Finn is a professional counsellor specialising in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), clinical hypnotherapist, stress management consultant, ordained Buddhist dharma teacher, and HeartMath facilitator. Specializing in men’s counselling and coaching, he has devised and facilitates a series of workshops and meditations for men, “The Heart Of The Master” program.

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Finn McMillan

<h4>FINN McMILLAN is a relationship counselor who has used his experience of heartbreak, with his clients and himself, to learn an important lesson: the heart is a repository of strength, courage, and love.&nbsp;</h4><hr>“A ship in the harbour is safe, but that is not what ships are made for.” – John A. Shedd.“Be not afraid.” – GodMany of us have seen the exquisite images of Japanese pottery marked and scarred with gold or silver where breaks and cracks have been repaired, rejoining the shattered pieces to manifest beauty where once was brokenness. The art is known as Kintsugi, and is the bold embrace of this brokenness to create something new and wonderful, where nothing is hidden, shamed or denied, but rather made more perfect by the very process of fracturing. As a relationship counsellor and mediator, I have spent many years holding space for men and women in the bleak depths of agony as relationships died and they endured the worst wounds of heartbreak. And sometimes, I would show pictures of these beautiful examples of kintsugi to help them find a healing context to make sense of their pain in the gradual unfolding of their lives. However, as the years have passed, and I have explored my own experience of deep heartbreak, I have learned something new, vital, and even more hopeful.The heart never breaks.The heart can never break. The heart is the very source of healing, of openness, of trust and faith, of ever-renewing. The heart is never diminished, nor wounded. Indeed in ancient Celtic teachings on the “Three Cauldrons,” the heart centre (Coire Emmae, or the Cauldron of Vocation) is seen as becoming ever more abundant through a lifetime of both joy and sorrow. It is in the open hearted embrace of both joy and pain, love and sorrow, that the heart matures and strengthens. And it is in the denial of these emotional depths that we lose our connection with the heart’s messages and prompts. But the heart never breaks.There may indeed be pain; the pain of growth, the pain of new birth, is often required for the heart to thrive and grow. The deepest wounds can nurture the deepest and the best in us; the greater betrayals the greater resurrections. This is all in the process of the heart that never breaks. Two dichotomies are at work when we try to understand “heartbreak” and to process the pain of it. The first is that between love and fear; the second is between ego and the heart.Reflecting on this, we can begin to understand ancient teachings which have always seen that the opposite of love is not hate, but fear. “Perfect love casts out all fear,” it has been wisely observed. Where the one exists, there can be scant room for the other. It is also often thought that the opposite of fear is courage. But this is not the case. Fear is the precise condition required for courage to exist. And we know that courage itself is one of the core values of the heart. Indeed, we get the word itself from the French word for heart, coeur.This is the challenge of living a life in divine alignment with the heart; to recognise that it takes courage to love, and to live whole-heartedly in the face of fear. The evolutionary challenge here is to recognise that which we fear, and to trust that the heart is resilient and all-embracing enough to hold and embrace that. Living heartfully is to risk, explore, gamble, trust and leap.<hr><hr><h4>This is the challenge of living a life&nbsp; in divine alignment with the heart; to recognise that it takes courage to love,&nbsp; and to live whole-heartedly in the face of fear.</h4><hr><hr>From philosophers to saints, from psychologists to neurologists and biologists, the primary quest for safety (always the prerogative of the ego that wants to maintain control of external factors and environment, or the primary signalling of the brain’s amygdala to the physiological system) has been identified as the greatest impediment to any psychological, social, emotional or spiritual growth. Even Ben Franklin’s famous observation, that “those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety,” demonstrates the principle in political philosophy.With experience and mistakes, options taken and opportunities lost, one increasingly comes to look over the course of one’s life and realises that, in the end, it was the lack of courage that caused the greater losses. To gain anything means to lose what was had before, and what was had before was safe. To do anything of meaning means to risk losing in the attempt. To love means to risk hurt. To gamble means to often lose.A wise woman once taught me the vast difference between playing life to win, as opposed to playing it simply not to lose. Living to win means to risk losing, and those that do live this way both win and lose often. But to live simply not to lose, in fear of hurt and loss, ensures one is likely protected from grief and hurt, but at the cost of never truly winning. Living this life keeps one merely safe and cocooned, fragile, ever-protective of that fragility, ever-fearful to lose.Living bruise-free and risk-averse is easy, as is living without passion. But where is the life in that? Where can the love ever be?<h4>Where is the heart?</h4>Of all the virtues of the heart, it is courage that opens the gate to the joys of the others. I used to wonder why in the Bible every time an angel appears, the first thing s/he says is “Be not afraid.” When something wonderful and new comes into a life, it cannot come to fruition unless one can overcome the fear of the challenging and frightening new unmaking it brings with it.“Be not afraid.” The motto of a true life, lived beautifully and heartfully.As to the other dichotomy that often turns us from the wisdom of the heart is the contrasting imperatives of the ego/brain and its stories on one hand, as opposed to the heart’s deeper understandings on the other. It is our brain and the voice of our isolated self (ego) that tells us to protect our heart from damage. But the heart never breaks, it is only the ego that may. The heart can feel pain and grow from it, whereas the ego sees impending pain and fearfully shrinks away. And so, the ego tells us – in the face of heartbreak, betrayal, lies and hurt – to never risk again. To only ever approach new love or experience from a place of hurt and mistrust. It does so, because its entire self-creation is put at risk. Am I good enough? Am I enough? What’s wrong with me? Will I be hurt? Will I survive? This is all the language of ego, not heart.And so, as we identify with the ego and the processes, analysis and questions of the brain, we move away from the direct experience of heart expansion and believe our dysfunctional beliefs. And the ego is conniving in how it offers us its clever narratives.The ego, particularly one that has been traumatised by hurt and betrayal, pretends that the inclination to close down, run away, not risk love again, is to “protect” the heart. It will proclaim great and often noble-sounding assertions that the greater virtues are “independence,” “sovereignty,” “self-sufficiency,” and remove itself from the risk, messiness and reality of love, humanity and the work of the heart. But it is, invariably, simply the voice of fear. The brain lives in linear time and provides the ego with fears of past experience, projected into anxieties of future realities. The heart, not needing any such protection, lives in the now of experience. Trauma holds no place in the heart, this abundant and bottomless well of self-healing.A healthy brain and heart will naturally operate together in cohesion, but each individual needs to understand where the executive power in this relationship lies. As the Heart Math Institute’s research has shown, the heart’s intelligence and information networks exceed even those of the brain. It is not the brain that controls the heart (the heart only variably heeds the instructions of the brain), but rather the heart that invariably determines how the brain functions, thinks, perceives, and determines the signals it provides to the body’s various electrical, hormonal and biochemical functions. The information network that connects the brain and the heart runs predominantly from heart to brain, not brain to heart.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/heart_never_breaks2_7fe69abd7d.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T09:45:21.229Z" alt="heart-never-breaks2">&nbsp;<hr>Returning to the ancient Celtic model of the Three Cauldrons, one cauldron is in the head, one is in the heart, and one is in the loins. The head controls ego and thought, the realms of past and future in time and space. The cauldron in the loins manages bodily energy, sensations and instinctive needs. Both are important, but a weighting in either will cause us to live cut off from the font of our deepest wisdom. Either can draw us into cold and passionless lives, without courage, distant from the touch of love and the voice of intuitive wisdom.The heart is our home, our destination, our greatest joy and most sacred guide. It continually blesses us, and the world around us. It opens us to the mystery of Love. And it never breaks.<hr>

The heart never breaks

Fiona studied Fine Arts and Spanish at the University at Albany in New York. She is a Heartfulness trainer and a certified Yoga instructor. Fiona is inspired by nature and is passionate about creating introspective spaces to share with others through her landscape paintings, photography, music, and conversation.

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Fiona Neary

<h4>FIONA NEARY celebrates diversity as a way to create communities that are vibrant, dynamic, and interesting. She finds ways to overcome language barriers, and discover common experience and ways of communication that are uplifting and allow us all to flourish.</h4><hr>In nature, there is a tendency for plants of many species to grow in diverse communities; climbing, crawling, fruiting, sturdy vegetation that support one another like a symphony. There is beauty and harmony in the offerings of each plant and flower, and every bug and animal living nearby also benefit from this array of sustenance. They are all different colors and shapes. But despite the variety, all plant life is working toward a simple goal: to thrive, rise to the sun, and let life blossom into future generations.I think we are very similar to our green-leafed friends. We have the inherent desire to help each other grow and reach our full potential. This beautiful spark of humanity is easily seen when we have a common goal centered around community, caring for one another, with a focus bigger than ourselves.Any perceived differences naturally fall away. At the same time, we are all unique, and the many cultural and demographic distinctions make the human experience so fascinating.I have felt the greatest sense of unity amongst large groups of people, sharing a common goal and direction, or the appreciation for something beautiful. I have traveled overseas a few times and experienced deep connections with people in airports; people I would probably never encounter otherwise. Sometimes, there is a feeling of overwhelm and vulnerability. But when you share this duality of emotion with another traveler, there is a strong sense of camaraderie and teamwork when heading to the destination together.This in-between space can foster the most wonderful synchronicity. I think it is the magic in travel. Being in an unfamiliar place can strip away the conditioned behaviors we follow daily, and enables us to step away from our differences and embrace each other’s humanness.&nbsp;I think experiencing different cultures is an essential part of life. Even with language barriers we find other ways to communicate. Smiles are a universal form of body language! Our human hearts are always connected to each other, just like tree roots are connected to each other through the soil.<hr><hr><h4>Smiles are a universal form of body language!&nbsp; Our human hearts are always connected to each other,&nbsp; just like tree roots are connected to each other through the soil.</h4><hr><hr>Music can unite people of all backgrounds. Its sweet sounds are heard floating through the subways, buskers on the street, and from children’s mouths. In a large, bustling metropolis like New York City, I have seen musicians draw a crowd. People appreciate the beautiful melodies. A feeling of unity and togetherness is apparent, and no one cares what class, status, age, or race the other people are. There is just music!&nbsp;In difficult times, music is one thing that can soften hearts and let us breathe in the light of comfort and community in the gravity of it all.&nbsp;<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/unity_in_diversity2_700x466_6c9d824c0d.jpg" alt=""><hr>In modern times, social media is one of the primary methods of communication and knowledge-sharing. I believe it is so important to be conscious of what we are allowing into our minds from the cyber world. In the beginning of the year, I decided to follow people and social media accounts that fill my heart and show the best side of humanity, for example, accounts on Instagram that share only good news.There are people greeting family members for the first time in years, surprising grandparents on their birthdays, doing something simple and meaningful. These videos and stories are sent in from all over the world, people from every culture and background, and you can feel the beauty in human connection.It is so easy to have empathy when we see someone overcome with joy and tears in their eyes. When I am down, I sometimes watch one of these videos, and become filled with love.I am also very interested in stories of strangers or friends sharing openly about life and healing together through a common understanding. Thoraya Maronesey is a filmmaker who interviews strangers in different cities to find out their secrets. They choose to stay anonymous or show their faces. Something about this casual invitation allows them to feel seen and heard. Hearing the struggles of others helps us feel a little less alone in whatever we are going through.&nbsp;There is so much in the news that can make us feel divided. Sometimes we feel lonely or unheard, or brought down in sadness. But there is so much good happening also! We can live and flourish like the many plants in a garden and lift each other up. By getting curious about different cultures, we see that we are all part of the same small, vibrant globe.<hr>

