Four core qualities of listening

THE HEARTFUL LISTENER SERIES

RAVI VENKATESAN describes the four qualities of Heartful Listening.

“Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you would have rather talked.”  
—Mark Twain

Listening, truly, deeply listening, is an act of love and leadership. It requires more than our ears; it calls upon the entire heart. In this chapter, we go deeper into the four transformative qualities that empower great listeners: Empathy, Open-Mindedness, Presence, and Sincere Interest. These are not just soft skills as contemporary management theory would have you believe, they are powerful levers for human connection.

Empathy—Feeling With, Not Just For

Empathy is not sympathy. Where sympathy says, “I feel bad for you,” empathy says, “I’m here with you.”

Practically, Empathy is often non-verbal—a warm glance, a nod, a silence that holds space.

When President Obama met the families of Sandy Hook victims, he didn’t bring notes or talking points. He sat quietly, cried with them, hugged them. Later, he described the weight of simply listening to their pain without trying to explain or fix it. “Sometimes, all we can do is hold their grief with our own,” he said. His deep empathetic presence turned a tragedy into a moment that reflected true human connectedness.

Open-mindedness invites diverse perspectives 
without needing immediate resolution or agreement.

Open-Mindedness—Suspending Judgment

Open-mindedness invites diverse perspectives without needing immediate resolution or agreement.

Practically: It’s the pause before reacting. It’s the willingness to say, “Tell me more.”

Despite being ideological opposites, US Supreme court judges, Justice Ginsburg and Justice Scalia maintained a famous friendship. They listened to one another’s arguments not to agree, but to understand. Ginsburg once remarked, “He made me better at my reasoning because I had to address his sharp mind.”

Presence—The Power of Now

Presence is attention. It says: You are the only thing that matters in this moment.

Practically, put down the phone. Breathe. Make eye contact. Let go of the need to fix.

Maya Angelou’s charisma came not from commanding a room, but from commanding the moment. Oprah described meeting Angelou for the first time: “She leaned in and said, ‘I’m here with you.’ I felt as if time stopped.”

Presence is attention. 
It says: You are the only thing 
that matters in this moment.

Sincere Interest—Listening with the Soul

Sincere interest asks nothing in return. It is a pure desire to know and connect.

Practically, ask open-ended questions. Mirror back what they said. Say, “That’s interesting, go on.”

Mr. Rogers, famous TV host, visited a young boy with cerebral palsy who had stopped eating, he didn’t give medical advice. He sang with him. And when the boy asked Mr. Rogers to pray for him, Rogers said, “I will, but will you pray for me too?”

Before and After Listening 

There is a difference between advice and support. Many times we offer advice when the other person needs and seeks support. Being fully present, and listening with empathy, open mindedness and sincere interest, is one of the best ways to support someone. The world doesn’t lack great advisors, but it certainly lacks great listeners. When we bring these great qualities of listening, we don’t just connect more deeply, we transform each other.

Practice these four qualities in at least one meaningful conversation this week. Describe what shifted in your journal. In subsequent articles we will explore listening behaviors that are important and skills that can be developed to listen better.

Being fully present, and listening with empathy, 
open mindedness and sincere interest, 
is one of the best ways to support someone. 
The world doesn’t lack great advisors, 
but it certainly lacks great listeners. 
When we bring these great qualities of listening, 
we don’t just connect more deeply, 
we transform each other.