Francesca is published in The New York Times, Brain, Child Magazine, The Manifest Station, Ed Week, Drunken Boat, and Word Riot. She leads an annual workshop at The Harvard Graduate School of Education. Her manual, Writing Workshop; How to Create a Culture of Useful Feedback, is popular worldwide.

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Francesca Grossman

<hr><h4>After thyroid cancer, Crohn’s disease, and other autoimmune diseases defined her twenties and thirties, FRANCESCA GROSSMAN was left feeling alone with chronic pain. This invisible companion affected her whole life – intimacy, motherhood, friendship, work, and mental health – but after more than twenty years she started talking to others and discovered that her story was not unique, and neither were her feelings of loneliness and seclusion. Francesca decided to help her fellow chronic pain sufferers feel a little less alone, and her latest book, Not Weakness: Navigating the Culture of Chronic Pain, is a testament to their ability to live and love with chronic pain.</h4><hr>I have lived in chronic pain for most of my adult life. One thing I can tell you with absolute certainty is that the difference between living with it and giving up has almost always lived in <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/gratitudes-gift" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">kindness</a>.The first time I lost control of my bowels, I was on the platform of the Number 6 train. I was twenty-six, and a cup of coffee I’d sipped led to stomach pain I can only classify as agonizing. Though I did everything I could to get up the subway steps and into a near by restaurant, my cold shaking body let go three steps from the top. The problem in a situation like that, I have since learned, is walking makes it worse. And stopping gets you nowhere.I sprinted in shame to my gym, a place that had been my salvation. I rushed into the shower with all my clothes on, peeled them off, pumped bright green body soap into my jeans, and threw away my underwear in a naked dash from the scalding shower to the metal bins.A young woman wearing a black staff T-shirt approached me in the locker room. I had seen her many times before, folding towels mostly, mopping the floor, and I always nodded my hello. She always nodded back. “Are you okay?” she asked. I was unable to speak. “Do you want me to wash and dry those for you?” she asked gently, pointing at the heap of wet clothes on the bench beside me. I sighed, nodded my thanks and sat in tiny white towels for the next forty-five minutes while this beautiful woman did my laundry.While the moment remains one of my most humiliating, I think it’s important to reflect on the kindness this woman showed me. She didn’t have to help. She had a lot to do, she was at work, she had a life that did not include cleaning up after me.We have this assumption that in shameful situations most people will be cruel; they will point and laugh, they will walk away disgusted, and/or they will not help. I’m not sure if that comes from the playground, the horrific news cycle, bad TV, or our own insecurities, but in my experience it is mostly false.This example of kindness and help is just one of many I can recount. A woman stopped what she was doing to help me clean up. She looked at me naked and shaking, sitting next to a pile of wet dirty clothes, and she held out her hand to take them. She washed my clothes, and in doing so washed away some of the shame that had covered me too. Her kindness was a work of grace.At the time, this was the most humiliating day of my life, and my response was to bury it deep within me. It was only the beginning of the shame I would experience in the next two decades living with a number of autoimmune diseases, which triggered and caused severe everyday pain and the total breakdown of my body.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/kindness_makes_difference2_700x489_68be39a7a7.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-26T07:23:38.810Z" alt="kindness-makes-difference2"><hr><hr><h4>We have this assumption that in shameful situations most people will be cruel;&nbsp; they will point and laugh, they will walk away disgusted, and/or they will not help,&nbsp; but in my experience it is mostly false.</h4><hr><hr>Living in chronic pain can leave you feeling like there’s no goodness out there, that no one can understand and therefore no one cares. I have experienced – and the women I’ve interviewed have also – repeated dismissal, silencing, and shame by some of the people who were supposed to care for us. But many people have been saviors. I have had many doctors, nurses, aids, therapists, instructors, and friends who have done everything in their power to make me well. My gratitude runs deep.The women who spoke to me for my book lit up when I asked them to tell me about their experiences with kindness. In almost every case, they were happy and eager to recount the moments and people who changed their lives simply by being kind.Samantha was in a near-fatal riding incident in the mid ’90s, which left her with severe, constant chronic pain in her leg and shoulder. She told me,“ I’ve run across many kind people. Too many to count. A couple jump to mind.“The first was a nurse who figured out a way to wash my hair in the hospital after my accident, without me having to ask. She knew it was bothering me to have dirty hair. Her name was Sophia. I’ll never forget her.“The second was a paramedic who held my hand in the helicopter on the way to the hospital. Never got his name, but I do remember his smile, and the way his simple human touch made me feel that everything would be okay.”Studies show that delivering health care with kindness leads to faster healing, reduced pain, increased immune function, lowered blood pressure, and decreased anxiety. According to Dignity Health, “In a randomized controlled trial of patients with irritable bowel syndrome, patients who were treated by warm practitioners who listened actively and expressed compassion for their condition experienced less pain, less severe symptoms, and greater health improvement than other patients in the study… leading to a general conclusion that better communication and listening have a positive influence on controlling pain.”Love is big. But kindness is often small. Reaching out instead of recoiling. Checking up instead of writing off. Texting, nodding, smiling. A one-armed hug. A calming song, a cool cloth. A sweet phrase. A compliment. Small gestures that in retrospect make huge differences.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/kindness_makes_difference3_700x504_abf6168939.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-26T07:24:25.291Z" alt="kindness-makes-difference3"><hr>To the nurse that washed Samantha’s hair, it is probably just something she is happy to do. To the woman in the black T-shirt, maybe I’m a funny anecdote or maybe I didn’t register much at all. I’m sure it seemed like a very small thing to her.But to me, it was huge. And there is no doubt that small acts of kindness like these helped save my life.<hr><hr><h4>Love is big. But kindness is often small.&nbsp; Reaching out instead of recoiling.&nbsp; Checking up instead of writing off.&nbsp; Texting, nodding, smiling.&nbsp; A one-armed hug. A calming song, a cool cloth.&nbsp; A sweet phrase. A compliment. Small gestures that in retrospect make huge differences.</h4><hr>

