tuition.Another challenging thing I did is to use my less dominant hand to do the daily tasks. I used my left hand to brush my teeth, shave, and eat my food. I would walk backward whenever I had the opportunity, especially when going up stairs. I would wake up to a different alarm tone, and this would surprise me awake rather than make me groan. Something fun we tried as a family is eating a meal in silence, using only visual clues. Another was trying to use the mobile phone upside down – this was frustrating and hilarious at the same time.All this made me more mindful, aware of every activity. I didn’t operate on autopilot in a habitual manner. Instead, thought went into every moment. Just this recalibration stimulated my neural pathways!<hr><hr><h4>Illustrations by ANANYA PATEL</h4><hr>

Jump start your brain

Vivek is an education specialist whose experience spans fields including mathematics, engineering, and organizational development. Vivek advises researchers on experimental design for quantitative and qualitative methods. He is conducting research on how meditative practices shape work experience.

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Vivek Shekhar

Wakanyi is a Global Education Specialist, writer, editor, storyteller, and founder of the African Folktales Project. The theme of peaceful, cross-cultural cooperation is a common thread in her writing and personal life. For more than a decade she has lived in 7 countries, on 3 continents, as a global nomad, developing a rich intercultural intelligence built upon her training as a journalist.

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Wakanyi Hoffman

<h4>WAKANYI HOFFMAN is a Global Education Specialist and founder of the African Folktales Project. Here, she speaks with SARA BUBBER about the value of storytelling and passing down wisdom through generations, her Kikuyu culture, and how all of us are indigenous people contributing to the world.</h4><hr>Q: Hello Wakanyi. It is a pleasure to meet with you today. I love listening to stories, reading them, and meeting people who tell stories, so I’m very happy we are talking.WH: Thank you! I’m also quite excited to have this conversation with you, Sara.Q: In the Heartfulness community, we often talk about the Wisdom Bridge – the transfer of wisdom from elders to youth, and from youth to elders, because learning is a dual process. It signifies the relationship between traditional cultural heritage and wisdom, and the present. What is the importance of the Wisdom Bridge from your perspective?WH: Wow, that’s a really important way of framing it! Off the top of my head, the Wisdom Bridge is a rite of passage from one generation to another. It signifies the idea of passing the baton from the old to the young, so that they become custodians of knowledge, whether that is cultural knowledge, spiritual knowledge, or values.Of course, there is reciprocity as well. Children offer wisdom to the old, so there is a kind of remembrance for our elders that wisdom is an ongoing pursuit, and that they can gather wisdom from the young as much as they can gather from their peers. Then, the other way around, elders are passing down wisdom to the younger generation, signifying, “It is our task to carry you forward.”To some degree, I see the Wisdom Bridge as a reminder that we are all indigenous to this planet. It is very important to hold that in our hearts, to understand that we’re all human beings and our knowledge is ancient. It has been growing. It never ended. We tend to put indigenous people to the side and have parallel worlds going on. I think it’s important to recall, and to recall from each other, that we are all indigenous to our planet.For me, the Wisdom Bridge is a symbolic movement of knowledge from one generation to another. It is also a symbolic movement from one culture to another. That way, we’re not stuck. You can take the wisdom and knowledge that has been passed down to you and recreate it, using it to learn about others. It is also a bridge to other worlds. There’s a lot there. I see it as a rite of passage from one generation to the next, and a way to connect with others who do not come from your cultural background.It is the gift of elders to the next generation, and it is a way for elders to recall who they were when they were younger, receiving that gift from others. There’s a whole exchange of knowledge that goes on when that is allowed to happen.Q: I really like what you said about it being a rite of passage and a gift. It’s a wonderful gift! As you said, we often keep indigenous people aside, so we are losing out on their wisdom.The Wisdom Bridge is creaky and in need of repair. The relationships between grandparents and grandchildren, tribes and urban populations, are not so strong now. Many of our ancient cultures are either being absorbed into modern urban life, or people are moving away from them. So we are losing a lot of wisdom from our past. This affects all areas of lifestyle. What can we do to save and preserve the bridge that we have?<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Indigenous_Global_citizens2_3a54c866bc.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-05T12:42:44.502Z" alt="Indigenous-Global-citizens2"><hr>First of all, I want to start on a hopeful note. I’d like to think of this as the audacity of hope – we are all human beings, and we are all indigenous to this world. Yes, there is a crisis around how much of our old oral traditions and cultural knowledge have been passed on, whether it’s to global modern culture, or national modern culture. There is definitely a big divide between indigenous knowledge and the rest of the world, however, I believe that all the knowledge is carried in every generation. Like we started off with the idea of the Wisdom Bridge, I believe my mother holds within her heart the knowledge of the past. Now she’s living as a modern woman, but that knowledge lives somewhere in her.It’s less a question of where to find the knowledge, and more an issue of how to open up the path; for people to open their hearts to share the knowledge. It’s a living thing. And we can recover that knowledge through storytelling. Telling stories is something inherently human.We all tell stories. You and I are telling stories now, and we’re telling stories on social media, and we’re telling stories on the news. We’re telling stories with friends when we gather, and when we’re at the supermarket we’re telling a story. I believe a story is a living thing, and it lives from one person to the next. As soon as we have a conversation, we exchange some form of story. You will carry part of my story with you, and I will carry part of your story with me. That’s the link.We can bring storytelling into classrooms, so that children who no longer live in their indigenous communities, or rural communities, where a lot of this culture and wisdom is practiced don’t have to lose it. We just shift it to the masses.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Indigenous_Global_citizens3_700x400_8e8a660169.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-05T12:52:13.020Z" alt="Indigenous_Global_citizens3"><hr><hr><h5>The Wisdom Bridge is a symbolic movement of knowledge from one generation to another. It is also a symbolic movement from one culture to another.