SRIRAM RAGHAVENDRAN shares some wise words and personal experience of managing peer pressure when he was at college.
There is this beautiful story of two men sawing a large log of wood. As they
sat on the shores of a river, one man on each side of this log, pushing and
pulling at the saw for a long time, for the log was a large one.
A
passer-by stopped to watch what was going on, observed for several minutes,
and suggested, “You know, if I may say so, I think your saw is blunt. Why
don’t you take a few minutes to sharpen it?”
The men looked up at the
onlooker with incredulity and said, “Can’t you see how much work we have? How
can we afford to take time off?”
Life today is increasingly demanding. The pressures of our environment relentlessly bear down upon us, but do they have the same effect on everyone? Why is it that one person buckles under pressure, whereas another copes well? It is a moot point.
Strain is what a given environment imposes, but stress is what is felt by the individual. For the same level of strain, one person handles it with aplomb, whereas another is completely stressed out. The environment is the same, the levels of strain are the same, but one person is better equipped to deal with it. How to develop this inner ability? The answer is simple – sharpen your saw!
There are several tools we can use, namely, the body, the intellect, the mind, and the heart, amongst others. Exercise takes care of training the body, and education takes care of training the intellect, but what about the mind and the heart? When the mind is trained and develops the ability to focus, it’s functioning becomes regulated; and when the heart opens and is able to intuitively feel its way through situations, we become more equipped to deal with our lives. This is precisely the role of meditation – to regulate the mind and open the heart. Not that the strain becomes any less, but we have now enhanced our abilities so that we do not feel as stressed anymore.
This is the beautiful path that spirituality beckons us towards. Change yourself, and your experience of the world changes forever.
I had the good fortune of starting meditation at the age of sixteen. I had just finished school, and was about to step into college, out of the protected environment of my home, and into the big wide world where I had to fend for myself.
I decided to live my life by my rules
to be in control of my own destiny.
And this piece of wisdom
has guided me at every stage of my life.
Settling down to life in a student hostel, with two room-mates in an extra small room, was not easy. But what made it more challenging was the ridicule I drew from one and all when I would meditate in that rather hostile environment. I was the butt of their jokes. I would get angry, but what of it? It felt good to meditate, but I hardly had enough understanding to be able to discuss the subject or defend the act. And even if I had, my room-mates did not have the maturity to have a rational discussion on the subject.
On the other hand, the hostel was an unrestricted environment, and all kinds of opportunities to develop negative habits presented themselves. Peer group pressure was building. To conform to various demands would mean that I would be accepted, “one of them,” whereas not to conform could mean that I would be an outcast. It was a significant strain, and I bore the brunt of this onslaught. So I was troubled on both sides – I invited ridicule by practicing meditation, and feared falling out with friends by not conforming to their demands.
I have always had the habit of taking a very long walk when I am troubled. Solutions to the most difficult problems seem to present themselves when physical activity is combined with bodily strain, putting the mind at ease. What should I do? Risk being rejected by my friends? Give up my beliefs and convictions for the sake of being accepted by others?
A peculiar image struck me during this long walk – I saw a dry leaf falling from a tree. It had no direction of its own, save the pulls and pushes of the wind. The message was very clear – if I were to lead my life by the rules of other people, I would be like that dry leaf, pushed hither and thither by the whims and fancies of every puff of breeze. That day, I decided to live my life by my rules to be in control of my own destiny. And this piece of wisdom has guided me at every stage of my life.
Funnily enough, once my mind was made up, it was a wonder how soon the environment settled down. When my friends understood that I did not care if they accepted me, I was not left out. It was clear to my room-mates that I was not going to respond to their ridicule, so it stopped! This allowed me to discover yet another truth, “The easiest way to give up a habit is never to pick it up.”
Illustrations by VIRINAFLORA