Kindness makes a world of difference

François started his career in a leading market trading bank in the heart of Paris at the age of 20. Two years later, he also started volunteering for an NGO spreading practical means for rejuvenating human values. He has an MBA in intercultural management, foreseeing the need for unifying skills to address the challenge the planet is facing, and in 1995 created his first company, Indo-French Business Research Consultancy, to assist the changing world workplace environment and challenges. In 2014, he left his job in one of the top five banks in Paris to create awareness in the field of participatory economics and related initiatives. These days he works as an activist, permaculture consultant, and eco-village consultant.

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François Bouderlique

<h4>FRANÇOIS BOUDERLIQUE shares some very practical ideas on how we can move forward toward a “new normal” in our post-Covid world. They are not new ideas, instead coming from the timeless wisdom of two great sages from India, Swami Vivekananda and Ram Chandra.</h4><hr>For more than a year now, our lifestyle has been put to the test. The pandemic and its consequences on our family and economic situations have disturbed life as we knew it. I guess it is just the beginning of multiple challenges that will come in the coming years. This phenomenal change has been very challenging for most of us, with a flow of events that are pushing us to assess our deepest convictions, consciously or unconsciously.How to get stronger to regain a lost balance, build new inner convictions, and try to cement a renewed harmonious lifestyle and face life courageously as it comes to us?How to keep our balance?How to know what decisions will keep us on the right track, living a life of purpose and fulfilling action?How to tap into our deepest ideal while strengthening our character in a practical way?Quite challenging right now, no?Let me share with you the formula of Swami Vivekananda, who, at the end of the 19th century, was the epitome of strength and vision with a practical approach to life. It has been my favorite quote, and I believe it summarizes a wonderful approach for life in modern times. It compresses a timeless wisdom on how we can synchronize our hearts and minds for our ultimate benefit:“You must try to combine in your life immense idealism with immense practicality. You must be prepared to go into deep meditation now, and the next moment you must be ready to go and cultivate these fields. You must be prepared to explain the difficult intricacies of the shastras now, and the next moment to go and sell the produce of the fields in the market. You must be prepared for all menial services, not only here, but elsewhere also.“The next thing to remember is that the aim of this institution is to make men. … The true man is he who is strong as strength itself and yet possesses a woman’s heart.” 1<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/formula_inner_strength2_099b152a0a.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-06T10:08:27.892Z" alt="formula_inner_strength2"><hr>Strength is the hallmark of Swami Vivekananda. He goes so far as to say that weakness is a sin!Now, if we combine this with the idea of an ashram as presented by Ram Chandra, known to many as Babuji, we get a magic combination that will fuel our enthusiasm to lead a life of perfect alignment with our deepest dreams and inner convictions, in the most natural way.For Babuji, an ashram is not a place for religious zealots living with a set of artificial rules away from society. Instead, it is the field of action of our immediate families, where practical duties meet commitments to higher forces to which we all aspire deep within ourselves.Here is his definition:“Grihastha ashram (family life) is not a bar in gaining the real aim in life. I think this is the best ashram in which higher approach is easily possible. … I assure you that a perfect saint may be found in this ashram alone. We perform our duties and remember Him as Ultimate Reality.”2Our immediate field of action – given at the time of our conception in our environment – starts with our family. It needs to be cultivated and enriched first. Our strength will develop naturally with efforts, dedication, and sacrifice. Daily meditation keeps the flame of our inner ideals when we live a life of practicality, as beautifully explained by Swami Vivekananda.<hr><hr>“Family life is not a bar in gaining the real aim in life.&nbsp; I think this is the best ashram in which higher approach is easily possible. … I assure you that a perfect saint&nbsp; may be found in this ashram alone.&nbsp; We perform our duties and remember Him&nbsp; as Ultimate Reality.”&nbsp; –Babuji<hr><hr>Take care of our immediate surroundings harmoniously, get stronger in the process, and naturally develop a healthy lifestyle year after year. What a simple formula for success!If I am facing each and every challenge within the close circle of my family, work environment, and social interactions, I will equip myself with the necessary strength to enlarge my circle of influence. If I succeed to create harmony in this small circle, the ripple effect of that harmonious circle will affect the world on a larger scale.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/formula_inner_strength3_0aa10c7819.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-06T10:09:36.807Z" alt="formula_inner_strength"><hr>At times, we are tempted to run away from it, creating the illusion that the immediate circle can be neglected or avoided, to pursue a new home somewhere else. The problem is that if we have not taken the time to build our muscles of acceptance and compassionate action within our close encounters and families, what are we really going to achieve elsewhere?In the gym, you start by lifting 30 kilos then 35 kilos etc. Muscles of <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/when-fear-becomes-power-the-goddess-who-transforms-survivors-with-comics" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">inner strength</a> and character are also built in a proportional manner, consistently, starting at our doorstep.So, let us get strong together, step by step, kilo by kilo, practically, while keeping the inner eye alert on our ideal by daily introspection. How can we nurture this grihastha ashram within our own homes and offices, as described by the heritage of those saintly figures who lived a practical life and succeeded in embracing both the inner ideal and the worldly environment?Such a simple path is given to us to attain strength of character, and this worthy strength is the only thing that will really shape our destiny and make us happy in the long run.<hr>¹ Swami Vivekananda, 1947. Complete Works of Swami Vivekananda, Vol. 3, “Lectures from Colombo to Almora. Sannyasa: Its Ideal and Practice.” Vedanta Press.2 Ram Chandra, 1989. Complete Works of Ram Chandra, Vol 1. Shri Ram Chandra Mission, USA<hr><hr><h4>Illustrations by JASMEE MUGDAL</h4><hr>