Unity in diversity

<h4>A Taste of Kanha Shanti Vanam</h4><h5>A regenerative community sharing innovation and ideas to nurture people and the planet.</h5><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Heartfulness_Green15_11e4837d52.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T10:07:09.241Z" alt=""><hr><hr><ul><li><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Heartfulness_Green2_5d8cdf7f2c.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T10:09:46.263Z" alt=""></li><li><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Heartfulness_Green3_1a747b7e89.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T10:26:05.558Z" alt=""></li></ul><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Heartfulness_Green4_535522dd11.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T10:27:10.834Z" alt=""><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Heartfulness_Green45_385e9ccc31.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T10:28:04.062Z" alt=""><h4>Green Education</h4><ul><li><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Heartfulness_Green6_1_750b84dec1.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T10:29:04.872Z" alt=""></li><li><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Heartfulness_Green7_1_e4a1a3fc4e.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T10:30:01.307Z" alt=""></li></ul>Explore and discover the gifts of Nature<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Heartfulness_Green8_d6f9497874.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T10:30:56.468Z" alt="">Women and Saplings<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Heartfulness_Green1_aed08564bc.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T10:32:34.791Z" alt="Heartfulness-Green1">Come to Kanha. Learn. Grow. Share. Spread.<ul><li><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Heartfulness_Green9_4f1c70f008.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T10:33:32.593Z" alt=""></li><li><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Heartfulness_Green10_89008571a0.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T10:34:28.419Z" alt=""></li><li><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Heartfulness_Green12_15e39167df.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T10:35:21.473Z" alt=""></li><li><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Heartfulness_Green11_7136e4d281.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T10:36:13.233Z" alt=""></li></ul><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Heartfulness_Green13_ff8123c8b1.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T10:37:06.545Z" alt=""><hr><hr><h5>“Knowing that you love the Earth changes you,&nbsp; activates you to defend and protect and celebrate.&nbsp; But when you feel that the Earth loves you in return,&nbsp; that relationship transforms from a one-way street to a sacred bond.”</h5><h5>Robin Wall Kimmerer</h5><hr><hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Heartfulness_Green14_4437f7f58e.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T10:59:12.726Z" alt=""><hr>

Heartfulness Green

<h4>FIONA NEARY is passionate about creating introspective spaces to share with others through painting, photography, music, and conversation. She and her mother DEBORAH NEARY have created a fun exercise for us. It is both creative and enlightening.</h4><hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/fun_exercise_tree_of_life1_98c1721188.jpg" alt="a-fun-exercise-tree-of-life">&nbsp;<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/fun_exercise_tree_of_life2_c875e07ca2.jpg" alt="a-fun-exercise-tree-of-life">&nbsp;<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/fun_exercise_tree_of_life3_18d5d10b06.jpg" alt="a-fun-exercise-tree-of-life">&nbsp;<hr>Trees are foundational in Nature. They grow from the smallest seed, but have the potential to create an entire forest. Trees are structured to withstand the strongest storms and the most severe weather. Their roots keep them steady in the ground, they grow trunks that carry water to the treetops. Then in spring and summer, flowers and leaves color their branches, give protection to the birds and nourishment to our atmosphere. We, as humans also have relationships and habits in our lives that give us strong foundations to flourish and grow as people. As a metaphor, we can compare ourselves to the parts of a tree.<hr><hr><h4>We, as humans also have relationships and habits in our lives&nbsp; that give us strong foundations to flourish and grow as people.&nbsp; As a metaphor, we can compare ourselves to the parts of a tree.</h4><hr><hr>In this exercise, you draw a tree that represents YOU! There are so many trees in the world. Do you have a favorite? Are there any you can see outside your window or in a local park? Maybe a tree that exists far away… like the Baobab in Africa, a tropical palm, or an alpine spruce.&nbsp;Don’t worry about drawing it correctly, express from the heart. And then think about some things in your life that have positively shaped you… who, or what may be in your roots, your trunk, branches, and leaves.The roots represent your history – the family you come from, your heritage, strong influences which shaped your beliefs.The trunk represents your life today – what is your career? Your “chosen” family, the organizations and communities in which you belong.The branches represent places in your life that are stable and supportive – where you can jump and always know you will land safely, no matter how hard you fall.&nbsp;<hr><hr><h4>We hoped to show the various ways the “tree of life” can be drawn,&nbsp; and the ways each of our lives are all unique.</h4><hr><hr>The leaves represent your passions, hobbies, and other influences – friends, books, music, sports, ways you spend your free time.The fruits represent the result of action – has acting on your creativity and talents resulted in something wonderful? Have you created something new for the world to see? Have you started a new group or program?Other parts of the tree – for example, buds could represent new hopes and dreams for the future, thorns could be difficulties in life or protection from harm.My mother and I created these drawings as we were traveling and it was a breath of fresh air to create amidst the travel stress. We hoped to show the various ways the “tree of life” can be drawn, and the ways each of our lives are all unique. Yours will probably be completely different!Draw for 20 to 30 minutes, or continue for however long you wish. Feel free to share this exercise with family and friends, present them with your experience and what you’ve learned during the process! How did this feel to you?<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/fun_exercise_tree_of_life4_b48976bb6a.jpg" alt="a-fun-exercise-tree-of-life">&nbsp;<hr><hr><h4>Illustrations by FIONA AND DEBORAH NEARY</h4><hr><hr>

A fun exercise: Tree of life

<h4>Under the Trees&nbsp; Saratoga Springs, New York, 2024 FIONA NEARY</h4><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/expressions_of_peace2_eef369b889.webp" alt="expressions-of-peace2.webp" srcset="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/thumbnail_expressions_of_peace2_eef369b889.webp 145w,https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/large_expressions_of_peace2_eef369b889.webp 1000w,https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/expressions_of_peace2_eef369b889.webp 1000w," sizes="100vw"><h4>Finding Joy Saratoga Springs, New York, 2024 FIONA NEARY</h4><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/expressions_of_peace3_7881dcc714.webp" alt="expressions-of-peace3.webp" srcset="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/thumbnail_expressions_of_peace3_7881dcc714.webp 145w,https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/large_expressions_of_peace3_7881dcc714.webp 800w,https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/expressions_of_peace3_7881dcc714.webp 800w," sizes="100vw">&nbsp;<hr><h4>May Their Innocence and Joy Continue to Flower South Africa, 2015 HETTY ZANTMAN</h4><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/expressions_of_peace4_9fb2448418.webp" alt="expressions-of-peace4.webp" srcset="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/thumbnail_expressions_of_peace4_9fb2448418.webp 145w,https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/large_expressions_of_peace4_9fb2448418.webp 1000w,https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/expressions_of_peace4_9fb2448418.webp 1000w," sizes="100vw">&nbsp;<hr><h4>Tree RAMYA SRIRAM</h4><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/expressions_of_peace5_4e2b2479bb.webp" alt="expressions-of-peace5.webp" srcset="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/thumbnail_expressions_of_peace5_4e2b2479bb.webp 145w,https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/large_expressions_of_peace5_4e2b2479bb.webp 800w,https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/expressions_of_peace5_4e2b2479bb.webp 800w," sizes="100vw">&nbsp;<hr><h4>In Tune with Nature 2007 BRIGITTE SMITH</h4><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/expressions_of_peace6_b40f508c95.webp" alt="expressions-of-peace6.webp" srcset="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/thumbnail_expressions_of_peace6_b40f508c95.webp 145w,https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/large_expressions_of_peace6_b40f508c95.webp 1000w,https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/expressions_of_peace6_b40f508c95.webp 1000w," sizes="100vw"><hr><h4>Expressions of Love 2023 SANTANU CHATTERJEE</h4><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/expressions_of_peace7_dc37aae479.webp" alt="expressions-of-peace7.webp" srcset="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/thumbnail_expressions_of_peace7_dc37aae479.webp 145w,https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/large_expressions_of_peace7_dc37aae479.webp 1000w,https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/expressions_of_peace7_dc37aae479.webp 1000w," sizes="100vw">&nbsp;

Expressions of peace from around the world

<h4 style="text-align:justify;">Fiona Neary describes a dinner at Daaji’s home in India, where meditation under the stars and stories in the garden create a lasting memory that continues to inspire her approach to life.</h4>I had the joy of being invited to dinner at Daaji’s home during my visit to Kanha Shanti Vanum, the Heartfulness Institute’s headquarters, in January 2023. I travelled to India with my mother for the first time, and we joined a small group from New York that gathered inside his living room. It had big round windows looking into the garden and natural boulders emerging from the floor, as if there weren’t a clear boundary between nature and the building’s elegant structure.When Daaji arrived in his white car, he greeted me happily through the window with “the Neary girl!” (my parents have practiced with him for years), only adding to the warm feeling in my heart. We were guided outside to the patio under the night sky for meditation, sitting in blue chairs in a crescent around our spiritual guide. My new friend, Ishaa, was sitting next to me. Something about the atmosphere changes when you’re in the presence of a spiritual personality. Observing my thoughts, I noticed a spaciousness and peace inside, with love filling my heart.In the system of Heartfulness Meditation, there is always a living guide, or Master—someone who has attained a very high level of consciousness and can guide others to master their own inner world, assisting them energetically on the spiritual journey. They transmit directly to the hearts of those who practice, silently passing down the wisdom of the teachers before them. It is beautiful that a living Master is available to us now, offering guidance we can receive directly—guidance tailored for us and our time.Feeling the lightness of my heart, my awareness expanded into the vastness of the starry sky above, and I felt it was connected to all the cells in my body. Silence became a sound, and the quiet presence of people around drew us further into introspection.After a while, we moved into the garden and were served the most delicious Indian food while Daaji told stories and guests asked him questions about life. Events create memories and carry emotional signatures within our hearts. It’s essential to have positive moments stored in our hearts as we travel through life, because difficult experiences often stand out more. Whenever I recall this memory, I immediately feel connected within, as if I were still there in that moment.When I think of Daaji, I see the majestic tree-lined paths, palm trees illuminated after sunset with string lights, the misty air rising above the Yatra Garden at sunrise, the thriving rainforest, and the sound of birds’ wings flapping above the meditation hall, while others flock around the canopied rooftops at a distance. All of this was once a beautiful dream—just ten years ago, Kanha was only arid land. I intend to embody these same qualities, creating similar spaces of peace in the way I observe the wildflowers I paint and connect with strangers around me. Like the boulder inside his living room, like the stars I felt within my heart, simple and always a part of nature’s web.<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Illustration: On the Path, by FIONA NEARY</h4><hr> &nbsp;

At Home with Daaji

Four Arrows, aka Don Trent Jacobs, is a champion of the Indigenous Worldview, has been endorsed by some of the world’s most noted thinkers, and has received the Martin Springer Institute’s Moral Courage Award.

