Kabir Bedi

Encounters of the heart

KAHLIL GIBRAN (1883-1931) was&nbsp; born in modern-day Lebanon and migrated to the United States where he studied art and started his literary career. He was a poet, painter, writer, philosopher and theologian, and was influenced by his Maronite Christian upbringing as well as the mysticism of Sufism and the Baha’i faith.

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Kahlil Gibran

Your children

The light in the heart

And a man said, speak to us of Self-knowledge. And he answered, saying:Your hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and the nights.But your ears thirst for the sound of your heart’s knowledge.You would know in words that which you have always known in thought.You would touch with your fingers the naked body of your dreams.And it is well you should.The hidden well-spring of your soul must needs rise and run murmuring to the sea;And the treasure of your infinite depths would be revealed to your eyes.But let there be no scales to weigh your unknown treasure;And seek not the depths of your knowledge with staff or sounding line.For self is a sea boundless and measureless.Say not, “I have found the truth,” but rather, “I have found a truth.” Say not, “I have found the path of the soul.”Say rather, “I have met the soul walking upon my path.”For the soul walks upon all paths.The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed.The soul unfolds itself, like a lotus of countless petals.<h4 style="text-align:center;">&nbsp;</h4>Chapter 17 of The Prophet.&nbsp;<h4>&nbsp;</h4>&nbsp;

Self-knowledge

Life and love

The attitude you bring to life

Kaj is a schoolteacher, coach, and prize-winning athlete. He has meditated for 20 years and is a member of the Heartfulness Institute in Copenhagen, Denmark.

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Kaj Hammargren

<h4>KAJ HAMMARGREN is an athlete who turned his life around from a very dark place in his twenties to serving others and bringing joy, thanks to a spiritual awakening and the practice of meditation. His story is an inspiring one!</h4>I shouldn’t be able to run, not even walk, and especially not pole vault. In fact, I shouldn’t be alive at all.&nbsp;I was born in Copenhagen in 1964 and I was good at sport. I became one of the biggest talents in Denmark in the pole vault. But I also struggled with alcohol, and those two things didn’t match at all. Alcohol became my master for some years, and it almost ended my life in a traffic accident at the age of 27. I wanted to die.&nbsp;But then I had a spiritual awakening, and meditation became central to my life. I have practiced Heartfulness meditation for more than 20 years.&nbsp;At the age of 51, I was asked to start jumping again, just for fun, at my old club. That’s eight years ago. The first few years I had fun, competing for the club with all my old friends. But last year, my weight was more than 100 kg and I decided to lose 15 kgs, start training two to three times a week, and participate in the world championships 2023 in Gothenburg. I also decided to have surgery on my right knee, so I could jump without pain.&nbsp;It’s easy to lose weight. I only eat what is necessary most days during the week, and some days I fast until the evening. I ask myself, “Is it necessary to eat this?” and then I don’t. One or two days a week I eat normally. I lost 13 kgs the first year, so I was close to the optimal weight for my height. I think previously I was attached to eating too much, and not always the right stuff. Of course, I did not eat well every day, but many days I did. And I became grateful for being able do it, including fasting for more than 16 hours a day.&nbsp;But what about other attachments? Am I attached to becoming the world champion in pole vaulting? Well, I’m not, but I am interested in experiencing what happens when I meditate and pole vault. So that’s what I’ve been doing. It’s not only important to jump, but it’s even more important how I participate. Babuji mentioned that we need to be of service, so I’m trying to be helpful to everyone who is jumping. In fact I pray in the morning, “How can I be useful?” and I ask God what His plan is for me. &nbsp;As a result, I am not afraid during competitions, and I’m more relaxed and focused. Also, I don’t waste energy being afraid, envying others, so a lot of good stuff happens, especially making new friends.&nbsp;I recently participated in the Championship of the Nordic Countries and won. I also made several new friends, but during the competition I noticed a man running on the track who was dying. I followed him, then shouted and waved my hands to the officials, and called for an ambulance. Quickly a doctor came running with a heart starter, but I saw the man’s blue face and instantly knew he was dying. I sat down with my head in my hands and started to pray for his life. After a while I looked up, and he was awake and sitting on the track.&nbsp;My goal is to participate in the World Championships in 2025. But I also know that life is meant to be joyful, and it’s important for me to find out what God’s plan is for me. I do not want to only reach for gold for myself, and I don’t need to be the best. I do, however, need to reach out for the best way of living a spiritual life.&nbsp;<figure class="image image-style-align-center"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/finding_purpose2_ac2ab39b49.jpg"></figure>Earlier, I would have been satisfied with my current achievements. And fear was part of jumping, limiting my progress: fear of winning, failing, what others thought of me, etc. I was attached to the goal of being the best, so that people would think I was a good man. It was a big dream, an illusion.&nbsp;Now I have a spiritual goal, to live right here, right now, in constant rememberance of His presence in everything I do. Whether I win or lose, my life is fullfilled while doing it – I have experienced it in all my affairs. It is experiencing life on another level.&nbsp;

Finding purpose

Kajal is currently working in the Clinical Trials industry and is also a trained Life Coach. She has a Ph.D. in Cardiovascular Science and has done research in Oncology, Cardio Metabolic and Neuroscience. She is an avid reader, and is passionate about meditation, well-being, conscious parenting, and finding joy in little things.

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Kajal Gupta

<h4>KAJAL GUPTA shares her experience of first-time parenting, and how it has opened her awareness and helped her grow.</h4>To me, mindfulness is tuning in and being aware of my present thoughts, feelings, and emotions (or lack of) without any judgment. It is being in the “here and now.” I’ve been practicing meditation for many years now, so going inward has become a way of life for me. With this in mind, I enthusiastically embarked upon motherhood feeling that I had it all together. How naïve was I, because as Dr. Shefali Tsabary puts it, “letting go of control over our children is probably the hardest spiritual task we face as parents.” As part of this ongoing journey, here are five tenets of mindful parenting I’ve picked up along the way, as something I not only relate to but also try to live by.<h4 style="text-align:justify;">1) Truly know, understand, and experience your child as they really are, separate from you.&nbsp;</h4>Yes, you can plan all you want – your child’s clothes, the nursery décor, whether you decide to breast- or bottle-feed, when to introduce solids, and your parenting style, too – but you can’t plan your child’s temperament. Each child is different; you’ll have to tailor your parenting style to meet your child’s needs and temperament. I decided to breastfeed for six months and then move to bottle-feeding, but my baby decided to enter my life as a milk snob, refusing all the bottles in the world. I decided to introduce solids at six months, but baby decided he was ready to taste his first fruit at 4.5 months. I got beautifully-crafted wooden toys, but baby was interested in all the overly colorful, loud, and ugly plastic ones! The point I’m trying to make is: tune into your child’s needs moment-to-moment instead of dumping your expectations on them.“When you parent, it’s crucial you realize you aren’t raising a ‘mini me,’ but a spirit throbbing with its own signature. For this reason, it’s important to separate who you are from who each of your children is. Children aren’t ours to possess or own in any way. When we know this in the depths of our soul, we tailor our raising of them to their needs, rather than molding them to fit our needs.”&nbsp; —The Conscious Parent by Dr. Shefali Tsabary<figure class="image image-style-align-center"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/5tips_mindful_parenting2_ba9018c88d.jpg"></figure><h4 style="text-align:justify;">2) Whenever you are doing anything with your children, be with them 100%.&nbsp;</h4>As with any mindfulness practice, give your full attention to that moment instead of thinking of the future or the past. I know, and experience daily, how difficult this can be with today’s fast-paced life. But I always try to be fully present with my child when I’m with him. I’ve found the best way is to encourage independent play and not intervene unnecessarily; it is truly magical to observe them at play and see into their world!“Play is children’s main way of communicating. To stop a child from playing is like stopping an adult from talking and thinking. To control every minute of their play is like controlling every word someone says.”&nbsp; —Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen<h4 style="text-align:justify;">3) Try not to take other’s comments too personally.&nbsp;</h4>This was a tough one for me, and something I still struggle with if I do not work on myself. Having a baby makes every person around you believe that they not only have a say in raising that child, but that their way is the best way! As if the initial hormonal overwhelm of having a baby plus keeping the baby alive are not enough, people shower you with their unsolicited advice and comments. This does not seem to stop after the first few weeks of giving birth, but goes on in cycles – how to sleep train, how to potty train, how to avoid toddler tantrums, how to discipline, the list is endless!Again, try to swim your way out of this ocean of how-tos, step back, observe your child and yourself, and decide what’s best for both of you. It is important to build your own “village” – your network of support and inspiration – but a village that feels safe for both of you. Remember, your true tribe also knows when to shut up and just listen.“It takes a village to raise a child.”&nbsp; —African Proverb<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Try to swim your way out of this ocean of how-tos,&nbsp; step back, observe your child and yourself,&nbsp; and decide what’s best for both of you.</h4><hr><h4>4) During emotional outbursts and tantrums, first connect, then redirect.&nbsp;</h4>We often react to tantrums instead of responding to them. Consequences and lessons are ineffective when a child’s emotions are running high. And why just children, it is the same with adults, too. Instead of punishments, using a calm attitude to hold the child through their emotions allows your calmness to rub off, giving way to receptiveness and understanding.“When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it’s our job to share our calm, not join their chaos.”&nbsp; —L.R. Knost<h4>5) This is a journey of learning for both you and your child.&nbsp;</h4>Parenting is not hierarchical; in fact, over this last year or so, I’ve learnt so much more from my child than I ever anticipated. Learn together, laugh together, cry together, and grow together! Just like you, your children deserve to feel that they are loved and adored, just because they exist, not when they are disciplined, not when they get straight As, or not when they are successful individuals.<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Learn together, laugh together,&nbsp; cry together, and grow together!</h4><hr><figure class="image image-style-align-center"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/5tips_mindful_parenting3_d109c84886.jpg"></figure>Even as we attempt to do our best at parenting, we cannot fully know where their lives will take them; we can only love our children, accept them and honor the mystery of their being. Do your best, be authentic, and express gratitude for this opportunity to evolve spiritually.&nbsp;“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself… They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.”&nbsp; —Kahlil Gibran

5 easy tips for mindful parenting

Kalyani is a health law attorney and writer who lives in Houston, Texas, with her husband and two sons. She is a mental health and mindfulness advocate who went on a journey to find happiness, discovered how to help others be happy, and has become a more authentic version of herself.

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Kalyani Adusumilli

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<h4>
 KALYANI ADUSUMILLI
 compares wants and needs, and explores how the simple life helps us keep a check on needs
 and wants, leading to contentment and happiness.
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To truly find contentment, it is commonly thought that we must distinguish between our needs and wants. Needs
 imply basic requirements to survive, such as water, air, and food; in other words, that which we cannot live
 without. But typically, we also include the intangible, like friendship, love, and security, among our needs.




Needs are supposed to be less than our wants, so we approach life practically. After all, we can want anything,
 including flying to the moon! Generally speaking, our wants are things we assume will improve our life somehow.
 But as our society grows more materialistic, our wants are often frivolous, not to mention numerous.



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What happens when we have too many needs, though? These days the line between needs and wants has become
 increasingly blurry. One could argue that humankind’s continuing progress, especially technological advancement,
 naturally leads to a shift in what we now consider a need.



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<h4 class="has-text-align-center">There’s a reason
 simplicity works better. There’s less
 clutter in our
 minds and more room to focus on what truly makes us thrive – health, happiness, a
 sense of purpose, and love.</h4>



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But then, is that actual progress if our needs are more complex as a result? How many of us consider a smartphone
 a need? They certainly make life convenient. But at the expense of what? Are we happier and more productive? For
 me, it’s a resounding “No!”



There’s a reason simplicity works better. There’s less clutter in our minds and more room to focus on what truly
 makes us thrive – health, happiness, a sense of purpose, and love. As our needs grow, so do our stress levels
 and reliance on the external. But with less dependence, there is more freedom. Freedom to be.



What if we took a step back to when we had everything that we needed simply by waking up to a new day, a fresh
 chance at living fully? Back when we treated our planet more gently, in appreciation of its beauty and its
 bounty. Back when we walked across the street and knocked at a neighbor’s house to pass the time. Back when we
 just needed the bare minimum to flourish because we had everything that we needed in each other.



What do you really need?



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<h4 class="has-text-align-center">Illustrations by HOLLY</h4>



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What do you need?