A formula for inner strength

<hr><h4>FRANÇOIS BOUDERLIQUE learned about the basic principle of Nature – to give more than you take – when he left a high-powered banking job in Paris to live and farm in Kutch, India. He realized that his understanding of eco-farming was colored by his past and he needed to open his eyes to a new reality.</h4><hr>For the last ten years I have been fascinated by Permaculture, a new way of considering farming processes starting from organic farming to integrated eco-housing, water systems, etc. My grandfather was a farmer, and I spent most of my childhood with him witnessing his extraordinary capacities to do things by himself, whether it was constructing an entire house to repairing a simple electrical device, maintaining his car, etc. When I stepped out of a city lifestyle in Paris to live in rural India in 2014, I was hoping to create a more conducive lifestyle suited to my spiritual quest, practicing Heartfulness Meditation, which I have done for the last three decades. I believed at that time that the natural environment would do the trick, and being in tune with Mother Earth would facilitate my soul-searching experience.Looking back at those six years, I realize that the real shift has been in my own perception of what eco-farming is. I believed in organic products, and many techniques which would enable me to thrive in the field of producing, taking advantage of the “trendy” ecological movement in a more sustainable manner.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Giving_more_taking_less2_bdd4dba0ed.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T11:50:47.528Z" alt="Giving-more-taking-less"><hr><h5 style="text-align:center;">I believed at that time that the natural environment would do the trick, and being in tune with Mother Earth would facilitate my soul-searching experience.</h5><hr>The problem is that when we are born in a cultural environment where everything is about “taking,” the mindset is totally opposite to the “living” environment of Nature, where everything is about caring, sharing and exchanging. Natural systems cooperate, whereas the knowledge of modern agriculture is about taking more, increasing yields and harvest. I should admit it to myself – 20 years in the banking industry had made me an expert taker. I was literally excelling at taking my six-digit salary!Fortunately for me, the farm was situated next to a Rabari community in Kutch, Gujarat, where life was all about living and sharing first when taking from Nature. It was a natural offshoot of a “liver community” based on Indian traditional farming. The sense of property is different. A shepherd would enter my property after the harvesting season, without permission, taking water from my farm when the local village bore well was dysfunctional. This was natural and not questioned.Soon enough, I understood that the real meaning of eco-farming was about acquiring the knowledge of how to care, versus technology and systems that are designed to take.Caring for the wellness of the community comes first, then the land, the eco-system, elaborating long term solutions where healthy food grows in a sustainable manner.So the real move for me was not to sit with birds and trees looking at a nice sunset, but to step out of my comfort zone of coming from a taker community, in which I had been conditioned. I was learning how to blend my lifestyle with a “liver community,” which was totally alien to my previous set-up and knowledge, based on how to take.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Giving_more_taking_less2_bdd4dba0ed.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T11:50:47.528Z" alt="Giving-more-taking-less">&nbsp;<hr>Recently, it made me think even about the meaning of spirituality and the spiritual field. What if spirituality is about a knowledge of the capacity to live, to care, versus the capacity to take? You see how the word “taking” has invaded our language and our so-called modern life? From taking a decision, to taking the time to do something, or even taking care of somebody or something.If we agree to this new definition, the realm of the Spirit will encompass all our activities, something which I experienced by farming within a “liver community” where caring is a natural way of life.So friends, why not step into the field of knowledge based on how to care, while taking for ourselves only our due share in the process of caring? Life becomes simple and natural. If we become students of this type of knowledge, whether it is in farming or any other field, and excel in caring, we will become in the process part of Spirit, which lives and gives first. Trust me, I experienced it on my farm. What will follow in the most natural way is that we don’t have to strategize how to take anymore, because we are receiving more and more with less and less effort!&nbsp;