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Four Arrows

<h4
 id="h-four-arrows-aka-don-trent-jacobs-ph-d-ed-d-is-the-author-of-numerous-books-peer-reviewed-articles-and-chapters-on-applications-of-the-indigenous-worldview-as-a-proven-solution-to-our-existential-world-problems-former-director-of-education-at-oglala-lakota-college-and-currently-a-professor-of-education-for-change-at-fielding-graduate-university-his-academic-work-spiritual-life-and-social-ecological-justice-activism-have-received-international-recognition-including-a-book-on-his-work-by-dr-michael-fisher-entitled-fearless-engagement-of-four-arrows-in-part-1-of-this-series-he-speaks-with-judith-nelson-from-the-heartfulness-institute-about-worldviews-and-complementarity">
 FOUR ARROWS,
 aka
 DON TRENT JACOBS, Ph.D., Ed.D.,
 is the author of numerous books, peer-reviewed articles,
 and chapters on applications of the Indigenous Worldview as a proven
 solution to our existential world problems. Former Director of Education at
 Oglala, Lakota College, and currently a professor of education for change at
 Fielding Graduate University, his academic work, spiritual life, and
 social/ecological justice activism have received international recognition,
 including a book on his work by Dr. Michael Fisher entitled
 Fearless Engagement of Four Arrows. In part 1 of this series, he
 speaks with
 JUDITH NELSON
 from the Heartfulness Institute about worldviews and
 complementarity.
</h4>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 Q: A very big welcome, Don. Can you tell us a bit about your
 background?



 4A: I was born in
 St. Louis County, Missouri, USA. My mom was Irish-Cherokee, and my dad was
 Irish, but my Cherokee background was ignored, except once a month when mom
 would talk about it. Her dad had committed suicide, and it was not something
 to have as a positive.



 I went into the Marine Corps during the Vietnam era. When I got out, I had a
 chip on my shoulder about the falsities of that war, and I took it out on
 adventures like wild-horse training and white-water rafting. I tried a river
 that had never been ascended before, the Rio Urique in Copper Canyon, Mexico.
 The canyon was 8,000 feet down, and I had a near-death experience where the
 river disappeared into an underground hole.



 I had a vision during that experience, which brought me to studying the
 Indigenous worldview. It was not just the vision but also the Rarámuri people.
 They saved the lives of my friend and me by getting us out of the canyon.



 I called that vision CAT-FAWN. CAT stands for Concentration Activated
 Transformation. You can think of it as self-hypnosis or spontaneous hypnosis.
 FAWN is Fear, Authority, Words, and Nature. The CAT was the mountain lion that
 led us out of the cave as the river rose from flooding; and the FAWN was one
 that the Tarahumara had been carrying over their shoulder. They had run it
 down – you may have heard of the Tarahumara as being great runners. Those two
 animals turned into the words “CAT-FAWN.”


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</div>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 I got a second doctorate with an Indigenous worldview cognate, and I was
 convinced from the vision and subsequent work that the changes that happened
 to me were about remembering our original worldview. As soon as I graduated, I
 was hired as Director of Education at Oglala Lakota College for the Pine Ridge
 Reservation. I found individuals who still held onto the old ways, and I
 became a Sun Dancer. One of the seven sacred ceremonies of the Lakota is the
 making of a relative. I was made a relative of the Medicine Horse Tiospaye,
 and I commenced writing about the Indigenous worldview, one that belongs to
 all of us, one that guided us for 99% of human history up until 8,000 years
 ago. That’s been my life’s passion.



 Q: How did you come to have the name Four Arrows?



 4A: I got the
 name Four Arrows during the relative-making ceremony. I did a
 Hanbleceya (vision quest) prior to that and had a vision of a lake
 with four arrows shooting from the middle of it. Each arrow went in a
 different direction – west, north, east, and south – and when it hit the
 ground it turned into an animal. When I came back, I burnt my clothes, went
 into the lodge, and told them my vision. I was given the name Four Arrows.



 Q: Can you explain what you mean by worldview?



 4A: Experts like
 Kotlko-Rivera essentially say that it’s a fundamental belief in our human
 relationship with Nature and with the supernatural. It undergirds all our
 beliefs and philosophies. I follow the theory of Robert Redfield, known as the
 father of social anthropology. Working out of the University of Chicago, he
 brought the German idea of Weltanschauung to the academy in a more
 meaningful way.



 In the early ’30s he said that there are only three worldviews: The Eastern
 worldview, which the yogic traditions come from; the Western worldview; and
 the primitive worldview. Later, he decided that the Eastern one had largely
 been subsumed in terms of operations, governments, schooling, etc. So he said,
 “There are only two,” and he called one the metropolitan or civilized one, and
 the other the mythological or indigenous one.



 He believed that the greatest tragedy to happen in human history was the
 destruction of the Indigenous worldview by those who colonized and
 operationalized the dominant worldview.



 One definition I came upon on for worldview is that it’s really about how to
 understand the norm of opposites that exist in the world – night
 and day, in and out, up and down.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 class="has-text-align-center">
 One definition I came upon on for worldview is that it’s
 really about
 how to understand the norm of opposites that
 exist in the world – night and day,
 in and out, up and down.
</h4>

<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 In the dominant worldview, there’s a rigid either-or, whereas in the
 Indigenous worldview there are night and day, in and out.
 These polarities certainly exist, and we recognize them in our language, but
 the Indigenous worldview looks at complementary duality.



 There’s a quote in Hillary Webb’s book1, where one of the Andean
 Indians says something like: Well, it’s crazy not to recognize what is bad as
 bad, but the trick is being able to recognize what is bad in a way that brings
 forth harmony. How can you look at “This is healthy, this is not healthy” in a
 way that’s harmonious? Very, very tricky idea!


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img decoding="async" width="565" height="800" alt="exploring_different_worldviews3"
 class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/exploring_different_worldviews3_3861046726.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T11:33:25.512Z" />
 </figure>
</div>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 Carl Jung came up with something similar when he said that the understanding
 of duality is an art that realizes the living rhythm that comes from finding
 balance between opposites.



 So, I came up with a Worldview Chart based on research around forty precepts.
 Most of all, the cultures in the world under the dominant worldview have this
 anthropocentric view that humans are at the “center.” No matter how much you
 love animals or pets, you still operate according to you – everything is about
 humans. Capitalism essentially is about humans – everything else on Earth is
 utilitarian.



 In contrast, there are the Vedic traditions (I practice Kundalini Yoga, and
 this is just a theory now, on my part). They have attempted to bring us back
 to our nature-based worldview, to an understanding of our interconnectedness,
 but they have done it as “postvention” instead of prevention. They say, “Well,
 this is what we can do from where we are,” whereas in the Indigenous
 worldview, as Webb shows, 78% of all pre-contact cultures were peaceful
 societies. They were living and maintaining their societies through
 ceremonies.



 My students use the Worldview Chart all the time. Whenever something comes up,
 they look at it and ask, “Okay, what are the challenges? Why is
 anthropocentrism creating this problem? What would happen if we truly see,
 let’s say, trees as sentient, and ants and cockroaches in the bathroom as
 sentient? What if we take time to study, to observe, even if we have to use
 Google to find out what they’re all about?” “What if we really have in our
 minds that humans are not superior? How would that affect how we treat people
 of different color, of different sexual identity, of different economic
 class?” Pretty soon, people start to see that all these worldview precepts
 work together.



 My students use the Worldview Chart in every class. While talking about
 sociological, ecological, justice issues, complexities, and problems, they go
 through it and say, “If we could have a sense that competition is about
 developing positive potential, not about winning to feel superior,” or “If we
 could really understand that there are spiritual energies in the world, and
 that experience would allow someone to do such-and-such.”



 I ask people to do an exercise where they choose one thing from the dominant
 worldview list on the left that they are engaged with. Many individuals and
 groups like your own find that they resonate with something on the right-hand
 list – the Indigenous worldview – but I ask them to look at the list on the
 left, and it has really been amazing. At the Boston College of Business, one
 person who had never thought about the Indigenous worldview said, “Wow, I
 can’t believe how easy this would be to do. I can see how even though I
 generally believe people are good, I live in a world where human nature is
 seen as essentially corrupt or evil. That’s what’s operating and I buy into
 that. I buy into social laws as primary as opposed to the laws of Nature.”



 So, people recognize that we live in systems that are essentially guiding us
 via the dominant worldview, and that’s why we’re in such an existential
 crisis. Then we look at the Indigenous worldview, and we talk about “What
 would happen if we had our organization operating according to a number of
 these principles?” So, does that help a little?


<div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img decoding="async" width="2147" height="2560" alt="" class="w-100 h-auto lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/exploring_different_worldviews_chart_1718x2048_c91f884ca0.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T11:34:49.686Z" />
 </figure>
</div>

<div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img decoding="async" width="2191" height="2560" alt="exploring_different_worldviews_chart2"
 class="w-100 h-auto lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/exploring_different_worldviews_chart2_1753x2048_3fb8f39eed.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T11:37:24.650Z" />
 </figure>
</div>


 Q: Yes. In fact, I’m quite struck by the similarity between
 our
 Heartfulness system and its aims, and the Indigenous worldview that you have
 on the right side of the chart.



