TRACIE PAPE is a clinical social worker, therapist, and longtime Heartfulness Meditation trainer, who works in the crisis area of mental health. Tracie questions how she is showing up for herself, and encourages all of us to ask ourselves the same questions.
“Loneliness does not come from having no people around you,
but from being unable
to communicate the things that seem important to you.”
– Carl Jung
As all of us emerge from the global pandemic, we are experiencing challenges unlike anything we have ever encountered before. I work in the mental health field in the area of crisis, and have witnessed first-hand the impact the pandemic has had on mental health. Many who struggled with depression or anxiety prior to the pandemic found the symptoms exacerbated by the stress of isolation and fear. One thing I noticed, even with myself, was an increased sense of loneliness. This observation has been a catalyst for me to consider what helps me connect to others and what gets in the way.
Systemic racism and intergenerational trauma have been at the forefront of mental health issues for social workers during this time. The impact of oppression, inequity of resources and support, parents with untreated mental health concerns, and lack of education or stigma about mental health can keep many of us in the dark.
Anxiety can keep our nervous system on high alert and sensitive to perceived rejection or judgment. Depression can keep us hidden away to protect ourselves from rejection or judgment. During the past two years, most of us have felt these emotions to varying degrees. When these states are chronical, we are disconnected from ourselves and others.
Personally, the importance of connecting to myself has been reinforced as I prepare to send my youngest son off to college. I have spent many years focusing on being a mother, while also helping others professionally. One of the most enjoyable parts about being a parent has been watching my children grow into their own persons, and identify their values and unique gifts. Through conversations with my boys, I have realized that a lot of what I try to instill and teach others are things I am still struggling to incorporate into my life.
When I am kind to myself
in
the same way
I am often kind to others,
I feel the connection
with them more deeply.
This has been
the key
for me to feel included and loved.
While giving feedback to others at work, I often think to myself, “Am I doing this in my own life?” The idea that we teach what we need to learn has been popping up a lot for me lately.
As I encourage others to practice self-compassion and take care of themselves, how often am I putting that into practice?
Self-compassion is essential if I am to step aside from negative or fearful thoughts about myself and the world, and attend to myself with love and kindness. The Chicago South Side Irish mindset I have inherited can often tell me, “keep this to yourself,” and “if you worked harder, you wouldn’t feel this way.” The awareness that some of my core beliefs are a result of upbringing rather than inadequacies has been liberating. Resmaa Menakem’s book My Grandmother’s Hand resonated with me on a very profound level by showing me how much of what I feel in my body is inherited or contextual, and it is up to me to respond differently.
The assumption that we are all doing the best we can has helped free me from self-judgment. When I am kind to myself in the same way I am often kind to others, I feel the connection with them more deeply. This has been the key for me to feel included and loved. By loving myself, I am able to see, feel, and respond to the kindness and love of others. Sometimes, loneliness can set in when we are not looking out for it, or allowing ourselves to feel the bids for connection and offerings of support from others.
Illustrations by LAKSHMI GADDAM
Tracie Pape