<h4>KALYANI ADUSUMILLI went on a journey to find happiness for herself. In the process, she discovered how to help others be happy, and how to become a more authentic version of herself.</h4><hr>Happiness has become a mainstream concept these days. Does happiness hinge on meeting society’s expectations? How often do superficial trappings such as social status, physical appearance, and financial success determine happiness? We’ve often heard the old adage, “Money can’t buy happiness,” but do only the wealthy come to that conclusion? For a person stuck in poverty, money could offer happiness in the form of a well-fed belly and a roof over their head. And consider social media. The number of Instagram followers and “retweets” electrifies the young and propels them to seek spotlight as their source of happiness, while the older generations look on in bemusement. So, who gets to decide what it means to be happy?Over the past couple of years, as I took stock of the pandemic that brought the modern world to its knees and left people in isolation, I reached the conclusion that the power to create happiness lies within me. Within you. Within each of us. That might seem obvious, but upon further reflection, very few of us actually utilize the power we wield. As I struggled to make sense of the tragedies occurring around the world and in my own personal sphere, happiness seemed both a distant memory and an unlikely future. Realizing that I needed an outlet, I sought therapy and spent the Covid lockdown trying to navigate my troubled past and conquer my fears about the future, with the hope that I might learn to live fully in the present.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Happiness_takes_courage2_56fbf71bbc.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T09:45:25.348Z" alt="Happiness_takes_courage2"><hr>Because of the decision to focus on well-being, I developed a heightened sense of self-awareness, which led me to understand more about the source of happiness. All too often, we either look to others to define our happiness or hold them responsible for it. I realized that as long as I continue to blame my parents for my lifelong anxieties or expect my spouse to provide the cure for my discontent, I will never achieve true happiness. I began to contemplate what “happy” meant to me.Before long, I could admit that happiness meant more than just my roles as a mother and a spouse, and that I had never felt entirely fulfilled in my career as a lawyer. I wanted more. I wanted to live life on my terms for the first time, not on everyone else’s. Happiness wasn’t just about the big-ticket items, but trickled down to the details, like how much sleep I was getting each night, and how much time I was allotting for simple acts of self-care. “Happy” now seemed attainable, and I felt transformed. That transformation manifested visibly to my family and friends, much to their wonder and awe.<hr><hr><h4>Happiness wasn’t just about the big-ticket items,&nbsp; but trickled down to the details,&nbsp; like how much sleep I was getting each night, and how much time I was allotting for simple acts of self-care.&nbsp; “Happy” now seemed attainable, and I felt transformed.&nbsp;</h4><hr><hr>If it’s so obvious that the way to happiness rests at our own feet, then why do we not exercise our autonomy? With everyone so interconnected through technology, the pressure of conforming places an enormous burden on the choices that we make. We’re so busy taking cues from everyone else that we don’t take the time to stop and reflect on what we need. Many of us hide behind fears of rejection, failure, and ostracization. And when we find ourselves disappointed or thwarted, it’s far easier to point fingers at others and deflect responsibility.&nbsp;A recent interaction with my eldest son, a high school senior, comes to mind. His teenage self has been a force to be reckoned with over the past couple of years. One day he stormed into my room, frustrated and angry about the restrictions on his screen time during the school year. Insisting that no other parents exerted that kind of control, he declared that we were making his life miserable. At first, I tried to reason with him, explaining that his oversleeping and lax attitude about his homework had resulted in those restrictions. I assured him that all parents want their children to thrive in school and that we were hardly the exceptions.When my words fell on deaf ears, I waited until his anger was spent. Then, I told him that while we had his best interest at heart, he alone could decide whether to stay mired in his frustrations or alter the landscape. Eager to give him the benefit of what I had started to embrace, I told him that he could continue to complain and remain miserable or figure out a way to be happy. Calling attention to his desire for freedom, I hinted that he could show his maturity by acting more responsibly, earning the right to manage his time without supervision. I’m happy to say that he went on to do just that, with some stumbles along the way, ultimately resulting in a happier kid and happier parents.This leads me to another observation – cultivating happiness inevitably fosters a happy environment and leads to healthier relationships with family, friends, and colleagues.&nbsp;&nbsp;<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Happiness_takes_courage3_bf87c3d16e.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T09:46:22.552Z" alt="/Happiness_takes_courage3"><hr><hr><h4>Happiness is so very individual and cannot be designed by anyone else. Creating our own happiness takes courage.</h4><hr><hr>In essence, we forget that what makes us human is our beautifully complex brain and the ability to reason and think for ourselves. Happiness is so very individual and cannot be designed by anyone else. Creating our own happiness takes courage. It requires an unshakeable commitment to stay true to ourselves, and a fierce determination to follow through with our passions, regardless of the outcome and in the face of adversity. Happiness demands that we place self-worth and well-being as priorities in our life so that we be authentic. Whether we live more than one lifetime or not remains a mystery, so with that uncertainty we would do well to remember another old saying, “Life isn’t a dress rehearsal.” Choose to be happy now and be the architect of your own happiness. You are in the driver’s seat.<hr><hr><h4>Illustrations by JASMEE MUDGAL</h4><hr>

Happiness takes courage

KALYANI ADUSUMILLI highlights the need for asking for help, and for self-compassion and self-love. She challenges us to come together to eradicate the stigma around mental illness, so that we can all open up about our struggles and overcome them.<hr>Giving up may seem like the only option when you’re at your lowest. But there’s a better one – reaching out.Often, we ignore the cracks in our emotional and mental well-being until we’re suddenly staring down an abyss. Climbing out from that darkness back into the light is possible. The first step of that ascent is to accept that you need a hand. None of us was ever meant to walk a solitary path.I tried to carry my burdens on my own for decades, until they became too heavy. When that happens, escape becomes tempting, unless you remember to look up and grasp that outstretched hand, the lifeline waiting to steady you, reminding you that you’re not alone.Building yourself back up also requires self-compassion. Only then can hope emerge and healing begin. Hope comes in all forms – the promise of a second chance or the discovery of a purpose in this life. I know firsthand the power of hope in healing and transforming darkness into light. But I had to make room for it and let it take the lead, so I could stare down my fears. Asking for help when you’re faltering is not a sign of weakness, though we may be at our most vulnerable in that moment. Rather, it’s a testament to our mind’s power, our insight into our limits as humans, and our resourcefulness. In truth, it’s an act of courage, a show of strength, to suppress the ego and to admit that we’re struggling. Ultimately, it reflects our desire to rise again. If we avoid the issues that stress our minds and wreak havoc on our emotions, it is then that we weaken, and our ability to fight back becomes compromised. It’s no different than a disease attacking our immune system. Do we not seek treatment for bodily ailments?<hr><hr><h4>Building yourself back up&nbsp; also requires self-compassion.&nbsp; Only then can hope emerge&nbsp; and healing begin.&nbsp; Hope comes in all forms – the promise of a second chance or the discovery of a purpose in this life.&nbsp;</h4><hr><hr>We place great value on caring for our physical health. Without our pumping heart and powerful lungs, how would we survive? But what controls those organs? The most complex and beautiful organ of our body, the brain, responsible also for the workings of our mind and consciousness. So why do we not similarly care for our mental and emotional wellness? The body and mind are interconnected, so if one declines, so will the other. Just as we schedule annual physicals for our body, what if we regularly schedule wellness checks for our mental and emotional health?People tend to focus on longevity over happiness. For me, the prospect of a meaningful and purposeful life (be it a short one) characterized by mental peace and equanimity, holds more appeal than living to 90 without it. As Aristotle said, “The energy of the mind is the essence of life.”<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/life_line2_99e94c4da1.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T12:31:26.963Z" alt="life-line2">Millions of people struggle with mental health issues, but sadly very few consider mental health treatment because of the stigma attached. The embarrassment associated with mental illness persists across cultures. If speaking about it remains taboo, the younger generations will also continue to suffer in silence. The key is to change the narrative and encourage open honest dialogue, empathy, and compassion. We are all united in our struggles and, therefore, can only thrive when we support and uplift one another.We can start the mental and emotional well-being journey by treating ourselves with love and compassion, then spreading that to others. Be each other’s lifeline. What is more healing than that?<hr>

Lifeline

<h4
 id="h-kalyani-adusumilli-grew-up-in-a-minority-group-in-the-united-states-straddling-cultures-learning-how-to-fit-in-and-later-learning-how-to-accept-the-traditions-of-her-heritage-today-she-is-watching-her-children-going-through-the-same-process-shifting-their-cultural-identity-as-they-head-toward-adulthood-in-the-melting-pot-of-a-multicultural-society">
 KALYANI ADUSUMILLI grew up in a minority
 group in the United States, straddling cultures,
 learning how to fit in, and later learning how to accept the traditions of
 her heritage. Today, she is watching her children going through the same
 process, shifting their cultural identity, as they head toward adulthood
 in the melting pot of a multicultural society.
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 Do I consider myself Indian or American? That’s a question Indian-Americans
 commonly grapple with as they try to navigate the two cultures that
 influence and impact their lives. “I’m American, Mom!” or “I don’t like
 Indian food!” are sentiments that I’ve heard frequently from my children.
 There’s my youngest, who once curiously told my sister-in-law, to her
 extreme consternation, “I’m not Indian. I’m half-Mexican and half-American!”
 While I knew that his comment stemmed from the adoration he felt for one of
 my close friends, who is Mexican, and like his surrogate aunt, I felt
 guilty, thinking that I had failed to instill in him a sense of pride for
 his own Indian culture. Then there’s my oldest, who traveled to India twice
 and readily embraced the culture and food as a child, but now avoids Indian
 food like the plague! He’ll squawk about mild spices in the occasional
 curry, and then shrug when I watch him munch on hot Cheetos and Takis. Where
 did I go wrong, I wondered, until I considered my own shifting cultural
 identity, and its gradual progression and transformation from childhood
 through adulthood.



 Born in India and raised there for six years before joining my family in the
 United States, I naturally identified more with my Indian roots, at first.
 Not quite fluent in English and accustomed to a different set of societal
 customs, I had to both learn and unlearn to assimilate into Western culture.
 No longer could I run freely around town barefoot, nor did I see cows and
 goats wandering around everywhere unrestrained. But before long, the Western
 influences took hold of me and I morphed into a fusion of East and West. My
 exposure to the American culture came predominantly from mastery of the
 English language and acculturation, as my parents only spoke English at
 home. They would later regret that when they recognized I could no longer
 speak my native tongue fluently.



 Yet, my parents did ensure that my sister and I learned Hindu traditions and
 regularly participated in the local Indian community. I happily took dance
 lessons in Bharatanatyam, relished our summer trips to India, and ate Indian
 food daily and without complaint as a young girl.


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 By the time I was old enough to care about the opinions of my peers, I
 became self-conscious about my ethnicity. Suddenly, I felt painfully aware
 of the stares that strangers directed at my mother when she wore a sari at
 the grocery store, and even more so if I had to appear in public wearing
 traditional garb. Cringe worthy comments from strangers and friends like,
 “Is that blood on your forehead?” when seeing the red bindi on my forehead,
 or “What tribe are you from?” fueled my self-consciousness and the feeling
 that we might as well have been aliens from another planet.



 Often, my mother opened the windows when she cooked Indian food because of
 the pungent aromas in our house, and I remember my anxiety and embarrassment
 when a young American friend scrunched up her nose, questioning, “What’s
 that smell?” As a minority population, inclusion is paramount. Even to the
 point of surrendering one’s identity.



 After four years of bland cuisine at college, I started craving my mom’s
 flavorful South Indian food. I learned how to cook it myself and joined a
 social networking group for young Indian professionals. I began to truly
 embrace my ethnicity. Through personal growth and an increasing awareness of
 how diversity shapes us, I came to embrace my identity as an Indian-American
 woman and appreciate my rich cultural upbringing.



 And so, when I reflect on my American-born children, who have yet to embrace
 their ethnicity and formulate their identity, I reassure myself that I have
 given them a good foundation and introduction to their Indian heritage.
 Since birth, they have had regular exposure to the Hindu culture whether
 through spending time with grandparents, visiting temples for religious
 occasions, reading folklore, or eating Indian food (even if they don’t
 always relish it). Yet, they have also had exposure to many other cultures
 as well – Japanese, Brazilian, Australian, Mexican, and so on. I’m grateful
 that my son has experienced the Hispanic culture so intimately through my
 friend.


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 Only when they learn to appreciate that we are all
 born different
 from one another 
 in so many beautiful ways, will they truly celebrate diversity
 and their own culture.
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 More importantly, I respect that my kids identify primarily as Americans, as
 they were born and raised in this country and have been immersed in American
 society. I have seen my children, nieces and nephews go through similar
 scenarios to those I did as a child. They gleefully ran into their
 grandmother’s outstretched arms as little kids, but as they grew older, I
 watched them squirm uncomfortably seeing her familiar round figure, draped
 in a bold-colored sari, waiting to greet them at the bus stop. While
 saddened at this sign of passing innocence, I understood, knowing that they
 too would navigate the complicated waters of growing up with a mixed
 cultural heritage, and confident that they would also come to proudly own
 their cultural identity, by choice and in their own time. Only when they
 learn to appreciate that we are all born different from one another in so
 many beautiful ways, will they truly celebrate diversity and their own
 culture.



 So, the next time my college-bound son groans, “Oh no, not Indian food!” or
 my youngest declares on St. Patrick’s Day that he’s half-Irish, I’ll smile,
 and patiently continue to watch their cultural journey unfold.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

East meets West

<hr class="vertical-space1">



<h4>
 KALYANI
 ADUSUMILLI shares some tips on leading a balanced life so that our time with others is also more
 harmonious.
</h4>



<hr class="vertical-space1">



The key to living harmoniously is balance. I’m sure you’ve heard the old proverb, “All work and no play makes Jack a
 dull boy,” as it’s stood the test of time. Less known, perhaps, is its counterpart, “All play and no work makes Jack
 a mere toy.” We need to maintain an equilibrium between the different aspects of our life to be balanced. But for
 many of us, that’s easier said than done!&nbsp;



I have a notoriously sweet tooth. Sometimes, the one thing that keeps me from overindulging is my mother’s voice,
 repeating in my head like a broken record, “Do everything in moderation, Kalyani!” Whether I’m limiting screen time
 or junk food with my children, I often spout the same sentiment if not the same words, having recognized the wisdom
 in them. My youngest always laughs in amazement when I tell him that he could go overboard with eating healthy food
 as well! Like eating too many carrots and turning orange!