Giving more, taking less

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Frank Borman

Exploration

Frank Tyger

Freedom and Happiness

Fred Rogers

The child in me

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Frédéric Chopin

The final achievement

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Ganesh Pai

<h4>GANESH PAI shares memories of his father and the lessons learned from his father’s behavior, presence, and attitude of forgiveness.</h4><hr>The tempo1 was ready to depart. It was a short 30-minute journey from Bhatkal to Uppunda, a sleepy village in coastal Karnataka, India. My father, sister, and I were traveling together. Since we were first in, we quickly found seats. Pretty soon, the tempo was jam-packed; even an ant could not have entered. As the journey started, the conductor started collecting fares, and as he neared our seats, he asked me to stand up and let an adult sit in my place. I was about to get up when my father tapped me on the shoulder to indicate that I should stay seated right there. The conductor told my father, “Sir, you will have to pay full fare for your two kids.” So he handed over two notes without batting an eyelid, and my sister and I traveled comfortably that day.We may not have been rich, but he made us feel rich that day. That’s my father for you. I have many such beautiful memories from my childhood about my father, watching him up close and being inspired by his outstanding qualities. Let me share a few memories from my childhood that have left an indelible mark on my memory.&nbsp;Growing up, I was a big fan of cricket. Not a difficult choice to make in a cricket-frenzied nation. One of my uncles had gifted me a cricket bat and I looked for every opportunity to wield my new willow. My brother and I would play cricket in the living room on the first floor of our home, and our mother’s warning not to play there would fall on deaf ears. My father had also advised us to stop playing inside. It was a Sunday afternoon when my brother and I decided to have our bilateral series. Things were looking good until the ball smashed against a beautiful chandelier hanging on the ceiling.To say I was nervous will not do justice to how scared I felt that day. I had no idea how to deal with the mess I had created. My fate hung in as much imbalance as the chandelier on the ceiling. When my father came home for lunch, my mother did the honor of breaking the bad news. In my mind, I was pretty sure that I was about to get a tight slap. My father heard my mother, gave me a deep look with his penetrating eyes, and left without uttering a word. He was upset. However, in that instant, he had forgiven me. His love for me outweighed his liking for a materialistic possession. I can never forget his act of kindness.&nbsp;My father had a rock solid routine. He would have been a perfect brand ambassador for a Swiss watch. His clockwork started at 8 a.m. when he left for the restaurant, where he worked as the Manager. At 8:30 a.m. he was in the market, purchasing vegetables and groceries. At 9:30 a.m., he was at the bank. Since he was always one of the first customers, he wrapped up his work fast. From there, he completed any other work. Finally, he dropped the bag of vegetables and groceries he purchased for our home and then returned to the restaurant.<hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/wisdom_from_father2_1_f3fffbc3c2.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T09:34:44.388Z" alt="wisdom-from-father2-1"><hr><hr><h4>He was forgiving, but never gullible.&nbsp; He was prudent with his time and money,&nbsp; but not a miser. He was centered even&nbsp; when surrounded by a cyclone. Intuitively,&nbsp; he seemed to know that he was much greater than&nbsp; any situation he would ever face.</h4><hr><hr>With this well-planned schedule, he never needed to step out again. He believed in the economy of efforts. He would advise us to plan our activities to accomplish the most with the minimum amount of time. He would urge us not to go out four times to complete four different tasks. Instead, step out once and complete four tasks in one shot. He believed in return on time as much as return on capital. He may not have read productivity classics like&nbsp;Getting Things Done&nbsp;or&nbsp;Eat That Frog, but he could have given any productivity guru a run for their money.&nbsp;I admire my father’s emotional stability. I remember an incident on a late summer evening when I was around ten years old, and we had a short circuit at home. There were sparks coming out of the power meter and my mother and I were shocked. I ran to see my father in his restaurant and told him, “Bappa, there is a fire at home.” Without panicking even for a moment, he patiently heard me and quickly concluded that it wasn’t something serious. Then he coolly said, “I see. It should not have happened. I will send an electrician. Don’t worry, I will see you and Mom at home later.” I was shell-shocked to see his calm demeanor in the face of what looked like a disaster to me. His calmness gave me a sense of assurance, and I instantly felt relieved. Personally, it was like watching James Bond effortlessly conquering a high-stake crisis.&nbsp;When I look at how my father led his life, I notice that he did not operate out of 101 philosophies. He had just a few, and he followed them irrespective of the situation around him. He was forgiving, but never gullible. He was prudent with his time and money, but not a miser. He was centered even when surrounded by a cyclone. Intuitively, he seemed to know that he was much greater than any situation he would ever face.&nbsp;<hr>1A small van<hr><hr>&nbsp;<h4>Illustrations by ARATI SHEDDE</h4><hr>

Wisdom from my father

Garima Garg Seth

<hr class="vertical-space1" />
<h3 style="text-align: center">
 THE GOOD NIGHT GUIDE
</h3>
<hr class="vertical-space1" />
<h4>
 DR. GARIMA GARG SETH is a pediatrician
 with a mission to help children learn good sleep habits. Here she explains
 to us what that means, and how as parents we can provide the best possible
 environment for children to develop a healthy sleep lifestyle.
</h4>
<h5 style="text-align: center">
 Early to bed and early to rise, 
 makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.
 