 4A: I felt that
 when you were first talking about Heartfulness. It’s not unusual, because some
 of the original yogic philosophies were in sync with the Indigenous worldview.
 There’s one world based on Nature and Spirit, and then there’s the
 human-centered materialistic world that we live in, which during less than 1%
 of human history has destroyed life systems, happiness, and everything else.
 It’s a no-brainer for me, and yet there’s a lot of resistance.



 A lot of my colleagues see duality as binary, because the dominant worldview
 is binary, and they can’t understand how playing with the two sides
 is not a violation of the “us-versus-them” thinking. That’s all they know,
 that’show it works. They don’t understand the phenomenon of complementary
 thinking.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 class="has-text-align-center">
 The Indigenous worldview looks at complementary
 duality.
</h4>

<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 So, let’s talk about the original myths of twin heroes around the world. There
 are always twins – two men, a man and woman, or two women – who work together.
 One represents the solar energy and one represents the lunar energy. All
 Indigenous cultures have these myths, for example, the Navajo have one called
 Monster Slayer and the Child Born of the Water. Monster Slayer is the solar,
 and the Child Born of the Water is the lunar.



 They come to a monster with long arms, and Monster Slayer says, “No problem,
 I’m a good shot, I’m going to get him with my arrow.” The Child Born of
 Water says, “O brother, his arms are so long, he’ll get that arrow and us.
 It’s not going to work.” Monster Slayer says, “Well, what should we
 do?” And the Child Born of Water says, “I think we should sing to
 him.” So they sing to him. The monster, never having been treated that
 way, mellows out. The lesson is that monsters are those things in us that are
 our greed, our jealousy, our anger, etc.



 Jump forward to the dominant worldview, where all the twin-hero stories have
 been changed. Romulus kills Remus, Jacob steals Esau’s birthright, and so on.
 Everybody knows Hercules, but nobody knows his brother, Iphicles, who was the
 lunar twin. We have dominated in a solar way, and we’ve made that masculine.
 We’ve dominated the feminine, right?


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img decoding="async" width="565" height="800" alt="exploring_different_worldviews4"
 class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/exploring_different_worldviews4_cb95d75a93.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T11:38:57.417Z" />
 </figure>
</div>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 So, with this idea of complementarity, people are confused by seeing a duality
 and not immediately saying “Ah! This is what I’m against.” It’s a tricky
 business to be able to say, like the Indigenous Andeans said: It’s crazy to
 think that something that’s bad isn’t bad.


The trick is bringing the awareness and the solution in a harmonious way.

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

To be continued.

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 This interview has been brought to you with the collaboration and support
 of the Spirit of Humanity Forum.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />


 1 Webb, H.S., 2012.
 Yanantin and Masintin in the Andean World: Complementary Dualism in
 Modern Peru. University of New Mexico Press, USA.

Exploring different worldviews

Kinship and interconnectedness

<h4>
 FOUR ARROWS,
 aka
 DON TRENT JACOBS, Ph.D., Ed.D., is the author of numerous books, peer-reviewed articles,
 and chapters on applications of the Indigenous Worldview as a proven
 solution to our existential world problems. Former Director of Education at
 Oglala, Lakota College, and currently professor of professor at the School
 of Educational Leadership for Change at Fielding Graduate University, his
 academic work, spiritual life, and social/ecological justice activism have
 received international recognition. In part 3 of this series, he speaks with
 JUDITH NELSON
 from the Heartfulness Institute about how to work with worldviews and be the
 best person you can be.
</h4>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 Q:&nbsp; You’ve spoken already about indigenizing our systems, but can you
 talk a bit about how to do that?



 4A: I believe
 that the Indigenous and Dominant worldview reflections can be taught along
 with the CAT–FAWN methodology. CAT stands for Concentration
 Activated Transformation. You can think of it as self-hypnosis or spontaneous
 hypnosis. FAWN is Fear, Authority, Words, and Nature. All we have to do is
 say, “Okay, we’ve got this challenge, whatever it is – making money, stopping
 pollution, or whatever it is. Let’s use CAT–FAWN to get in touch with our
 world.”



 We start with CAT –
 Concentration Activated Transformation. All right, what do we
 know? What are our assumptions, and are those assumptions true? Where do they
 come from? Most of our assumptions about life come from early childhood, but
 there are also things that have been taught by the authorities during times of
 fear. During times of stress, all creatures become hyper suggestible to the
 communication of a perceived authority figure.



 So, we look at meta-cognition. “What am I thinking about thinking? What is the
 source of this?” And, if necessary, we think about how that idea came to us
 and why we believe it.



 We hold on to that CAT idea, and now we go to FAWN and we
 start with Fear. What are we afraid of? How does fear – in
 any of its forms, from apprehension to paranoia – influence what we’re doing,
 what we’re deciding?



 In the Dominant Worldview, fear is to be avoided. We don’t like it; we don’t
 like the taste or smell of it. In the Indigenous Worldview, once the
 fight-or-flight mechanism of fear is over, it becomes an opportunity to
 practice a virtue – patience, courage, generosity, fortitude, humility,
 honesty, persistence – the great universal virtues. Fear is an opportunity to
 practice those things.



 Then, courage turns into fearlessness once we take action. Fearlessness means
 that, whatever the outcome, we’re fully engaged.



 Now let’s take Authority. In the Dominant Worldview,
 authority is almost always external – the papa, the preacher, the Pope, etc.
 In the Indigenous Worldview, the highest authority is your personal reflection
 or lived experience, with the understanding that everything is connected.
 People think of Indigenous people as collective, and the Western people as
 individualistic. No, not really. Have you ever seen a more individualistic,
 autonomous individual than an Indigenous person?



 Indigenous people have non-hierarchical cultures, so their authority,
 ultimately, is their own reflection; and the goal of their individuality is to
 help others, to help the community.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<div class="block-image">
 <figure class="has-img-center" style="width: 498px !important">
 <img
 width="498px"
 alt="live-life-the-best-you-can2"
 class="lazyload w-100"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/live_life_the_best_you_can2_8b8b30ef5c.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T11:09:03.677Z"
 />
 <figcaption>Original Photograph by Follow Alice</figcaption>
 </figure>
</div>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 Okay, now let’s take Words. What words are we using? In the
 Dominant Worldview, we’re in a post-truth world; words are deceptive, children
 are using them deceptively, presidents are using them deceptively. It is
 commonplace. Books have been written saying it’s a survival thing to use
 deceptive words, right?



 In the Indigenous Worldview, words are sacred vibrations, so you’ve got to do
 your best. Truth is multifaceted, and you do your best to communicate. That’s
 why a verb-based language is easier because it’s always flowing; it’s harder
 to concretize it.



 As you begin to do the work, you can ask, “What words are we using?” When I
 taught hypnosis at UC Berkeley, a man came to me because his armpits sweated
 profusely whenever he was going to a meeting. I asked, “What do you say
 to yourself before you go to the meeting?” He said, “I don’t know, I look
 at my watch and go. I guess, ‘I have to go to this meeting.’” I said,
 “Just change ‘I have to go to the meeting’ to ‘I want to go to the meeting’
 and see what happens.” He thought I had hypnotized him, but I didn’t! All
 hypnosis is ultimately self-hypnosis, and that’s how powerful words are.



 Kipling said that words are humankind’s most powerful drug. That opinion comes
 from a Dominant Worldview, and it’s true, but Indigenous people would not use
 those terms. They would say that words are sacred prayers. So, if a woman
 is obese and she comes to me to get healthy, I say, “What do you say when you
 look in the mirror?” She replies, “I see a fat person, I’m fat.” And
 I say, “Let’s look at the words and your accuracy. Is it possible? If you were
 fat, you’d be in a jar. I don’t understand how that can be.” Pretty soon
 she’s got the idea, and she says, “Ah! I see myself in the mirror as a
 beautiful woman who happens to have more adipose tissue than she wants and is
 good for her health.” Ta dah! Now we can work with that. That’s how
 powerful words are, and it changes everything.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 class="has-text-align-center">
 Technology is the balance between worldviews, and we can use
 technology to say, “If that’s what these ants are doing, it
 confirms that we need to be more dedicated to working together.”
</h4>

<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 The last one is Nature. What are we learning from nature
 about how our organization can move forward, how our family plans can move
 forward? Nature is all around us. Something will show up: a line of ants will
 appear, or you’ll look out into the yard and see a fox. Something will come,
 trust me on this. Just open yourself up to it. Learn as much about that
 creature as you can. That is something we’ve lost. Technology is the balance
 between worldviews, and we can use technology to say, “If that’s what these
 ants are doing, it confirms that we need to be more dedicated to working
 together.”


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<div class="block-image">
 <figure class="has-img-center" style="width: 498px !important">
 <img
 width="498px"
 alt="live-life-the-best-you-can3"
 class="lazyload w-100"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/live_life_the_best_you_can3_adf4c5fee6.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T11:10:01.257Z"
 />
 <figcaption>Original Photograph by JULIA VOLK</figcaption>
 </figure>
</div>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 Q: I’m really struck by the common threads between what you’ve been saying
 and Heartfulness. For instance, you practice self-hypnosis and we practice
 meditation, and we also use beautiful, positive ideas and affirmations to
 see the world in a different light, to see people advancing, to see them
 develop, etc.



 4A:&nbsp; Yes,
 it’s the same thing. Meditation with affirmations is self-hypnosis; meditation
 without affirmations is being receptive to whatever comes. There are two sides
 to that coin. When you bring affirmations into meditation, then it becomes, by
 definition, a hidden hypnotic phenomenon. In Yoga, they do that very often.
 Often, it’s just tuning in, and other times it’s sending out love to the world
 through affirmations.



 So, if we could look at this series of worldview assumptions using
 affirmations, in one generation we would see changes happen. The Neusiok/Miwok
 Indians had lost their language, they were alcoholics, they couldn’t grow
 things, and some of the women thought, “We can bring back our ways.” In one
 and a half generations, they brought back the language, the ways of being, and
 now their sheep grow bigger, their corn grows bigger, and there’s hardly any
 alcoholism. Theoretically, we can return to our original worldview and live
 the heart-minded way. That’s one of the worldview precepts – living with the
 heart, following with the head, rather than the other way round. I think the
 yogic traditions are helping to bring us closer and closer to that also.