How to go about leading a balanced lifestyle?



The best place to start is by making a list! Prioritizing can prove challenging. So if everything is laid out right
 in front of you, it’s easier to see how the different pieces of the puzzle fit. Write down what you value and
 determine whether you’re giving it enough attention.



<hr class="vertical-space1">



<hr>



<h4 class="has-text-align-center">Whether it’s your mind
 or your body, they are deeply connected:
 the other will thrive if you take care of one.</h4>



<hr>



<hr class="vertical-space1">



Since our existence relies on health, I’d say it’s critical, if not the most important! Yet, it’s often something
 people most neglect. It could be because we’re burning the midnight oil, taking care of everyone else and finding no
 time for ourselves, or because self-destructive behavior has become natural to us. Our mental health inevitably
 suffers when we neglect our physical health, whether through lack of proper nutrition, exercise, or sleep. It can be
 the reverse, too, making it a vicious cycle. Whether it’s your mind or your body, they are deeply connected: the
 other will thrive if you take care of one.



<hr class="vertical-space1">


<div class="block-image">
 <figure><img decoding="async" width="600" height="659" alt="" class="has-img-center lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/the_balancing_act2_36ca475f9d.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-26T07:14:09.048Z">
 </figure>
</div>


<hr class="vertical-space1">



Living optimally has to do with fulfillment and satisfaction, not perfection. Look at your list and set goals that
 align your desire with how you live your life. What are your physical, mental, and emotional needs? Only when you
 incorporate those will you have actual control and ownership of your life.&nbsp;



Part of the balancing act is also learning to compromise. If you have a family, how will you and your partner
 prioritize so that responsibilities are symmetric? An unequal relationship becomes a breeding ground for resentment.




Finally, finding enough time to achieve your goals often means simplifying your life. It’s impossible to devote
 yourself fully to anything if you have too much on your plate. If you want your family to spend more time together,
 try cutting out two hours of everyone’s screen time.&nbsp;



We’re all tightrope walkers in life. When you find your balance, the steadiness within will keep you upright.



<hr class="vertical-space1">



<hr>



<h4 class="has-text-align-center">Illustrations by EMI TSE</h4>



<hr>

The balancing act

<h4>KALYANI ADUSUMILLI shares her personal experiences of remembrance, and the relationship between the past and the present. Through some painful experiences, she has learned how to have a positive focus, and not remain trapped in the past.</h4>Remembrance is a laden word with heavy meaning, carrying such weight in our hearts and minds. Because it signifies memories or recollections, the feelings it elicits can be both painful and pleasing. Typically, remembrance occurs in honor of a loved one or a person of significance after they have passed. Many countries hold Remembrance Day to recognize fallen soldiers for their courage and sacrifice in defending their homeland. Whether observed ceremonially or more privately in thoughts, remembrance allows people to pay their respects. Though sadness often accompanies memories, remembering provides solace by keeping our dear ones with us forever in our hearts and minds. Sharing memories with others is an essential source of strength and unites us in grief. When I write of remembrance, I instinctively think of my beloved sister, who died tragically in a car accident in her mid-thirties. Commemoration of the anniversary of her death started as a day shrouded in grief and mourning as the gaping wound in my heart remained fresh and raw. But with the passage of time and healing, I stopped focusing solely on the loss. Instead, I began to draw comfort from the abundance of happy memories I was fortunate enough to have had with my sister. And on her birthday, I make a point to celebrate her beautiful spirit and everything she loved, right down to her favorite chocolate cake! Whereas previously I’d thought only of my sorrow at her absence in my life and that of my children’s, I remembered that she remained a part of my sons and me and that I could still draw strength from everything she’d given me, including her unfailing confidence in me. None of that died with her. I’d been so focused on my boys not having the benefit of their aunt in their lives that I’d neglected to consider that I could fill theirs with the same joy and exuberance she’d brought to mine. Now, I’ve reached a point where I reflect peacefully on our time together and trust in the immortality of her main legacy, unconditional love. Of course, remembrance doesn’t always pertain to death. Sometimes, it’s simply reminiscing about a past event or a powerful impression left on our minds. My fond recollections of my children’s milestones or my former travel adventures also constitute remembrance. And as we age, the tendency to balk at change and reminisce about “the good old days” (for me, that’s the 80s and 90s!) rises exponentially.&nbsp; Naturally, not all remembrances are agreeable. When we recall an unpleasant experience, it’s easy to succumb to the negative emotions it draws forth, especially when it forces us to relive the trauma. Yet even the distressing events have a purpose, providing an opportunity to grow and learn from them. Remembrance of past atrocities, such as slavery and genocide, serves as a warning so that future generations avoid repeating the same mistakes. Historical reminders in those instances can prompt healing and forgiveness.&nbsp;<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Understanding the past also helps us to discover our purpose and reach our full potential.&nbsp;</h4><hr>Understanding the past also helps us to discover our purpose and reach our full potential. Ultimately, the power of remembrance lies in giving the past its due by recognizing its continuing impact, while remaining tethered in the present.<hr>Illustration by JASMEE MUDGAL<hr>

Remembrance

Kapil is a second-year undergraduate at Brandeis University, MA, USA, majoring in Physics and Economics. He has also been actively involved in the startup space, with a recent focus on building AI agents and SEO workflows. Kapil has been practicing Heartfulness meditation for six years.

kapil-naidu.webp

Kapil naidu

<h4 style="text-align:justify;">KAPIL NAIDU explores the paradox of remembering and forgetting, and how he resolved it through experience. Along the way, he learned some important life lessons!</h4>“Kapil, take care, and remember not to forget.”This was the last thing my Dad said to me at the airport &nbsp;when I was leaving for the US to pursue my undergraduate studies.&nbsp;I chuckled and said, “Yeah, I won’t Papa,” as I walked away.I found the phrase quite funny at the time, and as I was completing my check-in I thought about it. “Remember not to forget.” What does that even mean?I had a bad habit of forgetting things, and I was pretty ignorant of the fact for the longest time. As I was growing up, I remember my parents constantly telling me how I was leaving the shampoo bottle open, the front door wide open, to clean my room, and an endless list of things. These so-called “memory lapses” conveniently applied only to essential tasks.As I was going to sleep one night at 7:30 p.m., I remembered I had a school project due the next day. I ran to my mom and said “Momma, I have a school project due tomorrow.” She didn’t look too surprised that I would pull such stunts with homework assignments, and she would make me finish them before I went to sleep. She asked me what the project was, and I said I had to take a model of the Egyptian pyramids to school the next day. Now, this was a shock even for her. She was infuriated and gave me a mouthful. But of course, the charm of unconditional motherly love eventually kicked in after she cooled down, and she sat with me till 1:00 a.m. essentially doing the project for me. Unfortunately for me, this was not the end of such events, and it took me many years to become less carefree and ignorant about things. To this day, this is still a work in progress.<figure class="image"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/remembering_forgetting2_df1e72d08a.webp" alt="remembering-forgetting2.webp"></figure>&nbsp;I completed my check-in and kept pondering over what my dad meant. I knew on the face of it he meant I should be more careful and less forgetful, but the phrase was an oxymoron. To remember means you have forgotten. But, there was also a completely different interpretation of this phrase. A lot of us struggle with forgetting the past and constantly keep brooding over the same events over and over again. So now could this mean that we should keep reminding ourselves to forget the past.I was now fascinated by this train of thought and decided to see what people have said about this on the internet. One article said that it is human nature to remember things that should be forgotten, and to forget things that should be remembered. It emphasized the importance of recalling what God wants us to remember and forgetting what we should leave behind. Another article spoke about how the Israelites repeatedly forgot God’s acts like the Red Sea crossing, a miraculous event where God parted the waters to free the Israelites from Egypt.This was a new twist, the phrase had a spiritual meaning to it as well!Having grown up in a family that practices the Heartfulness way of meditation, I had taken up meditation at age of 14. A big component of the practice is the morning meditation, where you close your eyes and give a gentle suggestion that there is a divine light in your heart and stay with that thought. It is recommended that after meditating we remind ourselves to stay connected with the inner state acquired from the morning meditation. So this would be an effort of constantly remembering the state acquired through meditation throughout the day. This meant that I should keep reminding myself not to forget that state.Now I was truly torn, I agreed that it was important to remember not to forget important things such as essential tasks and remaining connected with ourselves. But I also agreed that it was important to forget the past and live in the present moment. I decided this was too complex a topic to think about, and I was no philosopher to decipher this truly paradoxical statement. I started watching a movie on the flight and went on with things, completely forgetting this thought process.<figure class="image"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/remembering_forgetting4_4044df7e0a.webp" alt="remembering-forgetting4.webp"></figure>Cut to almost two years later, when I was in India visiting my parents who live in Kanha Shanti Vanam, the headquarters for the Heartfulness institute. There was a book release on one of the days and the book was called The Power of Paradox by Daaji. I enjoy reading, so I bought a copy and started reading immediately. This book was full of paradoxes like the one I was thinking about earlier. There was a particular chapter where Daaji talks about thinking and remembering, pointing out that true remembrance goes beyond simply recalling memories—it dissolves the boundaries of time and space, blending the person remembering with whatever they remember.As I read Daaji’s words, a clear image of my dad smiling at me in the airport flashed through my mind, as he reminded me, “Remember not to forget.” It all made sense now. He wasn’t telling me just to remember tasks or chores. Instead, he was talking about something much deeper; staying connected to who I truly am, holding onto the inner peace from meditation, and remembering the values and love given to me by those I cherish. It also meant consciously choosing to let go of past mistakes, regrets, and negativity, essentially forgetting what doesn’t serve my growth and happiness.Daaji beautifully described remembrance as something more profound than just recalling events: “Through genuine remembrance, you become one with what you remember, erasing all boundaries. Remembrance then becomes a state of pure being.” That hit me deeply. True remembrance was living fully connected to what matters most—the Divine within us, the people we love, and the experiences that shape us.I sat quietly for a moment, thinking about how my life often swung between remembering trivial things and forgetting truly important ones. Now, it had become clear to me: remembering not to forget meant consciously choosing what matters, being present with loved ones, staying true to myself, and letting go of anything that kept me stuck in the past.<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/remembering_forgetting3_33d3d1dd02.webp" alt="remembering-forgetting3.webp"><hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Remembering not to forget meant consciously choosing what matters,&nbsp; being present with loved ones,&nbsp; staying true to myself, and letting go of anything&nbsp; that kept me stuck in the past.</h4><hr>The paradox I once found confusing had resolved itself through real-life experience. From that day onward, that simple phrase became a quiet reminder to stay mindful, appreciate meaningful relationships, and let go of unnecessary baggage. And now, whenever I catch myself drifting away, losing focus, or dwelling on the past, I smile and softly remind myself, “Remember not to forget.”<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Illustrations by ANANYA PATEL</h4><hr>

Remembering and forgetting

Karen is a project manager for the city of Reykjavik in the field of climate change and European cooperation, adopting international standards in the city’s progress towards a more sustainable future.