</h5>
<h5 style="text-align: center">
 -Medieval Proverb
</h5>

 We all grew up with our elders quoting this old adage, but somehow today
 sleep has become a casualty of modern life. I often find parents saying that
 their children do not sleep until 12 or 1 in the night. Some are happy and
 proud about it, while some are worried. Sleep is extremely important to
 support children’s development both physically and mentally. Establishing
 good sleep patterns can help children to meet their full potential. It can
 improve a child’s quality of life, memory, learning, attention, and
 behavior. Children with good sleep do better in school and have lower rates
 of mental and physical health problems than those with sleep problems.
 


 It is also important for parents’ mental health. As a parent, it is
 important to introduce good sleep habits early in your child’s life. A
 well-rested household usually makes for a happier home.

<h4 style="text-align: left">
 How much sleep do children need?
 
</h4>

 Sleep needs change as children get older. There are set guidelines that
 define the amount of sleep needed by children for optimal health. Regularly
 getting this number of hours of sleep can help your child avoid health risks
 associated with sleep deprivation. Now this is a general guideline that
 applies to most children, but some will have different sleep needs. If your
 child sleeps less or more than the average time prescribed, it’s not always
 an issue. But, it might also be tempting to think that your children can get
 away with less sleep than they need or that they should be able to cope
 fairly well with a few skipped hours of sleep. This is not true
 either.


 The recommended sleep per 24 hours according to the age of the child, as
 per the American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM) is:


 Newborn to 3 months: 16 to 18 hours (including naps) 4 to 12 months:
 12 to 16 hours (including naps) 1 to 2 years:
 11 to 14 hours (including naps) 3 to 5 years: 10 to 13 hours 6 to 12 years: 9 to 12 hours 13 to 18 years: 8 to 10 hours

<h4 style="text-align: left">
 What are the signs that children are not getting enough sleep?
</h4>

 They may show decreased levels of alertness, poor school performance, and
 bad moods. Young children may even have too much energy or hyperactivity
 leading to behavioral issues. In teenagers it can sometimes show up as mood
 changes and irritability.


 Listed below are just a few of the symptoms of sleep deprivation in
 children:


 Learning problems: concentration issues, difficulty remembering things,
 hyperactivity Poor mental health, behavioral issues, headaches Lowering of immune system function Weight gain, growth issues In older age groups: hypertension, obesity, depression etc.

<h4 style="text-align: left">
 Is a nap required during the day?
</h4>

 Napping is normal behavior in children. Most young children take naps
 during the day. Newborns and young infants usually take several naps: by 9
 to 12 months infants have a pattern of 2 naps a day, and by 15 to 24 months most children take only a single afternoon nap.
 Older children may not nap at all.
 


 Naps usually disappear by 5 years of age. Naps help preschool children to
 avoid becoming overtired. Ironically, an overtired toddler is harder to get
 to sleep than a well-rested one. Naps in preschool children can be
 encouraged and scheduled so that they aren’t too close to bedtime, as a
 poorly timed nap can affect your child’s sleep at night.

<h4 style="text-align: left">
 Good sleep routines 
</h4>

 Everybody can benefit from a sleep routine, including adults. This is also
 called good sleep hygiene. A good sleep routine is planned. Consistency and
 firmness are also keys.

<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 1. Make sufficient sleep a family priority
 
</h5>

 As a parent, you are a role model for your children. First, understand the
 benefits of getting enough sleep for yourself. Set a good example. Show them
 it is part of a healthy lifestyle, just like healthy eating and exercise. It
 is understandable that sometimes, with current job profiles, it is
 difficult, but at least give it a try.

<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 2. Stick to a realistic and consistent age-appropriate routine
</h5>

 We all have an internal daily body clock, sometimes referred to as the
 circadian rhythm. Our body functions according to it. Have a set bedtime and
 wake-up time for your children every day of the week, including non-school
 nights. It is better if there is not more than an hour difference from one
 day to another. Regular late weekend nights or sleeping-in can throw your
 body clock out of rhythm. 
 

<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 3. Predictable sequence
</h5>

 Have a set daily bedtime routine following a predictable sequence of
 events, such as brushing teeth, taking a warm shower, going to the toilet,
 changing into nightwear and reading a story, etc. It should not last for
 more than 15 to 20 minutes. Many parents like to use the 4 Bs of brush,
 bath, book, bed.

<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 4. Beds are for sleeping 
</h5>

 Avoid spending a lot of non-sleep time in bed. Spending hours lying on the
 bed doing other things before bedtime keeps the brain from associating bed
 with sleep.

<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 5. A comfortable, cozy room
</h5>

 A child’s bedroom can be cool, quiet and comfortable. Melatonin is a
 hormone which aids sleep and it occurs naturally in our bodies when it gets
 dark. So it is a good idea to put your children to bed in a dark environment
 and to dim the lights before sleep. A low-level night light is acceptable
 for children who find completely dark rooms frightening. Keep your child’s
 bedroom at a comfortable temperature (around 75° F, 25-26° C) and not too
 hot or cold.