</h5><hr><hr>Also, indigenous knowledge and wisdom is not something that is stuck in the past. It is not lost; it is living in modern populations. It’s just not being utilized in the same way that it was in its indigenous settings. There’s a need to recall it from each other. The power of storytelling is such that we can recall the past by beginning from where we’re standing.If you know a folktale from your own community, that is a way to recall some part of your indigenous heritage. The more people are telling stories from the past, the more we are recollecting that knowledge and bringing it into the present. We don’t necessarily need to move backwards. In fact, that’s what the hesitation usually is.There is the challenge of how to embrace indigenous cultures in the modern world. I think that’s the wrong question to ask. We are all indigenous. We’re indigenous to this planet. The question should be, “How do we work together? How do we bridge the gap?” One good way is to open up the avenues of storytelling, whether it’s digitally, through social media, or orally. Create storytelling sessions. In that way, we begin to discover where we have deviated, and the cultural values and principles we’re still applying to our modern world that are from the indigenous past.Don’t forget, also, that indigenous folk have been moving on. They’re not stuck in the past. They are using knowledge that they have refined over time. Through storytelling and openly wanting to learn about each other, we create the space where knowledge is considered as another source of being, rather than separate from who we are.I think storytelling is the answer to your question. I have realized that we are made up of stories; it is our stories that feed us. If we’re able to understand that and bring indigenous wisdom into schools, without distorting the way knowledge is passed down (usually, orally is the best way to do it) then we will regenerate and recollect this wisdom.Q: This dialogue is breaking a lot of myths: for example, indigenous people are not stuck in the past, we are all indigenous, and we are not separate from each other. These are great insights.WH: There are age-old traditions all over the world. What are the initiatives you are taking up in your culture as a storyteller to bring them back, to tap into them, and to open things up?I’m a Global Education Specialist, and through my research I discovered the UN Sustainable Development Goals. I discovered that there’s a lot of talk about how to engage children in classrooms to understand and embrace the SDGs, and how they can become better-informed global citizens who can find solutions to the challenges of achieving these goals.But the SDGs are complex for young children. So how can we package them for young children who just want to be children? They want to play and learn and be happy. They don’t want to be bothered by big ideas about what the world looks like, and what the problems of the world are. Take climate change, for instance. Even though we’ve seen an amazing movement of children around the world protesting for climate justice, there’s still a big question mark around how they truly understand the crisis itself. They can understand that there is a lot of pollution, there are a lot of fires and earthquakes, but to what extent do they understand that this major crisis could signify the end of times as we know them?As a result of my research, I founded the African Folktales Project. I collected African folktales that contain ideas about sustainability, and through that process I discovered that all folktales have some lesson or idea about the future. A lot of stories are about conflict between humans and wildlife, and about climate issues like drought. There are a lot of African folktales related to climate change. This was a very exciting discovery for me. I realized that storytelling was one of the ways I could bring the Sustainable Development Goals to the classroom, so as to help kids understand them and get inspired to do something.So, I started taking stories tied to the 17 SDGs and reimagining them. For example, I have taken a story about a big fire that happened, and how the fire was put out and the land was regenerated and recovered. I’ll use the same characters, the moral of the story remains, but I reimagine it in the present time. Often, folktales are set in the past, so they are not relevant to kids growing up in today’s world, especially when you’re telling stories to children in modern settings versus indigenous settings. As I tell these stories, I ask the children to take them and remake them, recreate them. It is that Wisdom Bridge you were talking about initially – passing down stories and leaving them incomplete, so they can have ownership of the stories.<hr><hr><h5>I’m trying to create an environment in which we can embrace&nbsp; the idea that these are our stories – all of us indigenous people on planet Earth.</h5><hr><hr>I’m deconstructing the idea of folktales being held by a certain group of people. I’m trying to create an environment in which we can embrace the idea that these are our stories – all of us indigenous people on planet Earth. I don’t discount the fact that the stories came from a certain space, but even within an indigenous population there is a clear understanding that stories never had an original storyteller anyway. A story was always meant to be passed down. When I heard a story from my grandmother, she couldn’t possibly tell me where the story originally came from. The objective was for me to take the story, use it in my own life, and pass it on to my children. That keeps the stories going.This is one of the ways I’m trying to promote storytelling, promote indigenous wisdom, especially in my country, Kenya, where there is a rich oral tradition from indigenous cultures that is not seen any more in classrooms.I’ve transformed the stories into podcasts, and next year I will publish a book of the first series of UN SDG folktales. I’m trying to use as many forms of communication and media as possible – digital, audio, and live sessions in schools. These stories can become our stories, not stuck in one space.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Indigenous_Global_citizens4_700x428_3887ecdec5.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-05T13:02:46.494Z" alt="Indigenous_Global_citizens4"><hr>Even within indigenous communities, there is a concern that children are not always told stories by their elders, because of the formalities of going to school and the way in which the culture has been separated from formal education. So, I’m hoping that these storytelling sessions will also engage indigenous elders in the process of recollecting, retelling, and recreating their stories. Then we’re all learning from each other, and we’re doing something relevant for the times with what we already have.I’m trying to bridge and marry cultures through storytelling, using folktales as a pedagogical approach to learning more about who we are.To be continued.<hr><hr><h4>Interview by SARA BUBBER Illustrations by SANTANU CHATTERJEE</h4><hr>