KAREN-EYTHORSDOTTIR.jpg

Karen Eyþórsdóttir

<h4>KAREN EYÞÓRSDÓTTIR works for the city of Reykjavik in the field of climate change and European cooperation, adopting international standards in the city’s progress towards a more sustainable future. Here she is interviewed by MADELEINE OLIVE about her work, qualities of a leader, and how meditation helps her in day-to-day life.</h4><hr>Q: Thank you so much for being here with us. Can you share the story of your life in Iceland?KE: Icelanders are global champions when it comes to women’s rights, although we can always do better. I grew up in a society where I was allowed to believe I could be anyone, and work in any field. As I began to form my own opinions of the world, I developed a strong sense of justice and curiosity, and engaged in diverse student activities at college. I was the youngest board member of the Student Association and the following year I became the president.My interests ranged from Icelandic opera to writing for the school paper, and I loved to get involved in events that supported human rights. I started to see that there is still a lot of injustice toward women, so my initial step was into women’s rights, for students and teachers, and improving teachers’ salaries. As cliched as it may sound, I always wanted to improve the world, to leave it better than when I came to it.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Mynd_1_utskriftargrein_700x466_1319e4a734.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T06:48:42.782Z" alt="Mynd-1-utskriftargrein"><hr>As an Icelandic girl, I was able to pursue the education I wished on a global scale, although here there is still a class division, and there are a lot of missed opportunities because of that. In junior college, I became interested in meditation, and was involved with the Brahma Kumaris. Then I went to Taiwan to learn meditation in a Buddhist monastery, and I traveled the world for a bit. I moved to London, and the fast tempo of working in the financial industry was a maturing but difficult experience. Then I moved to Copenhagen to study business. I wanted to learn how to change the system from within.I had done a lot of activist work before that, and I was tired of being angry and standing outside with a billboard shouting. I do believe in activism, and I still do it. I strongly encourage young people to engage in it, because I saw a study that showed that if only 3.5% of a community come together and ask for change, there is a very high probability that the change will happen. But when it came to choosing my field of study, I chose business because I love organizing, and I wanted to change things from within.<hr><hr><h4>I saw a study that showed that if only 3.5% of a community come together&nbsp; and ask for change, there is a very high probability&nbsp; that the change will happen.&nbsp;</h4><hr><hr>Q: Tell us about your work for the city of Reykjavik.KE: I gather data on sustainability indicators and work with matters relating to climate change. I also work on European cooperation, as we want to learn from other cities. My team wrote an application in January 2022 to be a part of the “100 Climate-neutral and Smart Cities” initiative, which is a Horizon Europe project run by the European Union and the European Commission. We applied and were chosen to be one of the 112 European cities to be front runners to reach carbon neutrality by 2030.The national goal of Iceland is to be climate neutral by 2040, and the government has its own strategies and regulations around that, but the city of Reykjavik is going to try to be climate neutral by 2030. To do that we need a lot of support. My task in the coming months is to map out the stakeholders, engage with organizations and citizens, and create climate city contracts. These contracts will focus on how we are going to reach this target. I will do my best to make sure our city reaches its target.Q: What are some other cities involved in this project?KE: There is Malmo in Sweden, Madrid, Krakow, Mannheim, Helsinki, Copenhagen, and many more. If you Google “100 Climate-neutral and Smart Cities by 2030” you will see the list. There are 100 EU cities and another 12 associated cities like us, as Iceland is an associated country.Q: How do you involve young people in your programs?KE: For this sort of project, the city really wants to engage citizens, and young people are a very important part of that. How we will engage them is yet to be worked out, but we are trying things. For example, we have a Climathon, where we encourage young people to form teams and find solutions to societal problems using innovation and creative ideas. And there’s a portal for applications for annual grants, so that young people can apply for grants if they want to start their own company or go into project management. You can go to reykjavik.is or reykjavik.com and learn more about young citizens’ engagement in various programs.Q: Can you describe the qualities you admire in a good leader?KE: The best leaders are not the ones who go after leadership roles, but who are leaders in their own environment, maybe without even knowing it. They can also be leaders in their family, in their friends’ group, in the house where they live, or in their community.A good leader aspires to inspire and to draw out the best in others. Instead of being solely driven by ego (although ego can be a good leadership quality), a good leader is driven by love, by wanting to create something good, wanting to improve the lives of others, and wanting to create solutions that will make something better. They are humble and want to work with people, rather than having people work under them. Everyone pulls the wagon together. A leader is simply the one who manages the process and sees the good qualities in each and every person, and creates a platform or an opportunity for each person to use their best qualities. A good leader does that with encouragement, rather than giving orders.<hr><hr><h4>A good leader is driven by love,&nbsp; by wanting to create something good,&nbsp; wanting to improve the lives of others,&nbsp; and wanting to create solutions&nbsp; that will make something better.&nbsp;</h4><hr><hr>A good leader is very human, admitting mistakes, and encouraging others to admit mistakes. I’ve recently changed positions, and in the new team we start each meeting with a round of asking how we’re feeling today, where we’re coming from today. It’s great because if you say, “I’m in a bad mood,” or “I’ve had a bad morning,” people understand and won’t take it personally or believe it’s their fault. It gives them space. Our supervisor also does it, and I think it’s admirable.Q: Where do you learn that skill? Do they teach it in business school?KE: In business school, there is leadership training and theory, but it’s not always in this direction. We are taught the theory behind successful leaders, and we read cases about leaders who walk the talk, and treat everyone the same, and so forth, but you also have to learn by doing, and by watching leaders around you, and leaders you look up to, and asking, “What qualities does this person have, and why do I look up to them? Why are they a leader to me?”You can also attend self-improvement courses and life-skills courses, watch TED talks, listen to podcasts, become aware, and ask yourself, “Am I a leader? Do I want to be a leader?”<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Changing_the_system_from_within3_7f0a657951.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T06:49:33.944Z" alt="Changing-the-system-from-within3"><hr>Q: It’s inspiring and it helps you to grow.KE: Yes, it’s a great point! A leader wants others to grow, wants people to succeed them. That’s a really great quality.Q: You used the word “love.” Do you learn to love in business school? It’s a core attitude or way of being. I don’t think you can learn that in business school.KE: I totally understand your point. People often say that we should be learning these human qualities in school, but I don’t think we have to learn everything in our institutions. If we want to see a change in the world, a change in human behavior, we have to be that change, and educate the children and adolescents around us. I don’t think we can put the responsibility of teaching human goodness on institutions. It’s the love of people, the self-sacrifice and devotion, that shows us.<hr><hr><h4>If we want to see a change in the world,&nbsp; a change in human behavior, we have to be that change,&nbsp; and educate the children and adolescents around us.&nbsp;</h4><hr><hr>Q: You mentioned meditation. Are you still meditating? And does it help you in your work to arrive at something? Sometimes we have ideas like, “I would like to lead by love,” etc., but how do we arrive at this? Is meditation a useful tool in your work?KE: Absolutely. It has helped me tremendously to have stepped into the world of meditation over the years, and I always wish I did it every morning, but I don’t always give myself the time. Meditation is not something you can read about; it’s something you have to practice for yourself. Having practiced over the years, I feel like it helps me every day. If I am stressed out, I do a breathing technique. If I am going into a big meeting, I often go into a quiet room, put on my headphones, go into a meditation app, and press 1-minute meditation so I can relax and be present before the meeting. It has really helped me stay present.It’s also a tool to work with people, because I often have to deal with many different personalities. People might be having a bad day or feeling negative about something, and having love in my mind and unconditional love for coworkers really helps. I couldn’t recommend it more. There’s never a downside to meditation.<hr><hr><h4>Meditation is not something you can read about;&nbsp; it’s something you have to practice for yourself.&nbsp; Having practiced over the years,&nbsp; I feel like it helps me every day.&nbsp;</h4><hr>

Changing the system from within

<h4 class=""
 id="h-karen-ey-rsd-ttir-works-for-the-city-of-reykjavik-in-the-field-of-climate-change-and-european-cooperation-adopting-international-standards-in-the-city-s-progress-towards-a-more-sustainable-future-here-she-is-interviewed-by-madeleine-olive-about-the-sustainable-reykjavik-of-the-future-and-the-importance-of-togetherness">
 KAREN
 EYÞÓRSDÓTTIR
 works for the city of Reykjavik in the field of climate change and European
 cooperation, adopting international standards in the city’s progress towards
 a more sustainable future. Here she is interviewed by
 MADELEINE OLIVE
 about the sustainable Reykjavik of the future and the importance of
 togetherness.
</h4>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<h4>
 A Sustainable
 Future
</h4>


 Q: What is your vision for
 Reykjavik as a sustainable city of the
 future?



 KE: After Covid,
 Reykjavik created something called the Green Plan. It’s an
 outreach program based on the city’s vision for a sustainable environment,
 outlining funding and green spaces for the next 10 years.



 There’s a lot of emphasis on green transport, infrastructure, neighborhoods,
 and innovation in green jobs. The Green Plan aims to create a better city to
 live in, and incorporates the three pillars of sustainability – economic,
 social, and environmental – to ultimately create an environment-friendly city.
 And this Green Plan is very much in line with the 100 climate-neutral and
 smart cities program. That’s our vision.



 Q: Did growing up with
 nature all around you educate you about the
 environment?



 KE: In Iceland we
 grow up in close proximity to nature, and many of us live by
 the sea. If you drive out of the city for half an hour, you experience
 untouched nature, which is such a privilege. And as you grow older, you
 appreciate it more and more. I wouldn’t say that Icelanders are more
 respectful of nature than other people. We spend a lot of time in the city and
 go to the countryside once in a while, but not many people really go out on a
 hike in nature or go up to the highlands.



 Iceland is rich in natural resources, like hydropower and wind power. We use
 hydropower to generate electricity, and we use geothermal energy – where hot
 water is pumped from the ground – to heat the houses. But there is an
 ever-increasing need for electricity. A recent report said that to achieve
 carbon neutrality by 2040, we need to dam our rivers to generate hydroelectric
 power. Another report stated that we need to build five more dams to harness
 this amount of energy.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 class="has-text-align-center">
 The Green Plan aims to
 create a better city to live in, and
 incorporates the three pillars of sustainability –economic, social,
 and environmental – to ultimately create an environment-friendly
 city.
</h4>

<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<div>
 <figure>
 <img decoding="async" width="600" height="811" alt="" class="lazyload mx-auto d-block has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/creating_green_city2a_a89d6f8756.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-13T02:15:54.728Z" />
 </figure>
</div>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 But that would mean flooding entire valleys and their ecosystems, flora, and
 wildlife, which I think is a big shame because Iceland has one of the most
 untouched highlands. There aren’t many places like it, at least in Europe. We
 really do need to protect these areas. There are all too many people willing
 to sacrifice them in order to create more dams to sell more cheap energy to
 the industry.



 I guess living in close proximity to nature does makes you feel more connected
 to it, but I think we can protect it better. You will protect something that
 you love.


<h4>
 Young
 Leaders
</h4>


 Q: Would you like to share
 something on how to empower and encourage young
 people to become leaders?



 KE: My primary
 advice to young people is to nurture yourself, because you have
 to put the oxygen mask on first before you can assist others. And after you
 have nurtured yourself and found your own strengths, find the field of study
 or area of work you want to engage in. Then, I encourage you to get involved
 in any way possible.



 Often, we feel that our voices are not heard, or that we are not invited to
 have a seat at the table. But in my experience, there are a lot more
 opportunities than we think. For instance, you can be a mentor at your
 university, helping students find their feet and guiding them. You can be a
 volunteer with the UN. You can volunteer, like you are doing with the
 Heartfulness Magazine.



 I was a deputy delegate to the UN on sustainable development, but then came
 Covid. So, I didn’t get to do nearly as much as I wanted to. Now Covid is
 lifting. There are multiple ways to volunteer, and if you don’t have time, you
 can be a leader within your environment. But it really all starts with
 nurturing yourself first, finding self-acceptance, self-love. Find your
 strengths and work on them, and then you can start assisting others. It always
 has to come from love. Any kind of activity or decision is so much more
 powerful if it comes from love rather than fear.



 Don’t engage with climate change solely out of fear; do it out of love for the
 future generations. Young people are so powerful. Look out for grants. Very
 often there are grants from municipalities, innovation companies or
 institutions, student associations, etc. Go with your idea and believe in it.



 Then, try to inspire others and be open to the world. Travel, get to know
 other people, be open to other cultures and other ways of seeing things, new
 perspectives. My main message is to embrace openness and inspiration.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<div>
 <figure>
 <img decoding="async" width="600" height="811" alt="" class="lazyload mx-auto d-block has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/creating_green_city3a_1253aa0558.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-13T02:18:00.963Z" />
 </figure>
</div>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 Q: I am realizing more and
 more the power of togetherness. Thank you very
 much for sharing your thoughts.



 KE: Thank you!

Creating a green city

Karen O'Neill

<h4>Has something ever happened to you seemingly out of the blue? Are such random incidents related, if at all? KAREN O’ NEILL muses on our connection with each other and with the Universe.</h4>Maybe you are thinking of an old friend who coincidentally calls you, or you unexpectedly bump into an acquaintance. A song keeps playing wherever you go, or a sequence of numbers continuously crops up everywhere you look. Later when another seemingly random event occurs, suddenly the mismatched pieces of the puzzle of your life fall into place and, in that moment, the full picture comes into focus. It seems as if the Universe has illuminated the path from behind you, pointing you towards the future.We may all have had such experiences. In those moments the separateness of the parts of our lives, boxed into the predictable and the ordinary, is suddenly turned upside down. The mysterious working of the Universe is briefly exposed to us, and we marvel at how our destinies made up of random and disparate events can be so subtly intertwined. This is called synchronicity.Steve Jobs said, “You can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards.” Sequences of chance encounters and events, and of symbols that may seem mundane, can find meaning if only we expand our awareness to distil the method from the madness. The Universe has strewn daisy chains of its workings for us to stumble across, if only we open our eyes to what is under our feet.<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">The mysterious working of the Universe is briefly exposed to us, and we marvel at how our destinies made up of random and disparate events can be so subtly intertwined. This is called synchronicity.</h4><hr>In 2015, I made the decision to move to India. A couple of months before I left, a woman I knew gifted me some crystals. I cannot say that I was hugely enamored of the crystals at the time. One was rose quartz in the shape of a heart. I tried to refuse, but she insisted. “Take it,” she said, “you’ll be needing it soon.” Puzzled, I packed it among my belongings.Some months later I came across Heartfulness Meditation. These seemingly unconnected events signaled to me that something had been set in motion from the moment that she had gifted me the heart to the moment I meditated on the heart.So the next time you have a eureka moment, when things fall into place, when the dots connect and you realize that they form the outline of a beautiful galaxy, take a moment. Cherish it. It is a sign that you are on the right path.&nbsp;

Connecting the dots

Karisham is a passionate and detail-oriented 21-year-old design student from South Africa. She is currently perfecting her craft and preparing to start a business. She is also an environmental activist, who is raising money with her brother to create a Heartfulness Forest in South Africa.

Karisham-Kara.jpg

Karisham Kara

<h4>
 A common piece of advice is, “Don’t let your happiness depend on
 others.”
 KARISHAM KARA, a college student in South Africa,
 recognizes that as much as we
 strive to be independent we are inevitably interconnected and need one
 another to thrive and survive.
 