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

 <img
 alt="The-Good-Night-Guide-Sleep"
 class="w-100 lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/The_Good_Night_Guide2_c498e5c6b1.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T06:23:14.011Z"
 />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />
<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 6. Relaxing activities 
</h5>

 The hour before sleep can be for shared quiet time, like listening to
 relaxing, calm music, or reading a favorite story book. Avoid high
 stimulation activities such as watching television, playing video games or
 exercise. Children can easily develop the habit of “needing” the television
 to fall asleep. It’s also difficult to control your children’s viewing if
 the set is in the bedroom. Melatonin production is interfered with by screen
 activities, both before bed and during the night. It is best not to have
 video games, televisions or telephones in children’s bedrooms. Set a
 “technology curfew,” especially for older kids. 
 

<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 7. Exercise
</h5>

 
 Make sure your children spend time outside every day when possible and are
 involved in regular exercise. Having physical exercise as part of the day,
 at least 3 hours before bed, often helps with falling asleep and staying
 asleep for a longer time.

<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 8. Avoid caffeine
</h5>

 Avoid caffeine (sodas, chocolate, tea, coffee) in the afternoons and
 evenings. Even if caffeine doesn’t prevent falling asleep, it can still lead
 to shallow sleep or frequent waking.

<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 9. Eat a healthy meal well in advance and avoid big meals in the
 evening
</h5>

 But don’t send your children to bed hungry. A glass of milk before bed is a
 good idea. Heavy meals within an hour or two of bedtime may interfere with
 sleep.

<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 10. Falling asleep routine
</h5>

 It is best for children to go to bed drowsy but still awake. Letting them
 fall asleep in other places forms habits that are difficult to break.If a
 child is awake in bed tossing and turning, it is better for them to get out
 of bed, do a low stimulation activity like reading, then return to bed
 later. This keeps the bed from becoming associated with sleeplessness. If
 still awake after 20 to 30 minutes, spend another 20 minutes out of bed
 before lying down again. Be gentle but firm if your child protests.If your
 child is never drowsy at the planned bedtime, you can try a temporary delay
 of bedtime by 30-minute increments until the child appears sleepy, so that
 they experience falling asleep more quickly once they get into bed. The
 bedtime should then be gradually advanced earlier until the desired bed time
 is reached. 
 

<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 11. Cuddle up
</h5>

 Give a hug or a kiss, say goodnight to your children, sing a lullaby.
 Security objects at bedtime are often helpful for children aged 1 to 3 years
 who need to feel safe and secure, especially when their parent is not
 present or they are sleeping alone. Try to include their favorite doll, toy
 or blanket when you cuddle or comfort your child, but make sure it does not
 pose a choking hazard or cause injury. Cover toys or remove them if they are
 causing a distraction at night, so that they are out of sight.

<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 12. Clocks are for waking up
</h5>

 Turn clock faces away so that children cannot stare at them.

<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 13. Discipline elsewhere
</h5>

 If you need to discipline your children, use another space in the house,
 not the bedroom.

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

 <img
 alt="The-Good-Night-Guide-Sleep"
 class="has-img-center lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/The_Good_Night_Guide3_32024ac3c7.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-12T06:23:14.448Z"
 />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />
<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 14. Make sure your children feel safe at night
</h5>

 If a child feels scared about going to bed or being in the dark, praise and
 reward them whenever they are brave. Avoid scary TV shows, movies and
 computer games. Don’t ignore their fears.

<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 15. No worries
</h5>

 Avoid children worrying at bedtime. Children with this problem can try
 having a “worry time” scheduled earlier, when they think about and discuss
 their worries with someone they trust.

<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 16. Short and sweet bedtime checkups
</h5>

 
 When checking on children at night, when they are sleeping in separate
 rooms, checks should be “brief and boring.” The purpose is to reassure the
 child you are present and that they are okay.

<h5 style="text-align: justify">
 17. Maintain a sleep diary
</h5>

 This is so you can keep track of naps, sleep times and activities to find
 patterns and address problem areas when things are not working.If your
 children still have trouble getting to sleep, contact your pediatrician or
 healthcare provider to rule out any sleep disorder.

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

 With a butterfly kiss and a ladybug hug, sleep tight little one, like a
 bug in a rug! <a
 href="https://www.facebook.com/themoppetsclinic"
 target="_blank"
 rel="noopener noreferrer"
 >https://www.facebook.com/themoppetsclinic</a
 >

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

 Reference: AASM guidelines, May 2016,
 Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine.

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />
<h4 style="text-align: center">
 Article by DR. GARIMA GARG SETH Illustrations by ARATI SHEDDE
</h4>

<hr />

Children’s sleep

Gayathri heads Shri Natesan Vidyasala School in Chennai and writes on education, student-teacher relationships, and life skills, regularly contributing to the Times of India Education Edition, and several international and national magazines. She is the author of the book, Never Alone.