We are all indigenous global citizens – part 1

<h4>WAKANYI HOFFMAN is a Global Education Specialist and founder of the African Folktales Project. In part 2 of her interview with SARA BUBBER from the Heartfulness Institute, Wakanyi shares the value of storytelling, passing down wisdom through generations, her Kikuyu culture, and how we are all indigenous global citizens.</h4><hr><h3>We Are All Indigenous Global Citizens – Part 2</h3><hr>Q: A lot of change has taken place from previous times to modern times. But one thing that really stands out as central in this dialogue is storytelling. What is the role of stories in the transfer of wisdom?WH: That could be another session, couldn’t it? Storytelling is a living thing. It is who we are. We tell stories using all forms of communication: Through song, through dance, through nonverbal communication, we use the art of storytelling to communicate our feelings, our ideas, our fears, and our concerns. And so, the role of storytelling in communicating wisdom is central.Children are like sponges: They are very good at receiving a story, and then interpreting it for themselves and reenacting it. Whenever I hold a storytelling session with a group of children, I will hear the story later on from another child who was not part of the group, because that story was shared. That’s clearly the way we’ve always passed down knowledge. Even in schools, whenever I speak to educators, especially teachers involved in global citizenship education, every single discipline that children are taught in school, whether it is mathematics or science or music or art, is a form of storytelling. If children imagine it as a story, there’s a lot more retention; that has been scientifically proven.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/indegenous_global_citizens_part2_2_f3532515cd.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-06T12:48:34.467Z" alt="indegenous-global-citizens-part2-2"><hr>The role of storytelling in passing down wisdom is key to understanding how to do it, and there is no one way that is better than another. Take oral storytelling – I could claim that stories are best told orally, but that’s just one way in which indigenous communities have done it. Now we have other tools, and we can use the digital tools we have. We can use any space in which human beings are gathering to tell stories. We need to open up our minds to what is available to us, and get excited that we can scale the process of telling stories with these tools.Q: Storytelling has been going on for a long time in oral form. We’d like to know about the oral traditions of Africa.WH: There are so many! I think I will focus on my own culture. I come from a tribe known as the Kikuyu people of Kenya. The communities of the Kikuyu are based around the mountain region. We border the Masai and other tribes, and there’s a lot of intermarriage. My maternal grandfather was part Masai, so there’s a bit of Masai blood in me.Some of the oral traditions are reflective of this intermarriage and intercultural exchange, but there are also certain ways of the Kikuyu I can speak to, for example, the oral tradition around naming. We name our children after ancestors; for example, my name, Wakanyi, is my maternal grandmother’s name, and she was named after either her maternal grandmother or paternal grandmother. It really depends on the line and the birth order. I’m the last born, and the second daughter of my mom. My sister is named after my father’s mother. That’s one of the very strict traditions of the Kikuyu culture. You know the birth order and you also know if it’s from your mother’s side or your father’s side.<hr><hr><h5>Our indigenous cultures are so important,&nbsp; and we need to honor their importance to this world.&nbsp; They provide the map to show us where we’ve come from,&nbsp; and where we’re heading.</h5><hr><hr>There’s a creation myth: The first Kikuyu that settled around Mount Kenya climbed up the mountain. From there, he experienced a spiritual awakening by encountering the God of the Kikuyu, and he was presented with a wife. The wife then bore nine daughters, and the nine daughters started the Kikuyu’s nine tribes. We are all descendants of those nine tribes. Depending on your name and your clan, you can trace your ancestors back to one of those daughters.There’s also a tradition of building houses, which is an interesting one. According to the Kikuyu, a house – a round hut – had to be built in a day. That doesn’t happen anymore, but in the olden times, each hut was built from morning till evening. A lot of organizing had to go on to complete the task. The reason? An incomplete house could invite the wrong kind of energy, evil spirits. To avoid them, you had to build your house, move into it immediately, and begin living in it. Then you’d have the blessing of the right kind of spirits.There are a lot of stories around ancestors, and how the ancestors live with us, in us, and around us. There’s a lot of respect for ancestors who have departed, as well as rules and ideas about how not to upset the ancestors. You cannot invoke certain names or people in any old way. You must pay your respects to certain people that have passed before you. And the naming culture also has a lot to do with respecting those who have left, and showing the continuation of life, in a reincarnation kind of way.A lot of traditions are still practiced within modern Kikuyu culture, such as traditions around marriage. When you get engaged, you go back to your home and stay, and perform a ceremony, which is basically a marriage ceremony, before you do the formal modern wedding ceremony.<hr><hr><h5>We’re all living on the same planet.&nbsp; We are experiencing the same changes,&nbsp; and the same landscape,&nbsp; on the whole, and we breathe the same air.&nbsp; So, I think it is important for us to understand&nbsp; that we are called to work together&nbsp; as indigenous citizens of this planet.</h5><hr><hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/indegenous_global_citizens_part2_3_a16c47ec3d.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-06T12:50:44.267Z" alt="indegenous_global_citizens_part2"><hr>Q: As you were talking, it reminded me so much of the similarities in my culture, like what you said about naming. In India, the first son in many cultures is named after the paternal grandfather. Regarding marriage, you cannot marry someone from a certain village because they are your brothers. You should marry someone from seven villages away. These traditions are still followed – the ones with ancestors that live on, and the rites after death, also continue.As you were talking, the thought that came that these stories are unifying. There are so many things that are similar: The folktales are similar, the rituals are similar, and we all feel a sort of brotherhood. We resonate with each other. The whole circle of storytelling is complete.WH: I agree completely. Which is why we need to start embracing the idea that we are all indigenous to this world. Our indigenous cultures are so important, and we need to honor their importance to this world. They provide the map to show us where we’ve come from, and where we’re heading. If we ignore this, it’s like taking off to sea without a compass. We don’t know where we’re going.It’s not to say that we need to be like they used to be, or that they are better than us. There’s no “us” and “them.” We’re all one. Like you say, there are so many similarities that bring us together. There are more similarities than there are differences, and the reason for that is because we have originated from the same kind of indigenous populations. The way to bridge that gap is to tell our stories. And when we find a point of difference, that’s an opportunity to recall a story that might bring about the connection.It makes me excited to hear that within Indian cultures there are similarities to my own Kikuyu culture. And I know this is true for my own people back in Kenya, where there are 50 to 60 tribes. Within those tribes, there are many ways in which we are interconnected, but we tend to differentiate ourselves based on something as abstract as language. When we overcome the language barrier, we discover that we’ve all intermarried.We obviously share some of these ideas and ways of being. Ultimately, we’re all living on the same planet. We are experiencing the same changes, and the same landscape, on the whole, and we breathe the same air. So, I think it is important for us to understand that we are called to work together as indigenous citizens of this planet.Q: I’m so happy to end on the note that stories connect, and we are all indigenous to this planet. Thank you so much for talking with us today. It was wonderful to have you.WH: It was my pleasure. I hope that we get to talk again sometime soon!<hr><hr><h4>Interview by SARA BUBBER Illustrations by SANTANU CHATTERJEE</h4><hr>