</h4>

<h4>
 She offers 8 tips to be happy while balancing independence and
 interdependence.
</h4>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 I always thought I’d feel more settled in myself and less reliant on
 others as I grew up. In the last few years, however, I have realized how
 interconnected the world is. Nature has so intricately organized herself
 into a system where everything relies on everything else to grow. No
 plant grows in a vacuum without external aid. The earthworms are needed
 to break down matter and create nutrient-dense soil, and the bees are
 needed to pollinate flowers to create seeds. In the same way, we rely on
 businesses to employ us or on customers to sustain our businesses.
 Nothing escapes the webbed arrangement of nature.



 So, when I hear the advice “Never let your happiness depend on others,”
 or “Happiness should come from within,” or “Don’t expect anything from
 anyone,” I feel baffled, because the actions of others do make
 us unhappy sometimes, and they do affect our quality of life.
 No matter how hard we try to be self-reliant, at the end of the day we
 live in a community, and we have to lean on others at times. It feels
 unjust to pin the reason for our unhappiness on ourselves when we are
 not the reason for it, and when we are trying our best to take
 everything positively and grow. Often we feel stuck because of something
 that someone else said or did to us.



 So, I’ve been pondering how to create our own happiness in an
 interconnected world. I’m nowhere near understanding all the answers,
 but my dad likes to say that nobody has the whole puzzle, we just have
 the pieces.


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Here are my 8 tips to being happy:

<h4>
 1. Judge the level of control you have over a
 situation
</h4>

<div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img decoding="async" alt="8tips_happiness2" width="153" height="153"
 class="lazyload img-float-left has-img-center-in-mobile"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/8tips_happiness2_250x250_a20bafd7f3.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T10:30:33.971Z" />
 </figure>
</div>


 Let’s take a scenario: You and your co-workers like to celebrate
 together after a project ends. While you enjoy the celebrations, you are
 frustrated because you are doing all the work to plan these
 celebrations. Everyone is having fun, but no one recognizes your efforts
 after finishing a tiring project, which leaves you feeling drained and
 resentful.



 First, analyze the problem. How many people does it affect, and how much
 influence and control do you have? In this case, you have control over
 being able to express your frustrations and asking for help. What stops
 you? Often it is fear.


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<h4>
 2. Happiness comes from within when you eliminate
 fear
</h4>

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 <figure>
 <img decoding="async" alt="" width="165" class="lazyload img-float-right has-img-center-in-mobile"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/8tips_happiness3_250x250_b9eb8b96ac.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T10:34:19.943Z" />
 </figure>
</div>


 There are endless reasons you may not say what you are feeling, but the
 root cause is almost always fear. &nbsp;



 Step one is to honor and accept your feelings. Be aware of what you’re
 going through, and allow yourself to feel it without guilt. Realize that
 you have the right to be responsible for your actions, make mistakes, be
 yourself, be treated with respect, say no, and express your feelings.
 Also, remember that everyone else has these rights, too.



 Step two is to equip yourself with the skills to communicate your
 thoughts and feelings effectively, so that problems can be solved
 creatively and collaboratively.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<h4>
 3. Understand that event + reaction =
 outcome
</h4>


 Any outcome is reliant upon your reaction or response. To reach the
 desired outcome, your reactions will ideally come from listening to the
 heart. When you learn how to do this, you will not react, and you will
 know how to stand up for yourself.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<h4>
 4. Communicating effectively: mindset
 shift
</h4>

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 <figure>
 <img decoding="async" alt="8tips_happiness4" width="211" height="211"
 class="lazyload img-float-left has-img-center-in-mobile"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/8tips_happiness4_250x250_8c15c3c9df.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T10:35:59.630Z" />
 </figure>
</div>


 In this scenario, you may have kept your feelings to yourself. Then
 after resentment has built up, you may have exploded and said something
 like, “I spend so much time and effort planning these trips, and you all
 enjoy them without giving a second thought to whether you can do the
 same for me!”



 The first step is to create a mindset shift. Rather than thinking no one
 cares about you, and assigning blame and guilt, try to communicate your
 needs to your friends. Then you will be solving the problem
 with your friends. Note the distinction: you’re not fighting
 against your friends, but with them against the
 problem. This important distinction helps you connect with your friends,
 so they will be less defensive and more collaborative.



 We’ve all been there. When we do say things we’ve been itching
 to say, as resentment builds up, it doesn’t offer any relief. Instead,
 we feel more guilty – it leaves a bad feeling in the air. If you’ve made
 it to this point, you’ve likely spent so much time in resentment that
 you’ve lost sight of why it all started. All your attention has gone
 into convincing yourself why the other is a horrible person. So, this
 next step may require a bit of back-tracking.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

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 <figure>
 <img decoding="async" alt="8tips-happiness5-250x250" width="163" height="163"
 class="lazyload img-float-right has-img-center-in-mobile"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/8tips_happiness5_250x250_8ebd60a0b2.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T10:37:46.219Z" />
 </figure>
</div>

<h4>
 5. Communicating effectively: clearly identifying the
 need
</h4>


 It’s important to clarify your initial needs. In this scenario, perhaps
 what you really felt was that everyone was having fun, and you didn’t
 have the freedom to relax with the responsibility of preparing and
 hosting, which also felt lonely at times.



 Once this need has been identified, it can be clearly communicated to
 your friends. Note how no blame is assigned, as this is all about
 conveying your feelings. It gives an opportunity for your friends to
 step up and collaborate on a solution.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<h4>
 6. Communicating effectively: vehicle versus
 value
</h4>

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 <figure>
 <img decoding="async" alt="8tips-happiness6-250x250" width="161" height="161"
 class="lazyload img-float-left has-img-center-in-mobile"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/8tips_happiness6_250x250_a889939691.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T10:39:33.100Z" />
 </figure>
</div>


 Often, we are focused on how we’d like the problem to be
 solved, and we lose sight of identifying the problem. It might feel
 counter-intuitive, but if you keep sight of your values, and the needs
 to be met, you will be happier and more effective in solving the
 problem. You will be focused on the value, not the vehicle.



 In this scenario, rather than insisting that everyone acknowledges and
 praises you for the planning, and is considerate enough to help with the
 following events (this is a vehicle), stay focused on your need to be
 part of the fun rather than overwhelmed by the responsibility (this is a
 value).



 When speaking to your friends, you could say, “When I am consistently
 left to plan our celebratory outings, I start to feel like I am
 responsible for everyone’s enjoyment. What I’d like is to have an equal
 chance to relax and unwind, and to feel like even the planning of these
 events is a fun, bonding experience.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<h4>
 7. Find the solution
</h4>

<div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img decoding="async" alt="8tips-happiness7-250x250" width="175" height="175"
 class="lazyload img-float-right has-img-center-in-mobile"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/8tips_happiness7_250x250_a72f0398de.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T10:40:50.712Z" />
 </figure>
</div>


 Once you understand your feelings and needs, and can successfully convey
 them, it will be easier to find a solution that works well for everyone,
 especially the people most in need.



 A straightforward solution would be that everyone takes a turn to plan a
 celebration, but there are many other creative ways to stop you feeling
 overwhelmed with responsibility. Sometimes the smallest things can
 change the dynamic of the group.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

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 <figure>
 <img decoding="async" alt="8tips-happiness8-250x250" width="160" height="160"
 class="lazyload img-float-left has-img-center-in-mobile"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/8tips_happiness8_250x250_9cd092574c.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T10:42:53.202Z" />
 </figure>
</div>

<h4>
 8. Expectation versus invitation
</h4>


 This is where the distinction between expectation and invitation comes.
 Expecting your friends to take the initiative to help without clearly
 communicating your needs, and then getting progressively resentful and
 angry, means that no one gets their needs met.



 In contrast, the method I have outlined is active and allows all of you
 to understand yourselves, communicate, then collaboratively work on
 solutions. It requires you all to try to find solutions that work best
 for everyone.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 class="has-text-align-center">
 Sometimes the smallest things can change the dynamic of
 the
 group.
</h4>

<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 While others influence our lives, we always have some level of control.
 We can stand up for ourselves and make ourselves happy, while trying our
 best to do so in a way that doesn’t aggravate others. While there is no
 point expecting others to change, we can actively and clearly voice our
 needs as an invitation for collaborative problem solving. In doing so,
 we give space for everyone to show up as they are, which will only
 strengthen our state of interconnectedness.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 class="has-text-align-center">Illustrations by JASMEE MUDGAL</h4>

<hr />

Happiness in an interconnected world

<hr><h3 style="text-align:center;">GENERATION NOW</h3>&nbsp;<hr>&nbsp;I was fourteen when my mother left me at boarding school in India. I’m from South Africa and I was so far away from home. I made friends, and school was fun, but one of the things I missed most about home was my mom’s cooking. Not because hostel food was bad (I actually enjoyed it), but because there is something magical and comforting about your mom’s food that you tend to miss when you’re so far from home. I don’t know if I expressed this to my friends, but one day a friend of mine offered me her lunch that her mom had made for her.“What are you going to eat then?” I asked. She just smiled, shrugged and said, “Don’t worry.”I spent two years with this friend at school, and almost every day she would hand me her lunchbox, and go to the school dining hall for her own lunch (which, might I add, was a difficult task because she wasn’t really allowed to be eating there). She didn’t have to give me her lunch, especially because I had nothing to offer her in return. Her mom’s food was too divine to be giving up, but she always did.This memory got me thinking about the role that food, generosity, and bonding all have in our lives. Do we feel like offering food to someone we don’t like? No, right? How about when we have a crush on someone? We usually ask them out to come and eat with us. In times of crisis, the constant that most of us have in our lives is having dinner with the family, be it at the same table or over video call. When we love someone, we always ask, “Have you eaten?” So, in my mind, the ultimate form of generosity is sharing food, because food is what we all bond over.So how can we cultivate a generous heart? Start by bonding with someone you don’t like over food. Open your heart and share what you have. You’ll see the bond form so fast and your own heart will grow. I speak from experience, because when I think back to this time in school, the strongest bonds I created were with those people with whom I shared food. Sharing food is an act of the heart, especially when you’re in a hostel and you have the urge to save all the yummy things to snack on at night when everyone is sleeping! But in our hostel, that’s not how it worked. We all opened up and generously shared what we had. In the process, we opened our hearts more and became generous in other ways in our relationships. It was a gateway to accepting people the way they are: listening to their stories, viewpoints, and hardships; laughing and crying with them; and truly understanding them, their needs, wants and dreams.If this were the mentality in our everyday world, imagine how much closer we’d all be! In today’s world there is such a lack of vulnerability and openness in our relationships. We don’t communicate properly and enough. Generosity of the heart is that key to better connections, and sharing food is one key to becoming more generous.<hr>&nbsp;<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Article by KARISHAM KARA</h4>&nbsp;<hr>

The key to better connections

Karishma is an author, speaker, entrepreneur, and wellness coach. She is a licensed Heartmath™ Resilience Trainer, Certified Breathwork Instructor, Meditation Trainer, and a practitioner of Heartfulness for over 2 decades.

Through her company, Breathe Your Vision, she offers coaching programs to optimize the transformation journey, so people can consistently perform at their peak, avoid burnout, and tap into their potential using proven resilience building tools, breathwork, and other high efficiency methods. 

