Aging gracefully

SHANTHI VENKAT is a physical therapist based in the United States. Here, she details how a deeply personal experience as a caregiver pushed her to reflect on the stigma around aging and her own professional work, and the easy steps we can take to prepare ourselves for growing older.

My husband and I have been in the healthcare industry for over three decades; he provides home visit physical therapy services for the geriatric population and I work with the Veterans’ Affairs clinic, where I treat elderly veterans of war, and young veterans returning from recent tours. Because of the nature of our work and our adaptation to the ever-changing landscape of geriatric healthcare, both of us developed what we believed to be a thick skin to caretaking.

That thick skin has been tested and recreated over the last seven years, after my husband decided to move his parents, in their eighties, from India to the US, so we could care for their growing medical concerns. Neither of us had any apprehension about this caretaker role, until his parents actually moved in.

The months and years following their arrival have been an eyeopener for us. Much changed quickly: the energy in the house shifted as our lives revolved around their needs, wants, emotions, and illnesses. Prior to their arrival, we were empty nesters planning for our retirement, but the immensity of their health issues postponed those plans indefinitely.

We were also inching closer to our 60s. Little aches and pains magnified in intensity, and no matter how preemptive we were in managing them, we were not rebounding quite as quickly. Neither of us will ever regret the choice we made to bring my in-laws here; at the same time, caretaker burnout is very real. Whether we were willing to accept it or not, we were also aging.

What is aging? It is a degenerative process that we undergo physically, mentally, and emotionally. The changes do not happen in any certain pattern or proportion. But each change does affect the others. When our physical health is not good, our mental and emotional well-being are compromised, which in turn leads to even poorer physical health. We get trapped into a hamster wheel of sickness, one giant unending cycle. 

Aging is hard. It can feel like all the control and independence built over several decades is gone in the blink of an eye. Many elderly people must make the emotional adjustment of returning to an almost childlike state, in which they constantly have to ask for help for even the simplest of tasks. It can be lonely, embarrassing, frightening, and often completely unfair.

Aging is also a challenge for caretakers. I have wondered what has made the circumstances with my in-laws so challenging, when over the past three decades, my husband and I have helped so many elderly people rehabilitate themselves to live healthy, independent lives. The challenge, I have realized, is the emotional attachment we have with family members. Even when we know it is coming, it is hard to watch a parent grow older. It is hard for the role of parent and child to reverse. And it is hard to care for ourselves when our energy is going toward taking care of someone else, especially loved ones.

What is aging? It is a degenerative
process that we undergo physically,
mentally, and emotionally.

Because of my work, I understand that aging is a taboo topic, one that we are hesitant to learn about, because it is frightening to think about getting older. We teach young people how to become adults. We teach them how to be financially independent, to save for retirement, to pay bills, to buy a house, to build a family. But we don’t teach them how to age. We do not successfully educate people on how to care for the inevitable: an aging body.

At work I watch young veterans struggle after being discharged from service: Their bodies and minds have physically and psychologically aged significantly because of the impact of war, and they are left feeling hopeless as they try to navigate life under different circumstances.

So I encourage you to apply these five simple steps to keep your bodies and minds healthy and strong, and preempt the effects of aging:

1.  Exercise regularly 

Even something as simple as a walk around your neighborhood can do wonders. I spend an hour each day walking on the treadmill or doing strength-training exercises.

2. Find a consistent hobby 

It keeps your mind sharp and engaged. My husband and I have green thumbs and spend a lot of time in our garden.

3. Spend time with friends 

Every demographic is impacted by loneliness. Keep your personal connections strong. I make a point to pick up the phone and call my friends a few times a week, or drop by a friend’s home even just for an hour.

Even when we know it is
coming, it is hard to watch a parent grow older.
It is hard for the role of parent
and child to reverse.

4. Engage in mind-body activity 

Meditation, yoga, and other contemplative activities can create a fit mind and body. In addition to my meditation practice, I became a certified tai chi instructor a few years ago, which has been another successful way of keeping me connected to myself.

5. Take time for yourself 

Alone time is necessary to keep yourself sharp and healthy. 
 

We must do a better job of taking
care of our aging family and friends;
especially in the last leg of life,
people need support and love.

These steps may seem like common sense, but knowing what we can do to stay strong and healthy can help to make the process of aging more manageable. When that education is coupled with compassion, acceptance, and patience, aging can be graceful. We must do a better job of taking care of our aging family and friends; especially in the last leg of life, people need support and love.

The last seven years challenged the way I thought of myself as a caregiver. More than anything, it challenged my own perception of aging, and the ways I was taking care of myself. After all, I want to age gracefully too.

Illustrations by JASMEE MUDGAL