The new storytelling

walt-disney.webp

Walt Disney

If you can dream, it, you can do it

Wendell Berry

The Earth

William James

A great thing

William Shakespeare

Love unsought

One touch of nature 

Co-founder of Harvard’s Program on Negotiation, William is one of the world’s leading experts on negotiation and mediation. He is currently a Distinguished Senior Fellow at the Harvard Negotiation Project.

William-Ury.jpg

William Ury

<h4>
 WILLIAM URY is
 one of the world’s most trusted negotiators and mediators. He has spent his
 life building bridges in conflict situations and teaching other people how
 to do the same. His book, Getting to Yes, is a worldwide bestseller
 and is translated into thirty-five languages. Here he is interviewed by
 GUILA CLARA
 KESSOUS
 about his approach to peace-making.
 We thank our partner, the
 <a href="https://www.sohforum.org/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Spirit of Humanity Forum</a>,
 for facilitating this
 interview.
</h4>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 Q: William Ury has dedicated his life to peace-making and
 better diplomatic
 relationships. William, welcome and thank you so much for giving us your
 time.



 Today, we live in a world where relationships have become
 harder and
 harder, especially in terms of trust. What is your definition of
 peace-making today?



 WU: First of all,
 thank you Guila. In today’s world, conflict is a growth industry. Everywhere
 we look – domestically and internationally – for every issue, from war to
 climate, to hunger, we are faced with conflicts that are seemingly impossible
 to resolve. To me, peace-making is the continuous transformation of those
 conflicts.



 When I began working in this field forty-five years ago, with my colleague
 Roger Fisher, we were working on the Cold War, and it seemed impossible that
 there’d ever be an end to it. People thought the Berlin Wall was going to be
 there forever, but as we know, the Berlin Wall fell, and the relationship
 between the United States and the then Soviet Union transformed.



 The same was true in South Africa when we were working on the problem of
 apartheid. For as long as anybody could envision, people said there would be a
 race war in South Africa, and I watched Nelson Mandela and countless other
 individuals working for peace to transform that situation. The same thing
 happened in Northern Ireland. The Catholics and the Protestants have been
 fighting each other for centuries, and they are going to be fighting each
 other for centuries. In each of those cases, there’s no end to the conflict.



 Sometimes, we have this illusion that peace-making means an end to conflict –
 you wrap it up like a present. No. The form changes. It changes from a
 destructive form, from the destruction of values, the destruction of lives, to
 a more constructive, creative form.



 To me, that is the definition of peace-making. Peace-making never ends. It’s
 not like you get to a final yes. I think of peace-making as being the
 impossible yes. It may seem impossible, but it is actually a whole series of
 yeses over time, because the game of conflict is not a final game. It’s not a
 win-lose final game. It’s an infinite game. It goes on. Relationships go on.
 The United States and Russia still have problems, there are still problems in
 Northern Ireland, and there are still problems in South Africa, but the
 conflicts were transformed.



 If you look around the world today, there are still so many injustices. I
 would argue that, paradoxically, the world needs more conflict, not less,
 because conflict is the way we deal with injustice. At the same time, we need
 constructive, creative conflict, and to me that’s what peace-making is.
 Peace-making is the continuous transformation of those conflicts through
 methods like negotiation.



 Q: You speak about a new way of seeing negotiations, of
 possibilism, and I
 like this notion. In fact, when I hear you talking about the idea of
 unwrapping conflict – trying to have a change of energy, of value – it’s a
 way to change perspective and realize that in conflict there is an
 interdependency that we cannot put away. Could you give us a little more
 information about this notion of possibilism?



 WU: Sure. People
 ask me, “At the end of forty-five years working in this field, dealing with
 impossible situations, are you still an optimist?” I generally say, “You
 know, constitutionally I am an optimist, but I’d like to say now that I am a
 possibilist.” A possibilist is someone who believes in human potential.
 Of course, there is the possibility that we will kill each other, but there is
 also the possibility that we can create or find ways to deal with even the
 most intractable, impossible situations. The reason I say that is because I
 have seen it happen with my own eyes, and I’ve had the privilege of
 participating in one such situation in the last decade.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 class="has-text-align-center">
 A possibilist is someone who believes in human
 potential. Of course,
 there is the possibility that we will kill each other, but there is
 also the possibility that we can create or find ways to deal with
 even the most intractable, impossible situations.
</h4>

<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 About ten years ago, I got a call from the President of Colombia, who wanted
 to find a way to end or transform the civil war in Colombia, which had been
 going on for fifty years, since the 1960s. It was fifty years of civil war,
 over 250,000 dead, and eight million victims of conflict, mostly women and
 children, the innocents. He was willing to put his political reputation on the
 line, because peace is the hardest work that people do. People think wars are
 hard, but peace is even harder, because it takes more of us as human beings.
 So, my colleagues and I worked with President Santos for over eight years. We
 made twenty-five trips to Colombia even before the negotiation process began,
 secretly, trying to see whether it could be transformed. And it did get
 transformed. Is the conflict over in Colombia? No, but it’s transformed. The
 armed conflict came to an end, and that’s what is possible in every conflict
 facing the world today. That’s why I am a possibilist.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img decoding="async" width="434" height="600" alt="transforming_conflict_golden_bridge2"
 class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/transforming_conflict_golden_bridge2_18cd37a4cd.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T06:38:55.726Z" />
 </figure>
</div>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 Q: So, what is a good way to transform conflict, to change
 people’s minds?
 What is the paradigm shift that can happen?



