Finding peace of mind

THÉOPHILE STREBELLE has worked as a lawyer in Paris and New York for 15 years. His busy work schedule was taking a toll on him, so he decided to take a break and is currently in India. Here he shares with us how a practice of meditation helped him break the thought pattern that was driving his life.

For most of my professional life, my main concerns have been productivity and efficiency: how can I execute the maximum number of tasks as perfectly as possible in a minimum amount of time? My days started with a list of things to do and my life energy was used to execute them. My reward for that was an ephemeral feeling of accomplishment. Every day would start with a new “to-do” list. I was doing what I had been taught at school, and then at work: executing what people were expecting from me. 

After years of living this way I could see an improvement in my profitability but none in my well-being. The number of things that I “had to do” was increasing. My mind was pushing for more action every day. 

One day, I started to seriously question this never-ending push for action and achievement. Where is this drive coming from? Is this way of living a part of my nature or only the result of my education? 

To find out, I made a radical change in my life. I stopped working. What would happen to my mental state if I had nothing to do? I organized my life in a way that I had zero obligations. No work, no social interactions. At that time I was thinking that this decision would instantly erase my mental loops and bring me immediate balance and calmness. 

Things didn’t go that way. At all. I first started doing things that I have always wanted to do. Spending time in nature, in creative activities, reading books, and learning new skills. I was enjoying these activities and my mind was stable and focused while performing them. However, while I was inactive and at rest, my mental activity was still very strong and my thoughts were all over the place. There was no improvement in my overall well-being. I was fulfilling my desires but nothing had changed. Worse, the activities I was doing were stimulating me so much that the lows felt lower. I was not satisfied. It felt like the changes I had made to my existence were not right.

I was looking for guidance when a friend of mine suggested meditation. I thought I had nothing to lose and was willing to give it a try. This is where the real change happened. I got introduced to the practice by a trainer and right after the first session I slept profoundly, like I had not slept in a very long time. I remember being surprised by such a quick change and decided to give a serious and disciplined shot to the practice. I started meditating every day and at fixed hours. At first, my mind was still racing, and my thoughts were altering my ability to concentrate. Slowly, session after session, I started noticing small changes. My mind was getting clearer. My focus during the day was increasing and the number of thoughts was decreasing. I was not feeling any urge to feed my mind with multiple thoughts. At the same time, I realized that some thoughts were signals to the changes I had to make in my life. Some others were unimportant and I could let them go.

It triggered an almost vital motivation
to deepen my practice and put my thoughts
at the service of the expansion of my heart.

Then, in a very subtle way, the space that had been made available in my mind started to fill with a sense of calmness and balance I had never experienced before. I had learned how to remain unmindful of my thoughts so that they did not affect or trouble me. That state became so precious that my will for growth became a priority. It triggered an almost vital motivation to deepen my practice and put my thoughts at the service of the expansion of my heart. 

Today, after a few months of regular practice, my mind has become clearer than it has ever been my entire life. My focus has increased. I feel lighter. I found the courage to make decisions I had avoided for many years. I feel transformed, anew, and refreshed. I know better where my priorities are, and what is right when I make decisions. This practice has been a time- and life-saver. I know that today I found the perfect tool for growth and a guide toward peace, my heart.