 Everyone can change, and they can do it from whatever tradition they wish. If
 we look at the religions – let’s take Christianity. An expert on Western
 Christianity showed me how the Church has created racism and maintained
 racism. But you can also look at Christianity and find things that resonate so
 beautifully with our worldview. So, a person can stay a Christian, because
 Jesus did many things that relate to this.



 Any culture can keep its unique diversity and find the place where it can
 include this worldview.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<div class="block-image">
 <figure class="has-img-center" style="width: 498px !important">
 <img
 width="498px"
 alt="live-life-the-best-you-can4"
 class="lazyload w-100"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/live_life_the_best_you_can4_ba3088f3da.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T11:10:52.505Z"
 />
 <figcaption>Original Photograph by GANTA SRINIVAS</figcaption>
 </figure>
</div>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 class="has-text-align-center">
 Meditation with affirmations is self-hypnosis; meditation without
 affirmations is being receptive to whatever comes.
</h4>

<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 Q:&nbsp; I understand that, as I come from a religious background and ended
 up in a meditation practice because I wanted to understand life from a very
 different level. Meditation leads to a meditative life, a meditative state,
 in a way that I think you’re describing the connection to everything. If
 practiced well, you realize the connection with everything.



 It’s interesting that there are many threads working toward the same ends.
 It’s exciting to see how many systems are trying to connect to the same
 thing from different angles, because we’re not all the same. I picked up
 from your interviews that it’s about honoring our personal experience,
 instead of following someone else because they are an authority
 figure.



 4A:&nbsp;&nbsp;
 You’re absolutely right. Ultimately, it’s the experience. That’s where our
 teachings come from, not from somebody telling us; we have to experience it.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<div class="block-image">
 <figure class="has-img-center" style="width: 498px !important">
 <img
 width="498px"
 alt="live-life-the-best-you-can5"
 class="lazyload w-100"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/live_life_the_best_you_can5_dd8b296319.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T11:11:36.843Z"
 />
 <figcaption>Image: freepik.com</figcaption>
 </figure>
</div>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 Q: Are there any practical ways to reduce our footprint and environmental
 destruction, rather than waiting for governments to solve this for us?



 4A: Well,
 everybody can live with a light footprint. Just do your best. Buy locally
 produced food, be mindful of what kinds of products you buy, know the
 corporation’s footprint, etc., and all those consciousness activities.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 class="has-text-align-center">
 A healthier definition of hope is the certainty that whatever you’re
 doing is worth doing regardless of the outcome.
</h4>

<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 But I’ll close by saying that I don’t think we’re going to be able to turn
 things around. I was at the University of British Columbia the first time I
 said that, a year before the pandemic. The audience didn’t know whether to
 throw things at me or cry! Then the logical question came back, “Then why
 are you here? Why are you doing this work? Why are you writing these
 books?” And I answered, “Because I want to continue trying to be the best
 human being I can be.”



 I wrote a little book called
 Sitting Bull’s Words: For a World in Crisis. Sitting Bull didn’t have
 hope: all the buffalo had been killed, smallpox was wiping people out, and he
 was being chased. And yet, he never stopped being generous, he never stopped
 laughing, he never stopped writing songs, he never stopped his spiritual
 practices, he never stopped resisting, and he never stopped caring for the
 future of children.



 I don’t think hope is the certainty that things are going to turn out okay. A
 healthier definition of hope is the certainty that whatever you’re doing is
 worth doing regardless of the outcome. I find that people feel liberated by
 that and they have less burnout. They say, “I see what’s happening with the
 oil spills, I see the wars, I see the injustices and the political corruption,
 but the direction I’m going in personally, experientially, in my work, makes
 sense.”


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<div class="block-image">
 <figure class="has-img-center" style="width : 498px !important">
 <img
 
 width="498px"
 
 alt="live-life-the-best-you-can6"
 class="lazyload w-100"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/live_life_the_best_you_can6_da4feec8bd.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T11:12:14.569Z"
 />
 <figcaption>Original Photograph by FOLLOW ALICE</figcaption>
 </figure>
</div>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 The practical thing is to live our lives as best we can, and that means
 personal health and vitality, compassion, and empathy for others. I believe
 that we’re bodies inhabited by spirits, and our spirits can practice this and
 learn the lessons that we’re uniquely given in this life. Then, the chances
 are that when we rebuild, it won’t be like the post-apocalyptic movies, with
 guys with machine guns raping women. We’ll see people living according to our
 original worldview.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 class="has-text-align-center">
 The practical thing is to live our lives as best we can, and that
 means personal health and vitality, compassion, and empathy for
 others.
</h4>

<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 Q: Thank you. That’s a lovely note to end on, because you’ve given a
 positive and helpful ideal for people who feel overwhelmed with all that’s
 going on. If we understand, “I can change myself. I’m not responsible for
 everything out there,” it provides a calmer sense of our part in this. As
 you say, if everybody does this, it will make all the difference.



 It reminds me of something one of our Heartfulness teachers said when he
 was asked, “How do I distinguish between right and wrong?” He replied,
 “Just ask yourself, ‘What if everybody did it?’ and you’ll get the
 answer.” He made it so simple. If we ask ourselves “What if everybody
 loved?” it would be fine; “What if everybody killed?” it wouldn’t be
 fine.



 Thanks again Don for a fascinating interview.
 


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 class="has-text-align-center">Interview by JUDITH NELSON</h4>

<hr />

Live life the best you can

Francesca is published in The New York Times, Brain, Child Magazine, The Manifest Station, Ed Week, Drunken Boat, and Word Riot. She leads an annual workshop at The Harvard Graduate School of Education. Her manual, Writing Workshop; How to Create a Culture of Useful Feedback, is popular worldwide.

francesca-grossman.jpg

Francesca Grossman

<hr><h4>After thyroid cancer, Crohn’s disease, and other autoimmune diseases defined her twenties and thirties, FRANCESCA GROSSMAN was left feeling alone with chronic pain. This invisible companion affected her whole life – intimacy, motherhood, friendship, work, and mental health – but after more than twenty years she started talking to others and discovered that her story was not unique, and neither were her feelings of loneliness and seclusion. Francesca decided to help her fellow chronic pain sufferers feel a little less alone, and her latest book, Not Weakness: Navigating the Culture of Chronic Pain, is a testament to their ability to live and love with chronic pain.</h4><hr>I have lived in chronic pain for most of my adult life. One thing I can tell you with absolute certainty is that the difference between living with it and giving up has almost always lived in <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/gratitudes-gift" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">kindness</a>.The first time I lost control of my bowels, I was on the platform of the Number 6 train. I was twenty-six, and a cup of coffee I’d sipped led to stomach pain I can only classify as agonizing. Though I did everything I could to get up the subway steps and into a near by restaurant, my cold shaking body let go three steps from the top. The problem in a situation like that, I have since learned, is walking makes it worse. And stopping gets you nowhere.I sprinted in shame to my gym, a place that had been my salvation. I rushed into the shower with all my clothes on, peeled them off, pumped bright green body soap into my jeans, and threw away my underwear in a naked dash from the scalding shower to the metal bins.A young woman wearing a black staff T-shirt approached me in the locker room. I had seen her many times before, folding towels mostly, mopping the floor, and I always nodded my hello. She always nodded back. “Are you okay?” she asked. I was unable to speak. “Do you want me to wash and dry those for you?” she asked gently, pointing at the heap of wet clothes on the bench beside me. I sighed, nodded my thanks and sat in tiny white towels for the next forty-five minutes while this beautiful woman did my laundry.While the moment remains one of my most humiliating, I think it’s important to reflect on the kindness this woman showed me. She didn’t have to help. She had a lot to do, she was at work, she had a life that did not include cleaning up after me.We have this assumption that in shameful situations most people will be cruel; they will point and laugh, they will walk away disgusted, and/or they will not help. I’m not sure if that comes from the playground, the horrific news cycle, bad TV, or our own insecurities, but in my experience it is mostly false.This example of kindness and help is just one of many I can recount. A woman stopped what she was doing to help me clean up. She looked at me naked and shaking, sitting next to a pile of wet dirty clothes, and she held out her hand to take them. She washed my clothes, and in doing so washed away some of the shame that had covered me too. Her kindness was a work of grace.At the time, this was the most humiliating day of my life, and my response was to bury it deep within me. It was only the beginning of the shame I would experience in the next two decades living with a number of autoimmune diseases, which triggered and caused severe everyday pain and the total breakdown of my body.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/kindness_makes_difference2_700x489_68be39a7a7.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-26T07:23:38.810Z" alt="kindness-makes-difference2"><hr><hr><h4>We have this assumption that in shameful situations most people will be cruel;&nbsp; they will point and laugh, they will walk away disgusted, and/or they will not help,&nbsp; but in my experience it is mostly false.</h4><hr><hr>Living in chronic pain can leave you feeling like there’s no goodness out there, that no one can understand and therefore no one cares. I have experienced – and the women I’ve interviewed have also – repeated dismissal, silencing, and shame by some of the people who were supposed to care for us. But many people have been saviors. I have had many doctors, nurses, aids, therapists, instructors, and friends who have done everything in their power to make me well. My gratitude runs deep.The women who spoke to me for my book lit up when I asked them to tell me about their experiences with kindness. In almost every case, they were happy and eager to recount the moments and people who changed their lives simply by being kind.Samantha was in a near-fatal riding incident in the mid ’90s, which left her with severe, constant chronic pain in her leg and shoulder. She told me,“ I’ve run across many kind people. Too many to count. A couple jump to mind.“The first was a nurse who figured out a way to wash my hair in the hospital after my accident, without me having to ask. She knew it was bothering me to have dirty hair. Her name was Sophia. I’ll never forget her.“The second was a paramedic who held my hand in the helicopter on the way to the hospital. Never got his name, but I do remember his smile, and the way his simple human touch made me feel that everything would be okay.”Studies show that delivering health care with kindness leads to faster healing, reduced pain, increased immune function, lowered blood pressure, and decreased anxiety. According to Dignity Health, “In a randomized controlled trial of patients with irritable bowel syndrome, patients who were treated by warm practitioners who listened actively and expressed compassion for their condition experienced less pain, less severe symptoms, and greater health improvement than other patients in the study… leading to a general conclusion that better communication and listening have a positive influence on controlling pain.”Love is big. But kindness is often small. Reaching out instead of recoiling. Checking up instead of writing off. Texting, nodding, smiling. A one-armed hug. A calming song, a cool cloth. A sweet phrase. A compliment. Small gestures that in retrospect make huge differences.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/kindness_makes_difference3_700x504_abf6168939.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-26T07:24:25.291Z" alt="kindness-makes-difference3"><hr>To the nurse that washed Samantha’s hair, it is probably just something she is happy to do. To the woman in the black T-shirt, maybe I’m a funny anecdote or maybe I didn’t register much at all. I’m sure it seemed like a very small thing to her.But to me, it was huge. And there is no doubt that small acts of kindness like these helped save my life.<hr><hr><h4>Love is big. But kindness is often small.&nbsp; Reaching out instead of recoiling.&nbsp; Checking up instead of writing off.&nbsp; Texting, nodding, smiling.&nbsp; A one-armed hug. A calming song, a cool cloth.&nbsp; A sweet phrase. A compliment. Small gestures that in retrospect make huge differences.</h4><hr>

Kindness makes a world of difference

François started his career in a leading market trading bank in the heart of Paris at the age of 20. Two years later, he also started volunteering for an NGO spreading practical means for rejuvenating human values. He has an MBA in intercultural management, foreseeing the need for unifying skills to address the challenge the planet is facing, and in 1995 created his first company, Indo-French Business Research Consultancy, to assist the changing world workplace environment and challenges. In 2014, he left his job in one of the top five banks in Paris to create awareness in the field of participatory economics and related initiatives. These days he works as an activist, permaculture consultant, and eco-village consultant.