 WU: Well, let me
 begin by telling you one of my favorite stories on negotiations, which I think
 crystallizes and answers your question, Guila. It is an ancient story from the
 Middle East about three sons who receive from their father an inheritance of
 seventeen camels. The first son, being the eldest, receives half the camels,
 the second son receives a third of the camels, and the youngest son receives a
 ninth of the camels. The three sons get into a negotiation about dividing up
 their inheritance, because seventeen doesn’t divide by two, it doesn’t divide
 by three, and it doesn’t divide by nine. Each one wants more. They argue, and
 there is the risk of it becoming violent.



 Finally, in desperation, they consult a wise old woman, and she thinks about
 the problem for a long time. Finally, she comes back and says, “Well, I don’t
 know if I have an answer to your problem, but I have a camel. Would you like
 my camel?” The three sons say, “Okay,” so they have eighteen camels. Now,
 eighteen divides by two, so the first son takes nine camels. Eighteen divides
 by three, so the second son takes six camels. Eighteen divides by nine, so the
 youngest son takes two camels. When you add nine plus six plus two, you get
 seventeen. They have one camel left over, so they give it back to the wise
 woman.



 If you think about that problem for a moment, you’ll find it resembles a lot
 of the negotiations we engage in. At first sight it seems impossible. The
 secret to the paradigm shift you asked about, Guila, is the wise old woman.
 What does she do? She steps back from the situation for a moment. She goes to
 what I call a balcony, which is the place where you overlook the stage in a
 theatre. It’s a place of perspective. It’s a place where you can rise above
 the fray, above the conflict, where you can see the picture more clearly,
 where you can keep your eye on the prize.



 Then what does she do? She comes up with the eighteenth camel, what I call
 “building the parties a golden bridge” so they can advance across the big
 chasm of disagreement. How do we build them a bridge over that chasm? How do
 we make it as easy as possible to say yes? That’s the eighteenth camel. Where
 does that eighteenth camel come from? It often comes not from the parties
 themselves but from the surrounding community, which is what I call the third
 side of any conflict.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img decoding="async" width="700" height="353" alt="transforming_conflict_golden_bridge3"
 class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/transforming_conflict_golden_bridge3_700x353_f4d43fc3b7.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T06:40:10.635Z" />
 </figure>
</div>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 class="has-text-align-center">
 We use the third side to act on those new
 possibilities. That’s the
 paradigm shift – balcony, bridge, and third side. I call it BB3, the key to finding impossible yeses.
</h4>

<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 We often see conflicts as two-sided – Arabs versus Israelis, Catholics versus
 Protestants – but there is always a third side, the surrounding community, the
 circle surrounding the conflict. In this case, it is the wise old woman. That
 is the paradigm shift.



 If I had to look back over forty-five years and ask, “How do I sum all of this
 up?”, it is the ability to get to that impossible yes. We need to step back
 and go to the balcony to see new possibilities. Then we build a golden bridge
 to bring about those new possibilities creatively. Finally, we use the third
 side to act on those new possibilities. That’s the paradigm shift – balcony,
 bridge, and third side. I call it BB3, the key to finding impossible yeses.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

To be continued.

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

Transforming conflict: building a golden bridge

Peace-making

<h4>
 WILLIAM URY is
 an author, anthropologist, and one of the world’s leading negotiators and mediators. He
 has spent his life building bridges in conflict situations and teaching
 other people how to do the same. His book, Getting to Yes, is a
 worldwide best seller, and is translated into thirty-five languages.
 
</h4>

<h4
 id="h-in-part-2-of-his-interview-by-guila-clara-kessous-william-speaks-about-what-causes-conflict-how-men-and-women-bring-different-qualities-to-negotiation-and-how-conflict-resolution-has-evolved"
>
 In part 2 of his interview by GUILA CLARA KESSOUS, William speaks about what causes conflict, how men and women bring
 different qualities to negotiation, and how conflict resolution has
 evolved.
</h4>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 Q: What are the most common stereotypes we see today in conflicts?



 WU: What is
 behind all the conflicts around the world? They are each very different, but
 behind almost all of them is a feeling of scarcity, that there isn’t enough.
 And behind that scarcity – if you go deeper – there is a sense that we are all
 separate. There is no sense of the interconnection that you were talking
 about, Guila; we are all separate little parties, and there isn’t enough. In
 this worldview, the only way we satisfy our interests is by engaging in a
 win-lose battle.



 Those are the stereotypes behind conflicts: scarcity, separation, and the
 win-lose mindset.



 And what’s required of us to make a paradigmatic shift is to realize that, in
 fact, quite possibly there is no scarcity. Of course, there is scarcity in one
 sense, but there may be enough for everyone, just like in the story of the
 camels&nbsp;. We are not separate; we are interconnected. We are in that story
 the whole family, the brothers, right? And we are all one in the human family.
 What’s then required is to shift the mindset from win-lose. We shift it not
 only to win-win, which has become a phrase popularized by
 Getting to Yes, but we need a third win. We need a win not just for
 both sides of a conflict, but a win for the whole. We need a win for the
 community. We need a win for the world. We need a win for the world’s
 environment. We need the triple win. That’s the new game we need to learn to
 play.