karishma-desai-web.jpg

Karishma Desai

<hr><h4>KARISHMA DESAI shares her journey from plant-killer to having green friends. Through childlike wonder and simply taking a moment to hug and connect with trees, she experiences the healing energy of nature, as well as enhancing the connection to her inner nature through the heart.</h4><hr>I am embarrassed to confess that I have been a plant-killer in the past. On the odd occasion that friends would gift me a plant, I would fail to keep it alive for long. Not knowing how to care for them, they would invariably perish. Most of my friends and colleagues were intrigued by how someone who loves animals could be so naïve and ignorant about taking care of something as simple as a plant. The truth is I never took interest or paid much attention to them.A few years ago, when my little girl started school, some of the parents in our estate decided to form a walking school bus. Two rostered parent volunteers would walk a group of ten to twelve young kids to school and back each day. This was a great experience, as on the 15-minute walk to school we witnessed their beautiful innocent and playful banter. As they became more familiar, it was not uncommon for them to prefer to be only with their close friends and argue with the others. Often, they would be too loud and disturb the otherwise quiet neighborhood we walked through.One morning, I noticed a few adamant kids wanting to have it their own way, so I decided to divert their attention. I asked them to observe the surroundings, and to reflect on how to appreciate the beauty of nature. Pointing to one of the trees, I explained that they are full of life just like us, and they react to love and care. The children looked amused, so to overcome their hesitation I suggested we name the trees on the way to school. I’m not sure how I came up with this suggestion, but my daughter and her friends giggled as they named each tree and started to greet them with love.&nbsp;<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/greenfriends2_c437cff723.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-08T06:51:33.138Z" alt="greenfriends2"> &nbsp;&nbsp;<hr>&nbsp;&nbsp;<hr>&nbsp;<h5 style="text-align:center;">My eyes closed naturally as I hugged the tree. Generally, I do this when I pray or meditate or hug my loved ones. It is an instinct that connects me deeper to the core of my existence – the heart. I was intrigued that hugging the tree had the same effect on me.&nbsp;</h5>&nbsp;<hr>&nbsp;<hr>Every time the kids were noisy on these walks, I would remind them to tune into the beauty of nature around us, and they would say hello to the trees. Some of the kids were uncomfortable with the idea and did not participate, but I could see it lit a spark in others. I remember one morning when a child asked me if she could touch a tree to feel it. I must have had a strong shot of coffee that morning, as I went overboard and suggested to the kids, “Forget about touching, try hugging them like this!” The giggles never stopped, and the look of my fellow parent volunteer made me feel a bit guilty about teaching the kids something a little unusual.I must admit that something changed in me after that casual hug. My eyes closed naturally as I hugged the tree. Generally, I do this when I pray or meditate or hug my loved ones. It is an instinct that connects me deeper to the core of my existence – the heart. I was intrigued that hugging the tree had the same effect on me. I realized the magnificence of these beautiful tall trees; I felt their calming essence on my heart and soul. Hesitantly, I allowed myself to explore this new experience and helplessly found my connection getting deeper and deeper. I had found my first green friend.Our dear Mother Earth has healing energies. Trees are rooted deep within her, so it is not a wonder that, when we touch them, they may pass on this energy to help us heal. Spending just a little time in their company is therapeutic for me. As a breathing coach, I have noticed how easy it is for me to breathe when I sit close to a tree. If I spend just a few mindful minutes in their presence it restores my natural breathing pattern, so I feel as fresh as a flower.Nowadays, when I sit under a tree sipping my mug of coffee, I remember to express my gratitude for its generosity to many forms of life. I observe how it never judges who comes to it – birds, insects, animals, wind, humans are all equal recipients of its magnanimity. I am inspired by how it consumes far less than it contributes. I observe how it is just a witness to the entire process of life around it. These tall trees are in touch with the Earth as much as they are peering up to the high skies. We too can touch the skies by remaining deeply connected and grounded in our inner Nature.I feel that when we approach and interact with nature with an open heart like that of a child, we can seamlessly allow ourselves to connect not just with our external nature but also with our true inner Nature. My many green friends have certainly helped me experience this magic.As for houseplants, I now have many, and all of them are thriving with the food, water sunshine, love and care that I shower on them.So what are you waiting for? Find your new green friend!&nbsp;<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/green_friends_img1_35a71ea866.jpg" alt="greenfriends2">&nbsp;<hr>&nbsp;&nbsp;<hr>&nbsp;<h4 style="text-align:center;">Article by KARISHMA DESAI Illustrations by ARATI SHEDDE</h4>&nbsp;<hr>

Green friends

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<h4>As a young mother in Sydney, Australia, KARISHMA DESAI was diagnosed with a serious illness and went through life-saving surgery. Here she shares how this changed her attitude toward life and her appreciation of the simple daily things she previously took for granted. </h4>
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A few years ago, I had to unexpectedly undergo a serious surgery. My life changed completely during the recovery process. I realised how much I had taken everything for granted. I valued the first time I was able to get up by myself from my bed. The first time in days being able to walk up to the bathroom without support was like a blessing. I started to be grateful for even the slightest reduction in pain. I started appreciating having my loved ones around me more now. Each day and each moment towards my recovery filled my heart and soul with immense gratitude.
It is a shame that I had to lose it all to feel this gratitude in what I always had. But it surely brought a renewed appreciation for all the mundane things, events and persons in my life now. 
There is something magical about cultivating gratitude in our lives. It connected me with the present moment as each moment became a blessing for me. I stopped complaining about little things and in really low times I reminded myself of this gift of life I had. I honestly found the joy back in the littlest of things. The quality of my life is so much more refined just by cultivating this attitude. 
I find myself in this joyful, content, positive and peaceful space more than ever.
Gratitude is more than indebtedness. When you feel indebted there is a desperation to return the favour. But in gratitude you know that no matter how much you try, you cannot even out the deal. So, we do not maintain the account. In gratitude you feel positivity, contentment, peace and thankfulness and that transforms everything. With the attitude of gratitude even the smallest things in life give you joy.
And what fascinates me about this development of gratitude is that even though it starts out by being thankful to all that you have in life, it eventually leads one to being grateful to the One who gave you all.
It is therefore not a wonder for me to often read about research which concludes that people with the attitude of gratitude are happier beings in general.
Below are some of the things that helped me cultivate the attitude of gratitude:
<img alt="prayer" width="200" height="200" class="has-img-center lazyload" src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/prayer_img_1_35173c5f58.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T04:55:49.321Z">Bedtime conversation with yourself, also known as prayer, 
expressing your heartfelt gratitude to the Source of your life.
<img alt="diary" width="200" height="200" class="has-img-center lazyload" src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/diary_img_0c656ce8ff.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T04:55:49.332Z">Maintain a diary or gratitude journal and fill it up 
with all the positive things in your life that you are grateful for.
<img alt="hug" width="200" height="200" class="has-img-center lazyload" src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/hug_img_64c7975134.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T04:55:49.315Z">Give a hug to your dear ones or simply tell them 
how lucky you are to have them in your life.
<img alt="service" width="200" height="200" class="has-img-center lazyload" src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/service_img_ea6f5fd8ae.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T04:55:49.295Z">Offer your service to the ones who need it 
without any expectation in return.
<img alt="meditation" width="200" height="200" class="has-img-center lazyload" src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/meditation_img_e48987eda1.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T04:55:49.331Z">Meditation and other such calming practices help 
in connecting us deeply with the present moment 
and deepen our understanding of gratitude.
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So, cultivate gratitude and see how your life unfolds.
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<h4 style="text-align: center;">Article by KARISHMA DESAI 
Illustrations by ARATI SHEDDE</h4>
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<h4 style="text-align: center;"></h4>

Gratitude

<h4>KARISHMA DESAI writes about her grandmother, and what we can learn from the elder generations.</h4><hr>When I count my blessings, I count my grandma twice. I am so lucky to have her around. Shantaben Dave is in her late 90s and resides happily with her loving family in Kolkata, India. Her spirits are indomitable.When I was a child, and even now, when I meet my grandma I rush to express my love with my hugs, kisses, and cuddles. She looks at me in utter despair, thinking, “Why is such a display of love necessary?” She comes from a generation when love was not expressed in that way. I never understood this as a child. It was only later in life, when I started the Heartfulness practice, that I learned to appreciate the phrase, “That which is sacred need not be made profane.” To my grandma, her children and her dear ones are sacred, and her entire life is an expression of her love for us.Despite never having attended school, she was our first teacher. She was not educated; it was her sheer eagerness to read spiritual texts that made her teach herself to read. She made sure that all her children completed their education, so they did not have to face the challenges she had faced in life.She taught us important life learnings through folk tales, delivered in a very local dialect, which added to the whole experience. Even now, when my children and I visit her, we gather around her feet and attentively listen to her stories, which have simple lessons. Her devotional songs and stories of love for God kindled an inner search in me, which eventually led me to pursue the Heartfulness way at the age of 18. Her engaging folk tales always aroused feelings of love, appreciation, devotion, joy, service, care, compassion, honesty, courage, etc., all of which helped me greatly to shape my adult life.Her teachings are not restricted to storytelling, but also exist in her resilient actions. She is a role model and displays all the qualities I aspire to have. Despite having lost several of her loved ones – including her spouse, children, and a grandchild – we have never seen her morose. Even in her late nineties, she tackles challenges easily and encourages everyone to keep moving on with a smile and be grateful for what they still have.<hr><hr><h4>To my grandma, her children and&nbsp; her dear ones are sacred,&nbsp; and her entire life is an expression&nbsp; of her love for us.</h4><hr><hr>Her memory is very sharp. She can still sing songs without reading their lyrics. She can recall the events from when my mother was born (my mom is 75!).&nbsp; Her life possessions can be packed in a small handbag, and yet she is most generous in showering us with gifts when we visit her.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/beauty_of_elders2_6db2068ae1.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T09:54:42.650Z" alt="beauty-of-elders2">&nbsp;<hr>I can never forget a moving conversation I had with her a few years back. We were concerned about a relative who was diagnosed with dementia and could not even remember her name. I expressed my concern to my grandma: “What will happen if you develop dementia and forget us all?” At this open expression of concern, my grandma instantly and lovingly reassured me that I need not be worried. She explained to me that since this relative had no one to talk to, she forgot who she was, “whereas I,” she proudly explained, “can never forget myself because you all remind me of who I am.” She was happy to share that everyone around her loves her. Even her many grandchildren around the globe call her often and connect with her. “How can I ever forget myself when I have so many loved ones reminding me of who I am.”Her simple reassurance brought tears to my eyes as I thought about all those grandparents who do not have such deep connections as this.I live oceans apart from my dear grandma, but I hold her tight in my heart. I send her love and continue to feel close to her. Most importantly, I call her every now and then to remind her of what she means to me.<hr><hr><h4>We have all learned so much&nbsp; from their generation of wisdom,&nbsp; love, courage, and generosity.&nbsp; It is now the time, more than ever,&nbsp; to shower them with love and care,&nbsp; and never let them forget themselves.</h4><hr><hr>I request the readers to join me in a positive intention for the happy, healthy, and joyful life of all the loving and selfless grandparents and elders of the world who have shaped our lives for the better. We have all learned so much from their generation of wisdom, love, courage, and generosity. It is now the time, more than ever, to shower them with love and care, and never let them forget themselves.<hr><hr><h4>Illustrations by PRAMITI RAMCHANDRA</h4><hr>

The beauty of elders

<h4>KARISHMA DESAI introduces the principle of entrainment, and the synchronicity between all things found in nature. She highlights the role of the heart as the entrainer par excellence, and the way to sync the rest of our body with the heart to discover the ultimate entrainment.</h4><hr>The Spirit and the Heart are one. It is the heart that is at one with God, not the mind. To discover one’s own heart is to discover God. —Dr. David R. Hawkins<hr>I have always been fascinated by the principle of entrainment – the natural state of resonance between two oscillating frequencies. You may remember from school the physics experiment of the two tuning forks: when one vibrating fork is brought next to the other, their frequencies sync naturally. In physics, this synchronicity between objects toward the higher oscillating frequency is known as Entrainment.A few years ago, I was introduced to the Brighter Minds cognitive course for children. As I facilitated these sessions, I witnessed the magic of sound entrainment in the enhancement of children’s cognitive abilities. After being exposed to entrainment music, the children could effortlessly tap into their intuitive abilities and accurately identify the color of a ball in front of them while blindfolded. I was able to witness the cognitive enhancement of these children utilizing the sound entrainment technique. This experience increased my fascination to observe more examples of synchronicity around me.When we are thinking of buying a certain brand of car, we spot that brand everywhere we go. As soon as we get interested in something, it seems to pop out of nowhere. Maybe it was always there, but we start noticing it more clearly now due to our interest in it. I started discovering entrainment both in my outer and inner worlds.I was in awe of the beautiful synchronicity in nature. A flock of birds flying together in one direction. When one bird changes direction, the others naturally follow, as if there is an automatic synchronicity in their actions. A school of fish swims collectively in the same rhythmic pattern as if it’s automated. I started noticing that, in nature, all things tend to remain in sync or harmony with each other. I started seeing entrainment as a natural state of balance or harmony culminating in complete osmosis.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Entrainment2_dc84848669.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T07:19:35.317Z" alt="Entrainment2"><hr>As a breathing coach, I learned to utilize breath entrainment for relaxation and healing. We can use our breath to entrain the body into a balanced and calmer state. This slowing down of our breath is followed by relaxation of the body and mind, which activates the parasympathetic nervous system. Using this breath-entrainment technique at bedtime is particularly beneficial for insomnia and related issues.I became more aware of how my body is in sync with the rhythms of the day and night. I am fresh as a flower as the sun rises, while I feel the need to relax more and preserve my energies as the sun sets. I vividly observe how my body’s circadian rhythms or biological clock is entrained with the solar and lunar cycles.According to physics, entrainment enables energy efficiency – it saves a lot of energy. Imagine how our universe would function if things worked against each other and there was no sync? There would be complete chaos in our world. And we all know the havoc that is created in our bodies if our organs are not in harmony with each other.According to the Heart Math Institute, the heart is the strongest biological oscillator in the human system, and the rest of the body’s systems are pulled into entrainment with the heart’s rhythm.I started noticing how tuning into my heart was a natural way to bring my whole system into a state of harmony. This resonance reduced the conflicting messages from my mind as I started trusting the voice of my heart. I experienced enhanced joy, peace, and love in my entire being. I became more deeply tuned with the present moment and moved from chaos to calm.This can easily be achieved when we meditate upon the source of light in our hearts as prescribed in Heartfulness. When we begin to practice meditation with this method, and entrain ourselves to the higher frequency of the heart, it feels like tuning into a pool of Infinity. I wonder if the yogic Transmission utilized in Heartfulness Meditation gives us access to the “Ultimate entrainment” – that in which the heart is in complete osmosis with the source of the Infinite, the Divine. I am eager to discover this possibility. What are we waiting for?End of the end is Infinity. —Babuji<hr>

