How Communication Changes Lives
One of my closest friends in my hometown had a love marriage, which many considered to be a rebellious act against our small society. She looked happy for a few years after marriage, but I quietly sensed that she was hiding something behind her façade. One day she came over to visit me, and we eventually reached the topic of relationships and marriage. I never force people to share with me, but that day, when my friend started to cry, I gently comforted her and simply asked if she wanted to share.
Eventually, she opened up to our private silence. Her marriage was very rocky, and because it was a love marriage she could not depend on the support of her family to help her. In many places in India, even today, there are families who blame their children if their love marriages fail. My friend’s parents had clearly told her, “If you have problems later, don’t come to us. This marriage is your choice.” I stayed quiet as my friend poured her heart out. There was no sense of urgency from me; I would have stayed up all night if needed. I recognized that painful secrets worth several years could take time to be expressed. My friend was broken, and I eventually picked up on her stream of thinking.
That day, it was not my job to tell her right from wrong. It was not my place to criticize her way of thinking, although I sensed it was biased in one direction. And it was not my motive to “fix” her situation. My only job was to listen – to help her feel lighter – after all, maybe unburdening her pain would give her clarity on her situation.
After she finished speaking, my friend realized some of her own mistakes that had brought bitterness in her marriage. I asked her if I could make suggestions, and when she agreed I suggested small behavioral changes, and a more compassionate approach towards failure. She was ready to try these things because she felt she could depend on me to support her, listen to her, and talk things through with her.
I believe there is great potential
in listening compassionately.
When
people talk to a listener,
they can hear themselves and become
more
in tune with the voice of their heart.
Listening with no judgment
gives people space
to unburden – to release the clutter – so that
it
gives room for the heart to speak.
Throughout the next few months, I stayed in regular contact with her. She was on the verge of depression, and constant emotional and mental support was necessary. Slowly, the more she was able to open up, the more she was able to discover her own ways of fixing her problems.
I do not take credit for my friend’s recovering marriage. After all, she found her own solutions, carried out her ideas, and kept courage. All I did was listen. I believe there is great potential in listening compassionately. When people talk to a listener, they can hear themselves and become more in tune with the voice of their heart. Listening with no judgment gives people space to unburden – to release the clutter – so that it gives room for the heart to speak.