 Q: And this triple win includes the possibility and the willingness to get
 out of the conflicts. Is that correct? It means that the two parties are not
 so in love with their conflict. That is, they accept to take a step back and
 go to the balcony.



 When we talk about gender stereotypes with what has happened in
 Afghanistan, for example, is there a question that could change men’s
 approach to women? Is it something you could advise?



 WU: Well, it’s
 really hard to generalize about gender. But with my knowledge of the
 sub-scientific research, I would say that men tend to be more sucked into the
 win-lose: Who’s gonna win in the short term? Women, evolutionarily, are
 trained to pay more attention to relationships in the long-term. So, I have
 found that when women are involved (or the feminine principle, whether it’s
 women themselves) in a negotiation, there is more tending to relationships,
 which is also key.



 In negotiation, men often make the mistake of being hard on the problem,
 wanting to solve the problem. That also means being hard on the people: “Well,
 okay, that’s what’s possible.” Women sometimes make the opposite mistake,
 which is, “We need to be soft on the people. We have to tend to the
 relationships,” so they are soft on the problem, and give in too easily.



 A successful negotiator is soft on the people, respectful of the people, and
 hard on the problem. They try to solve the problem in a way that works for
 everyone. So, we need both the masculine and the feminine, especially in the
 peace-making field. We need a lot more women and the leadership of women. I
 think that’s starting to happen, and it’s an extremely promising trend.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 class="has-text-align-center">
 Those are the stereotypes behind conflicts: scarcity, separation, and the win-lose mindset.
</h4>

<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<div class="block-image">
 <figure class="has-img-center" style="width: 700px !important">
 <img
 width="700px"
 alt="why-we-need-megotiation2-700x488"
 class="lazyload w-100"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/why_we_need_megotiation2_700x488_f5ae42358c.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T11:19:10.219Z"
 />
 <figcaption>Photograph by LINKEDIN-SALES-SOLUTIONS</figcaption>
 </figure>
</div>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 Q: In your career, have you seen an evolution of ego in negotiation? Would
 you say that the egos of countries have changed now that they know the
 protocols you and Rodger Fisher have given to the world? Do you see an
 ego-education? Would you say that some countries have understood mutual gain
 and become softer in their relationships?



 WU: There’s a
 syndrome I call the “me-syndrome,” which stands for “male-ego syndrome,” you
 know, bad heads. And then there is something that happens in these
 peace-making processes, where suddenly the ego starts to diminish, people
 start to realize that there are things like the future, their children.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 class="has-text-align-center">
 A successful negotiator is soft on the people, respectful of the
 people, and hard on the problem. They try to solve the problem in a
 way that works for everyone.
</h4>

<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 I was just remembering back to Northern Ireland in the 80s or early 90s. The
 reputed head of the IRA was a man by the name of Mark McGuiness. The IRA had
 declared a ceasefire and then broken the ceasefire, and the terrorist acts
 were going on. Going back to the role of women here, he was confronted at home
 by his wife and daughter over the dinner table. They said, “You told us you’re
 going to stop.” To me, that’s the third side. That’s the community. And that’s
 when the ego – especially the male ego – starts to go, “Oh, okay.” And Mark
 McGuiness made the most remarkable turnaround where he led the IRA and Gerry
 Adams into an agreement – the Good Friday agreement. He later served in the
 government and became the Minister for Education. His closest colleague in
 government was his most bitter adversary on the Protestant loyalist side, Ian
 Paisley. The two of them formed a friendship, and that’s when the ego starts
 to diminish. A lot of it was through the role of women.



 Q: It’s the same in business relationships. Sometimes, in salary
 negotiation, bosses forget that, even if they don’t have money to give, the
 person wants to take home something more than money. It’s also to answer the
 third party, whether it’s a wife, or a past significant, just to say, “Yes,
 I’ve got something. I’ve been working so hard and you know what? I had the
 guts to ask for a salary review, and guess what? I’ve got something.”
 Sometimes, the hierarchy forgets that there is this conversation that
 happens right after the negotiation, and if they don’t give anything it is a
 disaster for that relationship. Of course, they are also losing the
 employee. Would you say that this is also an illustration of the third
 party?



 WU: Absolutely.
 In fact, one of the most useful exercises when you are preparing for a
 negotiation is to imagine the other side – maybe the employee – accepting your
 proposal, and then having to go to the people they care about and explain why
 this was a victory. In other words, sit down, take out a piece of paper, and
 write out the other side’s victory speech. What are they going to say to their
 constituency, the people they care about most, about why accepting your
 proposal is a victory for them? And then work back from that. How do you help
 them deliver that victory speech?


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<div class="block-image">
 <figure class="has-img-center" style="width: 600px !important">
 <img
 width="600px"
 alt="why-we-need-megotiation3"
 class="lazyload w-100"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/why_we_need_megotiation3_27925f6dd5.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T11:20:24.312Z"
 />
 <figcaption>Original Photograph by COTTONBRO</figcaption>
 </figure>
</div>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 Q: Excellent! In terms of role games, it is true that it helps for this
 paradigmatic shift to prepare the other better to this positive “No,” the
 way you call it. Excellent!



 It is the International Day of Peace, so I would like to ask you: Do we
 learn, and do Nations learn from conflicts? Can we say that the harm, the
 difficulties, the aggression, the violence is something that serves the
 world to get better?