Entrainment

<h4 style="text-align:justify;">KARISHMA DESAI shares her unique perspective on the integration of HeartMath and Heartfulness practices and research, and how this collaboration leads us to a bright future.</h4>In a world where stress has become an all-too-common companion, finding effective ways to navigate its challenges is essential. Dr. Rollin McCraty, Director of Research at the HeartMath® Institute, offers a compelling reminder: “Stress is a form of hurried aging.”No one wants to age rapidly, yet many of us, particularly in high-pressured corporate environments, grapple with stress. As a coach, my mission is to explore and offer evidence-based methods to alleviate stress and build resilience. This passion led me to become a HeartMath Certified Trainer.&nbsp;HeartMath practices guide us toward coherence, a harmonious state in which the heart, brain, and body operate in perfect sync, fostering mental clarity, emotional equilibrium, and elevated overall performance. Utilizing biofeedback devices, coherence can be measured, and regular practice results in an enhanced capacity for resilience.<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">HeartMath practices guide us toward coherence, a harmonious state in which the heart, brain, and body operate in perfect sync, fostering mental clarity, emotional equilibrium, and elevated overall performance.</h4><hr><figure class="image image-style-align-center"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/the_hearts_wisdom2_2de8f38b2f.jpg"></figure><h3 style="text-align:justify;">Transforming emotional landscapes for health and happiness</h3>This inspired me to perceive my body as an energy system that expands and replenishes its energy reserves to maintain optimal functioning. I soon realized that these reserves are intimately linked to how I manage my emotions. We have all experienced the ebb and flow of energy as it rises with uplifting emotions and depletes with draining ones.To understand my emotional landscape, I noted down the emotions that depleted my energy reserves. As I delved into my journal, I discovered numerous negative emotions constantly playing in the background, from fears of job loss, health concerns, and missed promotions to daily frustrations like traffic jams, mounting household chores, and minor setbacks at work. These unwarranted fears and stressors were depleting my energy reserves, while uplifting emotions such as joy, gratitude, and contentment were far fewer in comparison. No wonder I often felt drained before the day was even over, weighed down by these invisible energy leaks.Take a moment to reflect on your emotional landscape:&nbsp;How do your personal negative thoughts and worries affect your energy levels?&nbsp;Can you identify instances where uplifting emotions like a shared laugh with a loved one, an accomplishment at work, or a quiet moment of appreciation have boosted your vitality?&nbsp;By recognizing the impact of both draining and uplifting emotions, you can take the first step toward cultivating a more balanced and energy-efficient state. Through HeartMath practices, I discovered how to preserve my energy and reduce the drain from costly emotions. As a trainer, it is my privilege to share these powerful techniques with others seeking to master the art of energy conservation and wisely manage their emotional investments.<h3 style="text-align:justify;">Emotional landscapes and heart rhythms</h3>During his <a href="https://www.heartfulnessmagazine.com/the-science-of-heart-coherence/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">recent address</a> at the Integrative Health and Well-being Summit in December 2022, organized by the Heartfulness Institute, Dr. Rollin McCraty explained the profound influence our emotional landscape has on our heart rhythms. Positive emotions like care and appreciation generate more coherent patterns, while negative emotions like anger and frustration yield incoherent ones. This revelation underscores the importance of consciously cultivating positive emotions.I can attest to the transformative power of intentional positivity. A few years ago, I navigated a challenging health crisis, and made the conscious choice to surround myself with an atmosphere of gratitude and appreciation. This positive outlook not only expedited my healing journey but also laid the foundation for a purposeful and harmonious life that continues to unfold.<h3 style="text-align:justify;">The heart’s magnetic influence</h3>Dr. McCraty then went on to say how each heartbeat produces a magnetic field that can be measured as far as three feet outside the body. Our thoughts and emotions are broadcast by this magnetic field. It’s like our magnetic fields communicate with each other before we even start conversing with someone verbally.Can you recall a time when you felt an inexplicable sense of warmth and comfort in the presence of a friend or family member, even before speaking to them?&nbsp;Conversely, have you ever experienced unease around someone without an apparent reason?As we strive for personal coherence, we can positively influence the energy fields of others. I’ve observed how my meditation practice creates a calming atmosphere at home, possibly due to the magnetic field I generate. If we can affect our immediate environments in this way, can we extend our influence beyond our homes? The answer is a resounding yes. Each of us plays a crucial role in shaping the world around us.<figure class="image"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/the_hearts_wisdom3_12ad1c91ff.jpg"></figure>HeartMath research shows that when we achieve a coherent state, we become more attuned to one another and the Earth’s magnetic field. This interconnectivity underscores the view that we are all deeply linked, revealing the profound extent of our harmonization with the planet and each other. In pursuit of this goal, the HeartMath Institute invites heart-centered practitioners to join their complimentary Global Coherence App, fostering a worldwide movement to promote individual and planetary well-being by radiating love and compassion across the globe. Together, we can bring a shift in global consciousness, ushering in an era of increased peace and harmony.<figure class="image image-style-align-center"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/the_hearts_wisdom4_1d15334e81.jpg"></figure><h3 style="text-align:justify;">Science as the language of mysticism: unveiling the energetic heart</h3>As a practitioner of Heartfulness for over two decades, and a trainer, I have been captivated by the enigmatic nature of our hearts. When we speak of the heart in this context, we refer not only to the physical organ, but also to the deeper abstract energetic heart that serves as the seat of human wisdom.I have often sought scientific explanations, to both validate the personal and intimate experiences of the energetic heart, and also to bridge the gap for skeptics who better comprehend the language of science. I wanted to find a scientific framework that could reinforce my unwavering faith in the heart’s extraordinary wisdom, while also extending the understanding and benefits to those needing scientific backing. My heart was overjoyed when I first encountered Dr. McCraty’s statement in the book, Science of the Heart, “There is compelling evidence to suggest the physical heart is coupled to a field of information not bound by the classical limits of time and space.” This evidence originates from a rigorous experimental study that demonstrated the heart’s ability to receive and process information about future events before they occurs. It supports the notion of the heart’s connection to a higher field or matrix, transcending the boundaries of time and space. This revelation bridges the gap between science and spirituality, inspiring us to delve deeper into the heart's boundless wisdom and potential for transformation.This energetic inner heart establishes a connection to my higher self and forms the very essence of my Heartfulness meditation practice.<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">It supports the notion of the heart’s connection to a higher field or matrix, transcending the boundaries of time and space.</h4><hr><h3 style="text-align:justify;">Together for change: combining efforts for global peace</h3>As we journey together in Heartfulness, we strive to reach the tipping point of a positive shift in the evolution of global consciousness, mirroring the vision of the HeartMath® Global Coherence App. With open hearts, these complementary practices are coming together for both personal and planetary well-being.&nbsp;The importance of collaboration and harnessing the power of our collective efforts for the greater good is the need of the hour. By coming together in our Universal Prayer for the restoration of peace and faith in humanity, we can magnify our positive intentions, creating a world of connection, compassion, and love that will endure for generations to come.<figure class="image image-style-align-center"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/the_hearts_wisdom5_45be1e0521.jpg"></figure><hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Embrace the ripple effect and the profound impact of heart-focused practices, contributing to a connected, compassionate global community.</h4><hr><h3 style="text-align:justify;">Nurturing inner and outer connections: heartful practices</h3><ul><li style="text-align:justify;">Embrace heart-centered practices: Begin each day with heart-focused breathing and Heartfulness Meditation.&nbsp;</li><li style="text-align:justify;">Pursue complementary techniques: Combine practices for a harmonious mind, body, and heart connection.&nbsp;</li><li style="text-align:justify;">Master emotional self-regulation: Engage in intelligent energy management to achieve emotional balance.&nbsp;</li><li style="text-align:justify;">Cultivate positivity and coherence: Activate positive emotions and sustain a meditative state to reach coherence.&nbsp;</li><li style="text-align:justify;">Unite for a higher purpose: Collaborate with others to promote world peace and harmony, transcending individual goals.&nbsp;</li></ul>Embrace the ripple effect and the profound impact of heart-focused practices, contributing to a connected, compassionate global community. Together, we build a better future for generations to come.&nbsp;&nbsp;HeartMath is a registered trademark of Quantum Intech Inc. (dba HeartMath Inc.) For a list of HeartMath-owned trademarks go to www.heartmath.com/trademarks.

The heart’s wisdom

Karishma has an educational background in Medicine and Law. She has worked as a doctor in the Australian public hospital system, and taught medical students at the University of Notre Dame, Sydney. Her expertise in parenting integrates her experience as a medical professional and a parent.

Karishma-Stretton.jpg

Karishma Stretton

<h4
 id="h-dr-karishma-stretton-is-a-doctor-and-medical-educator-who-has-focused-her-attention-on-parenting-here-she-speaks-with-elizabeth-denley-about-her-new-book-and-the-timeless-wisdom-that-will-help-us-to-raise-happy-and-well-adjusted-children"
 >
 DR. KARISHMA STRETTON
 is a doctor and medical educator who has focused her attention on
 parenting. Here she speaks with
 ELIZABETH DENLEY
 about her
 <a
 href="https://www.drkarishmastretton.com.au/the-7-eternal-truths"
 target="_blank"
 rel="noreferrer noopener"
 >new book</a
 >, and the timeless wisdom that will help us to raise happy and
 well-adjusted children.
 </h4>

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 
 Q: Hi, Karishma, welcome to Heartfulness Magazine.
 

 
 KS: Hello,
 Elizabeth. It’s lovely to be talking with you. Thanks for your time.
 

 
 Q: We’re here to talk about your book,
 Parenting Homo Sapiens: The Seven Eternal Truths for Raising Happy
 Humans. A great title and a hot topic, so first tell us about yourself, and
 why you’re interested in this.
 

 
 KS: I’m a
 wife and mother of two daughters, and we live in Sydney, Australia.
 After graduating with a medical degree, I worked at Nepean Hospital, and
 then moved to education at the University of Notre Dame, where I taught
 medical students. Right now, I spend most of my time with my children,
 and am very involved with their education.
 

 
 Q: Tell us about your book, Karishma.
 

 
 KS: The
 inspiration came after the birth of my eldest daughter. I was a young
 working mother. There was so much information available on parenting,
 and I was determined to distill the essence of it all.
 

 
 At that time I worked long hours as a doctor at Nepean Hospital, with
 very few holidays. The environment required me to suppress the fact that
 I was also a mother, and commit my full attention to the job. I’m sure
 many women relate to a high-pressured work environment. Denying my role
 as a mother at work was very confronting. It made me question what I was
 doing, and what effect this would have on my children, my husband, my
 family, and myself.
 

 

 <h4>
 Common Threads to Effective Parenting Methods
 </h4>

 
 I began to read, and was not convinced that there needed to be so many,
 sometimes contradictory, ways of raising children. I wanted to find the
 common threads that bound all types of effective parenting.
 

 
 As I read, the common themes emerged, and I wrote this book so that
 those parents who don’t have time to read all the literature could have
 a reference on their parenting journey. I was mainly interested in what
 enables us to raise happy, healthy, well-adjusted human beings. If
 children have those qualities, then happiness and enjoyment will result
 later in life.
 

 
 Finally, I felt so much gratitude to the authors and mothers who had
 written blog pieces on parenting, and produced parenting and birthing
 videos, because that information was pivotal for me on my journey. I
 hope that my learning will also resonate with parents. I want to pay
 forward the amazing and inspirational help I received.
 

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 <hr />

 <h4 class="has-text-align-center">
 We may not be here to see the impact of our parenting,
 but when we raise well-adjusted, kind, loving,
 intelligent, compassionate human beings, we bring
 meaningful, long-lasting change to this world.
 </h4>

 <hr />

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 <div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img
 width="700"
 height="554"
 alt="7-eternal-truths2"
 class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/7_eternal_truths2_700x554_63b5ef61de.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T14:05:41.350Z"
 />
 </figure>
 </div>

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 <h4>
 Developing Confidence as a Parent
 </h4>

 
 Q: Why isn’t good parenting an innate function? Why do we need to
 learn?
 

 
 KS: It
 seems like a simple question, but it really is the crux of the matter.
 J.W. Whitehead said, “Children are the living messages we send to a time
 we will not see. ”We may not be here to see the impact of our parenting,
 but when we raise well-adjusted, kind, loving, intelligent,
 compassionate human beings, we bring meaningful, long-lasting change to
 this world.
 

 
 The fact is, our children are going to take over the reins and steer
 humanity in the not-so-distant future. I read recently that our greatest
 contribution to the universe may not be something we do, but someone we
 raise. It was this epiphany that highlighted to me the importance of
 parenting.
 

 
 Q: You also say that this is not new, and it’s universal. You talk
 about the 7 eternal truths for raising happy humans, not separate
 truths for raising them in Sydney or Colombo. What are these eternal
 truths?
 

 
 KS: I use
 the term “eternal truths” to describe principles that have been tried
 and tested over time and have remained true. They are independent of
 rapid societal changes. Even though we are powering ahead
 technologically and socially, biologically we are the same as we were
 hundreds of thousands of years ago. If we can determine what these
 eternal truths are, we can fulfill them despite the rapid pace at which
 our society is traveling. What do our babies need biologically, and what
 do we need as parents?
 

 
 A baby Homo sapiens today is genetically programmed with the same
 expectations as a baby born 300,000 years ago. The same is true for
 women undergoing the transformation from woman to mother.
 

 
 After reading and processing decades worth of parenting knowledge, I
 began to discover some magnificent golden threads. Consistently and
 confidently applying these threads creates a bedrock for a satisfying
 and fulfilling parenting experience of raising our children with
 confidence.
 