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François Bouderlique

<h4>FRANÇOIS BOUDERLIQUE shares some very practical ideas on how we can move forward toward a “new normal” in our post-Covid world. They are not new ideas, instead coming from the timeless wisdom of two great sages from India, Swami Vivekananda and Ram Chandra.</h4><hr>For more than a year now, our lifestyle has been put to the test. The pandemic and its consequences on our family and economic situations have disturbed life as we knew it. I guess it is just the beginning of multiple challenges that will come in the coming years. This phenomenal change has been very challenging for most of us, with a flow of events that are pushing us to assess our deepest convictions, consciously or unconsciously.How to get stronger to regain a lost balance, build new inner convictions, and try to cement a renewed harmonious lifestyle and face life courageously as it comes to us?How to keep our balance?How to know what decisions will keep us on the right track, living a life of purpose and fulfilling action?How to tap into our deepest ideal while strengthening our character in a practical way?Quite challenging right now, no?Let me share with you the formula of Swami Vivekananda, who, at the end of the 19th century, was the epitome of strength and vision with a practical approach to life. It has been my favorite quote, and I believe it summarizes a wonderful approach for life in modern times. It compresses a timeless wisdom on how we can synchronize our hearts and minds for our ultimate benefit:“You must try to combine in your life immense idealism with immense practicality. You must be prepared to go into deep meditation now, and the next moment you must be ready to go and cultivate these fields. You must be prepared to explain the difficult intricacies of the shastras now, and the next moment to go and sell the produce of the fields in the market. You must be prepared for all menial services, not only here, but elsewhere also.“The next thing to remember is that the aim of this institution is to make men. … The true man is he who is strong as strength itself and yet possesses a woman’s heart.” 1<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/formula_inner_strength2_099b152a0a.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-06T10:08:27.892Z" alt="formula_inner_strength2"><hr>Strength is the hallmark of Swami Vivekananda. He goes so far as to say that weakness is a sin!Now, if we combine this with the idea of an ashram as presented by Ram Chandra, known to many as Babuji, we get a magic combination that will fuel our enthusiasm to lead a life of perfect alignment with our deepest dreams and inner convictions, in the most natural way.For Babuji, an ashram is not a place for religious zealots living with a set of artificial rules away from society. Instead, it is the field of action of our immediate families, where practical duties meet commitments to higher forces to which we all aspire deep within ourselves.Here is his definition:“Grihastha ashram (family life) is not a bar in gaining the real aim in life. I think this is the best ashram in which higher approach is easily possible. … I assure you that a perfect saint may be found in this ashram alone. We perform our duties and remember Him as Ultimate Reality.”2Our immediate field of action – given at the time of our conception in our environment – starts with our family. It needs to be cultivated and enriched first. Our strength will develop naturally with efforts, dedication, and sacrifice. Daily meditation keeps the flame of our inner ideals when we live a life of practicality, as beautifully explained by Swami Vivekananda.<hr><hr>“Family life is not a bar in gaining the real aim in life.&nbsp; I think this is the best ashram in which higher approach is easily possible. … I assure you that a perfect saint&nbsp; may be found in this ashram alone.&nbsp; We perform our duties and remember Him&nbsp; as Ultimate Reality.”&nbsp; –Babuji<hr><hr>Take care of our immediate surroundings harmoniously, get stronger in the process, and naturally develop a healthy lifestyle year after year. What a simple formula for success!If I am facing each and every challenge within the close circle of my family, work environment, and social interactions, I will equip myself with the necessary strength to enlarge my circle of influence. If I succeed to create harmony in this small circle, the ripple effect of that harmonious circle will affect the world on a larger scale.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/formula_inner_strength3_0aa10c7819.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-06T10:09:36.807Z" alt="formula_inner_strength"><hr>At times, we are tempted to run away from it, creating the illusion that the immediate circle can be neglected or avoided, to pursue a new home somewhere else. The problem is that if we have not taken the time to build our muscles of acceptance and compassionate action within our close encounters and families, what are we really going to achieve elsewhere?In the gym, you start by lifting 30 kilos then 35 kilos etc. Muscles of <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/when-fear-becomes-power-the-goddess-who-transforms-survivors-with-comics" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">inner strength</a> and character are also built in a proportional manner, consistently, starting at our doorstep.So, let us get strong together, step by step, kilo by kilo, practically, while keeping the inner eye alert on our ideal by daily introspection. How can we nurture this grihastha ashram within our own homes and offices, as described by the heritage of those saintly figures who lived a practical life and succeeded in embracing both the inner ideal and the worldly environment?Such a simple path is given to us to attain strength of character, and this worthy strength is the only thing that will really shape our destiny and make us happy in the long run.<hr>¹ Swami Vivekananda, 1947. Complete Works of Swami Vivekananda, Vol. 3, “Lectures from Colombo to Almora. Sannyasa: Its Ideal and Practice.” Vedanta Press.2 Ram Chandra, 1989. Complete Works of Ram Chandra, Vol 1. Shri Ram Chandra Mission, USA<hr><hr><h4>Illustrations by JASMEE MUGDAL</h4><hr>

A formula for inner strength

<hr><h4>FRANÇOIS BOUDERLIQUE learned about the basic principle of Nature – to give more than you take – when he left a high-powered banking job in Paris to live and farm in Kutch, India. He realized that his understanding of eco-farming was colored by his past and he needed to open his eyes to a new reality.</h4><hr>For the last ten years I have been fascinated by Permaculture, a new way of considering farming processes starting from organic farming to integrated eco-housing, water systems, etc. My grandfather was a farmer, and I spent most of my childhood with him witnessing his extraordinary capacities to do things by himself, whether it was constructing an entire house to repairing a simple electrical device, maintaining his car, etc. When I stepped out of a city lifestyle in Paris to live in rural India in 2014, I was hoping to create a more conducive lifestyle suited to my spiritual quest, practicing Heartfulness Meditation, which I have done for the last three decades. I believed at that time that the natural environment would do the trick, and being in tune with Mother Earth would facilitate my soul-searching experience.Looking back at those six years, I realize that the real shift has been in my own perception of what eco-farming is. I believed in organic products, and many techniques which would enable me to thrive in the field of producing, taking advantage of the “trendy” ecological movement in a more sustainable manner.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Giving_more_taking_less2_bdd4dba0ed.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T11:50:47.528Z" alt="Giving-more-taking-less"><hr><h5 style="text-align:center;">I believed at that time that the natural environment would do the trick, and being in tune with Mother Earth would facilitate my soul-searching experience.</h5><hr>The problem is that when we are born in a cultural environment where everything is about “taking,” the mindset is totally opposite to the “living” environment of Nature, where everything is about caring, sharing and exchanging. Natural systems cooperate, whereas the knowledge of modern agriculture is about taking more, increasing yields and harvest. I should admit it to myself – 20 years in the banking industry had made me an expert taker. I was literally excelling at taking my six-digit salary!Fortunately for me, the farm was situated next to a Rabari community in Kutch, Gujarat, where life was all about living and sharing first when taking from Nature. It was a natural offshoot of a “liver community” based on Indian traditional farming. The sense of property is different. A shepherd would enter my property after the harvesting season, without permission, taking water from my farm when the local village bore well was dysfunctional. This was natural and not questioned.Soon enough, I understood that the real meaning of eco-farming was about acquiring the knowledge of how to care, versus technology and systems that are designed to take.Caring for the wellness of the community comes first, then the land, the eco-system, elaborating long term solutions where healthy food grows in a sustainable manner.So the real move for me was not to sit with birds and trees looking at a nice sunset, but to step out of my comfort zone of coming from a taker community, in which I had been conditioned. I was learning how to blend my lifestyle with a “liver community,” which was totally alien to my previous set-up and knowledge, based on how to take.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Giving_more_taking_less2_bdd4dba0ed.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T11:50:47.528Z" alt="Giving-more-taking-less">&nbsp;<hr>Recently, it made me think even about the meaning of spirituality and the spiritual field. What if spirituality is about a knowledge of the capacity to live, to care, versus the capacity to take? You see how the word “taking” has invaded our language and our so-called modern life? From taking a decision, to taking the time to do something, or even taking care of somebody or something.If we agree to this new definition, the realm of the Spirit will encompass all our activities, something which I experienced by farming within a “liver community” where caring is a natural way of life.So friends, why not step into the field of knowledge based on how to care, while taking for ourselves only our due share in the process of caring? Life becomes simple and natural. If we become students of this type of knowledge, whether it is in farming or any other field, and excel in caring, we will become in the process part of Spirit, which lives and gives first. Trust me, I experienced it on my farm. What will follow in the most natural way is that we don’t have to strategize how to take anymore, because we are receiving more and more with less and less effort!&nbsp;