 WU: Well,
 paradoxically and unfortunately, when we are offered a choice between learning
 the easy way or the hard way, we often choose the hard way. Sometimes we learn
 through the destructiveness of conflicts. You know, people learned when there
 was World War I in Europe. But there wasn’t enough learning, so then there was
 World War II. And that’s how the UN was born, right? The League of Nations was
 born after World War I, and that was not quite enough. Slowly, slowly, the
 world is making progress. It may not look that way from the news, but actually
 the numbers of wars and the numbers of people killed in wars have been
 gradually decreasing for the last fifty years. There have been some ups here
 and there, which are very serious, but there has been a slow learning process.



 A century ago, war was glorious and people celebrated. For example, in Paris
 in August 1914, all the women wished the soldiers, “It’s going to be a
 glorious success,” and sent them off. Since then, we’ve learned that war is a
 terrible thing; no one wins and, in the end, everyone loses. You know, even
 one of the most powerful countries in the world, the United States, was not
 able to win in Afghanistan, against the comparatively small force of the
 Taliban. They had to leave. It’s just one more example that war does not work.
 That’s why we need negotiation.


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To be continued.


 Thanks to our partner, the Spirit of Humanity Forum, for facilitating this
 interview.


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<hr />

<h4 class="has-text-align-center">Interview by CLARA KESSOUS</h4>

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Why we need negotiation

Photograph by Metin Ozer<h4>WILLIAM URY is an author, anthropologist, and one of the world’s leading negotiators and mediators. He has spent his life building bridges in conflict situations and teaching other people how to do the same. His book, Getting to Yes, is a worldwide bestseller, translated into thirty-five languages.&nbsp;</h4><h4>This is part 3 of an interview conducted by GUILA CLARA KESSOUS and JULIAN PÉLABÈRE on the occasion of the 2021 United Nations and NERA Humanity Prize, which was awarded to William for his efforts in promoting innovative thinking to change the world for a better future, to help us better understand what is negotiation, and how we can all live together for a better life, a better future.</h4><hr>GCK: William, you have already mentioned BB3 – balcony, bridge, and third side. Is that your advice to bring more peace within ourselves and in our relationship with others? Is BB3 the magic formula? Do you have any advice you could give us?WU: Well, first of all, in the last forty-five years since I started Getting to Yes, the biggest lesson I have learned is that to influence others we first need to learn how to influence ourselves. We keep thinking that we want to change the minds of others, but it starts right here. The single biggest obstacle for me in my personal life, or for me to get what I need to satisfy my interests, is not the difficult person on the other side of the table. It’s not the difficult person in life, as difficult as that person might be. It’s right here. The most difficult person is the person we look at in the mirror every single morning, and that’s a lot of what going to the balcony is about.There is a saying, “When you are angry, you’ll make the best speech you ever regret,” and I think that’s very true. Human beings naturally get frustrated and angry, and say things that they later regret. That happens a lot in conflict. Gandhi noticed this and he said, “An eye for an eye will leave the whole world blind.” So, learn the ability not to react. Neuroscientists tell us it takes about ninety seconds for any emotion like anger or fear to go through your system. Learn to pause, a little bit of silence.There is an interesting study done by one of my colleagues on negotiation, where they studied different groups and measured the number of pauses in the conversation. That was it. There was a direct correlation between the number of pauses, how collaborative the process was, and how successful the outcome was.So just slow down. We live in a very fast world. We need to pause. We need to go to the balcony. We need to take some time for ourselves.&nbsp;<hr> &nbsp;&nbsp;<hr><h4>The biggest lesson I have learned is that to influence others we first need to learn how to influence ourselves. We keep thinking that we want to change the minds of others, but it starts right here.</h4>&nbsp;<hr> &nbsp;&nbsp;<hr>Take emails, for example. When you get an email or a text that makes you irritated, the temptation is to hit the reply button and get it out of your system. Then the whole thing escalates, right? There is a balcony button on the screen that we never use, called “save as draft.” Write it out, save it as a draft, then go to the balcony, meditate, go for a walk, have a coffee with a friend, sleep on it, and then go back and look at that message. You’re going to hit “delete.” And then you’re going to pick up the phone and you’re going to talk to that person or, even better, listen to that person because that’s the key in negotiation. We think of negotiation as talking, but successful negotiation is more about listening.So, learn to pause, learn to listen effectively, learn to listen not just from your perspective. The hard thing is to listen from the other side’s perspective, to put yourself in their shoes, in their frame of reference. If we can learn to do that, then I think that’s the secret of success for negotiation.GCK: What can you share with us about your balcony, William? What is your way to find peace? Do you have a style of peace-making for yourself?WU: Well, Guila, it’s a good question. You know, when I was a boy of six, I moved from the United States to the Swiss Alps for a year. I fell in love with mountains. Nowadays I live in Colorado, which is like Switzerland in the US. The mountains are my personal balcony.&nbsp;<hr> &nbsp;&nbsp;<hr><h4>We think of negotiation as talking, but successful negotiation is more about listening.</h4>&nbsp;<hr> &nbsp;&nbsp;<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/join_peace_games2_9e79d42039.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T07:13:32.388Z" alt="join-peace-games">Original photograph by ANTENNA<hr>I travel around the world, to Afghanistan, to the Middle East, to Korea, but I come back here to the mountains. The mountains have been here for tens of millions of years. I get perspective. Going out for a walk in the mountains is my way of regenerating myself in this world of conflicts. That’s my personal balcony: taking a walk, nature, beauty.There is nothing like beauty to give a little bit of hope. There are so many problems, and it is so easy to fall into despair. Beauty awakens the heart again, brings a sense of wonder, and then it gives you the strength to go back into the fray, fight the good fight, transform conflicts, because it’s never-ending. This game never ends, but it’s a game in which everyone can benefit, as opposed to the usual games like sports where someone wins and everyone else loses. This is a game where everyone benefits, not just us but our children, our grandchildren, and successive generations.JP: I really love what you say about looking for a third win, and how negotiation is not like sport