 
 Speaking from experience, it’s the confidence that a lot of us lack. We
 often feel we are not parenting correctly, or that we are depriving our
 children of what they need to develop thoroughly. The good news is that
 if we apply these eternal truths, then we’ll give our children exactly
 what they need, so they are assured of a fulfilling childhood.
 

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 <div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img
 width="700"
 height="554"
 alt="7-eternal-truths3"
 class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/7_eternal_truths3_700x554_f6fecdd09f.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T14:06:19.915Z"
 />
 </figure>
 </div>

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 <hr />

 <h4 class="has-text-align-center">
 I use the term “eternal truths” to describe principles that
 have been tried and tested over time and have remained
 true. They are independent of rapid societal
 changes.
 </h4>

 <hr />

 <h4>
 The 7 Eternal Truths
 </h4>

 
 You must be wondering what these eternal truths are. I’ll give you three
 examples. You’ll find the others in my book.
 

 
 Truth 1: Human babies and children have fundamental
 biological expectations.
 

 
 Truth 2: What we inscribe in the child’s mind will echo
 throughout their lifetime.
 

 
 Truth 3: Parents are epigenetic engineers – engineering
 the future.
 

 They’re the main concepts we will cover here.

 <h4>
 Biological Expectations
 </h4>

 
 Q: Talk to us about the fundamental biological expectations. What are
 they? How important are they, especially during the early years?
 

 
 KS:
 Biological expectations are the biological needs we are genetically
 designed to experience during childhood. The environment into which a
 baby was born 300,000 years ago may differ from the environment into
 which a baby is born today, but the biological expectations remain the
 same, just as our DNA is the same. These biological expectations provide
 a framework for children to grow, thrive, and meet their innate
 potential. They go beyond the survival needs of clean water, nutrition,
 shelter, basic human connection, etc.
 

 
 What are these biological expectations? We can look at them within the
 context of Jean Liedloff’s The Continuum Concept, a book that
 many parents will know. She speaks about the most fundamental
 expectations being:
 

 <ol>
 <li>The baby is placed on the mother after birth, skin-to-skin.</li>
 <li>
 Carrying the baby is extremely important, particularly in the first
 year of life. The mother is often most involved with this.
 </li>
 <li>
 The baby’s needs are responded to. This sounds basic, but it is not
 necessarily what happens. It is genetically programmed in the baby.
 </li>
 <li>
 The baby sleeps in close proximity to the mother, ideally in a safe
 co-sleeping environment. There is a lot of information now on how to
 co-sleep safely with children.
 </li>
 <li>
 The baby is breastfed or bottle-fed on demand, as a biological
 expectation.
 </li>
 </ol>

 
 These expectations are vital for the development of physically and
 psychologically sound children. If we fulfill these biological
 expectations, happiness will naturally become a normal condition of
 their existence. The more research I do, the more I feel that this is a
 basic truth.
 

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 <div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img
 width="379"
 height="569"
 alt="7-eternal-truths5"
 class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/7_eternal_truths5_6833af97bc.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T14:06:54.875Z"
 />
 </figure>
 </div>

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 <h4>
 Bonding and Attachment
 </h4>

 
 Q: You also talk about bonding and attachment: when biological
 expectations are fulfilled, it automatically leads to bonding and
 attachment, which determines the way we form relationships as children
 and as adults. Can you talk about how that attachment develops?
 

 
 KS:
 Attachment is the formation of a connection dependent on the closeness
 of two human beings. We’re well aware that attachment is vital for the
 survival of baby mammals and birds, but it is most important for baby
 humans, because they are the most helpless of any babies on the planet.
 For human babies, no attachment means no life. It is as simple as that.
 

 
 It creates the sensory and emotional environment that shapes the way we
 experience relationships lifelong. Breaking this bond at the beginning
 of a baby’s life can be devastating, and it may set up potential cycles
 of sub optimal relationships. Human babies are genetically programmed to
 seek out attachment. You may be aware of the rooting reflex, where after
 birth the baby instantly seeks out the nipple of the mother. Also,
 babies align their breathing and heart rate to that of the parent
 they’re sleeping next to. These behaviors enhance attachment between
 parent and child.
 

 
 There are a few key points that are vital for understanding attachment.
 First, you cannot over-attach with your child. Attachment does not
 create a child who is more needy or insecure; the opposite is true. The
 child who has attached well when they’re young will display independence
 and maturity when they’re older.
 

 
 In the book, Hold On to Your Kids, Gordon Neufeld and Gabor
 Maté state that dependence and attachment foster independence and
 genuine separation later in life, contrary to what many parents believe
 and practice. In fact, in society today, there almost seems to be a
 pathological desire to make children mature beyond their years, as
 though this is another form of achievement. But in doing that the
 opposite is achieved. So, the time spent in attaching with your children
 when they are young will result in healthy independence when they’re
 older.
 

 
 Second, you need to be present to attach to your child. This seems
 obvious, but a lot of children spend a high percentage of the working
 day away from their parents. This is in no way judging parents whose
 financial or social situation requires them both to work, but attachment
 does require physical presence.
 

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 <div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img
 decoding="async"
 width="700"
 height="554"
 alt="7-eternal-truths4"
 class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/7_eternal_truths4_700x554_09631c6a8d.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T14:08:17.121Z"
 />
 </figure>
 </div>

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 
 If you’re not with your children, it is vital to ask: “Who is forming
 attachments with my children?” Children are hardwired to attach, and
 they will attach to those in their closest vicinity. How well do I know
 their values, beliefs, and mindsets? Am I comfortable with that person
 being a major influence in my child’s life during this extremely
 sensitive period of their development?
 

 
 We cannot ignore the realities that many families face, and that’s why
 it’s vital that we provide support to parents to spend time with their
 children. When we see a lack of attachment between parents and children
 there is a loss of social structure and a breakdown of culture.
 Attachment is a hugely important subject when it comes to raising our
 children.
 

 <hr class="vertical-space1" />

 To be continued.

7 eternal truths for raising happy humans

<h4
id="h-dr-karishma-stretton-is-a-doctor-and-medical-educator-who-has-focused-her-attention-on-parenting-in-part-2-of-her-interview-with-elizabeth-denley-she-speaks-about-the-psychological-development-of-children-and-the-role-of-epigenetics-and-love"
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DR. KARISHMA STRETTON
 is a doctor and medical educator who has focused her attention on
 parenting. In part 2 of her interview with
 ELIZABETH DENLEY, she speaks about the psychological development of children, and the
 role of epigenetics and love.
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Q: Can you talk about the psychological development of a child? It’s
 not just at the physical, but also at the more subtle levels of
 consciousness and subconscious levels that we connect with our
 children. Are we calm and loving, stressed and anxious, or are we
 struggling?



You’ve read Bruce Lipton’s work on how the subconscious mind is far more
important in determining our behavior and responses to the world than
the conscious mind, which is a thin film between the subconscious and
the superconscious. What can we do as parents apart from bonding and
meeting biological expectations? How do we move into healthy
psychological development?



KS: It’s beautiful the way you’re describing it, Elizabeth. The conscious
and the subconscious mind and the different ways it comes out in the way
we behave. Our physiology and psychology, even. The brain of the baby
undergoes such rapid development in the first seven years of life. This
period in a child’s development is of enormous potential, but also
requires great care as it represents a time of almost super-charged
hardwiring of the brain. Those who have primary contact with the child
in these early years are effectively engineering the mind of the child.



In the early years, the human brain undergoes a phenomenal rapid
download. It is not only a download of skill sets, like how to
physically survive in this world, but also a program of beliefs – how to
fit into society, where to fit into the scheme of things. In order to
understand how this rapid programming takes place, it is best to think
of the mind as the duality of the conscious and subconscious mind. The
conscious mind is rational, and through it we exercise free will. The
subconscious mind dwells below the level of consciousness, and together
with the unconscious mind, is largely responsible for our beliefs,
habits, and behaviors.



We really need to ask ourselves how our subconscious and unconscious
minds are programmed, because what goes in there when we are young
affects all aspects of life: our beliefs, our limitations, our
physiology, and our health.


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If we look at the various stages of a child’s development, different
brainwave activity predominates at different stages:



From birth to 2: delta waves. From 2 to 6: theta waves. From 6
to 12: alpha waves. From 12onward: beta waves.



From birth to 2 years, with delta waves predominating, there is a state
of deep relaxation. From two to six years, theta waves predominate,
which can be described as a state of lighter sleep or just waking up.
Hypnotherapists aim to get people into the delta or theta wave states
because of their increased suggestibility. Children do not have a
developed conscious mind, an analytical mind, to filter out all the
input. We could say that children from birth until the age of six are
almost in a hypnotic state, where there’s a real hardwiring in their
brains of the suggestions and behaviors of those around them as truths.



I first discovered this information on parenting when I was reading
Bruce Lipton’s The Biology of Belief. We are effectively
programming the minds of our children. Even though this can be quite
frightening, it’s a wonderful empowering opportunity to program a
positive mindset into our children. I enjoyed being with my children at
bedtime, which I saw as a door into their subconscious minds as they
drifted off to sleep. I enjoyed expressing statements of love for them,
and statements that would empower them with words of positivity, such as
“you’re strong,” “you’re healthy,” “you’re beautiful,” “I’m so grateful
to have you in my life,” “you have incredible qualities that you can
give to this world,” “I’m so proud of who you are.” It’s an opportunity
to create beautiful minds as these words are absorbed into their
subconscious as truths. For me, that’s how I put it into practice with
my own children.


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In the early years, the human brain undergoes a
 phenomenal rapid download. It is not only a download of
 skill sets, like how to physically survive in this world, but
 also a program of beliefs – how to fit into society, where
 to fit into the scheme of things.


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Q: Can you talk about how suggestibility and the use of positive
 affirmations can also affect us at the epigenetic level? For example,
 Bruce Lipton’s study shows that stress affects the growth of the fetus
 during pregnancy. Can you speak about epigenetics, and how our role as
 parents affects children?



KS: Epigenetics is a relatively new area of science that has helped us
understand the delicate relationship between environmental influences
and our genetic expression. In the past, genetic determinism was the
predominant approach – the belief that our genetics are fixed from
birth, but epigenetics has changed that understanding.



There’s a really good analogy: If DNA is your unique song, the epigenome
is the audio engineer who changes the way the song is played –the
volume, the quality, the adding or removing of certain instruments. In
the same way, our genetics can be altered by our epigenome.


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Love needs to be abundant, unconditional, and never withdrawn.
 When we combine those with being present for our children,
 and surrounding ourselves with a community of supportive
 individuals, we have the vital ingredients for a rewarding
 parenting style.


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Our epigenetic markers are a set of instructions that sit on top of our
DNA histones. Epigenetic markers are chemical tags that signal or
influence whether or not the gene should compress or unravel to allow
the cell to read the instructions on the DNA. Epigenetic instruction
dictates which genes are switched on and off, so it is the link between
our environmental influence and our health, personality, and even
behavior.



You mentioned Lipton’s example of stress on the fetus, and this is a
perfect example of epigenetics in the context of children. Stress is
such an important case to discuss because it is pervasive in today’s
society, and stress is translated into hormonal and chemical signals.
Everyone’s probably familiar with adrenaline. In the case of a pregnant
woman, stress hormones and chemicals flood her bloodstream, then go
through the placenta into the fetus. It is now well known that women who
experience stress during pregnancy are at greater risk of pre-term
birth. Their babies are at a much greater risk of smaller birth weight,
asthma, allergies, infectious diseases, etc. Also, through epigenetics,
prenatal stress can actually be one of the most powerful influences on
mental health in later life.



And epigenetics can actually work through generations. Ancestral changes
can be passed through to the fetus, and also cause changes further down
the line. We just cannot deny the incredible influence we have over our
children’s genetic expression. Even though it’s daunting and terrifying,
we can actually use this information to maximize our children’s
potential.


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Q: Karishma, how can we do that with kindness to mothers? So much is
 put on mothers. How do we allow women to own this in a very healthy,
 non-judgmental way? We are very good at saying, “Here’s the science.
 Now, unless you do this, this, this, and this, you’re a bad
 mother.”



KS:
I know that feeling too well; the guilt that so many mothers carry
because of the science. We are told lists of things we must do to be
able to tick the boxes and have children who are meeting their
potential.



We need to look at the way our society is at the moment. We’re entering
a period where many people are questioning the status quo. We’ve been
faced with phenomenal challenges that we have not had to deal with
before. Parents are already stressed. Just add to that the complexities
and responsibilities of raising children.


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One thing we can be certain about is that we have the ability
 to create positive change. We can improve this world
 through the creation of well-adjusted, loving, empathetic
 humans.
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One thing we can be certain about is that we have the ability to create
positive change. We can improve this world through the creation of
well-adjusted, loving, empathetic humans. If I look back and reflect on
all the aspects of parenting that contribute to the creation of happy
humans, there’s one common thread and it’s love. The language of love is
the key ingredient. Most other aspects of positive parenting naturally
unfold as a result of love. Love needs to be abundant, unconditional,
and never withdrawn. When we combine those with being present for our
children, and surrounding ourselves with a community of supportive
individuals, we have the vital ingredients for a rewarding parenting
style.&nbsp;



Q: That’s beautiful! Thank you.

Epigenetics and love in parenting

Karuna is the Chief Marketing Officer and Chief Revenue Officer at Nature’s Fynd. She is an accomplished brand builder and Emmy award winner with 25 years of success transforming the world’s most iconic brands.

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