gayathri-ramachandran.webp

Gayathri Ramachandran

<h4 style="text-align:justify;">Gayathri Ramachandran explores the value of authenticity and courage in communication, first with herself and also with others. As an educator, heading Shri Natesan Vidyasala School, in Chennai, India, and a writer, regularly contributing to the Times of India Education Edition, and several international and national magazines, Gayathri is forging a path of self-care that will surely give permission for her fellow teachers and students to open their hearts and embody the age-old value of truthfulness.&nbsp;&nbsp;</h4>Life was perfect. Or at least, so it seemed. I had everything anyone could ask for—my work was going great, my personal life was smooth, and on the surface, I looked happy, blessed, and fulfilled. It felt like I was on top of the world. Or was I? If you’d asked me, I’d have said yes—a big, loud “Yes.” There were no visible cracks. No drama. Nothing falling apart.But there was also a small “No.” A whisper, tucked away in a corner of my heart. I couldn’t quite explain it, but something wasn’t right. Despite having it all, there were days I struggled to get out of bed. Nights when sleep wouldn’t come, no matter how hard I tried. Even the things I once loved—like my morning and evening walks—felt like chores. Connecting with people, which used to energize me, now felt exhausting. I smiled. I laughed. But deep down, I knew it wasn’t real. I was confused. I was scared. I didn’t know what was happening. And worst of all, I didn’t know to whom to talk.Should I seek help? The person I am, the work I do... how could I admit something was wrong? On the outside, everything was fine. But inside, it wasn’t.This feeling, and the heaviness, the random illnesses, the sudden tears, kept growing, bit by bit, day by day. It reached a point where I couldn’t ignore it anymore. It wasn’t just a phase; it was a storm quietly tearing me apart.I started to realize that just maybe, this was because I had spent too long ignoring my own needs. I was so scared of hurting the people I love that I stopped doing what I loved. I prioritized everyone else’s happiness, even when it meant sacrificing my own. I told myself I was strong enough to handle it, that it didn’t matter if I was unhappy, as long as the people around me were okay. But the truth is, it did matter.And then, I lost someone very close to me—a friend, a mentor, a guiding light in my life. She had always been there to hold my hand, give me advice, and simply listen when I needed to pour my heart out. I thought I had come to terms with it. I told myself I had moved on. But I hadn’t. The pain of her absence hit me in waves. Sometimes, it was the smallest things—a memory, a moment—that reminded me she wasn’t there anymore.&nbsp;The thought that I couldn’t turn to her, couldn’t hear her voice or feel her comfort, left an ache so deep that I couldn’t put it into words. I missed her terribly. And as much as I tried to push it all aside, it stayed with me, growing heavier with each passing day.This heaviness was something I could no longer ignore. It wasn’t just about losing her. It was about losing parts of myself—the parts that gave, gave, and gave until there was nothing left. I thought my boat was strong enough to sail through any storm, but now I see that even the smallest hole can let the water in, slowly but surely. And if I didn’t stop to fix it, it could sink me. It was time to stop pretending everything was fine. I felt alone. It was time to listen to that little “No.”So, I tried. I started writing, pouring my feelings onto paper. Did it help? Yes, but only a little. I began keeping a gratitude journal, focusing on what was good each day. Did it help? Yes, but only a little. I returned to singing, hoping it would bring the joy it once did. Did it help? Yes, but only a little. I added more moments of <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/stillness" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">stillness</a> to my day—five minutes became eleven, and soon twice a day. Did it help? Yes, but only a little.<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Life isn’t perfect, and it doesn’t have to be.&nbsp; What matters is that I show up, fully and honestly, with the people who matter most.</h4><hr>Somewhere along the way, I realized that all these things were only helping a little. They weren’t enough to fill the growing void inside me. One day, I decided I needed to speak to someone. I thought it might help, that sharing might lighten the burden. But when the moment came, I couldn’t.Fear held me back.Fear of being judged. Fear of not being understood. Fear of being ignored. Fear of sounding silly. Fear of <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/the-stillness-paradox-4" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Silence</a>.&nbsp; Fear of saying the wrong thing. Fear of speaking even to the closest ones.All these fears swirled inside me, tightening the knot in my chest, misaligning everything within me. The energy within wasn’t flowing the way it should be! The hole in my boat couldn’t be ignored anymore. It was time to face it. Time to start healing. Time to stop pretending everything was okay.And finally, when I spoke to my friend, it all became clear. I discovered the root of my struggle—the fear of communicating. Deep down, I was afraid of being told I sounded rude, irrational, or unacceptable. I feared my words would lead to arguments or hurt feelings. Slowly, this fear had silenced me. It had become a clog in my heart, building up over the years until it consumed me.I realized something important that day: silence can feel safe, but it can also be a slow poison. It creates distance where there should be closeness. It builds walls where there should be bridges.In trying to protect others from my thoughts and feelings, I unknowingly punished myself. Worse, I punished the people who love me, the ones who deserved my honesty.I should have shared what I felt when things didn’t feel right, expressed what I wanted, or voiced what I needed. Instead, I bottled it all up, keeping everything inside until it became too much. And in doing so, I let so many beautiful moments slip away. When this realization hit me, I cried. I cried for all the precious time I had lost, for the days and months I can never get back; time when I could have been honest, when I could have connected deeply with the people who mattered most.But amidst those tears of regret, were also tears of gratitude.Gratitude for the all-knowing, all-loving force that held me together through it all. Gratitude that, despite my silence, I hadn’t lost what truly mattered. I could have experienced losses so deep they left my life at a dead end—unable to express my love, my joy, my gratitude, my struggles, my failures, and my triumphs. But that didn’t happen. Everything and everyone I hold dear is still here. And for that, I’m endlessly thankful.Now, finally, I’ve found the hole in my boat.Life isn’t perfect, and it doesn’t have to be. What matters is that I show up, fully and honestly, with the people who matter most. The hole in my boat wasn’t silence itself—it was the fear that silence would protect me. But I am learning to fix the hole now.<figure class="image"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/hole_in_the_boat2_94dbca69a7.webp" alt="hole-in-the-boat2.webp"></figure>I am learning to communicate. To speak. To express myself to the people who matter most, no matter what the outcome might be. I never want fear to grip me again.And I hope, if you’re reading this, you’ll find the courage to do the same. Don’t let fear of judgment or rejection hold you back. Speak your truth. Share your heart. Fix your boat.Because life is too precious to let it sink.