with a winner and losers. Can you give us more clues to understand what is winning in negotiation?WU: Thank you, Julien. To me, winning a negotiation is satisfying your interest. Your interests are your deep desires, your aspirations, your concerns, your fears, and, in the end, it’s basic needs. Every human being has a few basic needs: a basic need for well-being (to put food on the table for your family and so on); for security and safety; for some kind of recognition, some sense of autonomy and dignity, right? So, to me that’s success. Success is when there is dignity for everyone, well-being for everyone, and a sense of safety for everyone. That’s the goal of negotiation – to meet the basic needs. You may not always get everything you say you want – you know everyone says, “I want this sum of money, I want that territory” – but the basic needs are met.Let me give you an example. About two decades ago, I was involved in mediating with a Swiss institution. It was a conflict in Indonesia, a civil war that had been going on for decades over the Province of Aceh. I was sitting in Geneva with the leaders of the Free Aceh Movement (GAM), and I said, “You’ve been fighting for over thirty years for independence. What do you want? What’s the purpose of the negotiation?” “We want independence – that’s what we want.” “Okay, I got it. Why do you want independence? What’s independence going to give you?” I can tell you, around that table in Geneva there was silence. They didn’t quite know how to answer that question. They knew what their position was – independence – but they hadn’t thought through what they really wanted independence for. I asked, “Is it because of economics? Do you want control over your natural resources? Is it political? Do you want a seat at the United Nations? Is it symbolic? Is it that you want autonomy for your culture, so that your children can go to school in your own language? What does independence mean to you?”The truth is, they realized that militarily they were never going to defeat the Indonesian army, so the question was: Could they meet the interests for which they were fighting without necessarily getting independence? They could still keep the dream of independence. Five years later, they reached an agreement that gave them full political autonomy. The leaders of the GAM became the Governor and the Vice-Governor of the Province. In the parliament, in the province, their own language was respected. They gained control over their natural resources. Did they get independence? No. But their basic needs were beginning to be addressed, and the basic needs of the people were addressed. That’s really the purpose of negotiation.&nbsp;<hr> &nbsp;&nbsp;<hr><h4>Success is when there is dignity for everyone, well-being for everyone, and a sense of safety for everyone. That’s the goal of negotiation – to meet the basic needs.</h4>&nbsp;<hr> &nbsp;&nbsp;<hr>GCK: This notion of meaning is extremely important. Do you think this willingness of meaning is also something that we have to look for in a world of Covid? We know it’s going to be a spiral, and we know that there will be a lot of violence. Things will also be complicated regarding security, and for our children and children’s children. So, would you say this notion of meaning is the most important to keep, no matter what conflict or negotiation we are going through?WU: There is a basic human need for meaning. People want their lives to be meaningful, and to me that’s one of the great opportunities with peace-making – to redefine what gives meaning to our lives. It used to be that war gave people’s lives meaning. Can peace give people’s lives even more meaning?We can make that happen. That’s why we have the peace-making profession, the negotiation profession. After Hiroshima and Nagasaki, there has been a race between human beings’ technological genius to devise weapons of incredible destructiveness that could put an end to all of life on Earth, and our moral, emotional, political, and social capacities to find ways to live together and create meaning together.Creating meaning is the great challenge, the ongoing challenge we face today. How do we make peace genuinely meaningful and not just some kind of an abstract thing? It goes back to your first question Guila, it’s in the game of the impossible yes1. Let me give you a dream here: What if we had (in addition to the Olympic Games) the Peace Games, in which teams were organized around the world to resolve the world’s toughest conflicts? They would not be competing with each other but against the challenge of these impossible conflicts. It would be a league, like a league of nations … call it a league of possibilists. There would be teams playing and working with each other. I really think we could transform these impossible conflicts. That’s what the world needs – peace games. There were war games, and now we need peace games. That would bring meaning to people. People love to play games, so may we all join this league of possibilists!<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/join_peace_games3_cb1c5a5cbc.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T07:14:59.238Z" alt="join-peace-games">Original photograph by Priscilla Du Preez<hr><hr><h4>What if we had the Peace Games, in which teams were organized around the world to resolve the world’s toughest conflicts? They would not be competing with each other but against the challenge of these impossible conflicts. It would be a league, like a league of nations … call it a league of possibilists.</h4>&nbsp;<hr> &nbsp;&nbsp;<hr>GCK: I am in! You’re right in saying that playfulness needs to be there, because even if people want meaning, they don’t want sad meaning. They want joyful meaning. They want objective meaning. They want dynamism and the willingness to live. Living is also a way not only to make efforts, but also progress, with people flourishing – Getting to Yes with happiness.William, I want to thank you so very much for these very precious moments we have spent together. It has been a great pleasure to have you as a speaker. Julien and I were very honored that you accepted this prize, and we would like to thank our great host, the Center for Executive Education at the University of Peace. We would like to thank our sponsor, Heartfulness, and their event “Connecting for Peace,” together with Institut NERA and UNESCO Artists for Peace. So, thank you for talking to us so sincerely from the heart. We wish you all the very best.What can we do to help you continue in this wonderful direction that you are taking us?WU: Join me in forming this league of possibilists. Let’s play these peace games and let’s tackle the world’s problems. It would give me joy to welcome you all into this league.GCK: Definitely. You heard Professor William Ury. We are all invited to this possibilist movement that he is creating for more peace in the world. Please join him. Thank you again William.WU: My pleasure. Thank you all. Un grand plaisir. Merci. Infiniment.<hr><hr>1 In part 1 of this interview in the February 2022 edition, William Ury said, “I think of peace-making as being the impossible yes. It may seem impossible, but it is actually a whole series of yeses over time, because the game of conflict is not a final game. It’s not a win-lose final game. It’s an infinite game. It goes on. Relationships go on.”

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