Giving more, taking less

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Frank Borman

Exploration

Frank Tyger

Freedom and Happiness

Fred Rogers

The child in me

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Frédéric Chopin

The final achievement

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Ganesh Pai

<h4>GANESH PAI shares memories of his father and the lessons learned from his father’s behavior, presence, and attitude of forgiveness.</h4><hr>The tempo1 was ready to depart. It was a short 30-minute journey from Bhatkal to Uppunda, a sleepy village in coastal Karnataka, India. My father, sister, and I were traveling together. Since we were first in, we quickly found seats. Pretty soon, the tempo was jam-packed; even an ant could not have entered. As the journey started, the conductor started collecting fares, and as he neared our seats, he asked me to stand up and let an adult sit in my place. I was about to get up when my father tapped me on the shoulder to indicate that I should stay seated right there. The conductor told my father, “Sir, you will have to pay full fare for your two kids.” So he handed over two notes without batting an eyelid, and my sister and I traveled comfortably that day.We may not have been rich, but he made us feel rich that day. That’s my father for you. I have many such beautiful memories from my childhood about my father, watching him up close and being inspired by his outstanding qualities. Let me share a few memories from my childhood that have left an indelible mark on my memory.&nbsp;Growing up, I was a big fan of cricket. Not a difficult choice to make in a cricket-frenzied nation. One of my uncles had gifted me a cricket bat and I looked for every opportunity to wield my new willow. My brother and I would play cricket in the living room on the first floor of our home, and our mother’s warning not to play there would fall on deaf ears. My father had also advised us to stop playing inside. It was a Sunday afternoon when my brother and I decided to have our bilateral series. Things were looking good until the ball smashed against a beautiful chandelier hanging on the ceiling.To say I was nervous will not do justice to how scared I felt that day. I had no idea how to deal with the mess I had created. My fate hung in as much imbalance as the chandelier on the ceiling. When my father came home for lunch, my mother did the honor of breaking the bad news. In my mind, I was pretty sure that I was about to get a tight slap. My father heard my mother, gave me a deep look with his penetrating eyes, and left without uttering a word. He was upset. However, in that instant, he had forgiven me. His love for me outweighed his liking for a materialistic possession. I can never forget his act of kindness.&nbsp;My father had a rock solid routine. He would have been a perfect brand ambassador for a Swiss watch. His clockwork started at 8 a.m. when he left for the restaurant, where he worked as the Manager. At 8:30 a.m. he was in the market, purchasing vegetables and groceries. At 9:30 a.m., he was at the bank. Since he was always one of the first customers, he wrapped up his work fast. From there, he completed any other work. Finally, he dropped the bag of vegetables and groceries he purchased for our home and then returned to the restaurant.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/wisdom_from_father2_1_f3fffbc3c2.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T09:34:44.388Z" alt="wisdom-from-father2-1"><hr><hr><h4>He was forgiving, but never gullible.&nbsp; He was prudent with his time and money,&nbsp; but not a miser. He was centered even&nbsp; when surrounded by a cyclone. Intuitively,&nbsp; he seemed to know that he was much greater than&nbsp; any situation he would ever face.</h4><hr><hr>With this well-planned schedule, he never needed to step out again. He believed in the economy of efforts. He would advise us to plan our activities to accomplish the most with the minimum amount of time. He would urge us not to go out four times to complete four different tasks. Instead, step out once and complete four tasks in one shot. He believed in return on time as much as return on capital. He may not have read productivity classics like&nbsp;Getting Things Done&nbsp;or&nbsp;Eat That Frog, but he could have given any productivity guru a run for their money.&nbsp;I admire my father’s emotional stability. I remember an incident on a late summer evening when I was around ten years old, and we had a short circuit at home. There were sparks coming out of the power meter and my mother and I were shocked. I ran to see my father in his restaurant and told him, “Bappa, there is a fire at home.” Without panicking even for a moment, he patiently heard me and quickly concluded that it wasn’t something serious. Then he coolly said, “I see. It should not have happened. I will send an electrician. Don’t worry, I will see you and Mom at home later.” I was shell-shocked to see his calm demeanor in the face of what looked like a disaster to me. His calmness gave me a sense of assurance, and I instantly felt relieved. Personally, it was like watching James Bond effortlessly conquering a high-stake crisis.&nbsp;When I look at how my father led his life, I notice that he did not operate out of 101 philosophies. He had just a few, and he followed them irrespective of the situation around him. He was forgiving, but never gullible. He was prudent with his time and money, but not a miser. He was centered even when surrounded by a cyclone. Intuitively, he seemed to know that he was much greater than any situation he would ever face.&nbsp;<hr>1A small van<hr><hr>&nbsp;<h4>Illustrations by ARATI SHEDDE</h4><hr>

Wisdom from my father

Garima Garg Seth

<hr class="vertical-space1" />
<h3 style="text-align: center">
 THE GOOD NIGHT GUIDE
</h3>
<hr class="vertical-space1" />
<h4>
 DR. GARIMA GARG SETH is a pediatrician
 with a mission to help children learn good sleep habits. Here she explains
 to us what that means, and how as parents we can provide the best possible
 environment for children to develop a healthy sleep lifestyle.
</h4>
<h5 style="text-align: center">
 Early to bed and early to rise, 
 makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.
 
</h5>
<h5 style="text-align: center">
 -Medieval Proverb
</h5>

 We all grew up with our elders quoting this old adage, but somehow today
 sleep has become a casualty of modern life. I often find parents saying that
 their children do not sleep until 12 or 1 in the night. Some are happy and
 proud about it, while some are worried. Sleep is extremely important to
 support children’s development both physically and mentally. Establishing
 good sleep patterns can help children to meet their full potential. It can
 improve a child’s quality of life, memory, learning, attention, and
 behavior. Children with good sleep do better in school and have lower rates
 of mental and physical health problems than those with sleep problems.
 


 It is also important for parents’ mental health. As a parent, it is
 important to introduce good sleep habits early in your child’s life. A
 well-rested household usually makes for a happier home.

<h4 style="text-align: left">
 How much sleep do children need?
 
</h4>

 Sleep needs change as children get older. There are set guidelines that
 define the amount of sleep needed by children for optimal health. Regularly
 getting this number of hours of sleep can help your child avoid health risks
 associated with sleep deprivation. Now this is a general guideline that
 applies to most children, but some will have different sleep needs. If your
 child sleeps less or more than the average time prescribed, it’s not always
 an issue. But, it might also be tempting to think that your children can get
 away with less sleep than they need or that they should be able to cope
 fairly well with a few skipped hours of sleep. This is not true
 either.


 The recommended sleep per 24 hours according to the age of the child, as
 per the American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM) is:


 Newborn to 3 months: 16 to 18 hours (including naps) 4 to 12 months:
 12 to 16 hours (including naps) 1 to 2 years:
 11 to 14 hours (including naps) 3 to 5 years: 10 to 13 hours 6 to 12 years: 9 to 12 hours 13 to 18 years: 8 to 10 hours

<h4 style="text-align: left">
 What are the signs that children are not getting enough sleep?
</h4>

 They may show decreased levels of alertness, poor school performance, and
 bad moods. Young children may even have too much energy or hyperactivity
 leading to behavioral issues. In teenagers it can sometimes show up as mood
 changes and irritability.


 Listed below are just a few of the symptoms of sleep deprivation in
 children:


 Learning problems: concentration issues, difficulty remembering things,
 hyperactivity Poor mental health, behavioral issues, headaches Lowering of immune system function Weight gain, growth issues In older age groups: hypertension, obesity, depression etc.

<h4 style="text-align: left">
 Is a nap required during the day?
</h4>

 Napping is normal behavior in children. Most young children take naps
 during the day. Newborns and young infants usually take several naps: by 9
 to 12 months infants have a pattern of 2 naps a day, and by 15 to 24 months most children take only a single afternoon nap.
 Older children may not nap at all.
 


 Naps usually disappear by 5 years of age. Naps help preschool children to
 avoid becoming overtired. Ironically, an overtired toddler is harder to get
 to sleep than a well-rested one. Naps in preschool children can be
 encouraged and scheduled so that they aren’t too close to bedtime, as a
 poorly timed nap can affect your child’s sleep at night.

<h4 style="text-align: left">
 Good sleep routines 
</h4>

 Everybody can benefit from a sleep routine, including adults. This is also
 called good sleep hygiene. A good sleep routine is planned. Consistency and
 firmness are also keys.

<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 1. Make sufficient sleep a family priority
 
</h5>

 As a parent, you are a role model for your children. First, understand the
 benefits of getting enough sleep for yourself. Set a good example. Show them
 it is part of a healthy lifestyle, just like healthy eating and exercise. It
 is understandable that sometimes, with current job profiles, it is
 difficult, but at least give it a try.

<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 2. Stick to a realistic and consistent age-appropriate routine
</h5>

 We all have an internal daily body clock, sometimes referred to as the
 circadian rhythm. Our body functions according to it. Have a set bedtime and
 wake-up time for your children every day of the week, including non-school
 nights. It is better if there is not more than an hour difference from one
 day to another. Regular late weekend nights or sleeping-in can throw your
 body clock out of rhythm. 
 

<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 3. Predictable sequence
</h5>

 Have a set daily bedtime routine following a predictable sequence of
 events, such as brushing teeth, taking a warm shower, going to the toilet,
 changing into nightwear and reading a story, etc. It should not last for
 more than 15 to 20 minutes. Many parents like to use the 4 Bs of brush,
 bath, book, bed.

<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 4. Beds are for sleeping 
</h5>

 Avoid spending a lot of non-sleep time in bed. Spending hours lying on the
 bed doing other things before bedtime keeps the brain from associating bed
 with sleep.

<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 5. A comfortable, cozy room
</h5>

 A child’s bedroom can be cool, quiet and comfortable. Melatonin is a
 hormone which aids sleep and it occurs naturally in our bodies when it gets
 dark. So it is a good idea to put your children to bed in a dark environment
 and to dim the lights before sleep. A low-level night light is acceptable
 for children who find completely dark rooms frightening. Keep your child’s
 bedroom at a comfortable temperature (around 75° F, 25-26° C) and not too
 hot or cold.

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

 <img
 alt="The-Good-Night-Guide-Sleep"
 class="w-100 lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/The_Good_Night_Guide2_c498e5c6b1.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T06:23:14.011Z"
 />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />
<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 6. Relaxing activities 
</h5>

 The hour before sleep can be for shared quiet time, like listening to
 relaxing, calm music, or reading a favorite story book. Avoid high
 stimulation activities such as watching television, playing video games or
 exercise. Children can easily develop the habit of “needing” the television
 to fall asleep. It’s also difficult to control your children’s viewing if
 the set is in the bedroom. Melatonin production is interfered with by screen
 activities, both before bed and during the night. It is best not to have
 video games, televisions or telephones in children’s bedrooms. Set a
 “technology curfew,” especially for older kids. 
 