The hole in the boat

GEETU BOHRA

<hr class="vertical-space1">
<h4>GEETU BOHRA is passionate about the 3Rs of waste management – Reduce, Reuse and
 Recycle. Here she shares some thoughts on how we can all do much more to reduce our footprint and care for our
 beautiful Mother Earth.</h4>
<hr class="vertical-space1">
Most of the waste that we create in our households, and which we dump outside, can be
 made into something else. When I heard that Sweden imports garbage and waste from other countries, it really shook
 me. What they do with it is amazing: they produce half of their electricity with that waste. They segregate the
 waste and convert most of it into other resources.
In our houses, roughly 60% of the waste is from the kitchen – vegetable peels, leftover
 food, and so on. Recyclable items, like polythene and plastic, make up approximately 30%, and a small amount may be
 hazardous, like e-waste. So just imagine how much waste we can make into resources! We start with segregation at the
 source.
There are 3 Rs to waste management:
<h3 style="text-align: justify;">REDUCE</h3>
We need to change our lifestyle. Nowadays we prefer comfort. If there is a disposable
 plate and a washable plate, many of us will grab the disposable plate so that we can eat and throw. We just leave it
 there, but we don’t realize how much that small act of ours is going to impact the whole ecosystem.
We waste food that somebody else could eat. To provide for that, farmers must grow more.
 Because the requirement is more, more deforestation is happening to create land for farming.
These are the repercussions. Just a small act of wasting food and dumping garbage
 creates all these imbalances. So first we need to reduce our consumption as much as possible. How can we reduce?
Here are some examples:
Don’t use plastic bags: carry your own bags whenever you go to buy something.
When you buy a shirt or other item, leave behind the packaging. If everybody does that,
 then the sellers cannot keep storing the packages and after some time will have to tell the manufacturers to stop.

There are many things we can do to reduce our garbage. If you come up with some ideas,
 please share them with us.
<h3 style="text-align: justify;">REUSE</h3>
I have seen in my native place, a small town in a hilly region in northern India, that
 people take their own bags or vessels to buy things. Even for oil they use a recyclable can. In the West today,
 there are many stores where people take their own vessels to buy goods. To achieve this we need to transform our
 lifestyle and lead a life where we reduce our waste by reusing things.
Some people think so creatively and do amazing things. For example, instead of throwing
 away an old T-shirt or giving it to someone else, you can make a bag out of it in just two minutes! You can also
 involve your kids. When they do something on their own, they learn.
<hr class="vertical-space1">
<img decoding="async" class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/birdhouse_dd7649bf75.jpg"
 alt="from-waste-to-resource">
<h6 style="text-align: center;">A five-liter water can that has been made into a beautiful
 birdhouse.</h6>
&nbsp;
<img decoding="async" class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/flowervase_71884c5719.jpg"
 alt="from-waste-to-resource">
<h6 style="text-align: center;">A flower vase made from a toilet cleaner bottle.
</h6>
&nbsp;
<img decoding="async" class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/penstand_5175b0a86d.jpg"
 alt="from-waste-to-resource">
<h6 style="text-align: center;">A hand-wash bottle and toilet cleaner bottle are made into
 a pencil box and pen stand.</h6>
<hr class="vertical-space1">
If we teach our children, they can learn by having fun.
<h3>RECYCLE</h3>
Recycling starts with segregation. After we segregate, it’s very important to take the
 waste to the right place. Most of us think that by segregating waste our job is done – no! Here are two examples of
 recycling:
Depending on the quantity, our wet organic and food waste can be made into Biogas, or we
 can make our own manure.
Some people start their own business in recycling. If we segregate our waste, they may
 come and collect it and some may even pay us for certain items like wood, glass, plastic or paper.
By segregation we are doing something good for the environment, the person who has a
 business, and ourselves.
With one act we can do something good for so many people. So make sure that your waste
 reaches the right places.
We do not need to be so dangerous to the environment. We need to think, act and
 implement to make the future better for us and for all our friends, the many species of plants and animals on Earth.
 And that is in our hands, my friends, in your hands and mine. We have to work towards waste management as a team,
 but let’s start by implementing it as individuals!
<hr class="vertical-space1">


<hr>
<h4 style="text-align: center;">Article by GEETU BOHRA</h4>


<hr>

From waste to resource

Bernard Shaw was an Irish playwright, critic, polemicist and political activist. His influence on Western theatre, culture and politics extended from the 1880s and continues today.

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