<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 7. Exercise
</h5>

 
 Make sure your children spend time outside every day when possible and are
 involved in regular exercise. Having physical exercise as part of the day,
 at least 3 hours before bed, often helps with falling asleep and staying
 asleep for a longer time.

<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 8. Avoid caffeine
</h5>

 Avoid caffeine (sodas, chocolate, tea, coffee) in the afternoons and
 evenings. Even if caffeine doesn’t prevent falling asleep, it can still lead
 to shallow sleep or frequent waking.

<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 9. Eat a healthy meal well in advance and avoid big meals in the
 evening
</h5>

 But don’t send your children to bed hungry. A glass of milk before bed is a
 good idea. Heavy meals within an hour or two of bedtime may interfere with
 sleep.

<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 10. Falling asleep routine
</h5>

 It is best for children to go to bed drowsy but still awake. Letting them
 fall asleep in other places forms habits that are difficult to break.If a
 child is awake in bed tossing and turning, it is better for them to get out
 of bed, do a low stimulation activity like reading, then return to bed
 later. This keeps the bed from becoming associated with sleeplessness. If
 still awake after 20 to 30 minutes, spend another 20 minutes out of bed
 before lying down again. Be gentle but firm if your child protests.If your
 child is never drowsy at the planned bedtime, you can try a temporary delay
 of bedtime by 30-minute increments until the child appears sleepy, so that
 they experience falling asleep more quickly once they get into bed. The
 bedtime should then be gradually advanced earlier until the desired bed time
 is reached. 
 

<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 11. Cuddle up
</h5>

 Give a hug or a kiss, say goodnight to your children, sing a lullaby.
 Security objects at bedtime are often helpful for children aged 1 to 3 years
 who need to feel safe and secure, especially when their parent is not
 present or they are sleeping alone. Try to include their favorite doll, toy
 or blanket when you cuddle or comfort your child, but make sure it does not
 pose a choking hazard or cause injury. Cover toys or remove them if they are
 causing a distraction at night, so that they are out of sight.

<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 12. Clocks are for waking up
</h5>

 Turn clock faces away so that children cannot stare at them.

<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 13. Discipline elsewhere
</h5>

 If you need to discipline your children, use another space in the house,
 not the bedroom.

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

 <img
 alt="The-Good-Night-Guide-Sleep"
 class="has-img-center lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/The_Good_Night_Guide3_32024ac3c7.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T06:23:14.448Z"
 />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />
<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 14. Make sure your children feel safe at night
</h5>

 If a child feels scared about going to bed or being in the dark, praise and
 reward them whenever they are brave. Avoid scary TV shows, movies and
 computer games. Don’t ignore their fears.

<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 15. No worries
</h5>

 Avoid children worrying at bedtime. Children with this problem can try
 having a “worry time” scheduled earlier, when they think about and discuss
 their worries with someone they trust.

<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 16. Short and sweet bedtime checkups
</h5>

 
 When checking on children at night, when they are sleeping in separate
 rooms, checks should be “brief and boring.” The purpose is to reassure the
 child you are present and that they are okay.

<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 17. Maintain a sleep diary
</h5>

 This is so you can keep track of naps, sleep times and activities to find
 patterns and address problem areas when things are not working.If your
 children still have trouble getting to sleep, contact your pediatrician or
 healthcare provider to rule out any sleep disorder.

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

 With a butterfly kiss and a ladybug hug, sleep tight little one, like a
 bug in a rug! <a
 href="https://www.facebook.com/themoppetsclinic"
 target="_blank"
 rel="noopener noreferrer"
 >https://www.facebook.com/themoppetsclinic</a
 >

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

 Reference: AASM guidelines, May 2016,
 Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine.

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />
<h4 style="text-align: center">
 Article by DR. GARIMA GARG SETH Illustrations by ARATI SHEDDE
</h4>

<hr />

Children’s sleep

Gayathri heads Shri Natesan Vidyasala School in Chennai and writes on education, student-teacher relationships, and life skills, regularly contributing to the Times of India Education Edition, and several international and national magazines. She is the author of the book, Never Alone.

gayathri-ramachandran.webp

Gayathri Ramachandran

<h4 style="text-align:justify;">Gayathri Ramachandran explores the value of authenticity and courage in communication, first with herself and also with others. As an educator, heading Shri Natesan Vidyasala School, in Chennai, India, and a writer, regularly contributing to the Times of India Education Edition, and several international and national magazines, Gayathri is forging a path of self-care that will surely give permission for her fellow teachers and students to open their hearts and embody the age-old value of truthfulness.&nbsp;&nbsp;</h4>Life was perfect. Or at least, so it seemed. I had everything anyone could ask for—my work was going great, my personal life was smooth, and on the surface, I looked happy, blessed, and fulfilled. It felt like I was on top of the world. Or was I? If you’d asked me, I’d have said yes—a big, loud “Yes.” There were no visible cracks. No drama. Nothing falling apart.But there was also a small “No.” A whisper, tucked away in a corner of my heart. I couldn’t quite explain it, but something wasn’t right. Despite having it all, there were days I struggled to get out of bed. Nights when sleep wouldn’t come, no matter how hard I tried. Even the things I once loved—like my morning and evening walks—felt like chores. Connecting with people, which used to energize me, now felt exhausting. I smiled. I laughed. But deep down, I knew it wasn’t real. I was confused. I was scared. I didn’t know what was happening. And worst of all, I didn’t know to whom to talk.Should I seek help? The person I am, the work I do... how could I admit something was wrong? On the outside, everything was fine. But inside, it wasn’t.This feeling, and the heaviness, the random illnesses, the sudden tears, kept growing, bit by bit, day by day. It reached a point where I couldn’t ignore it anymore. It wasn’t just a phase; it was a storm quietly tearing me apart.I started to realize that just maybe, this was because I had spent too long ignoring my own needs. I was so scared of hurting the people I love that I stopped doing what I loved. I prioritized everyone else’s happiness, even when it meant sacrificing my own. I told myself I was strong enough to handle it, that it didn’t matter if I was unhappy, as long as the people around me were okay. But the truth is, it did matter.And then, I lost someone very close to me—a friend, a mentor, a guiding light in my life. She had always been there to hold my hand, give me advice, and simply listen when I needed to pour my heart out. I thought I had come to terms with it. I told myself I had moved on. But I hadn’t. The pain of her absence hit me in waves. Sometimes, it was the smallest things—a memory, a moment—that reminded me she wasn’t there anymore.&nbsp;The thought that I couldn’t turn to her, couldn’t hear her voice or feel her comfort, left an ache so deep that I couldn’t put it into words. I missed her terribly. And as much as I tried to push it all aside, it stayed with me, growing heavier with each passing day.This heaviness was something I could no longer ignore. It wasn’t just about losing her. It was about losing parts of myself—the parts that gave, gave, and gave until there was nothing left. I thought my boat was strong enough to sail through any storm, but now I see that even the smallest hole can let the water in, slowly but surely. And if I didn’t stop to fix it, it could sink me. It was time to stop pretending everything was fine. I felt alone. It was time to listen to that little “No.”So, I tried. I started writing, pouring my feelings onto paper. Did it help? Yes, but only a little. I began keeping a gratitude journal, focusing on what was good each day. Did it help? Yes, but only a little. I returned to singing, hoping it would bring the joy it once did. Did it help? Yes, but only a little. I added more moments of <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/stillness" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">stillness</a> to my day—five minutes became eleven, and soon twice a day. Did it help? Yes, but only a little.<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Life isn’t perfect, and it doesn’t have to be.&nbsp; What matters is that I show up, fully and honestly, with the people who matter most.</h4><hr>Somewhere along the way, I realized that all these things were only helping a little. They weren’t enough to fill the growing void inside me. One day, I decided I needed to speak to someone. I thought it might help, that sharing might lighten the burden. But when the moment came, I couldn’t.Fear held me back.Fear of being judged. Fear of not being understood. Fear of being ignored. Fear of sounding silly. Fear of <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/the-stillness-paradox-4" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Silence</a>.&nbsp; Fear of saying the wrong thing. Fear of speaking even to the closest ones.All these fears swirled inside me, tightening the knot in my chest, misaligning everything within me. The energy within wasn’t flowing the way it should be! The hole in my boat couldn’t be ignored anymore. It was time to face it. Time to start healing. Time to stop pretending everything was okay.And finally, when I spoke to my friend, it all became clear. I discovered the root of my struggle—the fear of communicating. Deep down, I was afraid of being told I sounded rude, irrational, or unacceptable. I feared my words would lead to arguments or hurt feelings. Slowly, this fear had silenced me. It had become a clog in my heart, building up over the years until it consumed me.I realized something important that day: silence can feel safe, but it can also be a slow poison. It creates distance where there should be closeness. It builds walls where there should be bridges.In trying to protect others from my thoughts and feelings, I unknowingly punished myself. Worse, I punished the people who love me, the ones who deserved my honesty.I should have shared what I felt when things didn’t feel right, expressed what I wanted, or voiced what I needed. Instead, I bottled it all up, keeping everything inside until it became too much. And in doing so, I let so many beautiful moments slip away. When this realization hit me, I cried. I cried for all the precious time I had lost, for the days and months I can never get back; time when I could have been honest, when I could have connected deeply with the people who mattered most.But amidst those tears of regret, were also tears of gratitude.Gratitude for the all-knowing, all-loving force that held me together through it all. Gratitude that, despite my silence, I hadn’t lost what truly mattered. I could have experienced losses so deep they left my life at a dead end—unable to express my love, my joy, my gratitude, my struggles, my failures, and my triumphs. But that didn’t happen. Everything and everyone I hold dear is still here. And for that, I’m endlessly thankful.Now, finally, I’ve found the hole in my boat.Life isn’t perfect, and it doesn’t have to be. What matters is that I show up, fully and honestly, with the people who matter most. The hole in my boat wasn’t silence itself—it was the fear that silence would protect me. But I am learning to fix the hole now.<figure class="image"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/hole_in_the_boat2_94dbca69a7.webp" alt="hole-in-the-boat2.webp"></figure>I am learning to communicate. To speak. To express myself to the people who matter most, no matter what the outcome might be. I never want fear to grip me again.And I hope, if you’re reading this, you’ll find the courage to do the same. Don’t let fear of judgment or rejection hold you back. Speak your truth. Share your heart. Fix your boat.Because life is too precious to let it sink.

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